by Jo Raven
He’s still breathing hard, as if struggling to suck in oxygen. I stroke his hair, stiff with gel, draw in his scent, familiar and sexy. “Shh.”
Now doesn’t seem like a good time to bring up the fight between Tessa and Dylan. “You should stop beating yourself up over this.”
“He thinks he’s gone off the rails, lost his mind, and I can’t promise him it’s not true.” He grunts, clutches me more tightly to his chest. “Can’t promise I can help him. Don’t know what to believe anymore.”
I frown. “What’s bothering you so much?”
Ash lifts his gaze to me, clear eyes shadowed. “His face. His face when we found that oak tree in Wausau. The tree, the house, the neighborhood… He knew that place. He was scared stiff, as if something happened to him there. But if what he remembers isn’t real… then what is the truth?”
I wish I knew. “Have you told the others what you’ve told me?”
“I only just realized what was bugging me.”
“Tell Tyler. Tell Zane and Dakota. I trust your instincts.” When he shakes his head, I brush my hand over his soft mouth, cup his jaw. “Let’s take another look at this mess. There has to be an answer. We’ll get through this.”
He leans into my hand, his mouth trembling. “Love you, Auds.”
“Love you more,” I whisper and kiss him.
He kisses me back desperately, lowers me to the sofa and covers me with his body, shutting out the world outside, just for tonight.
PART III
Dylan and Tessa
I’ll Be Your Man
Chapter Sixteen
Dylan
“Dyl, are you mad at me?” Teo asks, shoving his head under my hand where I’m slouched on the couch, staring blindly at some sports program on TV.
“What?” I stroke my hand through his soft hair and squint down at him. “Of course not, buddy. Why would you ask me that?”
I’m tired after a day at the college and then work. My part-time job is not much—just a gig at a gym—but it pays a couple of bills, and I’ve been putting something aside every month for a special purchase.
For Tessa. If only she and I hadn’t fought…
I sigh as Teo climbs onto the sofa and burrows under my arm. I lift it, and he curls up against me, his short hair ruffled.
“Are you mad at Miles? He’s an ass.”
“Language,” I mutter, tapping on his arm, unable to muster enough authority in my voice—because hey, tired—and also I’m still so grateful this little guy made it out of that dreadful disease okay I can’t even raise my voice at him.
Like, ever. Not even when he threw down my tablet and smashed it. It was an accident, of course, but still.
“I’m not mad at Miles,” I tell him.
I have custody of my brothers now. They are officially mine to protect and care for. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
And Tessa. I’ve wanted Tessa since the day I met her, so many years ago.
I wanna marry her.
Fuck, I wish we hadn’t fought.
Marrying her has been on my mind for a while, the urge getting stronger every day. I know I don’t have much to offer her, but she loves my brothers. I’ve got that going for me.
And she says she loves me. So asking her to marry me isn’t that far-fetched a notion, is it? I mean, all our friends are getting married and having kids. I want to ask her… to have her. To make promises to her with witnesses around, maybe start thinking about a kid or two further down the line. In a couple of years, when my brothers grow a bit older. When Tessa settles and wants it.
I wonder how Teo and Miles will like having nephews or nieces. I hope they won’t feel insecure. I have to ask them. Test the waters.
“Then you’re upset with Tessa?”
I freeze. “Teo…”
“Does she hurt you? You make those awful moaning noises sometimes at night… I can hear them through the door of your bedroom.”
Oh fuck. Heat creeps up my neck, and a snort escapes me. “You heard that? Uh…” I lift my other hand to rub the back of my neck. “She doesn’t hurt me, kiddo. I promise. It’s not like that.”
“It sounded like that,” he insists, pouting, and another snort threatens to escape me.
“It’s adult games. They’re fun. You’ll see when you’re older.”
He huffs. “When I’m older. That’s what you always say, about everything.”
“Enjoy your childhood, brat.” I settle back, grab the remote and flip through the channels. “If you’re enjoying it.” With sudden doubt, I look down at him, pausing in my mindless surfing. “Do you like living with me, Miles and Tessa, buddy? Is anything making you unhappy?”
“Miles eats my cheerios.”
“Apart from that.”
“And snores.”
“Apart from that, too.”
Teo scrunches up his face. “Nah, I’m good. I like Tessa. She gives good cuddles.” He shoots me a toothy grin. “And I like you with Tessa. You smile a lot.”
My heart thumps. “Yeah. I like Tessa, too.”
“So if you’re mad at her, don’t be.” He gives me a wide-eyed look, and I ruffle his hair, my mind spinning.
“I won’t.”
She’ll always be my princess, but I’m no longer a pauper. I’m her man. I love her, my brothers love her, and we all want her to stay with us forever. We need her.
This stupid fight was my fault—caused by my insecurity, my fears. I need to put them behind me once and for all, talk to her, and get her to say the big yes…
***
Teo is playing with Jax and moving around toy cars and trucks in Tyler and Erin’s apartment, while Asher’s little Scott occasionally grabs one of the toys and waves it about.
Miles sits apart, in a chair, engrossed in something on his cell phone. Should I control what he has access to? Is he texting his friends? A girl? He’s a teenager now.
And I suck at being a father figure.
Doubt returns. After Dad died and Tessa moved in with us, I recovered a lot of my lost confidence in myself, but now with the fight and the prospect of asking her directly if she’ll marry me, I’m sick to my stomach with fucking nerves.
“So here are Zane’s DCFS records,” Asher says, slapping the folder down on the coffee table, and leaning back. He scratches at his cheek that’s dark with two days’ worth of beard. He looks haggard.
“Have you gone through it?” I open it, flip through the few pages. “What am I looking at?”
“Foster families and homes that took Zane in until he was adopted by Emma. Names, addresses, a few details here and there. Not much.”
I nod at Tyler as I flip through the papers, tracing the names with my finger. “Did you read these?”
“Had a look. No Wausau address.”
I grunt, leaning back, moving the papers to my lap. “That’s right. Nothing in that area. Maybe he confused the town with another. Here is an address in Waupaca, near Appleton.”
“But,” Asher says, “and check if I’m wrong, I don’t think all the addresses were listed. There are at least a couple of names without an address.”
“What? Shit.” I scan the documents, one by one. “Dammit, Ash is right.”
“Lemme see.” Tyler reaches for the folder, and I hold it just out of reach.
“Uh-uh. Wait your turn.” I frown at the documents, turning pages, tracking the names and addresses. “So many places. Goddammit, he sure was passed around a lot.”
Asher grunts, his gaze dark.
“And no Tyre, or Tyrell, or whatever his name was, either.” I rub at the crease between my brows. “Like you said. This isn’t looking good.”
“What if he remembers the name wrong?” Tyler says. “He wasn’t even sure about it.”
“Wasn’t sure whether it was Tyre or Tyrell,” I correct, “but there’s nothing even remotely similar to that name in here.”
Tyler sighs. “Dammit.”
That plants more doubts in my mind, though
. What if Tyler is on to something? We need Zane to look at the names without addresses, see if he remembers another name.
Assuming he remembers right, like Asher seems to believe.
“Where’s Zane? Is he coming over?”
“He said he was going to Damage Control to finish an ink job.”
“Is he feeling better, then?”
“Not sure. He took the bus to the shop, wouldn’t trust himself to drive the pick-up.”
Fuck. “Hate to break it to you, guys, but we still haven’t got anything to go on.” I check the last page. “There’s not even a health record for him. What the fuck. There’s nothing we can use. Whoever kept these files was fucking drunk.”
I bang the folder on the table.
“Glad to see you angry,” Asher mutters. “At last.”
“Unless something else is bugging you,” Tyler adds.
Damn these Devlin brothers. “Nothing’s fucking bugging me.”
“Right.” Tyler gets up to console a sniffling Scott who is being barred from touching the plastic cars and trucks. “Like we don’t know you, man. Did you fight with Tessa?”
I freeze. “What?”
“Heh, that was a lucky guess. What happened?” He picks Scott up and wipes his eyes. “Shh little buddy, Uncle Tyler’s here.”
“Give him to me,” Asher says and gets up to get his son. “Seriously, Dyl, you fought?”
“What’s this, a therapy group?” I mutter testily. “If we’re gonna hold hands and sing, let me grab a beer first.”
“No singing,” Tyler says, and grins like a wolf. “But you gotta spill. Did you ask her to marry you and she refused? Told ya.”
“Shut up.”
Because that’s exactly what I’m afraid will happen.
“Yeah, Ty, shut up.” Asher shoots me a shrewd look. “You haven’t asked her yet, have you, Dylan?”
“Not yet,” I admit. “I just dunno if she wants it.”
“How the hell will you know without asking her? Do you guys even talk?”
I groan and hang my head. “I don’t know how to ask her. I thought she’d mention something with you guys getting married and having babies right and left, but she never said a word about it. And why would she? She’s already living with me and my brothers, and—” Miles has looked up and I drop my voice. “And she loves them, but what if she doesn’t want anything more?”
“And why do you?”
The question takes me by surprise. I stare at Asher who’s kissing his son’s forehead, and remember a time—feels like centuries ago—when I told him to stay away from Audrey, that he’s not good enough for her. And here he is, happy with her, and he can read me better than I do myself.
“I need your help,” I blurt. “Both of you. How did you propose and get your girls to agree?”
Tyler and Asher exchange a long look.
“When Auds got pregnant, it made sense.” Asher shrugs.
“Same here. We already had Jax, and then Erin got pregnant again, so I decided it was time,” Tyler says.
“So what, I’m supposed to get Tessa pregnant before proposing?” I practically wail with frustration. “Goddammit.”
“Well, that’s one way,” Tyler says, and bites his lip not to laugh.
Bastard.
“Or you can just take her out and propose,” Asher says, his eyes bright with mirth.
“Better still if it’s a surprise party or something,” Tyler muses. “Girls dig that. I’ve seen it on YouTube.”
“You have?” Asher arches a brow.
“I did research on how to propose to Erin. I wasn’t going in unprepared. But then she showed me the positive pregnancy test, and it all just flew out the window. I asked her on the spot if she’d marry me. It worked.”
Damn.
“Will you guys help me organize this surprise thing, then?”
Asher frowns. “The girls are better at this. You could ask—”
“I’m not fucking asking the girls,” I grind out.
This is uncomfortable and embarrassing enough as it is, without involving the other sex. I haven’t felt so out of my element since I was six and kissed a girl in my class who then proceeded to cry her eyes out and tell everyone I had cooties.
“Okay. We’ll help you.” Tyler nods. “What are bros for?”
I wipe my hands down my sides. Right. “Thanks, guys.”
“You didn’t answer Asher’s question.”
Fair enough. “I want to marry Tess because I love her. I want to show to her how much, have the ceremony with the friends and family, put a ring on her finger, the works. Promise her I’ll cherish her forever. Ask her to have my kids when she’s good and ready.”
Tyler snickers. “Yeah, sure. You’re a fucking caveman, Dylan, like all of us. Admit it. All you want to do is brand her as yours and drag her into your man-cave.”
Okay, it’s true, I won’t deny it. I do want all that. Every day. I wanna hide her and bury myself in her and never resurface.
But my love for her is real, and I want her to know it.
***
The doorbell rings much later, and Rafe enters, followed by Zane.
The kids are still playing, more quietly than before. It’s time to leave, take them home to bed, grab a bite and some Zs.
But none of us move.
Zane frowns as he approaches, hands shoved in his pant pockets, mouth pursed. We nod in greeting as Rafe comes to perch on the armrest of the sofa.
Zane remains standing. He leans back against the wall, then pulls his hands out of his pockets only to fold his arms over his chest. “Rafe said you fuckers wanted to see me. Well, here I am.”
I draw a deep, bracing breath. “How you doing, man?”
“Been better.”
You could say that again. He looks it, too—hollow-eyed, thin, the cast of his skin gray. If I didn’t think he’d punch me in the face for trying, I’d haul him to the couch to sit down. He looks like he’s about to fall over.
And we need to talk.
“Miles.” He comes over, giving me a questioning look. “Buddy, take the little ones to the other room and look over them for a while, okay? There’s something we need to discuss here without interruptions.”
He scowls at me. “I’m a grown up. I want to stay.”
I try to ruffle his hair but he ducks from under my hand. “I know, Miles. You’re a grown-up now, that’s why I trust you to look over the little ones. It won’t be long, I promise.”
He looks like he’s going to complain some more, but then he catches a glimpse of Zane and shuts up.
Good boy.
I wait until he has herded the boys into the room next door and return my attention to the guys.
“Okay, look. We’ve been thinking…” I catch Asher’s raised brow and sigh. “Ash is convinced that there’s truth to the things you remember.”
Zane flinches. It’s subtle but unmistakable. “Drop it.”
“Z-man,” Asher says. “Hear him out.”
“Yeah,” Tyler says quietly. “Hear him out.”
“You fucking serious?” Zane shoots him a deadly glare. “You don’t believe this shit.”
“Hell, I know, man, I was the first to doubt it, all right? And I’m still not convinced, so cool your guns and come have a look at this.” Tyler points at the folder I’m still holding.
Zane’s eyes are half-closed. Anger simmers in them, bright and hot. “Why the fuck should I? I know what’s in it.”
“Do you?” I plop the folder on the table. “There’s no Tyre or Tyrell in here.”
“Told you I wasn’t sure.” The anger wavers, warring with confusion. His arms tighten over his chest, biceps bulging. “I thought… Dammit, that was…”
“What if you took a quick look?” I say, unhappy about forcing him to see something that obviously upsets him, but not seeing any other way. “These are the names that have no address attached to them, I’ve marked them.”
In two strides he reac
hes me and swipes the folder off the coffee table. “Which ones are they?”
I show him the papers I’ve left sticking out. “Here.”
He pulls them out, frowns at them. Passes them in hard, jerky motions, his eyes darting over them.
Then his hand clenches on a document, and it starts to shake. “Motherfuck.”
Asher is on his feet instantly. “What is it?”
Tyler jumps up, too, and stands beside Asher, shoulder-to-shoulder. “Zane?”
He’s twisting the paper in his hand, and doesn’t seem to notice. His eyes are wide, his jaw clenched. “It wasn’t… Fuck, Tyrell wasn’t the guy. Tyrell was one of the kids.”
“Zane.” Asher grabs his arm and drags him down on the stout table. “Sit and breathe, okay?”
What the hell? This could change everything.
“So…” I wait, my heart racing. “Who hurt you? The kid or the guy?”
“The guy.” Zane looks like he’s about to throw up. Maybe he is. “The kid… he was gone.”
I open my mouth to ask what he means, but Tyler interrupts.
“What was that asshole called? Do you remember now?”
“Ken.” His hand scrunches up the paper in his fist. Asher curses and pries it from his hold. “Kenneth.”
“Kenneth Shaw,” Asher reads from the crinkled document. “You sure, Z-man? That our man?”
Our man.
“It’s not real,” Zane says, his voice wavering. “Tell me it’s not real. Ash, you said it wasn’t.”
I wince. Never saw a man who wanted so fucking bad to be wrong in my life.
Kenneth Shaw. A good, respectable name.
“Let’s call the agency,” I say. “See if they have the information about where this Kenneth lived somewhere in their system.”
“If it’s not in the file, I don’t think they have it,” Tyler mutters. “But yeah, let’s call tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll do it,” I say. “And I’m gonna pull up a few sites for finding people.”
I’m gonna do a thorough search later, when I’m home. When Zane doesn’t look like he’s about to keel over.
If you’re out there, I’m gonna find you, Mr. Kenneth Shaw.
