by B. M. Hardin
Joel held me in his arms, and I acted as though I felt safe but all I really felt was disgust.
I didn’t want him to touch me.
I barely wanted him to look at me.
I had no idea what he was really capable of, but somehow I was about to convince my body and my mind to have sex with my lying, cheating, possibly a murderer of a husband.
Sex was the start of manipulating his mind.
And I had to do it the way that Summer had; if not better.
If no rules were what he wanted, that’s what he was going to get.
I had to start breaking him down and peeling him back, one layer at a time.
“Make love to me.”
The last time I’d said those words to him, he had declined.
I assumed that it was because he’d already been satisfied with me in the first place, but this wasn’t about satisfaction for me.
This was about victory.
Joel looked at me in disbelief for a moment, but as I started to force myself on him, he relaxed, and he realized that I meant business.
This was the start of war, whether he knew it or not.
And little did he know, I wouldn’t stop until one of us was behind bars.
Preferably him.
~***~
“This is harassment you know.”
“How? I’m an officer, you’re a murder suspect. Just so happens we’re in the same place at the same time,” Officer Parks said with a grin.
He took a sip of his coffee while Joel waited in line for ours.
“I see you two have made up huh? Despite everything. What a coincidence.”
“He’s my husband.”
“That he is. You made sure that he stayed that way too didn’t you? Or maybe he’s more than your husband. Maybe he’s more than your partner. Perhaps your partner in crime?”
“I’m innocent.”
“We will see about that,” he said, and he walked away as Joel approached.
“He’s following us.”
“Of course, he is.”
“It’s just so frustrating. He acts as though I’m guilty but I’m not. I’m innocent.”
“Of course, you are.”
We left out of the coffee shop and headed for the park.
It was actually my idea.
I wanted to go by the ducks to see if just so happened Blake was out there.
He was one patient that whether free or in prison that I would never forget.
And for so many reasons, I just couldn’t seem to stop thinking about him.
I looked around the park, but he wasn’t there.
“Can I ask you something?”
I nodded at Joel.
“Did you ever sleep with Blake?”
“No. I loved you. I would have never broken my vows.”
“Past tensed?”
“Past tense.”
“So are we trying to figure this out or no?”
“One day at a time. If I go to prison, well, of course, you are going to move on with your life.”
“No, I wouldn’t. You won’t go to prison. There’s no way you will be found guilty. And even if you do, I’ll wait for you.”
Who was he fooling?
He couldn’t wait for me while I was at work so he surely wouldn’t wait for me up to twenty years.
But I didn’t bother to comment something that he already knew.
He probably couldn’t wait until I was gone.
He’d killed two birds with one stone.
One woman was missing or dead.
The other one in prison.
He would be free.
He could take our savings and ride off into the sunset with no wife, no mistress, and no child.
Free to do as he pleased.
Who knows, there may be another woman in the picture.
You could never be too sure of anything these days.
We didn’t say much else.
We simply enjoyed the view.
I reached for his hand at my attempt to make him feel wanted, needed.
I could already tell that he was falling for my act, and soon I would have him just where and what I needed him to be.
Love’s Dummy.
We headed home later that evening, and I noticed the unmarked police car.
My eyes these days were always open, and I was paying attention to everything.
Before entering the house, I turned around and gave the officer my middle finger.
I am not a murderer!
I am not guilty!
Though Joel and I weren’t sleeping in the same room, I was being as close to and as intimate with him as possible.
I was always under him so that I could watch him.
I’d noticed that he’d added a lock to his phone.
Never had he had one before, but now he did.
I also noticed that every night, whether before or after sex, he would stay in the bathroom for a little too long.
When I would ask him what he was doing, he would say that he was on the toilet.
And then moments after, he would hang around for just a few minutes, and then head to the spare room to sleep.
But he always shut the door.
I wasn’t sure what he had going on, but I was all over him to find out.
With him sleep, I sat looking out the window at the parked patrol car.
Lost in my thoughts, I almost jumped out of my skin when the alarm sounded.
Immediately I noticed that it was a cat that had gotten too close to the house and set off one of the motion detectors.
I entered the code and waited for Joel to run out of the room, but he didn’t, so I went in to see if he was awake.
He wasn’t.
He was knocked out cold.
How could he not have heard the alarm?
Just as I turned to leave out of the room, I heard the vibration of his phone.
It was beside his head on the pillow.
Hmm…
I was sure that I could guess his pin code, so I tiptoed over to him and reached over his head.
I moved slowly as I finally got the phone in my hand.
Cautiously, I lead it towards me, but…
It started to vibrate again, and I accidentally dropped it.
Right on Joel’s face.
He jumped up in a hurry.
He looked around and then he noticed me.
“What are you doing Hannah,” he asked rubbing his face.
He picked up the phone and noticed the alerts as well.
He waited for me to answer but I didn’t know what to say, so I ran out of the room.
I waited for him to come out and ask me more questions, but he didn’t.
After a few minutes, I heard him get up and shut the door again.
Huh?
Seconds later I received a text.
“I love you, Hannah,” was all that he said.
Huh?
*******************************************
Chapter TEN
The first day of court was horrible.
I was questioned over and over again.
Question after question and they all sounded the same.
It was as though they were trying to confuse me but there was nothing that they said that could make me admit to something that I didn’t do.
My name, my reputation was being dragged through the mud, but my story never changed.
My story never changed because it was the truth.
But I wasn’t sure that my story would be enough.
Joel and I headed to a hotel.
We couldn’t stay at home because the news and cameras were the worst at bombarding us, trying to get a story.
It was hard for me to even step outside without a thousand reporters rushing towards me to get my comments.
I gave them a few times, but no one seemed to be listening. No matter what I said, no one seemed to believe me.
The only evidence discussed that day was the proof of Sum
mer’s and Joel’s affair, giving me a possible motive. Footage of my performance at Joel’s job. Cell phone coverage from witnesses while confronting Summer, and a few neighbor’s testimonies; especially the one about the supposedly ordered hit.
Of course they had tried to find Blake to get him to testify, but of course, he couldn’t be found.
So my lawyer argued that maybe the neighbor misunderstood what she heard.
But of course, the prosecutors had a stellar comeback and every bone that they threw, the jurors wanted a bite.
And they hadn't even been presented with the phone calls and finding the phone in my backyard, my fingerprints, the envelope, blood stains, the house visit, or the pregnancy as of yet.
And I could only imagine what the jury was going to think then.
Getting back to the hotel room, Joel sat on the edge of the bed.
“You did well in there. I was so proud of you.”
There was nothing to be proud of.
This was the beginning for what looked like the end for me.
I’d studied the jurors’ faces, and some of them appeared to have an open mind about the case, but the majority of them had already made up in their minds that I was guilty.
“My life is over.”
“No, it’s not. Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth, Joel. I’m going to go to prison.”
“No, you won’t. We just have to have a little faith that’s all.”
Joel still hadn't confessed to any foul play although I had been giving him my body and what he thought was my love.
Still, every time I tried to dig around in his head when I asked him questions about Summer, his answers were always the same.
Even when I asked him after sex, his responses never changed.
“We will get through this. Let me get you something to eat. You stay here just in case some of the cameras followed us here.”
He headed out, and I sat on the bed.
I hadn't wanted to break down in front of him, but now that he was gone, I cried so hard that my chest started to hurt.
What had I done to deserve this?
All of my life, all I have ever done was help people, and for what?
To go down for something that I didn’t do?
All because I was an angry wife, upset that her husband and her friend had been sleeping around behind her back?
I had every right to be angry.
I had every right to make a few threats.
But I didn’t hurt anybody.
I didn’t hurt her.
I cried for a little while longer and turned on the TV to check the news.
I had become obsessed with watching it, just to see what they were saying about me.
They made me look like a monster.
Even some of my patients had gone on TV and made it as though I wasn’t as good as a psychologist as everyone thought that I was.
As though I hadn't helped them at all.
I felt like I was an enemy of the state or as though I was having some kind of horrible nightmare that was about to come true.
And they were well on their way of making that happen.
After the news was over, I sat there in a daze.
Never in a million years did I think that I would be going through this.
But I was, and no matter what I tried, this was one thing that I couldn’t seem to get away from.
I walked over to the hotel window and looked out.
We were only on the third floor, and I wondered what it was like to fly.
I wanted to fly far, far away, and never look back.
I must have stood there for quite some time and then soon I saw Joel’s car turn back into the parking lot.
He got out and headed towards the entrance.
And then I saw it.
Blake’s car was parked right in front of Joel’s.
I wondered if Joel had noticed it.
I knew that it was his because not only had I memorized his license plate number, but I was familiar with the custom front tag with the name of the college that he was pretending to attend.
If I could see the license plate, I could be for sure, but it surely looked like his car.
Blake was still here?
And he was at this hotel?
It was a different hotel from the one that I’d followed him to, but he did mention that he changed them ever so often.
Unless…
Before Joel could make it up the elevator, I took the stairs and headed for the lobby.
Making sure that Joel was out of sight, I headed to the front desk.
“Blake Griffin’s room,” I said.
I waited for him to search the computer.
“I’m sorry, but we don’t have anyone by that name.”
I didn’t respond.
I headed out the door to check the license plate on the car.
Yep.
It was Blake’s car alright.
But they didn’t have a record of him, which could only mean one thing.
He had changed his name.
But why was he still here?
Why hadn't he disappeared?
As I headed back inside of the hotel, my stomach started to boil.
A new identity surely meant that he planned on running, and if he planned on running, that could only mean one thing.
Whoever his next victim had been…
Was dead.
~***~
I felt like going over my notes on Blake again.
There was something there.
Blake had to know something, and I was sure that it was about Joel and the Summer situation.
He wouldn’t have told me to look closer if he hadn't.
I just had to figure out what it was.
There was no doubt in my mind that Blake knew what had happened, but he wanted me to figure it out.
He probably saw it with his own eyes, but yet he wouldn’t tell me what it was that he knew.
I closed the folder as Joel walked in.
I remembered a story that Blake had told me.
It was about how he explained pretending.
He said that if people actually pay attention, a person who is pretending to love you, or a person who is pretending to be something that they’re not, at some point, they actually forget that they are pretending and give you an insight or small piece of a truth; a stolen moment, of who they really are and what they really want from you.
But you have to be paying attention.
You have to be listening, or you just might miss it.
So I was looking for that stolen moment.
I was looking to see if Joel forgot that he was pretending.
For the life of me, I couldn’t shake the feeling of thinking that he was involved in some way.
My gut told me that he knew something.
And my gut was always right.
I wasn’t scheduled to be back in court until tomorrow, so for the whole day, I didn’t want to go anywhere, I didn’t want to do anything.
I just wanted to spend it talking to Joel.
Maybe today would be my lucky way.
“Let’s just lay and talk like we used to. Order room service. No TV. No phones. Just us. This may be the last few moments that we spend with each other. After all, we have been through and considering all that I’m going through, I just want to lay, chat and do nothing. I don’t want to talk about court. I just want to talk like we used to. I just want to pretend that none of this is going on and that we are happy. Can you pretend with me? Just for the day.”
He nodded.
“Okay.”
I prayed silently, hoping for a breakthrough.
Before we got started, I told him that I was going to make an ice run.
I had been trying to walk the halls as much as possible, especially when Joel was out and about.
I was trying to see if I would into Blake.
I hadn't seen his car again, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t
there.
His car could have been parked on the other side of the hotel or something.
I headed out of the room, but halfway down the hall, I turned around for some change for a bag of chips or something.
Opening the room door, Joel froze as he abruptly stopped talking and slowly moved the phone from his ear.
I watched him hang it up while the woman on the other end continued to talk.
“Who was that?”
“Nobody.”
I looked at him.
“Nobody important. Just one of my brothers.”
Liar!
It was a woman’s voice. I was sure of it.
“Which one?”
“Jarret.”
“Why did you hang up?”
“We were done talking.”
Clearly, he was lying.
Why was the question?
“Who was that Joel?”
“I told you already.”
“Let me see your phone.”
“What? No. I shouldn’t have to do that. It was my brother. I don’t have to show you my phone. It was Jerald.”
Jerald?
Jerald was his baby brother. Jarret was his oldest.
Now he was saying that he was talking to Jerald.
But he’d just said that it was Jarret, even though that was a lie too.
It wasn’t a man at all.
It was a woman.
There it is.
There was that moment that meant everything.
The lie that told it all.
Joel was lying about something, again, and I was willing to bet that something was Summer.
Was that her on the phone?
Was she alive and well?
Or was it someone else?
~***~
“I’m going to go to jail aren’t I?”
Calvin didn’t respond.
If I was on the jury, I too would think that I was guilty.
The picture that was being painted for them almost made me question if I had actually done something wrong.
But I hadn't.
Court day after court day, week after week, I was made to look like a murderer.
No matter how many times I cried on the stand, or how much I begged for them to believe me, I wasn’t so sure that they would rule in my favor.
The evidence was circumstantial.
Her body never surfaced.
No murder weapon.
But still, they had reason to believe that the blood indicated foul play.
And all arrows pointed in my direction.
I was sure that tomorrow would be the worst day of my life.
It would be the day that I was found guilty of a crime that I didn’t commit.
