by Livy North
Everything that had changed was me.
It was Monday morning, and the fact that Emory walked out on me after our first time together still bothered me. Why didn’t she stay? I thought girls liked to cuddle and sleep in the next morning. But she disappeared like a ghost, making me doubt that it had even happened.
When I saw her coming in the main doors at the university, I was determined to speak my mind. I had to know. I walked over, cornering her, forcing her to hear me out.
“Why did you leave?” I asked straight out, trapping her between my body and the wall.
My heart beat rapidly, and I hadn’t felt that kind of tingling sensation in my stomach before. I didn’t like it.
Emory raised a brow. “Huh?”
I smirked. Nightmare was playing dumb.
I tipped my chin at her. “You know what I’m talking about.”
People in the hall were starting to glance over at us, but I didn’t care. I no longer cared about tarnishing the Sinclair name—my father had already fucked me over more than once, so why couldn’t I do the same to him?
All I needed was Emory’s answer.
“Why did you leave?” I repeated, involuntarily softer this time as a bulge grew in my throat.
She swallowed visibly, growing more nervous, more fidgety every second she spent with me. Why was she fidgety? She was never fidgety.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Honestly.”
“That’s not enough of an answer.”
“Well, that’s all the answer you’re getting,” she clipped back.
I smiled. There was the fierce Emory I knew and loved.
“Fine. But I’ll get the real answer one day. I already have my suspicions.”
“And why do you care?” she countered, piercing me with that challenging stare I loved. Flustered was a good look for her. Everything was.
“In time you’ll get your answers, too,” I whispered, marveling in how stunning this girl was—how impossible, challenging, and real.
She was refreshing, like a breath of fresh spring air or a warm summer breeze.
Hm. I guess that was quite poetic of me.
“River,” she breathed, glancing up at me from an angle, and God, if the sight of her didn’t make my dick twitch.
What the fuck was going on with me?
“Hm?” I murmured, dragging my tongue over my teeth.
Her breath hitched and her chest rose and fell unsteadily. She licked her lips, still keeping her eyes locked with mine. “You still haven’t moved.”
Her words jerked me back to life and I sucked in a harsh breath and stepped back. My heart lurched in my chest and I breathed heavily. I’d never wanted a second go at another this bad. I’d never wanted to kiss someone this bad.
“Can I kiss you right now?” I blurted quietly.
Emory’s cheeks caught fire. “What?”
Propping my forearm next to her head, I brought our faces closer. Bridging the distance between us, I leaned closer, feeling the need to be as close to her as possible. “What would you do if I kissed you right now?” I murmured close to her ear.
From the side, it may look like we were making out against the wall, and that was probably why people whispered in the hallway. I had no trouble shutting them out, because the only thing I was focused on was Emory.
Emory swallowed thickly, her eyes darting around nervously. “You wouldn’t,” she said at last. “People are watching. You’d never kiss someone in public.”
“Is that a dare?” I smirked, I couldn’t help it.
How was it that a girl like her could be so intriguing and exhilarating?
Ignoring how I gravitated toward her, I pulled away. I straightened my back and let the cool, calm exterior slide into place. “Don’t worry, Nightmare,” I said, pretending we hadn’t been seconds from devouring each other. “The next time I kiss you, I’ll make you beg first.”
She swallowed and sucked her cheeks in. “I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.”
“I’m confident enough to say that you’ll be saying my name a lot sooner than you think.”
There was no way she didn’t feel the pull like I did.
“You’re delusional.” She matched the voice she’d used, telling me that same thing over two months ago.
She’d changed so much since then, and she’d taken me with her for the ride. But it wasn’t a ride I wanted to be without.
Emory had changed me. She didn’t take my bullshit and pushed me to be better. And now whatever happened, I couldn’t go back to the person I used to be.
“I’m not,” I said.
Inhaling a sharp breath, she stared at me with a new defiance in her voice. “River, I—”
“Hah,” I cut her off. “You said my name.”
She rolled her eyes, but a chuckle escaped her. She glanced up at me, biting the inside of her cheek. “I don’t know what you think is going to happen, but it won’t.”
I snickered.
She was in denial.
But even if she pretended we didn’t happen, I couldn’t. And I didn’t want to.
That night was the best lapse in judgment I’d ever had.
I was walking the corridor a few hours later, heading out because I was skipping the last class in favor of going to my apartment to do some art. I felt inspired. The halls were empty, so that was why when I heard a voice from around the corner where the dining hall was, I listened in.
“Why the fuck is he choosing her over you?” a nasal voice said, and I recognized as Isabella Darlington’s best friend.
“I don’t know. River is such a jerk,” Isabella said with a whiny tone. “Emory’s such a tramp. I don’t know why he would ever stick his dick in her loose hole.”
“I know, right? You’re like, so much prettier than her.”
“Jealousy isn’t a good look on you, Issy,” I interrupted as I rounded the corner, stepping into their line of sight.
Both Isabella and the other girl looked at me, eyes wide and mouths slightly ajar.
“River.” Isabella straightened the second her eyes laid on me. “I’m not jealous.”
I snorted. “Please. I heard you. Are you good for anything besides gossiping? Like anything at all?”
Her eyes narrowed and I could see how she clenched her jaw, but her lip trembled slightly from an emotional overload.
“You’re a jerk,” she spat and stood. “And you’ve been weak for her for years, just admit it. The cold, cruel River Sinclair is on his knees for some skanky bitch with no class.”
Slamming my palms against the table they were sitting at, I leaned closer so we were eye-level. Isabella tried to look unfazed, but desperation came off her in waves.
“I kindly suggest you shut up before you seriously regret it. Don’t forget that Emory owns half the city now.”
Defiance sparkled in her eyes, but unlike when that same thing happened with Emory, all I saw was a blinking red warning sign saying annoying across her face.
“Well, she’s richer than you and I’m richer than you, too. My father hasn’t kicked me out of my family’s company!”
The reality check hit me in my chest like a punch, but I shoved it away, putting the focus on her instead. “You were never included in it to begin with.”
Her eyebrows furrowed together in fury. “Lisa, let’s go,” she muttered. “Goodbye, River. Remember when your whole life fails, it was probably her fault.”
Satisfaction filled me when I watched them walk out of there.
When I turned around, I almost walked into Nico, who stood cross-armed behind me.
“Where did you come from?” I asked, quickly regaining composure. I’d lost my temper with Isabella and there was no doubt Nico didn’t like that.
“The other entrance.” Nico nodded pointedly behind him to the second entrance to the dining hall.
“Right.” I hesitated, scanning his face to see how much he’d heard, but he gave off nothing. “How much did you hear?”
“Nothing. Except where you defended Emory to the youngest Darlington and her little friend.”
Nico looked like a tan statue as he stared at me. I tried to give the same stoic face back. I didn’t want him to know anything.
“Darlington’s a bitch,” I said, shrugging before shouldering past him.
If we never had the conversation, I could pretend Nico didn’t hear anything, even if he had. He was my brother. I could trust him.
“True. But the River I know would never defend Emory.”
Oh, bloody hell, he wasn’t letting this go. Grudgingly, I turned around at the same time as he took a step closer to me. His eyes were cold, but he wasn’t frowning.
What he didn’t need to know was that I had already defended Emory once before.
“I thought you hated her,” Nico said with a raised eyebrow when I didn’t answer.
“I also adored our father. Things happen, feelings change.”
His brows pulled in. “Are you still upset he let you go of your responsibilities in Sinclair Corp.?”
Something in the tone of his voice fueled my anger. He said it as if I had no reason to be mad anymore.
“Yes, Nicolas, I’m still upset. Our father has done nothing but take advantage of us and use us for his own benefit. Once we do not abide to his word, he throws us out like rotten tomatoes.”
Nico looked at me through hardened eyes and his lips pressed into a line. “Just be careful with Emory is all I’m saying. You’re playing with fire, and I’m sure Father won’t approve. Lauder Inc. is the competition, and Emory is… Emory.”
“Nice, little brother. I’m not having this conversation right now. Believe what you want. I’m done playing by Thomas Sinclair’s rules.” Throwing my hands up in defeat, I turned around and walked, knowing this whole event would get back to my father at some point.
If Nico didn’t inform him, Isabella Darlington would run back to her father, spin the story around to her liking, and get him to call my father again.
Another week went by, and Emory was putting a whole lot of effort into avoiding me while still not making the fact known. I had barely seen her except when we had to meet to sort out some emergency details for Founder’s Day. But even then, she held the conversation strictly to business at all damn costs.
She did a good job, pretending and all, but I saw her breath hitch whenever I got too close, or how her eyes darted in my direction even when she didn’t want to look. She still held my gaze steady as ever, demanding and challenging like she always had.
And I loved it.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” I asked her as we had a moment alone in the corridor after a final meeting with the city board. Unlike when I asked her why she walked out on me after out first time, I wasn’t trying to bait her.
“I’m not,” she said, leaning back against the glass wall.
Stepping closer, I cocked my head. “Are you embarrassed over what we did?”
“No, it’s not that,” she said a little too quickly.
“Then what is it?”
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Finally, she shrugged and shook her head. Clearly, she was nervous about something. I’d never seen her visibly nervous until lately.
“I’m not playing any games right now, Emory. All I want is an honest answer.”
As I looked into her eyes, her breathing seemed to calm and she closed her mouth as she drew in a slow breath.
“I’m not ashamed over what we did… I’m ashamed that we did anything at all.” She snapped her mouth shut, pursing her lips together. I suspected she had more on her mind, but she didn’t want to tell me.
When realization settled on me, my heart stung.
Wow. She really didn’t want to confide in me.
“Okay, fine. I won’t pressure you.” Holding up my hands, I took a step backward. Before leaving her, I threw a final glance over at her, but she showed no signs of wanting to talk.
My eyes narrowed. Something was wrong with her. Ever since we slept together, she was avoiding everything that bothered her, and Emory was never that girl. She was stronger than that.
I hadn’t realized I missed my best friend so much before I hugged her that evening when she stood at my door.
“God, I’ve missed being just us. We haven’t had the time since my parents died.” I hugged her tighter against me and Archer shoved us with his snout.
“I know, but it’s not your fault. It’s how life is sometimes.” Evie smiled, her dimples popping out.
I smiled back, grateful for her understanding. Evie was good, too good for this damn town. She was a better person than me. She wouldn’t avoid the one problem gnawing on her conscience like I had for the last week.
Evie petted Archer in passing and we headed to my room where I’d put two bowls of ramen. I’d made it for us just before she got there.
“I need girl talk,” Evie said as we sat down on the king bed. “And for starters, you need to tell me everything about you and River. What are you thinking about him now?”
Covering my face with my hands, I sighed into them. This week had been one big issue, and soon Founder’s Day would be here. I didn’t have time for all this emotional distress.
“I don’t know. He isn’t the guy I thought he was, and that’s pretty much all I can say.”
“What changed?” Evie slurped in her noodles with a pair of chopsticks. I fiddled with my food, stalling the eating part.
“New York.” I shrugged, lost in thought. “That trip changed stuff between us. Being forced to spend four whole days together did something to us. It brough out parts of me that I didn’t know I had, and vice versa with him. And then I… slept with him.” I cringed as I said the words out loud.
“So… you like him?” Evie cocked an eyebrow at me as she stirred her noodles.
“No,” I said quickly. Too quickly. “Maybe. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I can’t like him. He’s been so annoying and intolerable for months—years even. Kind of.”
“People can change you know.”
“What are you saying?”
Evie grimaced, shrugging innocently. “Well… it’s just… Well…” She stalled, shrugged, and fell silent.
“It happened in the moment,” I explained, but I’m sure I was only trying to make myself feel better. “But there’s no way I like him. With him, there’s a constant push and a constant contest. He always challenges me.”
Evie looked amused. “Well, what’s the point if he doesn’t? Then it would be boring. Besides, don’t tell me you don’t push him equally as much.”
She was right.
Damn. She was.
“Why do you have to be right?”
A laugh bubbled out of her and I tried to pout but when she smiled at me, I couldn’t do anything but smile back. I’d missed my best friend.
I shook my head, trying to shake off all the weight loaded on my shoulders. “Enough about me and River. What about you and Elijah?”
And that’s how we entered the conversation about how she ended up with Elijah. Yet, although I genuinely tried to put River behind me—at least for this one night—I couldn’t. He consumed my thoughts and my dreams and my nightmares.
He was everywhere, whether I wanted him to be or not.
The main issue, though, was that I didn’t hate the thought of him nearly as much as I used to.
November sixth came, and the venue we’d rented in town had been successfully decorated for Founders’ Day. There were tables along the sides and a band was playing on the stage. An auction table was placed in the corner opposite, and the middle of the room was left clear for dancing and mingling.
I’d chosen a beige, floor-length dress with a split on the side and an open back to go with the occasion.
Since I’d taken a part in the planning committee, everyone felt obligated to come over and congratulate me on how good of a job I’d done. Everyone was here. The amount of people was overwhelming, and I’d grown u
p here with these people and big events.
“You two have done a great job, I must say.” Thomas Sinclair gave me an acknowledging nod. He stood tall and scary in his tux.
“Thank you, Mr. Sinclair. And thank you for giving us the opportunity.”
He smiled. “River isn’t the least bit grateful as you are, Emory. Your parents would have been proud.”
His words surprised me for a moment, and my stomach clenched uncomfortably when he compared me to his son.
“I’m sure River is grateful that the board entrusted us to plan this day.”
Thomas placed a big hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “Of course, he is. He knows his place, good for him.”
Shivers ran through my spine, and I wanted to push his hand away but I managed to contain myself. I didn’t want to make a scene.
“I hear you’re still postponing things with Lauder Inc. May I ask how the situation with your will is?”
I think he saw my confused face for a second because he added, “I’m just making assumptions. I know…” He laughed. “It’s rude, but I’m a curious man.”
Managing to school my surprised features and ignoring how odd of a question it was, I replied, “It’s coming along. It’ll come together eventually, I guess.” It was a lie, but I didn’t want to tell him the truth. Why did he ask that, and why did he ask right now? Only two days after I was at my lawyer’s discussing this for the last time.
He nodded. “Well, I think it’s time for your speech now.” He withdrew and smiled wider. It was a weird smile.
Nodding, I walked away from him. On my way to the stage, I grabbed a glass of champagne and chugged it and grabbed another to have with me on the stage.
River was already standing on the platform with a glass in his hand when I took the stairs, holding up my dress with my hand. He threw me a contemplative look before he held out his hand for me, which I took and let him pull me up. His hand felt strong and protective around mine.
I smiled playfully at him, liking how we both knew what parts of us were real and which were for show. Like him playing the gentleman—which was a hundred percent for show.
