“I thought you were going to show me what you like.”
“I am showing you.”
“But I—you—” She blinked at him, her eyes puzzled yet full of fire.
“I like to touch you. I like to kiss you. I like it that I put that expression in your eyes and made you look at me the way you do now.”
“How am I looking at you?” she asked breathlessly.
“As if you want me.”
He slid his hands down to her small waist, to the bottom of her chemise. Taking hold, he lifted slightly, waiting for her to stop him if she was frightened. She hesitated several moments, reminding him of her innocence; then she raised her arms. The movement nearly drove him out of his mind.
He pulled the garment over her head. Bare from the waist up, with her hair tangled and wild about her face, Cady was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He pulled her into his arms, against his chest, skin to skin, soft curves to firm muscle, tender to rough. The hard ache in his groin told him how desperately he needed to bury himself in her softness. Concern for her held him back.
Cady closed her eyes. In spite of Kane’s gentle manner and reassuring words, she was a little frightened. She reminded herself this was Kane, the man she had waited so long for. She looked at him, and the admiration in his eyes chased away any lingering doubt or self-consciousness. This was right. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself to him. Against her naked breasts, his skin was cool and damp from the rain. The hair on his chest tickled, making her nipples erect. He curved his arms around her and held her tight for several moments, as they savored the sweetness of being close.
Then he lowered her to the scratchy wool blanket. Beneath it, the hard ground pressed into her back. He touched his mouth to hers, and the day’s stubble on his cheek and jaw scraped a little. Then he moved, slowly at first, until he deepened the kiss, creating sparks that set her whole body on fire.
She touched her tongue to his upper lip and he sucked in his breath. He opened his mouth, letting her inside, and the kiss grew more intense, more hungry. It was as if he was starving for her. She knew the feeling and kissed him back with everything she’d been saving over the last two years.
He lifted up, taking his weight on his elbows, and looked at her. “You learn fast, lady.”
“You’re a good teacher.” Her voice was a whisper.
A slow smile turned up the corners of his mouth and sent the blood racing through her veins. Her heart pounded against her ribs. Then he lowered his head to her breast and took the peak in his mouth. The warmth created by his lips swept over her skin like wildfire. He stroked the sensitive tip with his tongue and she almost came up off the ground, the sensation was so powerful. Never in her life had she felt anything as wonderful. She writhed against him, searching for a way to release the tight core of need coiled low in her belly.
“Kane.” His name was nothing more than a sigh of pleasure on her lips.
“What, love?”
“I don’t know how much more of your teaching I can stand.”
“Am I hurting you?”
“No. I just feel like I’m coming apart inside and I-I don’t know what to do.”
“There’s a lot more to learn.”
“Then teach me—fast,” she said breathlessly.
“Is that an order?”
“Oh, yes!”
“Consider this a salute.” He kissed her again.
He worked loose the knotted ties at the waist of her pantalettes and pushed them down her legs and away. He swept his hand up her thigh, caressed her belly, then slid his fingers lower until they touched her woman’s place.
She started at the contact and pressed her legs together. He froze, then pulled his hand away.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asked gently.
“No!” She reached up a hand and cupped his cheek tenderly. Stubbly whiskers brushed her palm. Doubt darkened his light brown eyes. “I’m sorry, Kane. It’s just that—I told you—it’s not easy for me.”
“I’m glad this isn’t easy for you.”
Her eyes widened. “You are?”
He nodded. “It makes me proud that you chose me, that you trust me.” He stopped and swallowed hard. “God knows why, love, but you do. I’ll do my best not to let you down.”
“I know.” She smiled as she caressed his face, then traced his ear with her finger.
He sucked in his breath. Then he grinned down at her. “Are you sure you’ve never done this before?”
“As God is my witness, I swear.”
“But you always swear like a lady,” he said, nuzzling the sensitive spot just below her ear.
Then he kissed her on the lips, and the sound she made was part sigh, part moan, pure pleasure. He rolled away from her, and she missed the warmth of his body as he slipped off the rest of his clothes. When he was beside her again, he slid one arm beneath her and pulled her close, so that they lay on their sides facing each other. She felt his hardness pressing into her. His blatant maleness both shocked and excited her.
She watched him as his gaze traveled up and down her body. As the firelight flickered over his face, outlining the hard angles and planes, she could see the desire glowing in his eyes.
This time when he touched her at the juncture of her thighs, she didn’t shy away. He slipped a finger inside her and the movement was like a bolt of lightning crackling through her body, leaving every part of her tingling.
As a need she didn’t quite understand grew inside her, Cady arched against him. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as her breathing increased.
“Teach me now, Kane. I can’t wait.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “Your wish is my command.”
He parted her thighs and levered himself above her, then settled between her legs. Slowly and carefully, he nudged his hardness against her soft, unyielding female core. He approached her warmth slowly, letting her become accustomed to the feel of him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I have to hurt you. Just once. I’ll make it up to you.”
With a swift thrust, he buried himself inside her. There was one sharp stab of pain. Cady closed her eyes tightly and bit her lip until it passed. Kane held her close without moving.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
She looked at him, and his expression of misery and concern tugged at her heart, making her love him more.
She smiled reassuringly. “I’m fine. There’s no pain now.”
She began to move her hips, to prove it to him. To her surprise, the sensation was wonderful. This intimacy with a man was so exquisite, it brought tears to her eyes. She wanted to give something back to him, to show him how she felt.
Sensing that he was holding himself in check to keep from hurting her, Cady arched toward him to meet his tentative lunges. Her movements inflamed him. He groaned and placed his hands, palm down, on either side of her head. His breathing labored, he moved in a steady rhythm that created a coil of tension low in her belly.
As his thrusts came faster, the knot of need inside her expanded. It grew until she went still. Pulsations of pleasure radiated from where their bodies joined, outward to her arms and legs. With her eyes tightly closed, she saw only flashes of gold and orange and red as sensation took over her body. She couldn’t tell if it lasted moments or a lifetime. She only knew it was the most extraordinary feeling she’d ever experienced.
She opened her eyes and wondered at the look of intensity in his just before he lowered his mouth to hers. He began to move within her again until his body tensed and he threw his head back. Cady gripped his wide forearms as he called out his release and spilled his seed inside her. He took the majority of his weight on his arms and rested his forehead to hers. She held him as he shuddered. When he was still and spent, he rolled away from her and rested on his back. He slid an arm beneath her shoulders and pulled her close, then drew the extra blanket over them.
She snuggled against his warmth. “If all lessons wer
e that pleasurable, I’d still be in school.”
He laughed, and she felt the vibration of the deep sound in his chest. He touched his lips to her forehead. “You’re not the only one who learned something. Behind that refined exterior beats the heart of a passionate lady.”
She smiled, then sighed, and her eyelids fluttered sleepily. Her weariness was bone deep and she couldn’t seem to keep her eyes open.
Outside the cave rain still poured down, resounding, relentless. The noise somehow made her feel safe and secure. Within seconds, she was sound asleep.
Kane wasn’t as fortunate.
He looked down at her and smiled tenderly as he brushed the hair away from her face. “Cady, love,” he whispered.
She mumbled and her lids fluttered as she squirmed against his side, instinctively burrowing into the warmth of his body until she was more comfortable. Her small movement made him distinctly uncomfortable. He wanted her again. God help him. Would this one time with her be enough?
Some part of his soul said no. Another part told him it would have to be.
Taking her was wrong. He wouldn’t let her be a part of his life. He couldn’t take her again. He hadn’t sunk so low that he could forget two wrongs never made a right. If he walked away from her now, all she’d lost was her innocence; if he asked her to stay, she would lose her life.
Maybe not right away. But eventually this desert land, being uprooted, moving from post to post, the boredom, the isolation, all would take a toll. It would suck the joy out of Cady’s sweet soul. Annie had paid the ultimate price. He wouldn’t let that happen to Cady.
He gently traced her delicate jaw with his finger. “No matter what you said, you’ll feel bad about giving yourself to me without benefit of vows. You’ll want me to make an honest woman of you, Cady Tanner.” She sighed in her sleep, and he touched his lips to her forehead. “I hope in time you’ll understand what I have to do. For your own good, I can’t marry you.”
When Cady awoke, the first thing she heard was the quiet. It took her a moment to realize the rain had stopped. There was sunlight beyond the cave opening. Kane stood there with his back to her, leaning a shoulder against the rock. Her heart pounded at the sight of him.
She stretched and groaned as every muscle in her body ached. Between her legs, a very different sort of discomfort reminded her of what they had done. She tried to shrug off the knot of guilt that tightened in her stomach, but she couldn’t. The fact was, she would never be the same again.
She didn’t regret her night with Kane. She had never felt more alive in her life. It was just difficult to forget twenty-one years of rules, regulations, and moral teaching. But she would. She’d told Kane she didn’t want promises he couldn’t freely make. And she had meant it.
She sat and pulled up the blanket to cover her naked breasts. “Kane?”
He was dressed, with the tail of his uniform shirt hanging over the waistband of his pants. He glanced over but didn’t move to touch her. “Morning.”
His gaze slid away. The line of his shoulders was tense, and she wondered if he had regrets.
“It stopped raining,” she said, trying to make conversation.
He nodded. “Looks like another storm’s coming, though.” His voice was tight, clipped.
She stood up, wrapped the blanket around her, and moved to stand beside him. Fragments of rock on the cave floor bit into the tender soles of her bare feet. Outside, drops of water glistened in the branches of the junipers. The air was crisp and cool, the sky above blue. But Kane was right. As she stood beside him, she saw the clouds of an approaching thunderhead gathered, black and billowing in the distance.
“What are we going to do?” She clutched the blanket tightly at her neck.
His eyes mirrored the approaching storm. “Get dressed, Cady.”
Each word was like a knife pricking her heart. He was angry at her. What right did he have? She had given herself to him without asking for anything in return. Because she loved him.
“Blast you, Kane Carrington, what do you have to be angry about?”
“You’re imagining things,” he said, his tone cool.
“How dare you treat me like a stranger after we—after what we—well, you know what I mean.”
He slapped the boulder with the flat of his hand; the sound made her jump. “I thought you understood that I wasn’t making any promises,” he said furiously. His indifference was gone in a heartbeat.
She took a step back, then lifted her chin and glared at him. “May I remind you that I’m the one who’s ruined.”
“I can’t marry you.”
“Who asked you to?”
“That’s what you’re getting at, isn’t it? Why are you so fired up about marriage all of a sudden?”
“Me? You’re the one who brought it up.”
“I told you right off that I was married once before and I’d never subject another woman to army life.”
“Why, Kane? Because she was unfaithful?”
“I don’t blame her for that.”
“You should. But if you don’t, it doesn’t make sense. Why are you so set against sharing your life with someone?”
A look of soul-wrenching pain leaped into his eyes before he could shutter them. But he didn’t say anything.
Cady sighed. “I once told you I wouldn’t ask any questions about your wife. But now I think I have a right to know. You’re not married, but she still has a claim on you? Where is she?”
“She’s dead. Murdered by Apaches.”
“Dead?” Cady’s eyes grew round. “What—” She took a deep breath. “It’s obvious you blame yourself. You must tell me why.”
“When her infidelity was discovered, her lover was court-martialed. None of the other women would speak to her. She finally left the fort in disgrace.”
“You mustn’t blame yourself for that.” She reached an arm through her blanket and touched his arm. “Everyone suffers the consequences of their actions. She made her own choices.”
He shook his head. “Don’t you see? Because of my job I was away on patrol a good part of the time. She was alone and going out of her mind from boredom. I drove her into the arms of another man.”
“There are other ways to relieve monotony besides—that. And as for the Indians—you had nothing to do with her death.”
He looked down at her with an intensity she could almost feel. “If she hadn’t married me, she’d be alive today. This land is not for the faint of heart. I told you from the beginning you didn’t belong here. You should have taken a safe teaching job back east.”
Teaching! Her eyes grew round. Who would let her near their children now? Had he realized that before he—before they—?
“Did you bed me so you could have me fired from my teaching post?” As soon as the words left her lips his expression turned hard, as if she had betrayed him in the worst possible way, and she wished she could take back what she’d said.
“I did everything I could to talk you out of what we did last night.”
She hated that he was right and wanted to apologize for accusing him. The most humiliating part was that she had practically begged him to take her. Practically, nothing. She had begged.
“You’re right. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m ruined.”
“Would you quit saying that? You’re not ruined.”
“Yes, I am.” She did her best to control it, but her lips trembled. She was afraid. She was taking it out on him. She knew it and she couldn’t seem to stop. “Not that I mind,” she added quickly. “Not really.”
Pain—deep, dark, desperate—flashed across his face, sharpening the angles, forging more shadows. “You’re better off without me, Cady.” His voice was hard.
She lifted her chin. “You’re damm right. I am better off. I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth.”
It was nearing sundown when they returned from the Verde River after confirming what Kane already knew: After the rain it was too d
eep and dangerous to cross. He couldn’t leave Cady alone, so she had gone with him. And the devil of it was that another storm had moved in and they were soaked all over again. At this rate, they’d be stuck here half naked forever.
He built a fire while she huddled in a blanket. Still in his wet clothes, he scattered hers over the rocks to dry.
She had been quiet all day, upset about their fight that morning. Kane knew he should have been glad she wouldn’t have him, but somewhere deep inside a part of him died. He started to say something to her when he heard the sound of rocks sliding below them.
He looked at Cady, her wide eyes telling him she hadn’t missed the noise.
“Get back,” he said, pointing to the rear of the cave. “Behind that rock.”
“Give me a gun.”
Admiring her courage, he grabbed the Colt from her saddlebag. Quickly, he flipped open the chamber, spun the cylinder to check the load, then held it out to her.
“There’s six bullets. Make sure you save one.”
Fear swirled in her eyes, but she nodded, walked behind the boulder, and huddled down in her blanket.
Kane grabbed his own revolver and moved to the cave opening, careful to keep himself hidden from whoever was out there. Sliding rocks and dirt told him the man made no attempt to hide his approach. Then a long shadow crept across the ledge in front of him. In spite of the brisk air, sweat beaded on his forehead.
The shadow stopped and Kane cocked his gun.
“I know someone’s in there.” The voice sounded familiar to Kane, but he stayed under cover.
Cady gasped and stood up. “Jack!”
“Cady, stay down,” Kane called out.
She moved from behind her rock, tripping slightly over her blanket. “But it’s Jack!”
“Cady? That you in there?”
“Yes, Jack.”
With his thumb, Kane eased the hammer forward and lowered his gun to his side. Tanner had grown a beard since they’d last seen each other, or he’d have recognized him. Cady had known him instantly from his voice.
She moved forward, through the small arc of the cave opening, and stopped in front of her brother. “I’m so happy to see you, Jack!” She started to lift her arms and hug him, but she couldn’t and maintain her modesty.
Reckless Destiny Page 19
