by Rachel Hanna
“Are you okay?” Janine asked again.
“Yes, why?”
“Because you’re flinging your legs so hard that I’m afraid you might take flight in a minute.”
“Sorry. I’m a nervous wreck. I hate… feminine… exams. I’d only ever been to the gynecologist once… before all of this.”
“Sweetie, it’s going to be okay. This is a nice office, and I checked out the doc’s medical degrees in the hallway. He seems top notch.”
“Gosh, if Mom knew where I was right now…”
“One thing at a time, remember?”
Meg nodded her head just as the doctor opened the door, a nurse following closely behind him. He was short and rounder than she expected, a tuft of gray hair atop his head. But, he had a warm smile, and that settled her down a bit.
“Miss Pike?” he said, reaching out his hand to shake hers.
“That’s me. Meg. And this is my Aunt Janine.”
“Nice to meet you both. I’ve read your file, and I understand the circumstances. I know this is an emotional time for you, so I want you to know you can ask me any questions. What we’re going to do first is an ultrasound so we can see your baby’s growth.”
“Okay.”
Meg laid back against the table as the nurse set up the ultrasound machine. Within minutes, she was staring into the small monitor looking at her baby. No longer did it look like some mutant blob. Now, it was a small baby, and she almost wished she hadn’t seen it. Adoption had been a real option since she learned she was pregnant, but could she really give up her child?
“Now, here’s the baby’s head up here…” the doctor said as the nurse moved the wand around. They took measurements here and there, but Meg heard little of what he said.
“Is the baby… healthy?”
“Everything looks right on track. You’re right at eighteen weeks along. Now, we can see the sex of the baby if you’d like to know.”
Meg’s heart skipped a beat. Did she want to know? Wouldn’t that make it more real?
“Oh, Meg, don’t you want to know?” Janine chimed in from the corner of the room.
She swallowed hard. “I don’t want to know. At least, not right now. Can you put it in a sealed envelope for me?”
She glanced at Janine, who looked a little sad. She quickly perked up when she realized Meg was looking at her.
“Of course. Here, take these paper towels and clean off all that goo while we get these pictures printed out for you.”
Meg wiped her belly and sat up, tossing the wad of paper towels across the room and completely missing the trashcan. She never was all that great at basketball.
“Are you taking any prenatal vitamins?” the nurse asked.
“Yes, I have been. But, I just ran out.”
“Okay, we can give you some that we recommend here.”
“You’ll need to come back in two weeks,” the doctor said, as he continued noting her chart. “You can make an appointment with Clara at the front desk. Any questions?”
Meg took in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Yes. Do you know of a good adoption agency?”
“This one or this one?” Julie asked as she held up two very different dresses. One was a basic black cocktail dress while the other was a sexier red number that would likely turn heads when she walked into Dawson’s reunion.
“Well, darlin’, call me old fashioned, but I think that red one might make you look like you’re advertising something you aren’t selling,” Dixie said in her normal honest fashion.
Julie laughed. “Too much?”
“Just a tad.”
“I just want to look good for Dawson’s reunion,” she said as she laid both dresses over the counter. The bookstore had been slow since Christmas, but Dixie didn’t seem concerned. She said it always ebbed and flowed and encouraged Julie to enjoy the down time before the tourism season kicked into high gear in the spring.
“Dear, you’re gonna look gorgeous no matter what you do,” Dixie said as she sauntered over to the cash register. Since her Parkinson’s medications were working well, her saunter had once again replaced her slower, shuffling gait. Julie was thrilled at how she had responded to her medication and physical therapy treatments so far. She wanted to keep Dixie spry and active for as long as possible.
“Good afternoon, ladies,” Janine said as she walked into the bookstore. She looked exhausted, and Julie couldn’t even remember the last time they sat down and had a meal together. With her new yoga studio getting ready to open and Meg showing up in town, things had been hectic to say the least.
“Hey, Janine,” Dixie said, throwing up her hand. “How’s the studio coming along?”
Janine sat down in the overstuffed armchair near the historical romance section and then flung her head over between her legs, her thick mane of curls dangling precariously close to the terra-cotta floor.
“Is there a problem?” Julie asked.
“There are nothing but problems. William found a leak in the ceiling right above the practice room. The landlord is giving me problems with the rental agreement changes I wanted to make. My flyers went out with the wrong address. And,” she said, sitting up and sighing, “I think I pulled my adductor longus”
“Your what now?” Dixie asked, leaning on the counter, her snazzy leopard print reading glasses balancing on the tip of her nose.
“My inner thigh muscle. I was trying to show off a bit to William, and, well, I pulled it. How am I going to teach classes next week with a pulled groin and water falling on my head from the ceiling?” She put her head back between her knees and groaned.
“You were showing William what, exactly?” Julie asked.
Janine sat up and rolled her eyes. “A yoga pose. Get your head out of the gutter. His Mom is right there, for goodness sakes!” she whispered loudly.
“Oh, now, come on, Janine. Everything’s gonna be just fine. My boy knows how to fix a leak. He had to do a lot of that when he was a kid. Johnny taught him everything a man should know.”
“Or a woman,” Julie whispered to her sister.
“Well, call me an old timer, but I think men should know certain things. How to change a tire, take out the trash, kill the biggest bugs this side of the Mississippi…”
Janine smiled. “Dixie, you crack me up sometimes.”
“But, she’s right, sis. Everything will work out fine. I’ll help you get the flyers fixed, and I’m sure Dawson will help us get them distributed again. And I can talk to your landlord if you need me to.”
“Let me have a chat with old Clarence. We’ve known each other for decades, and he sure doesn’t want to mess around with me,” Dixie said, standing upright and crossing her arms.
“I appreciate it, Dixie, but I should handle it. I wouldn’t want him to think I’m a pushover. People tend to assume that I am because I do yoga.”
“Well, if you need me, you know where to find me.” Dixie walked out from behind the register. “Now, if you ladies will excuse me, I’ve got a lunch date with a certain someone.”
“Ohhh, do tell,” Julie said, grinning. Dixie waved her hand in the air and walked out the front door, laughing the whole way.
After she left, Julie stood up and started unpacking books from a new shipment that had arrived earlier in the day. She loved the smell of books, new or old. It made her feel comforted, like all those times she was a kid and got a new book at the school book fair. It was her favorite day of the school year, and her mother always gave her a fresh, crisp ten dollar bill to spend. She always felt bad for the kids who didn’t have any money to spend, so she often ended up sharing it with one of them.
“Say, have you seen Meg today?” Julie asked.
Janine cleared her throat. “No, why?”
“I was just wondering. I left early this morning, and I kind of expected her to stop by. She still hasn’t seen the bookstore.”
“Really? Well, I’m sure she’s just getting readjusted to life stateside. Besides, that plane ride
must’ve been a doozy as far as jet lag.”
Julie laughed. “That was a couple of weeks ago. I think the jet lag would’ve worn off by now.”
“Right. Well, I’d better get back to the studio. The sign guy is coming this afternoon, and I’m praying at least that much works out.”
“It will all work out, sis. You’re going to do great things here.” Julie pulled her sister into a hug.
“I’m glad you’ve got my back,” Janine said.
“Always.”
Janine walked toward the door, but turned back to her sister. “Hey, Julie?”
“Yeah?”
She paused for a long moment. “You know I’d never do anything to hurt you, right?”
Julie cocked her head to the side. “Of course. Why do you ask that?”
Janine smiled slightly. “I just want you to know I always have your back too.”
Meg sat in front of the attorney, her palms sweating in her disappearing lap. It had only been a few days since her OBGYN appointment, and her mind had been swirling with thoughts. What should she do?
In her heart, she didn’t want to give up her baby. But what choice did she have? She wanted the best for her child, and being a single mother starting over with no education or job didn’t seem like the best start to life for a kid.
On the other hand, she knew her family would help her. She had resources. But was it fair to ask her family to help her out of the situation she found herself in?
“Miss Pike? Did you hear me?”
“What? I’m sorry, Mr. Richter. I zoned out for a moment. Pregnancy is causing a little brain fog lately.”
He smiled graciously. “Understandable. I was just saying that you have a choice between private and open adoption. Most folks do choose open adoption these days. That would be where you’d get some photos over the years, but some families want more contact than that. Really depends on the situation.”
“Oh. I don’t know if I could do that.”
He looked at her quizzically. “You wouldn’t want to see pictures of the baby as he or she grew up?”
Her stomach knotted up, and she struggled to keep tears from falling down her cheeks. “I’m not sure I could see pictures and not want to go get my child.”
Her honesty seemed to surprise him. “You can’t change your mind, Miss Pike. Once the adoption papers are signed, that’s it. South Carolina doesn’t have laws like some states do, you know, for a reflection period.”
“A reflection period?”
“To change your mind and get your child back. South Carolina has no such laws. You need to be sure about your decision because there’s no going back.”
“I’m just not sure…”
“No pressure, dear. You have plenty of time to think about it. But I will say you want to make a decision over the next month or so, just to give yourself time to review adoptive parent files.”
All of it seemed to be too much. Doing this alone at only nineteen years old was weighing on Meg. For her whole life, she’d dreamed of meeting her knight in shining armor, getting married in a lavish affair with doves and flying handfuls of rice, and riding off into her new perfect life. She’d planned to have at least three kids, live near the ocean and serve on every committee at her kids’ school.
How would she do that now? How would she ever look her other children in their precious little eyes and tell them that she gave their sibling away to strangers? How would God ever bless her with more kids if she didn’t even care enough to keep this one?
“Are you okay?” Mr. Richter asked.
Meg couldn’t catch her breath. She put her hand to her chest and felt the pounding of her heart. Sweat beaded on her brow, and her hands shook. “I… can’t… breathe…”
“Karen, get Miss Pike some water,” he called down the hallway. He sat down in the chair beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. An older man, she imagined he must be someone’s grandfather, and she could sure use that kind of energy right now.
His secretary, Karen, ran into the room with a bottle of water. Mr. Richter opened it and handed it to her. She lifted it to her mouth and took a long sip, trying to get her heart to stop pounding in her ears.
“Have you ever had a panic attack, hon?” Karen asked.
Meg nodded her head. “A couple of times, but never quite this bad. Thanks for the water.”
“Maybe we should take you to the ER?” Mr. Richter said.
“No!” she said a little too forcefully. The last thing she wanted was for her mother to find out where she was. She needed a little more time. Maybe one day it would feel right to tell her. “I’m fine. Or at least I will be. I think I just need to go home, put my feet up and have a snack.”
“Are you able to drive?”
“I’ve got a car picking me up, actually.”
“Let Karen drive you. I wouldn’t feel right putting you in a car with a stranger after all of this.”
“It’s really fine.”
“Miss Pike, I’ve got a legal obligation. Please just humor me, okay?”
She smiled. “Okay. But it’s really not necessary. I feel a lot better already.”
They helped her up and out to Karen’s car. She was exhausted. Nights of not sleeping, worried over what her mother and sister were going to think of her, were starting to wear her down.
They drove in silence for a few moments, but Meg could see Karen glancing at her over and over. She seemed to be a nice woman, probably about her mother’s age, with black hair and a very pronounced nose.
“I know this isn’t easy, especially for a girl your age,” she said as she turned down the main road that would lead back toward the island.
“It’s definitely not.”
“I’m not supposed to do this, but can I give you a little motherly advice?”
“Of course,” Meg said, softly. She wasn’t about to tell the woman that she just wanted a quiet ride and no unsolicited advice.
“Really listen to your heart. This is a lifelong decision, and it’s one you don’t want to regret.”
“I just want to do what’s best for this baby.”
“Which might just show what a good mother you already are,” she said, smiling at her. They pulled onto the island and she stopped just short of Julie’s house.
“What’s going on?”
“I just want to say that it takes a lot of bravery for you to even consider adoption. There are some amazing people out there who can’t have kids, and women like you make that dream happen for them. However…”
“However?”
“There are also some brave young women who consider adoption, but ultimately make the decision to do the hard work of raising a child alone. And most of them rise to the occasion and have amazing kids and wonderful lives.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that either way you go, I think you’ll do just fine, Miss Pike. I know you have a strong family system, and that goes a long way.”
“I can’t put this problem on my family.”
She tilted her head. “Now, sweetie, do you really think that’s how they’ll feel? Or is it more likely they will be ecstatic and welcome this baby with open arms?”
She was right. Her family would always support her, no matter what. But could she do that to them?
“Why are you saying all of this?”
She sighed. “When I was seventeen years old, I became pregnant.”
“Oh.”
“In the end, I was forced to give my baby up. Times were different back then. The adoption was closed, so I’ve never been able to find my son. I know the heartbreak of giving a baby up.”
“So why do you work for an adoption attorney?”
She smiled. “Things are very different now. Most adoptions are open, and I figured being inside of the system, I could make a difference.”
“I’m sorry you had to give up your baby.”
“Me too. But I believe he’s out there living a great life, and that’s
all a mother can ask for, right?”
“Right.”
“Well, I’d better get back,” she said, putting the car back in gear and pulling into the driveway.
“Thanks, Karen.”
“You’re welcome, hon. You make the right decision for you and that baby, okay?”
“I’ll try,” Meg said, stepping out of the car. She waved as Karen drove out of sight. How was she ever going to get through this?
Chapter 3
Julie stood in front of the full length mirror on the back of her bedroom door. It had been a very long time since she’d felt quite so nervous about going on a date. Of course, she and Dawson had been on some very informal dates over the last couple of months, but meeting his friends from high school was another level.
"That dress looks beautiful on you!" Janine said as she walked into Julie's room. Janine was also going to the reunion with William.
Julie had always been a little envious of her sister’s looks. She was petite with a full head of beautiful, curly hair, and sometimes Julie felt like a plain Jane standing next to her.
"Thanks. What are you wearing?"
“I’m wearing my blue dress with my silver strappy heels. Do you think that will look okay?”
Julie smiled. “I think you’ll look beautiful, but then, you always do.”
Janine elbowed her lightly. “Aw, shucks. Thanks, sis.”
They continued getting ready, with Janine flitting in and out of the room, changing into her dress and putting on her heels. She stopped for a moment and stood behind Julie in the mirror.
“You okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“You seem a little… stressed? Or down?”
Julie sighed. “Well, events like this make me nervous. I haven’t exactly dated in awhile, and meeting Dawson’s lifelong friends is kind of like meeting his parents.”
Janine smiled. “They’re going to love you. Everyone does!”
