Apparently, she wasn’t the only one who’d changed these past few weeks.
“The thing is, Delaney, I wouldn’t.” He took a step back, toward the door, ignoring the voice screaming in his head not to. The one telling him to move to her, not away from her, despite it all. But she wasn’t the only one who didn’t deserve to have their choices taken from them.
He also had every right to choose what he wanted.
“Ruckus.”
“When this is over, and we’ve stopped the Rex, I’m leaving. Earth is where I belong. And I think you need to figure out exactly where it is you belong before we continue this conversation. Until then…” He couldn’t keep the disbelief over his own words from slipping into his tone. “I think we need to take a step back from each other.”
She froze.
Part of him wanted to recant, but he ignored that impulse. He refused to stay here, on a planet that was no longer his, watching as she slipped further away. Already, he was seeing her become someone else, the girl she’d been on the ship when he’d first taken her slowly but surely fading away.
“Are you … breaking up with me?” she whispered, and it was clear it was a struggle for her to do so.
He squeezed his eyes shut in a poor attempt to avoid seeing the tears he’d spotted in hers. “I think, until we stop the Rex, it’s for the best.”
“And after that?”
He opened his eyes to look at her again, held her gaze, and forced himself to say, “After that, we see where we stand.”
No matter what she chose, his feet would be planted firmly on Earth soil and he knew it.
* * *
DELANEY SQUEEZED HER hands into tight fists in her lap, trying to calm her racing heart. Ruckus had gone some time ago, quietly shutting the door behind him like he hadn’t just shattered her. Like he was fine.
No, that wasn’t fair. He had every right to be upset after what she’d kept from him. Of course she should have told him sooner, should have found the time to do so despite everything going on. Part of her hadn’t wanted to, though, knowing it would result in an argument. But she’d never …
He’d really just broken up with her.
Recalling his parting words caused her breath to hitch, and she dropped her head into her hands. It was a breakup, but with the possibility of reconciliation. All they had to do was stop the Rex, and then the two of them could talk about their relationship and where to go from there.
For Ruckus, that was obviously back to Earth.
For her … Stopping the Rex wouldn’t magically solve all of Xenith’s problems, would it? There would be things that needed to be dealt with, like putting Trystan on the throne in his father’s place, and making sure Tilda accepted that, even without Delaney around to ensure it. She’d meant it when she’d told Ruckus she couldn’t just leave knowing everyone here might still be in trouble.
Though, he also had a point. This wasn’t her planet, and she didn’t really belong no matter what kind of alien ceremony she partook in. Why shouldn’t she run back to Earth with him once they’d dealt with the Rex? Especially if that was the only way she didn’t lose Ruckus?
Had she already lost him?
A light knocking sounded then, and the door opened a second later. Her head whipped up, but her chest tightened when she saw it wasn’t Ruckus. Of course it wasn’t. He never made a decision lightly; he wouldn’t change his mind and come back so soon after.
“Delaney?” Trystan was in the room and on his knees in front of her a second later, reaching for her.
“Don’t.” She pulled away, blinking through the tears in a poor attempt to stop them.
He sat back on his heels, dropping his arms at his sides. “You’re crying.”
She’d only just realized that herself. Wondered how long she had been. If Ruckus had seen. If he’d still …
“Did you need something, Trystan?”
“Delaney.” His voice was low, soothing. “If there’s something the matter—”
“Did you need something or not?” she snapped, instantly regretting it. Ruckus said she was different around Trystan, and maybe he was right. But that didn’t mean she had to take what was going on between her and the Ander out on him. “I’m sorry. Sorry.”
He hesitated, as if waiting to see if she’d continue. When she didn’t, he shifted on his knees, getting back to his feet. “I came to ask you to attend something with me. I see that perhaps now is not a good time.”
“No, it’s fine.” In actuality, she wanted to curl into a ball and cry for a week straight, but that wasn’t possible.
The only thing she could do right now was keep going, moving forward. Ruckus wouldn’t talk to her about their relationship, past or future, until they took care of the Rex, just as he’d said. Dwelling on it in this moment made no difference, would in fact only make her more miserable. She could use a distraction, and no one was better at being that for her than the Zane.
Delaney rubbed the tears out of her eyes, took a shaky breath, and stood. She knew he didn’t buy the forced smile she gave him, but he didn’t press the issue. “What did you have in mind?”
CHAPTER 19
Trystan couldn’t help but stare as he and Delaney stood off the side of the square, watching as other masked citizens wandered through the festival grounds. A few already held various food items he’d heard about, but had yet to try himself, and others were clutching prizes won from games that had been set around the area.
Everyone wore a mask in either black or gold, and there were booths set up at every exit and entrance, distributing them to those who came without one. Knowing it’d be unwise for them to be seen outside the palace, Trystan had procured masks for himself and Delaney prior to their leaving.
“This is a festival?” Delaney drew his attention back her way, and he glanced down to find her taking in their surroundings with as much interest as he’d just been.
Some of the tension he’d been feeling dissipated, and he let out a small sigh. She’d been in a terrible mood an hour ago when he’d gone to ask her to come out with him. She’d yet to mention why, but he assumed it had something to do with the Ander, as he’d been absent from the room.
Trystan hated seeing her cry, wanted to press the issue, but he knew better. She wouldn’t appreciate him prying, and to be honest, he didn’t want to think about her and the Ander in any case. Not today. Really not ever, but especially not today.
“They put it on every year around this time, to celebrate what you witnessed in Zephra Viya. People travel from all over to experience both the market and the accompanying festival. Is it very different from your Earth ones?” He took another look around, tried to picture how things might be done on her planet, but couldn’t. It’d been hard enough for him to imagine what a true Vakar Viya festival would be like.
A large part of the public grounds that attached to those of the palace had been given over to the event, with high walls made of gold tarp stretched around the area to create a sort of enclosure filled with all kinds of frivolous oddities. The space was huge—it would probably take them hours to see everything—but they’d yet to move far from the main entrance.
This had been his idea, but now that they were here, it was a bit daunting, and he couldn’t really decide which way to go first. On the right, it appeared as though a path led through an area selling edible items, while the one on the left led toward fair games—most of which he’d never played. He wanted them to enjoy themselves, not force her to watch him struggle to understand some frivolous game involving fake fritzes and water.
“Well, at a fair there are typically more colors,” Delaney said, pointing toward one of the game setups and the onyx-and-yellow tarps that made up its walls. “But I’ve never been to an official festival before.”
“It’ll be a true first for both of us, then.” He smiled when she finally glanced up at him.
“It’s not my first time wearing one of these.” She tapped the gold mask that he’d tied
securely to her head before leaving the palace. It covered the top half of her face, and was a dull gold, instead of flashy and eye-catching, chosen in the hope it would help them avoid drawing attention. “We had a masquerade once at my boarding school. It was fun.”
“You were upset when I arrived at the room earlier,” he said, unable to hold it in any longer, inwardly cursing himself when that had her immediately looking away. “We don’t have to talk about it. Just reassure me you’re all right.”
The corner of her mouth tipped up, but he could tell it was forced. “I’ll be fine. Why did you want to come here so badly, anyway?”
Allowing the change in topic, he took a step forward, opting to head down the wider middle path that led deeper into the festival. Once she’d fallen into step at his side, her eyes on him while she clearly waited for a response, he blurted out, “It’s my birthday.”
Delaney came to an abrupt halt, forcing him to follow suit. “Today?”
“Yes.” He nodded and turned to face her. “Even though it’s Kint tradition, I don’t typically get to choose what my new experience is. In the past, my birthdays were either spent wherever the war took me, or wherever my father needed me to be. As I’ve never been to the Viya festival before, I thought it’d be something nice for us to do together.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been very good company.” Determination raced across her face and she straightened her spine. “If this is for your birthday, we have to do it right. So, what did you want to see first? Was there anything specific? How”—she twisted on her heel to take in the various paths—“do we even find anything amid all this?”
Her sudden change in mood, the fact that she was so clearly going to try to enjoy herself for his benefit, had him grinning.
“There is one thing I believe we’ll both enjoy.” He motioned her forward once more. “I asked around before we left the palace, and was told it was usually placed somewhere near the center. I was leading us that way, but if you’re hungry, we can eat first.”
“No, let’s go.” She waved him onward, and the two of them started making their way through the crowds again.
Some people were dressed more causally than others, the flashiest thing on them their gold or shiny black masks. Others wore elaborate outfits, with more metallic trim than Trystan had ever seen, or deemed necessary, and his relief at finding plain outfits for both Delaney and himself was renewed.
Even with their faces covered, going out dressed as Kint Tellers would have drawn unwanted attention, so he’d ordered basic sets of black clothing delivered to their rooms. Since black and gold was the theme here, it seemed appropriate, and they fit in perfectly, so he knew it’d been a smart choice.
“I think—” He stopped abruptly when Delaney’s hand suddenly clutched at his arm. Instinctually, he followed her line of sight, expecting a threat, so was surprised when he noticed the two young boys she was staring at.
They couldn’t be older than eight or so. Both wore gold from head to toe and held bags no doubt filled with treats from the stalls. He couldn’t figure out what about them had caught her attention, until he noticed the way they huddled together.
A Kint Teller wearing his uniform was standing nearby, purchasing a small plush toy, probably for his own child. The two Vakar boys were watching him and whispering, their fear made more apparent when the Teller turned to pass them and they noticeably flinched.
Of course, the Teller saw it, too, picking up the pace so he wasn’t near them for long. The man hung his head as he did so, clutching the stuffed toy tightly at his side.
“They hurt his feelings,” Delaney said, though the words were clearly meant for herself.
Trystan watched the retreating Teller, noting it was true. The stares and whispers had never personally bothered him before, but he knew it was hard on some of the Kints who’d been stationed in Vakar.
“Children don’t know any better.” He rested a hand over hers where she still touched his arm, causing her to realize and pull away. Trying not to let it bother him too much, he motioned them forward. “Our destination hopefully isn’t much farther.”
She was worrying her bottom lip, turning once to glance over her shoulder back where the boys had been. But they were gone now.
“You seem upset again,” he pointed out, and she quickly shook her head.
“Explain why masks are traditionally worn to this.”
“Isn’t it fortunate?” He’d thought so earlier when he’d been trying to think up something new and possibly exciting they could do. “Everyone who enters is required to keep their face covered, so there’s no chance anyone will ask us to remove the masks and discover our identities. Because the festival is celebrating the falling of stardust, the masks are meant to symbolize that, like the stars in the sky, we’re all merely pieces of a grander puzzle. That one day we’ll fall and turn to dust as well.”
“That’s kind of morbid,” she said.
“I don’t think so.” He shrugged. “There’s comfort in getting to forget who you are for a bit. People can set aside their daily worries and be whatever they want for a change at this festival. Like…” He leaned in closer and discreetly pointed toward a man across from them in a black mask. “He might be an ex–war hero who is recognized wherever he goes, and constantly reminded of his past. But here, with his face covered, he doesn’t have to be that.”
He pulled back and shrugged. “People travel from all over Xenith to experience this with their friends and family, to dress up and relax. I think it’s more romantic than morbid.”
“Did the big, bad Zane actually just call something romantic?” She mock gasped, making sure to keep her voice down even as she continued to tease him. “How mushy of you. Although, it does happen to be an event meant to remind people they’ll one day die, so I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised.”
“That isn’t the point of it at all,” he said. “Sure, centuries ago, when this festival was first created, it focused more on that aspect. But over the years things have changed, so that this is more a celebration of life and all its possibilities, than of death.”
“Cherish the good times even if there are eventually bad,” she murmured, and if he’d been farther away from her, he wouldn’t have caught it.
“Exactly. This whole thing is meant to be done with people you care about—to make new good memories to recall later during darker times. Keeping your identity a secret is more a choice now than an actual rule. You still have to cover your face, but most people don’t really take the hidden identity thing seriously anymore. Couples even wear matching masks now, to openly show others that they’re together.”
He frowned when he realized she was looking at him oddly now, couldn’t understand why at first until he remembered. When he’d ordered two masks brought to him, he’d insisted they be, if not identical, at least as similar as possible.
The unpolished gold one he wore tied around his head practically matched hers perfectly.
“We’re here,” he said as they turned the corner, grateful for the distraction. It was stupid to feel embarrassed; he’d made his stance on their relationship clear. She knew how he felt, so revealing he’d wanted to experience this with her as a couple shouldn’t make him uncomfortable. And yet … “What do you think?”
She blinked at him, and then thankfully turned to take in the giant black tent they stood in front of. It was covered in gold glitter that looked a lot like the actual stuff from the Dust Market, and the center flap had been left open only a few inches to expose a swath of darkness within. There was a sign painted to the side, but of course she couldn’t read it, and he didn’t want to translate.
“What is it?” she asked after a moment.
“Would you like to go find out?” He reached for the side of the opening, gently easing the material away so she could enter.
Delaney only hesitated for a split second, then stepped forward so they could walk through together. Inside, the main tent connected with another,
leading straight back, and they passed through the dark space, unable to see much of anything.
“Apparently, they’re light sensitive,” Trystan told her, unable to see her expression, but he felt it when she eased a bit closer to him.
“What are we talking about here?”
Already in the process of pulling the next slit in the tarp open, he didn’t bother answering. Once he’d gotten it back enough that they could both see within, the two of them simultaneously sucked in a breath.
“What is that?” Delaney moved the rest of the way into the room, leaving him behind.
Glass enclosures lined the walls, leading down to the end of the tent where the exit was. Each unit housed one to three tiny animals, the only light source in the room being a pale white globe set in the very center of the ceiling. There were a decent amount of other people crammed inside the tent, but everyone kept their voices hushed respectfully, knowing that the animals had a sensitivity to noise as well as to light.
The animals weren’t very big—he could easily hold one in the palms of both hands—and they had inky black fur that glimmered silver every time the animal turned and caught the white light. In the wild, the effect would resemble moonlight bouncing off the surface of water sources or waxy leaves. The animal’s four long, pointy ears, two on either side, sat at the top of its head, with two long antlers between.
“Those look like the stems of roses,” Delaney said, pointing to them. “Dark green with deep red-tipped thorns. Is that for camouflage?”
“Yes.”
“And the tail?” It was long and thin, almost three times the length of the small creature. “Climbing?”
“In the wild, they live in trees during the day. At night they come down to roam the forest grounds and hunt,” he explained.
“I want to know everything.” It was impossible to miss the enthralled note in her voice.
“It’s called a luxvia.” Trystan went to stand next to Delaney, bending down to get a closer look at the sleeping creature on the other side of the glass. “I’ve never seen one in person before.”
Within Ash and Stardust Page 20
