Kate could feel a blush color her cheeks as Emily looked at her again – mouth agape. God, what a sight she must’ve made. Maybe, if she were lucky, then Emily would put the sudden flush down to the biting cold. But the chances of that were slim to none as Lady Luck had never been particularly kind to Kate. Least of all when pretty girls were involved.
‘Oh my god. I am so sorry.’ Emily wouldn’t look Kate in the eye. Instead her gaze was fixed firmly on the floor. She stuck out a hand with a tight fisted grip around clothes blindly at Kate and cheeks had gained a sort of rosy glow it didn’t have earlier.
Shit. Good going, Kate, not only do you look like a mess but you’ve made her uncomfortable in her own home. This is truly spectacular. Even for you. You’ve outdone yourself this time. Truly. Fucking. Spectacular.
‘I didn’t—’ Kate stopped short. She didn’t know what she was going to say. Her mind had blanked. So sorry, don’t mind me, I’m just stripping because I’m too much of a wuss to handle the cold for even a second longer. Also, I’m not really sure yellow is my color. It’s a little too loud for me, personally. Do you happen to have anything in a quieter shade?
Well, alright, maybe she could think of things to say. But she most certainly was not going to say them. Word vomit was a chronic condition and she was not going to make more of a fool of herself than she had already.
Instead of saying anything at all Kate just took the clothes from Emily and continued to berate herself mentally when Emily left the room without so much as a backwards glance.
Just this once, bemoaned Kate, couldn’t I catch a break? But it was fine. Things were fine. Totally, totally, fine. Everything was completely under control. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to freak out about. And she totally wasn’t freaking out. No, sirree, not her. Not Kate. Never.
And okay maybe she had lost the plot just a bit.
Kate hung her wet clothes over the side of the bathtub. Her mind wandered. Memories of the last time she and Emily had been in a bathtub filled her head. Bad girl, thought Kate. Get your mind out of the gutter. Now is not the time for that shit. Keep it in your pants.
A girl that likes you, thought Kate glumly, doesn’t run away after she’s kissed you. And fuck had she run away. Kate remembered that much – her mind was like a broken record that kept replaying that encounter over and over and over in her head. Particularly at night, before she went to bed, and she couldn’t turn off her brain – no matter how much she wanted to. No matter how much she tried.
Kate had come to the conclusion, after many a restless nights, that she had no chance with Emily – the girl was out of her league. Out of anyone’s league. Really. Kate couldn’t think of anyone who could possibly be good enough. Infatuation really was a bastard.
And besides, thought Kate, trying to fix her hair as she stared into a mirror, she’s still hung up on Sarah. Kate knew that much. She’d seen it firsthand. Emily needed a friend – she wanted a friend – and Kate, well, she could be that person. She got it.
And if Kate had a really hard time not letting her emotions get the better of her and fucking this whole friendship thing up, well, that was nobody’s business but her own. And if Kate was being too harsh then that didn’t matter. It needed to be done. Hope needed to be crushed. There couldn’t even be a glimmer of it or she’d just end up making a fool of herself anyway.
Shit, how long had she been in here? Too long, no doubt. It was time to get a move on.
Kate dried herself off quickly. Thank god Emily had the presence of mind to bring her a towel because Kate certainly had the good sense to ask for one. Her brain, too preoccupied with her own angst, hadn’t even made the connection that she would need one. Kate pulled one a pair of sweatpants and a bright yellow shirt. Emily was right. The shirt was too small. It clung to her constricting and tight over the shoulders and barely covered half of her stomach. In truth it looked more like an ill-fitting crop top than any sort of shirt she might’ve chosen to wear herself.
Game time, thought Kate. She stared at the bathroom door. Get your game face on. You’ve got this. Everything is fine.
Her inner voice was not great at pep talks. Damn.
Kate wrapped the towel around her hair and spared a quick thought for her backpack. She didn’t have anything of value in it, just a basketball and a water bottle. Nothing water would damage or that needed urgent drying.
Kate left the bathroom and followed the sound of the television. She walked down the long hallway that lead to the bathroom and in the direction of the kitchen and the lounge. She hadn’t paid it much mind the other day. But that was hardly surprising. The decor of Emily’s home had not been anywhere near as interesting as the sapphic drama that had unfolded and crushed whatever hope she might’ve had that her crush was not a futile and hopeless endeavor.
Kate came to a hesitant stop near the lounge. Emily was curled up on the sofa, with her legs tucked under her, watching what seemed to be a police procedural. Kate had never seen it but from the way Emily hadn’t even looked up at the sound of her entrance she figured it must’ve been at least somewhat interesting. Maybe she should watch it. Just to give them something to talk about. Something any friend would do that.
Kate was smooth and not awkward at all, so she went with a tried and tested, totally cool method of getting someone’s attention. She coughed. She had to hold her hand back when it twitched out of instinct as if she were going to run it through her hair. And she probably would’ve if her hair wasn’t in its current state.
‘Thanks for the, uh, clothes.’ Kate rubbed at the back of her neck sheepishly.
‘It was no problem.’
‘Right, well, okay, good. Glad it wasn’t too much bother.’
‘It was the least I could do.’
‘So…’
‘So…’
‘You were the one who invited me…’
‘Right. Do you want something to eat? I was thinking of making dinner. Or we could order pizza. I have coffee, or tea, or anything really, if you want something to drink.’
‘Coffee sounds great.’
Emily stretched out on the sofa like a cat before she padded over to the kitchen and Kate followed. She was doing a lot of that – following.
Kate sat at the kitchen counter and watched Emily get to work. The last time she had been here, in Emily’s house, sat in this very same spot, Emily had been making tea for Sarah. The thought of it left a bitter taste in Kate’s mouth. Maybe she’d ask for sugar in her coffee. But Sarah wasn’t here now. It was just Kate and Emily, and something about that just felt worryingly right to Kate. Another thing for her to psychoanalyze when she got home and her heart rate returned to normal and she didn’t have to worry about Emily and how she smelled of vanilla and how she had the most distinctive shade of blue eyes Kate had ever seen or how her neck was long and elegant and she moved like a dancer and all the other things about her – for there were too many to name – that fascinated Kate and left her feeling all nervous.
‘Milk? Sugar?’
‘Bit of both,’ said Kate. ‘You look comfortable in the kitchen.’
‘Oh?’
‘Not in like a sexist way – like that’s where you belong, or anything like that, I swear. More like – you seem relaxed.’
‘I like baking more than cooking.’
‘Okay, cool. So, I didn’t make a complete ass of myself?’
‘You’re fine,’ said Emily pouring milk into the cup, she added the coffee next, it was some sort of pod thing , the nice sort and a bit of sugar. And, in that moment, Kate thought she could, maybe, be in love. ‘Not a complete ass. But there’s time yet.’
‘Well, that’s a relief.’
‘Are you this smooth with all the girls?’
‘Yes. It’s tragic, really. I have no hope when it comes to girls—’
‘Is that why you’re still single?’ Emily put the cup in front of Kate.
‘Uh—’
‘Sorry, that was blunt,’ laughed Emily
as she walked around the counter. ‘we should probably go back, I know for a fact those stools aren’t comfortable.’
Kate had whiplash. She was, truly, out of her fucking league here. But Emily wasn’t wrong. The stools were uncomfortable.
‘So, are you going to answer my question?’
‘Yeah. Sure. Shit, I was not expecting that.’Kate took a sip from cup. The coffee was good. It was better, much better, than the powdered stuff she was used to making for herself in her room or the burnt coffee you could make in the dining hall. The stuff college students could afford. That always tasted bitter no matter how you tried to make it. Kate thought for a moment, and then said, ‘I’m fine with girls—’
‘Glowing with confidence.’ Emily had curled up again, with her knees tucked under her, as she leaned against the cushions that littered the
‘Do you want my answer or not?’
Emily held up her hands. She looked at Kate like someone trying to put a puzzle together but it was missing a piece. Kate felt totally naked then. More so than she had even felt when Emily had seen her in nothing but her underwear.
‘I’m fine with people. I’m not generally socially incompetent.’
‘But?’
‘But not with people I like.’
‘Oh?’
‘So that’s why I’m single. I have this terrible habit of putting my foot in my mouth when it comes to people I’m actually interested in. So my success rate is bloody abysmal.’
‘You can’t be all too bad.’
‘Okay, what makes you say that?’
‘I’ve seen you ex-girlfriend. And I might’ve done some light – and I mean light – online stalking. Nothing crazy. And I might’ve asked Bryan a thing or two.’
‘Yeah, that was something else.’
‘Why?’
‘We were friends first. I couldn’t fuck that up. We were both already too comfortable with each other so first date jitters were legitimately not a thing.’
‘And since her? Bryan didn’t mention anyone else besides her.’
‘Nothing serious, since.’ Kate couldn’t help but hope that Emily would change that. ‘I haven’t really had time with college. Dates, sure. But that’s about it.’
‘You’ve not had the time?’
‘Okay, you could try and sound a little less disbelieving, since it’s the truth.’
‘And what if you had time?’
‘Okay, Miss Hypothetical, if I had the time, then it’s because I haven’t met anyone I like enough to convince me it’s worth the inevitable embarrassment I’m going end up causing myself in my pursuit of this hypothetical person.’
‘Has anyone ever told you that you overthink things?’
‘On the regular? Yes.’
‘And if you met someone who you thought was worth it?’
‘Shit, man, I don’t know.’ Kate knew. She really fucking knew. But knowing and being truthful with the object of your affections are two completely different things. She took another sip of her coffee. It was still good. ‘The show seems interesting.’
‘That was terrible. You seriously couldn’t come up with something better than that?’
‘It was worth a shot,’ said Kate. She took the towel off her head. Some things were just more important than pride, comfort being first among those things, and ran her hands through her damp hair.
‘Okay, what about this: what if someone was into you?’
‘Yeah, that’s not going to happen anytime soon,’ laughed Kate.
‘Why?’
‘First of all, someone would actually like me for that to happen, so… it’s going to a be a minute before that happens. I don’t exactly have admirers just lining up down the street for a chance to go out with me. I’m not you.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Not so fun when the shoes on the other foot, is it? Sarah obviously isn’t over you, no matter what she says. She is like the textbook definition, the poster child really, for actions speak louder than words. And don’t even get me started on Bryan. Shit, did you know?’
‘That he was into me? Yeah, I knew. He wasn’t subtle.’
‘So that cat was out of the bag. He can’t be mad at me about that then. But yeah, if you so much as even hinted at there being a chance of things between you two progressing further than friends I’m pretty sure he’d drop everything.’
‘That’s like two people. Hardly a line.’
‘Bryan also mentioned a Reese?’
‘Right, so maybe three. But my point still stands.’
‘That is three more than me, so…’ Kate paused. She finished her coffee and put it down on the table. ‘Does that make you an expert heart breaker, then?’
‘Yeah, it does.’
‘Well, I feel honored to be in your presence.’
‘As you should.’
‘Are you going to explain to me what it is we’re watching?’
‘No.’
‘Helpful.’
‘I pride myself on being helpful. Besides, it doesn’t much matter. It’s bad. But it’s on all the time and ads are going to be on in a minute anyway.’ Emily shrugged and grabbed for the remote.
‘Let me get this straight,’ Kate pointed a finger at her, ‘you live in this massive house but you don’t subscribe to any streaming service? Oh god, do you even play video games?’
‘No?’
‘That is a tragedy. How have you made it this far?’
‘You’re being a little dramatic.’
‘Nope. If anything, I’m being understated – do you get any pop-culture references?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Okay, so that’s a no.’ Emily looked affronted and seemed poised to say something in self-defense, but Kate was having none of it. She had the upper hand, at least for a minute longer, and there was question she needed an answer to. ‘Why did you invite me over? Not that I’m not happy to be here, don’t get me wrong, it just seems … unexpected.’
‘Does there have to be a reason? Maybe I just wanted to see you. That should be reason enough, shouldn’t it?’
‘I suppose so,’ said Kate. She wasn’t satisfied. Not entirely, anyway. But she didn’t see much point in pushing any further. Maybe, if she were honest with herself, she just didn’t want the answer if it was anything less than, ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you.’ But she had a feeling that wasn’t going to be the answer.
‘Where are your parents?’
Emily blinked at her. Probably thought Kate, not what she was expecting. And, in fairness, it had just sort of escaped. She hadn’t realized what she had asked till it was too late.
‘Somewhere,’ said Emily. ‘Not here tonight, though. They’ll be back at some point. But your guess is as good as mine for when that’ll be.’
Good job, Kate, you’ve just touched a nerve. And she’d been doing so well after the coffee. Honestly, she had wanted to pat herself on the back for her performance.
And because Kate truly had no game, and very much couldn’t read the room, she said, ‘You have nice eyes.’
‘I have nice eyes?’
Kate shrugged, and tugged at the hem of Emily’s shirt. Tried to see if she could cover the open expanse of skin it revealed. ‘Like objectively nice.’
‘What are objectively nice eyes?’
‘Sharp and bright and all too clever.’
‘None of that sounds objective.’
‘I’m not exactly good with words.’
‘I don’t think you’ve ever been more wrong.’
Kate wanted to laugh. Oh if only Emily knew what was going through her head. ‘I don’t think you know how wrong I can be—’
Emily silenced her with a kiss. ‘I think,’ she whispered, ‘I have a have a pretty good idea.’
Kate kissed Emily with everything she had. She didn’t dare open her eyes and look at the other girl in case this was all a dream. It had happened before. That had been a disappointing, and more than mildly embarrassing, realizatio
n. One that she was not keen on repeating. Not yet. Not till things were clearer.
Emily slid into Kate’s lap, and straddled her, pressing their bodies together. It should’ve been grounding experience. It should’ve brought Kate back down to earth. It didn’t. Instead she felt pressure build, and build, and build in her stomach till it felt like it might explode. Her head felt light and her thoughts were more than just incoherent. They were nonexistent.
Emily tasted like tea, and cinnamon, and vanilla, and Kate couldn’t get enough. She tiled tilted her head up to meet the other girl halfway and hungrily kissed her back. Emily felt Kate’s soft hands cup her face, gentle and tender, and almost reverent. Her hands were cold but not unpleasantly so. They were a welcome cool against Kate’s hot flushed cheeks.
Emily tugged at Kate’s bottom lip and the other girl groaned.
Emily laughed and Kate could feel heat rise to her cheeks again. Fuck. She hadn’t thought that was even possible, but it was nice to prove herself wrong.
Kate’s hands drifted to Emily’s lower back and she pulled the other girl closer, if that was even possible. Her body felt soft under Kate’s hands. And Kate’s hands had a mind of their own. They explored the expanse of Emily’s back curiously and seemed intent on memorizing the feel of the fabric of Emily’s shirt. Kate ran her hand down Emily’s back and squeezed her hips when Emily bit down on her lip harder than before, and she felt it sting. It was a pleasant combination of pleasure and pain.
Kate squeezed harder and this time Emily groaned. It was a low breathy sound that drove Kate mad. It was her new favorite sound.
Kate pulled away, and took a deep breath, and tried to gather her thoughts. She felt Emily’s warm breath against her face, and opened her eyes to look at Emily properly. The other girl looked just as dazed as Kate felt with heavy lidded gaze and swollen red lips.
Kate stared at Emily’s wide eyed. Her lips were red and swollen and looked utterly, utterly, kissable. Kate just wanted to go back and kiss her again – to never stop kissing her. She could spend her life doing it and she was pretty happy she’d die happy. It was her new favorite hobby.
More Than Friends Page 8
