by Tillie Cole
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and leaning back against the wall with my daughter cradled in my arms, I said, “Austin, tell us what those stars are.”
Austin looked over at me, and I could see his eyes gloss over at the request. We hadn’t done this since we were little kids trying to escape our abusive papa.
Austin carefully placed Dante higher on his lap, Dante squealing with excitement. He stared up at the night sky.
I turned to Levi. “Look up, Lev.”
Shaking his head and smiling at us, Levi leaned back and looked up.
Austin pointed at three stars in a row. “The three stars there are called Orion’s Belt. You can tell it’s Orion’s Belt by the way they’re all in a row. You see?”
I listened to Austin explain constellation after constellation, Dante and Chiara now part of our Carillo tradition. And as the minutes passed, a sense of peace and calmness washed over me.
We’d made it.
The three of us, lying here staring at the stars like we did so long ago, had made it.
We were the Carillo boys. Three brothers born into chaos and pain. Three brothers who’d endured tragedy and loss. Brothers until the end, bound by blood, our bonds unbreakable by unconditional love.
And I was sure that up in that sky, there was an angel looking down on her sons, a smile on her face and a prideful happiness in her heart.
The End
Bonus Chapter
Axel
The Guggenheim Museum
New York City
Fifteen years later…
This shit never got any easier.
As I stood behind the scenes of my exhibition, hearing the hundreds of voices on the other side of the wall, my heart raced.
The Museum Director was out there now, giving the crowd his talk to introduce my show. Years of doing this hadn’t taken away my opening-night nerves, my apprehension about how the show would be received. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath.
Just then, that familiar hand ran down my back, the scent of jasmine filling the space around me. My shoulders immediately lost their tension and I exhaled in relief.
“Ally,” I breathed out on a sigh.
As I opened my eyes, I saw that my beautiful wife had moved to stand before me, dressed in her long fitted red dress, her long hair falling over her shoulder.
She placed her hands on my face. “Breathe, querido. The people love it. Most are too blinded by their tears to even speak.”
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pulled her to my chest and pressed my lips against hers. Ally melted into my arms and her fingers raked through my long hair.
Pulling back, her dark gaze met mine and tears filled her eyes. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered and gently pressed her forehead to mine. “A permanent exhibition at the Guggenheim. Axel. It’s what every contemporary artist dreams of. There’s no greater honor.”
I nodded and blew out a long breath. “I know,” I said and nudged my chin to the direction of the gallery. “Is it full? Did they get the turnout they wanted?”
“Packed,” Ally replied, excitedly.
Just then, the door opened behind us. I turned to see my two beautiful daughters entering my hideout. Their faces lit up with ear splitting grins as they ran toward me, nearly tackling me to the ground.
Unable to hold back a laugh, I wrapped them in my arms. When I looked up, Ally was staring at us with a watery smile on her face. After all these years she was still my biggest cheerleader... and this, my own little family, surrounding me... they were my everything... my light, my world and my hope all brought to life.
With one final squeeze, Chiara, my fifteen-year-old daughter pulled back; Violeta, my youngest, followed suit. At age twelve she did everything her big sister did. It seemed to be a Carillo trait.
“Papa,” Chiara said breathlessly with glossy dark eyes, “It’s beautiful. The people are all going crazy for the sculptures…” her face became flushed as tears began to run down her cheeks, “your sculptures, Papa,” she proudly announced.
Feeling my throat close at seeing her show of emotion, I lifted my hands and wiped her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs.
Hearing a sniff from my right, I glanced down to see Violeta staring up at her big sister, also shedding tears.
Leaning down, I asked, “Hey, not you too, mia cara. What’s all this?” My voice cracked, my throat tight at seeing my daughters’ reactions.
Violeta, who was every inch the image of her mother, looked at me and pursed her lips, deep dimples popping in her cheeks as she tried to catch her breath. “We’re just so proud of you, Papa. All these people… they’re here for you. Mama told us how special they think you are. And you’re our papa… it… it makes me feel so proud,” she managed to say and completely destroyed any hope I had of not breaking down.
Water blurred my eyes, and wrapping my hands around the back of my daughters’ heads, I pulled them to me, tears now pouring down my face. “Grazie,” I rasped, “I’m so proud to be your papa.”
Immediately, I felt Ally ghost to my side.
Glancing up, I shook my head at my wife who was looking down at me and my girls, her expression full of love. “I can’t see them cry, carina, it fucking breaks me.”
Ally smiled as I pulled back to look at our daughters. Their huge eyes never left mine. “It’s all for you, you do know that, don't you? All this, you’re what inspires me. You two and your mama. Everything I do is for you.”
Both my daughters nodded their heads at my words and wiped their cheeks. “Ti voglio bene,” I said, and kissed each of them on their heads.
“Ti voglio bene, Papa,” they replied in unison.
My heart melted just that little bit more.
Ally leaned over me and kissed Chiara then Violeta on their dark-haired heads. Wrapping her arms around their shoulders, her Spanish gaze met mine. “Have you heard enough? Are you ready to go?” she asked, knowing that my tradition was to listen to the reactions of the opening night crowd as I hid away behind the gallery. I couldn’t stay at the galleries for more than about thirty minutes without nerves shredding me. And I still had no fucking desire for the art world to know who I was. I liked that I’d managed to keep my anonymity even after all these years.
Eager to get the hell out of the museum and away from all the craziness, I nodded my head. Catching Ally’s gaze again, I asked, “Have our friends all left?”
“They left about ten minutes ago. I gave them a personal pre-show tour without the crowds,” Ally informed.
Glancing at the floor, a tidal wave of nerves spread through my stomach and, looking back at Ally, I asked, “What did they think?”
Ally tilted her head to the side. Then that damn stunning look she always beamed at me when I needed her to calm me down drifted across her face. “They adored it, querido. Your brothers… they were blown away by your talent, as always.” I closed my eyes as Ally added, “They are so proud of you.”
Opening my eyes, I exhaled a relieved breath and held out my hand. Ally placed her hand in mine. Chiara went to Ally’s side and Violeta came to my side, wrapping her arm around my waist.
I had to pause for second. I just had to take a moment to fucking breathe.
Listening to the impressed voices on the other side of that wall, fucking bowled over by my work, I stood here proudly, my wife and two beautiful girls by my side. I couldn’t believe this was my life. I had a woman who loved me more than I deserved. For as long as I lived, it would never make sense to me. And I had two daughters who adored me... Two beautiful bright, happy daughters I adored right back.
A squeeze on my waist made me look down. Violeta’s concerned tanned face was staring up at me. “Are you okay, Papa?”
Clearing my throat, I nodded my head. “Never better, mia cara. Never better.”
*****
“You booked out the whole place?” I asked Ally as we walked into the empty New York restaurant.
Ally shrugged. “Y
ou don’t like crowds, and everyone flew here for the exhibition. I wanted it to be special. So I booked the whole place.”
Shaking my head at my wife, I took her outstretched hand. Chiara and Violeta walked into the restaurant first. Ally and me quickly followed behind.
Entering the rustic traditional Italian restaurant, our friends and family stopped their conversations and turned to face us. When Ally waved her arms, they got to their feet and started clapping.
Every single one of them...
I couldn’t move.
Cassie, seeing I wasn’t dealing so well with their congratulations, slid out of her chair and stood up. “Well if you ain’t gonna move, I’ll friggin’ come to you!”
She barreled forward. Before I had a chance to do anything, she wrapped her hands around my neck. “You kicked ass, darlin’!” she yelled and pressed a kiss on my cheek.
JD wasn’t too far behind her, along with their five kids... all boys, who lined up to congratulate me on my show. Molly and Rome Prince came next. Molly hugged me tightly, Rome holding his hand out for me to shake.
“Hell of a show you put together,” he said and we shook hands. Before I knew it, Rome had pulled me to his chest and patted me twice on the back. “You did good, Axe, real damn good.”
He immediately stepped back as their four kids came over and gave me hugs and kisses. I stood there fucking dumbstruck. Rome and me? Although we were okay, we’d never been close. I stared at him as he walked away... then he looked over his shoulder and gave me a proud nod.
I had no fucking clue what to do with that shit.
Feeling a hand on my arm, I looked to my side to see Levi with this wife, Elsie. They each held hands with one of their five year old twins; a boy, Jackson, and a girl, Penelope. Shaking his head, Levi held me tightly in his big arms. The Seahawk’s number one ranked Wide Receiver squeezed me so hard I stopped breathing. Stepping back, I watched him swallow hard as he fought to speak through his tight throat.
Patting him on his cheek, I kissed his forehead. “Grazie, fratellino,” I rasped, not needing any words to see how proud of me he was. As Levi stepped back, Elsie stepped forward and kissed me on the cheek, before wrapping her arm around Levi’s waist.
Austin came next. Without a word he brought me to his chest. “Shit, Axe,” he said through a clogged throat, “I got no fucking words. I’m just so fucking proud,” he said and tears filled my eyes.
“Grazie, fratello,” I struggled to say.
Austin pulled back, his dark eyes met mine. He shook his head. “I can’t believe all this...”
“Same here, kid,” I agreed.
“Can I get a kiss?” a voice asked from behind Austin. A second later, Lexi pushed through, making Austin laugh.
“Hey, Lex,” I said on a laugh as she reached up to wrap me in her arms.
“It’s beautiful, Axel, truly. There wasn’t a dry eye in that gallery as all of us looked at those sculptures.”
“Thanks, Lex,” I said, just as Dante came to stand next to his papa. Dante was nearly eighteen and the double of Austin… shit, the double of me.
Slapping my hand, he pulled me closer and tapped my back. “Zio, it’s incredible. Always knew it would be.”
Throwing my arm around his shoulders, I clapped my hand on his chest. “It’ll be you one day, kid.”
“You think so?” he asked. Austin and Lexi nodded their heads in agreement and beamed with pride.
Ally leaned over me to kiss Dante’s cheek. “Sure will.” She adored our nephew. She adored that he wanted to be a sculptor like me. He was always at our place back in Seattle, watching me work.
“I know it. My nephew learning how to be a sculptor from me? Ain’t no way you’ll fail as my apprentice. You’re a Carillo. We always pull through.”
“I’m a Carillo too!” a little high-pitched voice shouted from behind Lexi. Daisy pushed Lexi out of the way to run to me. But as soon as she saw Ally, Daisy changed course and jumped into her arms. Ally lifted up our six-year-old niece. She immediately began playing with Ally’s long hair.
Just then, Levi back came over with his twins, and asked, “We eating or what?”
*****
A couple of hours later, after food was eaten, the tapping on glass got everyone’s attention. When I looked to my left, Molly Prince was standing. Rome stared up at her with a wry smile.
Looking at all of us around the table, Molly sucked in a deep breath. “Sorry for interrupting, guys.” Ally reached down to take my hand, a happy smile on her lips, as she guessed what her best friend was about to say.
“Go on, Molls, you sexy beast!” Cassie shouted and took a swig of beer.
Molly shook her head, laughing, and took a long deep breath. “I’m not really one for public speaking, at least not outside of the classroom. But I couldn’t let this night pass without a toast or two being shared.”
Molly fixed her eyes on me. “Firstly, I wanted to offer huge congratulations to Axel for what is one of the greatest achievements a sculptor could hope for... his very own permanent exhibition in The Guggenheim. I’m truly proud of you, sweetie. We all are.” Molly raised her glass. Ally squeezed my hand as everyone raised their glasses and took a drink.
As Molly lowered her glass, she looked down to her husband and held out her hand. Rome took it immediately.
Turning back to us, Molly continued. “Just this week I was working in my office, trying to plan a release date for my next textbook. When I glanced at the calendar, I actually sat back in my chair in shock.” A small smile pulled on her lips and she pushed her black glasses up her nose. “It’s twenty-five years this very month since I flew to the USA... to the University of Alabama... to study for my Masters.”
“God, Molls,” Ally exclaimed. She shook her head in disbelief. “Twenty-five years?”
Molly nodded in disbelief and Lexi laughed. “I remember that day as though it was yesterday, Molls. You moved in with Cass and me. You were so nervous.”
“Yeah, but we soon knocked that shit right outta you, didn’t we, Molls? Soon made you one of us.”
Molly laughed. “You sure did, Cass,” she said happily, then glanced down at the tabletop. “I bring this up because... as I look around this table, at all of us... I can’t believe how far we’ve all come. What we’ve all accomplished... and the obstacles we’ve all had to overcome.”
Molly’s face grew serious. “The reason I decided to go to Alabama was because I had no one in England, no family, no real friends… nothing.”
Ally’s hand squeezed mine as she looked at her best friend, sadness clear on her face.
“Baby...” Rome whispered, edging forward on his seat. Molly lifted her hand to cut him off.
“No, I’m not looking for sympathy, Rome. Quite the opposite.” She faced the rest of us again. “My first day in Bama I met Lexi and Cass. And without judgment or expectation, the two of you took me on as your best friend and you changed my life.” She then looked at Rome. “Then on my very first day of studies, I ran into you… literally... and that was it. I was yours and you were mine from that day onward.”
This time, nothing was stopping Rome from leaning up and kissing his wife. Molly ran her hand down his face. Then she turned to Ally. “Through Rome I met the most lovely girl in the world... his cousin, Ally. Ally, you fast became, and still are, family to me. You’re the sister I never had, but always wanted.”
“You too, Molls,” Ally quickly agreed through a throat tight with emotion. Molly laughed as she wiped away a stray tear. Leaning in closer to my wife, I put my arm around Ally’s shoulder and she immediately melted into my side.
“I remember the day I was asked to come to America by my professor. I remember thinking it through... wondering if it would be the right move for me to make. In the end I thought 'what the hell' and jumped in with both feet. And because of that leap of faith, I’m now living a life I could barely have imagined. In truth, I honestly think we all are.”
Molly pointed
to Cassie and JD. “Cass and JD met the same night as Rome and I... and now you’re the proud parents of five beautiful boys... and run one of the most successful ranches in Texas.”
She next looked to Lexi. Tears fell down her cheeks. “Lex, you know what I think about you. Hands down, you’re the bravest... the most courageous person I’ve ever met in my life. You overcame an illness that I can’t even imagine coping with. Yet you do so with grace... and a fierce determination. You’re my inspiration, my faith that a person can overcome anything.”
“Molls,” Lexi cried, unable to speak any further. Austin pulled his wife tightly into his arms and kissed her head. My chest tightened at the sight... my emotions fucking working overtime.
“It’s true, Lex,” Molly assured, “And on your journey you fell in love with Austin. Austin who, along with his two brothers, faced a kind of hell that no human being should ever have to endure.” Molly fixed her eyes on me and Austin and Levi. “The three of you have overcome so much grief... so much heartache. But in the end, your love as brothers... your love for each other... pulled you through and made you the men you are today.”
Molly then smiled at Ally, Elsie and Lexi. “Along with your wives, of course... three women whose tenacity and ability to love fiercely showed you that there was happiness and joy to be had in this life... and that life is far too short to stay stuck in the past.
“Levi plays in the NFL... Austin and Lexi run centers in Seattle to help troubled teens... and of course, Axel and Ally, who have taken the art world by storm.” Molly turned to her husband. “And us, baby. You, the Tide coach. And me, a professor... and our four beautiful children who complete our lives.”
Molly laughed to herself and shook her head, blushing. “I’m rambling. I know I am rambling. But sitting here in this restaurant tonight makes my heart fit to burst with happiness and pride.” She went quiet and I watched a single tear run down her cheek and splash onto the tabletop.
