by Livy North
“Losing control,” I finished for her.
She smiled a half smile at me. “Yeah.”
“I know what you mean,” I said in earnest. No one knew better than me how hard it was to let go—to not be in control. To be vulnerable and a hundred percent you. It was scary, because you knew if people judged you, they were judging the real you. “I know you sensed I hesitated when you wanted to ride me. I’ve never done that with any other girl—let them in control, I mean. I’m a control freak. But with you, I wanted to let go.”
She looked down and something just shy of a smile was playing on her lips. “I appreciate that, but… how many girls have you been with?”
I cringed internally. “Probably fewer than you’d expect.”
“How many?”
I snickered while smiling at her persistence. “If you only count girls I’ve been serious about, then none.” It was true. I didn’t know how many I’d slept with, even though I knew it wasn’t that many, but I’d never had feelings for anyone.
“Why not?” Emory asked.
Swallowing, I considered my words. “I don’t catch feelings easily. I hate appearing codependent. I hate the feeling of people thinking I’m less when I’m just me alone.”
Emory studied my face and I studied hers. “Do you feel that when we’re seen together?”
“No.”
A smile spread over her lips. I sucked in a breath, my chest heavy from unfolding my life like this. “What about you?”
She shrugged. “I’ve been with two guys seriously. Peterson.” She cringed, shoulders shrinking into her body. “But it was obviously one-sided. And… I had a thing with Brian.”
“Brian Adley?”
Emory nodded. “Yes, him.”
A laugh escaped me, and Emory smacked my arm and gave me a chiding glare. “Shut up.”
“Sorry, I simply can’t imagine you together. He’s Sean’s little brother.”
Emory crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, we were sixteen, okay?”
I laughed more, and Emory scowled at me as if she wanted to kill me with her eyes.
“I apologize. It’s just… The guy’s nothing like you. He’d bore you.”
“Well, we’re obviously not together, so I guess you’re right.”
The conversation seemed to upset her, so I changed the topic after a minute of silence. “I feel vulnerable in my art, too. Which is why I don’t show many people.”
Emory looked me up and down a few times, as if she wasn’t sure if I had changed the subject or not. “Why? You’re so talented,” she said. “It’s weird you didn’t go to Blackrose Academy.”
Shrugging, bitterness coated my tongue and I swallowed. “My father denied me. He shipped me off to England, remember?”
Her expression softened. “How was that? Being shipped off like that? I can’t imagine what it was like. I could never live without my parents or Gabriel.” Her slight smile fell. “Or well… you know what I mean.”
“Yeah. I had my brothers, so it was better than staying at home. Except for that one year before Nicolas came. I was eight and alone for a year.”
* * *
Silence took over, and I used that moment of vulnerability we shared to ask again, “Why did you ignore me after that first time we had sex? Were you really ashamed of me?”
“No. It wasn’t that… I felt something, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself because it was just casual sex.”
I shuffled closer. “Nothing could ever be casual between us.” I let out a soft chuckle, but when Emory didn’t respond with laughter, I said, “What made you change your mind?”
Now she smiled and looked dreamily at the wall. “I talked to Evie.”
“Evelyn.” I clucked my tongue. “Well, maybe I need to give her some credit after all.”
Emory gave me a little more than gentle nudge in my arm. “But… What about you, though? I thought you hated me.” She smiled teasingly, shoving a piece of her bed hair behind her ear.
“I don’t hate you.”
“But you did. Why?”
Pausing, I inhaled, gathering my words. “There’s no secret my father hated your parents. I wanted to be the son he wanted, and I thought ruining you would make him see that we were on the same page. You were supposed to be the enemy, and still, my father made sure I knew I was less than you every chance he got. I was never enough for him. You became the representation of everything I hated. The way I was never enough, the acknowledgement I never got from my father. I painted you as a villain, blaming you for my shortcomings in my father’s eyes. Hating you became a sport, a habit. But I had you all wrong. I didn’t see you; I saw the version I’d painted in my head—this perfect, arrogant girl who was better than everyone without even trying. That was who I hated.”
I shrugged. “Hating you was my crutch. Hating you was easy—I knew how to do that. Get on your nerves. It was easier to just hate you than to ever worry about the reason behind it. Truth is, I don’t think I hated you. I hated me, and I hated my father.”
Blinking, she stared at me, waiting for me to explain further. “That doesn’t make any sense,” she said eventually when I didn’t say anything.
“Doesn’t it?” I arched a brow. “Hating someone because they are what you can’t be. Hating someone because you’re angry at the world, manipulated by your own mind… because you’re jealous.” The last word came out strangled. I couldn’t believe I was admitting it out loud, and to her of all people.
She stifled a squeal. “You’re jealous?”
My eyes narrowed instinctively, but then I caught myself and forced my shoulders to drop. “I wouldn’t believe it, either. I mean, I’m me. I’m extraordinary. Why would I be jealous?” A snort escaped me.
Shuffling closer behind me, she squeezed my bicep and failed at trying to fight a smile. “But you are. And it’s actually pretty… sweet.”
I frowned at her, cocking my head. “Sweet? Being jealous is not sweet. It’s weakness. It’s pathetic. It’s—”
“It’s human,” she cut me off. “Nice to see you’re not that stuck-up asshole everyone thinks you are.”
I snorted. God, what had my life become? Waking up with Emory, confiding in her about my feelings that I shared with no one. But she never punished me for my feelings.
“Do you know why I call you Nightmare?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Why do you think?” I asked, my hand reaching up to twirl a strand of her dark hair between my fingers.
“I’ve just assumed it’s because I made your life a living nightmare.” She smirked teasingly.
I shook my head with a chuckle. “To be honest, that’s what I thought at first, too. I remember the first time I called you that. My father had just made a point of how useless I was, saying even you could do better. I mistook if for him saying he liked you when he could never like anyone but himself. The way you have always been able to see right through me used to scare me—you forced me to face my own demons. You were the epitome of what I feared—a nightmare.”
Nerves crept up my back when I shifted so my entire body was facing her, and her blue eyes connected with mine. They weren’t like my cold ones that used to stare back at me in the mirror, they were a warm blue. “You outshine me in every way, Emory, and like the narcissist I am, that scared me. Whenever you’re around, you’re the only thing that matters. But that’s okay. I’m okay with that. I’m working to be okay with that.”
Last night, I wanted her to me mine for the moment, but I didn’t want her for only a moment. I wanted her all the time.
She shook her head. “That’s from your point of view. You’re not a narcissist because then you wouldn’t be here with me right now, and you wouldn’t have that kind of self-awareness.” She paused, pursing her lips. “Do you ever think how far we’d come if we worked together instead of competing with each other?”
“Far,” I said immediately. “I love how you always push me. I wouldn’t have it
any other way.”
River and I ate breakfast, and surprisingly, things were not awkward. But this didn’t come as a shock to either of us. This thing that had been brewing between us had been doing so for a long time. It was only a matter of time before it would boil over.
After breakfast, I asked him to drive me by my house so I could change before I had my meeting with Franklin. That guy was seriously getting himself worked up about the testament stuff. I knew he meant well, but he could tone it down a little.
“I can drive you to his office if you’d like,” River suggested, and I stopped the car door from slamming shut behind me.
“You’d do that?”
He shrugged, still with an arm on the wheel. God, something was wrong with me because now, only looking at him made my stomach flutter something crazy.
“Sure. Now that I’m no longer associated with Sinclair Corp. I have a lot of free time.”
He said it so casually, but the way his jaw ticked and he inhaled a calming breath told me he wasn’t fine with having lots of spare time.
“Oh right, thanks. You can come in and wait if you want. I have to shower and stuff first, so I don’t know how long it’ll take.”
Hesitating for a second, he sat frozen but then he nodded and exited the car.
I unlocked the door and the moment I did, a golden ball of fluff came flying toward us.
“Whoa.” River said as soon as we entered the house, stumbling back when Archer came surging for him. “Who is that?”
Archer responded by licking him, and River stumbled away.
“River, meet Archer, my Labrador.” I smiled, biting down a laugh. “Why are you acting like you’ve never seen a dog before?”
Tentatively, with a grimace, River held out his hand for Archer to sniff him. “I’ve seen dogs before,” he argued, still staring at Archer, who wagged his tail. “But I’ve pet few of them. I can’t…” Archer licked his hand, and he scratched him behind his ear. “I can’t remember the last time.”
I mock pouted. “That’s just sad.”
I scratched Archer under his collar in passing. Heading for the living room, I dropped my keys on the table and walked through the kitchen.
“Hey, Emory,” Carla greeted, coming toward me from the living room. “I just came in with Archer; he’s been fed and walked.”
“Thank you.” I petted Archer, who came strolling back in from the hall with River in tow. “I’m just stopping by. Unfortunately, I’ll be running late. I have a meeting and I don’t know how long it’ll take.”
She nodded with a smile. “Okay, I’ll come back and check on him later.”
I gave a grateful smile and Carla disappeared out into the hall. River came up next to me. “Who was that?”
“The dog sitter. Ever since my family died, I haven’t had nearly as much time for Archer like I want to. I feel so guilty for barely being with him when he’s my dog.” I crouched and Archer came over and licked my hand. His wagging tail forced a smile onto my face.
“He doesn’t seem upset.”
“Dogs are forgiving. They aren’t like humans.”
River crouched with me and scratched Archer behind the ear. I smiled, both at Archer and River, lost in thought for a second and in this short moment the two of us shared.
“I’ll be quick,” I said, standing up. “There’s drinks in the fridge if you want.”
“Hey, Emory?” He stood, folding his hands together and twiddling his hands. “I can watch Archer today if you want.”
And that’s how my heart turned into a puddle on the floor.
It had been almost two weeks since Founder’s Day, and Emory and I had been spending a lot of time together. I thought the attraction to her would die out after lots of sex and time together, but it had done the opposite.
She didn’t even try to make me stay with her. I did it because I wanted to.
I’d even become best friends with her dog. I wanted a dog now, too.
“Dad told me to tell you to come see him after school,” Seb said as we ate lunch in the dining hall at the university, at the edge of the long table.
I snapped out of my thoughts.
“Did he tell you why?” I asked.
Since my father and I hadn’t been on speaking terms for the last few weeks, I couldn’t possibly fathom why he suddenly wanted to speak to me.
Sebastian shook his head, looking thoughtful. “No, he didn’t.”
“Huh.” I continued to eat.
“He said it was important though.”
I shrugged. “What could it possibly be?”
He returned the shrug. “I don’t know, but you should talk to him. And River?”
“Yeah?”
“Ever since you stopped showing up at the house, things have been weird.”
“Weird how?” I looked at him with a frown. My brothers and I had always been close, but we’d never talked as little as we had for the past few weeks. Yet, I couldn’t remember when Sebastian and I had last had a conversation so real like this one already felt.
Seb glanced around us, and I didn’t get who he was looking for.
“It’s Nico…” he said in a hushed voice. “He and father have been shutting me out, too. They spend more and more time in Dad’s study. And during the night, I’ve heard Nico go out, but I don’t know where he goes. He’s being dodgy. Do you know anything?”
Thinking thoroughly, I shook my head. “I don’t. I’m sorry they’ve been shutting you out. Now that you mention it, Nico has been acting a bit weird around me, too.”
Seb looked down on the table, mumbling something I didn’t catch. He almost looked… sad.
“You know, you can come stay at my apartment if things get too weird. I never mentioned that before.” I shrugged. “I thought it was a given.”
His face lit up, but then his brows pulled in and his shoulder sagged. “Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind, but I want to stay home to look after Mom since she’s there now. Plus, she’s more on edge than she usually is after everything that’s been going on between you and Dad.”
I thought about all the information Seb had given me. “It’ll pass,” I said in an attempt to comfort him. Throwing a quick glance at him, I noticed he still hadn’t looked up from the table. “What’s the matter?”
He shook his head quickly. “Nothing. It’s nothing.” He straightened out his back and plastered on a smile. “I’m fine. Just thinking.”
“Seb,” I chided softly, trying to pull out some answer. “Is there something else going on?”
“No. I was just thinking about Nico. He hasn’t been himself.”
“Maybe he’s going through a phase. It will pass, it’s Nico.”
Sebastian shrugged. “I’m not sure. He isn’t anything like himself when we’re alone.”
I clapped him on the back, grabbing his neck and shaking lightly in an attempt to loosen him up. “Don’t worry, mate. Nico’s still our brother, nothing will ever change that. I’ll talk to him if I see him, though.”
Seb nodded, flashing me a grateful smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. It bothered me that my baby brother was feeling sad, especially when he was the cheerful one out of the three of us. I knew things must’ve been pretty weird if he was worried
Later that day, I stepped into my father’s study with my head held high and my chest constricted. “What’s this about?” I asked coolly.
Father leaned over a bunch of papers, not looking up from them but continuing to flip through them, signing stuff as if I wasn’t there.
“Father,” I prompted. My bones were aching with restlessness.
“The board has come to a decision,” Father rumbled in his authoritarian voice, sitting straight and folding his hands.
A shiver ran through me because that was the voice he used whenever he expected me to do something—no questions asked.
“What decision? When did that happen? I haven’t been to any meeting.”
He set me with a hard glare. “Remem
ber that you have no place at that board. You’re only there as my son.”
My chest constricted again but my nostrils flared angrily. I knew it was true, though. Everyone saw me as River, the son of the brilliant Thomas Sinclair. Biting down an insult along with my anger, I walked over to his desk. “Emory hasn’t spoken of any meeting, either.” And they couldn’t have a meeting without her.
Father glanced up at me with a dead look in his eyes—emotionless, like a corpse.
“Emory wasn’t there, either,” he clipped. Licking his lips, he cleared his throat. “We have decided that Emory Lauder is disposable.”
“Disposable?” I spluttered before snapping my jaw shut. I wanted to argue but that would only make him mad. I let my fingernails dig into my palms instead.
“As in, we can’t control her, which makes her an unreliable variable—a variable that we don’t need and that can be dealt with.”
I stared at him in disbelief, refusing to think he was saying what I thought he was.
“You’re talking about her like she’s an asset. She’s a person. You can’t dispose of a person!”
“Of course, I can.” He paused, fixing me with a calm look.
The storm brewing under the surface of me was near exploding into a massive earthquake.
“She trusts you now.”
That made me snort loudly. “Trusts me?” I shook my head. “No. You’ve got it all wrong. Emory is too smart to trust someone like me.”
“Then why did she testament all her fortune to you?”
And like that, the whole world froze, and my breath hitched in my throat. “What?”
“My lawyer confirmed it this morning. That Evelyn White girl is also in there, but most of it goes to you.”
Did she really do that?
But that would mean…
“What’s your point?” I clipped, forcing myself to keep my focus.
This testament thing could wait.
“The board has decided we need to dispose of her. Now that you are her main heir, that would be perfect.”
