Sweet Hope

by Tillie Cole

Vin looked to me, his pale eyes kind. “And Elpidio?”

  I blushed, thinking of Axel, and replied, “I’m hoping to show him the display tonight.”

  Vin smiled sweetly. It was then I knew he knew we were an item. I wondered if Axel had told him.

  “Maybe he’ll finally see the light, hmm? Finally realize that he’s worth all this effort,” he said hopefully. I took a deep breath, silently sharing Vin's hope.

  I hoped that seeing all his work displayed in such a beautiful setting would help him come clean to his brothers about what he’d been doing… about everything...

  Glancing at the clock on the wall, I turned to Vin. “I gotta go, Vin. I’ll see you in a couple of days for the opening, yes?”

  Vin patted my hand, but he was too lost in the exhibition to reply. As he walked forward, he suddenly glanced back to say fondly, “From the first time I was sent a picture of his angel sculpture, I knew he was special. I knew that he wasn’t just a gang member serving time.” Emotion welled up in me as I saw Vin’s eyes glisten. “He was so closed off when I met him, so broken and angry with the world. His sculptures were so sad, so heartbreaking… but the man I saw earlier today, carving marble outside my studio overlooking the Sound, well, he was changed. I might even stretch it to say he was peaceful… perhaps even happy.”

  Vin smiled at me to signal that he knew I was the reason for Axel’s emotional change… the sentiment brought a lump to my throat.

  “Did you see what he was carving? He refuses to tell me. He keeps it hidden outside the studio under a padlocked tarp so I can’t even take a peek,” I asked.

  Vin’s watery smile spread into a wide grin. “I saw it… but my lips are sealed.”

  I groaned in frustration and threw Vin a wave as I grabbed my purse and ran out the door.

  I made it to Axel’s studio in record time.

  From the moment I entered the studio, I felt a chill in the room. The open doors led to the patch of grass overlooking the water. I could hear Axel chipping at the marble. I was desperate to go outside, but he’d asked me not to. As a curator I respected his creative process and his need for privacy. But as his girlfriend, I couldn’t stand it!

  Axel walked through a second later dressed in a long black sleeved shirt with a padded vest over the top. His black oversized beanie smothered his head. And, as always, a Marlboro cigarette balanced between his lips.

  He was so damn sexy.

  Walking over to me, he moved the cigarette from his mouth so I could kiss his lips. “Mmm… that’s better,” I murmured when we broke away. Playfully, I returned his cigarette between his lips.

  Waving my keys, Axel took a long breath and nodded his head. That was him telling me he was ready to go, but the at the same time he really wasn’t.

  Levi had a game today for the Huskies. Axel had been desperate to see his brother play. We knew he was the star player. Unsurprisingly, Levi hadn’t ever asked Axel to go watch. I’d decided that was bullshit.

  I was making Axel go today. He wanted to see Levi play, so I’d made damn sure it would happen… with just a little help.

  I could see the apprehension flaring on Axel’s face. Tracing my fingers down his cool cheek, I said, “In the end, he’ll appreciate that you went.”

  Axel turned his cheek into my hand, but his eyes stayed on mine. “He won’t, he’ll hate that I was there, but we’ll go anyway. Nothing else has worked.”

  *****

  The stadium was packed when we arrived at the gates. Axel was tense and kept his head down as we pushed through a throng of excited fans. He hated crowds, practically panicked whenever we had to be around this many people. I led the way. Unknown to Axel, I’d arranged for us to sit in the family section.

  Seeing a small crowd gathered around two people, I waved my hand at Lexi. She was standing beside Austin as he signed autographs for the Husky fans.

  Axel, seeing me wave, lifted his head. His fingers squeezed mine in a death grip when he saw that Austin and Lexi were waiting for us.

  Without glancing back at him, I pushed through to where they stood. Lexi cast me a nervous smile. Austin nudged his chin at me, then at his anxious older brother.

  “Hey, guys!” I greeted, Axel’s hand refusing to let go of mine as he hovered by my side. Lexi stepped forward and pressed a kiss on my cheek.

  Axel dipped his head at Lex, then his gaze wandered to Austin who was still signing autographs. He suddenly inhaled and his dark eyes softened. My heart thumped faster at his reaction to Austin who was now speaking to the fans, with a kind smile on in face. Axel was so proud of him. I knew how to read Axel's slight changes of expression by now. They were subtle, but they were extremely revealing.

  Austin met eyes with Axel and smiled wider, asking his fans to wait a second. Austin approached Axel and threw his arms around him. Awkwardly, Axel hugged him back with one hand. Austin drew back. “Happy to see you, fratello. You ain’t been answering my calls since the hospital the other night.” Austin then looked to me and his eyes tensed. It was as though he was working out how I’d gotten to be with his brother.

  Stepping forward, I hugged Austin. A fan appeared beside him and asked, “Austin, is that your brother?”

  Axel stiffened as the fan looked upon him. The fan backed away as soon as Axel automatically switched to his 'normal' intimidating expression.

  “Yeah, he’s my big brother,” Austin replied proudly. Axel’s cheek twitched. He was getting emotional.

  The fan’s eyes narrowed on Axel. “Does he play football?”

  Austin stopped in signing her shirt. “Nah.”

  “Then what does he do?” she asked excitedly and Austin’s eyes widened. Axel cussed under his breath and looked away.

  Just when I thought Axel would turn and walk away, Lexi stepped forward and laid her hand on Austin’s arm. “Baby, we need to go.”

  Axel and Austin both relaxed as the fans moved away after a few last minute pictures. We walked through the gates into the huge stadium.

  Axel stopped dead as we reached the side of the field and drank in the atmosphere, the crowd, the music, the chants… the students and fans wearing the name ‘Carillo’ on their backs.

  “Shit…” Axel said quietly and when I looked to my right, Austin and Lexi were watching Axel. I could see the happiness in their eyes that he was finally witnessing this. His baby brother playing at this level.

  “Crazy, huh?” Austin said, but Axel didn’t look at his brother. Instead, his face took on a regretful expression and he whispered, “I should have watched you at the Tide.”

  I sucked in my bottom lip just to try and keep it from quivering. Axel’s hand was iron tight in mine and I knew that it had cost him his pride to admit that to Austin.

  I was so proud of him. Austin was dumbstruck. He too was wearing a look of disbelief… but there was real emotion in that stare. For Austin, I knew that Axel saying anything about the past was a surprise.

  Lexi’s green eyes appeared huge on her pixie face and her mouth was slightly apart. Obviously feeling my stare, she met my eyes and her lips widened into a shaky but thankful smile.

  Austin released his arm from around his wife and stepped up to Axel. I tried to shake off Axel’s hand, but he kept his grip. Knowing he needed this time with Austin, I squeezed my fingers in support and lifted to press a kiss on his cheek. “Talk to Austin,” I whispered so only he could hear. Closing his eyes in defeat, Axel opened them again and reluctantly let go.

  Austin laid his hand on Axel’s shoulder. “I would’ve loved you there, Axe,” he rasped.

  Axel’s head dropped. Austin stepped forward and put his hand on Axel’s face. “But you can see me play now, Axe. You’ll get to see Lev play too. That’s all that matters.”

  Unable to stop a tear slipping from the corner of my eye, I turned and pretended to check our ticket to see where we were seated.

  A slim arm threaded through mine. When I glanced to the side, Lexi was looking up at me. She leaned in and pres
sed her cheek against my bicep. I held my breath. Lexi never let anyone get this close to her except for Austin and, occasionally, Levi.

  It only served to make the situation that much more special.

  “Darlin’?” I managed to push out as Lexi and I began walking to our seats, Axel and Austin following behind.

  Lexi tightened her hold on my arm and said, “I’m not gonna pretend to understand you and Axel, but then, I ain’t one to talk. God knows Austin and I had our secrets when we fell in love.” Looking up at me, she sniffed and said, “but… just… thank you…”

  My eyebrows furrowed in confusion but Lexi said no more.

  Arriving at our seats, I motioned to sit beside Lexi when Axel reached out and took my hand. “No, you sit beside me,” he said in a gruff curt voice.

  Lexi looked at him in alarm. I knew it was because of his sharp demand. But only I knew Axel was uncomfortable in crowds… only I knew that he needed me to sit beside him to help him relax.

  Austin pushed himself back against his chair as I passed him to sit by Axel’s side. I could see in his expression that he was furiously trying to work out my close relationship with Axel, but I ignored it.

  As I stood in front of Axel, I saw his shoulders sag in relief. Just as I went to sit beside him, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine.

  I could feel Lexi and Austin’s attention fixed on us, but I didn’t care. Nobody knew what we shared. No one knew what we meant to each other.

  Sitting down next to Axel, he put his heavily muscled arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. I loved it. I loved how he needed me… I just loved him—more than even I could comprehend.

  As the cheerleaders and band finished their pre-game show, Austin asked, “So, Axe, how’s the work on the market?”

  Axel’s muscled tensed. I kept my gaze forward. I hated that he was about to lie to his brother.

  “Good. Busy. Keeping my head down,” Axel replied keeping things vague.

  I risked a glance to Austin whose head was tipped to the side and his eyes narrowed. I panicked that he knew something was up with Axel’s cover story. Axel barely went home; Austin had to figure that more than strange.

  “Good to hear it, fratello,” Austin replied and sat back in his seat. I almost laughed as Austin and Lexi kept watching us like we were a couple of caged animals in a damn zoo.

  “How’s Molly today, Ally?” Lexi asked, leaning over Austin to do so.

  “Better. She’s already marking term papers from her bed. Rome’s not happy with that, but we both know he’ll give her anything she wants. She’s on stronger medication. I'd say that she's already feeling like her old self.”

  Molly had been discharged from hospital earlier today. I made sure I was there to greet her. Rome had obviously told her about Axel, and in typical Molly fashion, she’d told me she was happy I was happy. Rome scoffed at that, but then Molly had never been one to judge people. I loved her for that.

  Just then, the crowd jumped to their feet as the team was announced. Axel stood, pulling me with him. I lifted my hand to hold his that draped over my shoulder. His heart was racing as he waited for his brother run out. When Levi appeared on the field, I heard him exhale loudly.

  As Levi ran to the sideline, tears filled Axel’s brown eyes. As they tracked down his cheeks, I reached up and wiped them away with my thumb. Axel squeezed me tighter, just as Austin’s arm wrapped around Axel on his other side. When I glanced up at Austin, tears were running down his cheeks too. Putting his hand on the side of Axel’s head he pulled Axel to lean against him.

  I watched the two older Carillo brothers, broken inside by tragedy and circumstance. Both were alike in their Italian looks and personality and my heart filled with hope. Bridges were being built, shattered hearts were being glued back together… blood ties were being strengthened.

  The crowd roared as the players took their positions. Levi was in sight. Just before he put on his helmet, his gray eyes sought out Austin and Lexi, a smile pulling on his lips… until they wandered to Axel in Austin’s arms. Those gray eyes that were normally so sweet and guarded, suddenly blazed with contempt.

  I wasn’t sure Axel and Austin had seen it, but I had. When I glanced to Lexi, the sadness and stress on her face told me she had too.

  My stomach sank.

  I wasn’t sure this was going to go as well as I’d hoped.

  *****

  The game came to close with the Huskies up by ten. Levi had played amazingly well. He scored two touchdowns and was named MVP. I couldn’t have imagined a better day for Axel to watch his little brother play. But although Levi had played so well, he’d also been aggressive. Overly aggressive. He fought with other players, stormed up and down the touchline. The entire time, Austin cussed at his brother to calm down.

  Only once did Axel look to me during the game, and I could see regret in his expression. He was regretting our coming here.

  As the crowd began to disperse, the four of us sat and watched Levi stand central in the field, crouched down on one knee with his head cast down. His teammates and coach all passed by him, but they all left him alone. Levi and the four of us seemed to be the only people left in the large stadium.

  We all knew Levi was livid that Axel and I were here without his permission. I couldn’t help but think that whatever was between them had to be confronted finally...

  “We better go down and see him,” Lexi eventually said. Austin agreed, though with hesitation in his voice.

  “We’d better get going,” Axel said, and I sighed. He and Levi had barely interacted the whole time he’d been out of prison. Hell, Levi stopped seeing Axel in prison after only a few visits, so they’d pretty much not spoken a word in over five years, unless it was Levi tearing Axel apart.

  The tension between them was palpable. It was horrible to be around.

  Silence followed. Austin, who was leaning his elbows on his knees, looked to his left and said, “He knows you’re here, Axe. You both have gotta face this someday… why not now?”

  “Fuck, Aust,” Axel rasped. Austin dropped his head in his hands, breathing hard.

  Eventually, Austin looked up at Axel, his dark eyes filled with emotion and said, “I want the three of us to be brothers again. I want all this fucking hatred between y’all to stop…” Austin rolled his lips together, his nostrils flared and tears filled his eyes. On a ragged breath, he added, “It would tear Mamma apart if she could see her sons acting like this. All she ever wanted was for us to have each other… think of her proud face as she watched us all together, Axe, and tell me that ain’t the truth.”

  I blinked rapidly so I wouldn’t breakdown. I could only imagine how a statement like that would affect Axel. His mamma and Levi were the remaining two walls to fall from around his heavily guarded heart. Axel’s arm around my shoulders pulled me in closer and as our gazes met, I could see the severity of his hurt staring back at me.

  I knew he wanted my support, so I gave him a smile and nodded my head, “It’s time, querido.”

  “Okay,” Axel said in a broken voice, as his attention went back to Levi who still hadn’t moved from his position in the middle of the field.

  Austin released a long relieved sigh. Together, we walked toward Levi.

  As we approached, Levi’s head snapped up and his gray eyes locked on Axel who was holding my hand. We stood behind Austin and Lexi.

  “Good game, Levi,” Lexi said trying to be upbeat. Levi ignored her, having eyes for one person only.

  Axel’s hand was tight in mine. As Levi continued to glare at Axel, his hand adopted a slight shake. I closed my eyes briefly anticipating how this was going to go down.

  Levi rose to his feet, dropping his helmet on the field. His sandy colored hair was in disarray, his face still flushed from the exertion of his game. Towering to the same height as Axel and Austin, his torso slightly leaner, Levi looked every inch a Carillo.

  “Lev,” Austin said cautiously, “I knew Axe was co
ming, I helped plan it. He wanted to see you play. Nothing wrong with your brother wanting that, is there?”

  Levi’s face beamed bright red and his lips tightened. “Yeah, but it all depends which brother, don’t it, Aust? You, or the fucking loser.”

  Axel flinched at the venom in Levi’s tone. Austin shook his head in annoyance at his little brother. I almost said something myself as Axel kept his silence. But Axel suddenly released my hand and stepped forward.

  Lexi threw me a panicked look and I quickly moved beside her. Austin stiffened as he watched Levi prep himself for a fight.

  I had no idea what Axel would do if Levi lashed out.

  Axel walked slowly to stand just a few feet from Levi. Levi fumed, legs unable to keep still.

  “Back the fuck off, Axe,” Levi snapped, but Axel didn’t move.

  “I ain’t going nowhere, fratellino. You’re my little brother and I wanted to see you play.”

  Levi scoffed and inched forward. “Yeah? You wanted to see me play? You wanted to see me play the same way you wanted to see me in your precious crew.”

  “They ain’t my precious crew, Levi. I get that now.”

  Levi laughed in Axel’s face. My blood ran cold at his condescending tone. “You get it now? Mr fucking Heighter of the century, gets that those fuckers he did anything for are poison? Tell me, Axe, why couldn’t you fucking get that before you made me shoot someone!”

  Axel paled, then went to say something. Levi cut him off. “No! You’ll fucking listen to what I’ve gotta say!” he screamed, his voice echoing around the stadium. “You, my big brother, the brother I looked up to, the one who should’ve had my back, made me shoot someone! I was fourteen and you made me shoot him! Do you realize how much sleep I’ve lost remembering that night? How many nightmares haunt me, torturing me as I wonder if I killed him?” Levi ran his hands down his face, tears streaming from his eyes. “Shit, Axe, you stood behind me pushing me do it! What the fuck kind of brother does that? I killed someone because you told me to. I worshipped you, trusted you and you made me kill someone! But now? Now I fucking HATE YOU!!!”