by Anne Conley
“You were in there too.”
Simon reached for his glass of ice water, suddenly needing something to do, something to cool the parched throat that wasn’t working. He couldn’t blame her. He’d been more than an ass to her, but he hated he was in the same league as her attackers. That cast a dark pall over everything. Made him less … redeemable.
“I’m sorry.” It was all he could think of to say, even though it felt useless. He tugged on his hair with one hand, even as he pushed his plate away with the other, no longer hungry. “None of this should have happened.”
“You keep saying that, Simon.” Her voice rose as she pushed her plate away. “But I don’t know what you mean. What shouldn’t have happened?” Her voice sounded choked, clogged with tears.
With a sudden clarity, he shoved his chair back and stood, stalking toward her. “I shouldn’t have fallen in love with you.” She cringed at his fierce tone of voice, so he softened it, hoping like hell he hadn’t screwed everything up. “You’re excellent at your compartmentalization, and so am I, but you refuse to get shoved into some box in my brain.” He grasped her shoulders and hauled her out of her chair. The surprise on her face probably matched his. He heard the words as they fell from his mouth, but he didn’t plan them. He didn’t plan any of this. “You are front and center during the most inappropriate of times, Lacie. I can’t get you out of there.” Now that she was standing, he took a step back and poked himself in the forehead with his index finger. “Every single interaction we’ve ever had is on a never-ending loop in here, and it won’t stop. I smell you everywhere. I see your smile. I hear your laugh. I want you. All. The. Time.”
Her hands went to her chest, as if holding something there, and he let out a grunt of frustration. He desperately wanted to clear off the dining table with his forearm and lay her out across it, feast on her, claim her, show her how badly he wanted her.
But he didn’t just want her that way. He also wanted to make her coffee in the morning, draw her baths in the evening, and do everything for her. He wanted all of her, not just her body.
Grateful she’d finally opened up to him had Simon taking the step back toward her. He forced himself to not kiss the hell out of her as he wrapped her in his arms.
“Thank you for telling me about your mom.” His voice was hoarse, gruffer than he intended. But dammit, his intentions were all wrong right now.
“You’re welcome. That means it’s time to tell me about Tanya.”
Of course it was.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Even encased in the most spectacular hug she’d ever experienced, Lacie could feel Simon’s jaw working on top of her head. He was doing that thing he did when he wanted to say something but couldn’t get the words out. She reluctantly pulled back from his embrace just enough to look into his eyes—startlingly gray, darkened pupils, with streaks of yellow marking them beautifully.
“Yes, I heard you say you loved me. That didn’t go unnoticed. But I’m addressing one thing at a time here. I don’t want to get distracted.” She answered his unasked question, and the strange look that filled his face almost made her laugh. He looked simultaneously relieved and frightened, his eyes widening while his jaw tensed.
“Then I need a drink,” he muttered as he released her and walked slowly into the living room where the bar was. His head down, he was clearly gathering his thoughts.
He poured a couple of fingers of scotch and held it out to her, but she shook her head. She didn’t need the liquid courage like he did. He dumped it down his throat, and Lacie felt a bit discouraged at the gesture. It was expensive scotch and he hadn’t even tasted it, just grimaced at the burn while he poured himself another.
Was this story that bad? She sat on the couch and watched him compose himself before he joined her on the other end, as if putting as much distance between them as possible. His hands cradled the drink, finally treating it like the precious commodity it was. Lacie wondered if his scotch was more important than she was, but the thought didn’t linger as he finally opened his mouth to speak.
Words actually came out this time.
“She’s the reason for everything,” he spoke with a guttural sigh, his voice rough with anger. “I’ve made rules for myself, my business. Nobody was supposed to ever get involved romantically with clients on the cases.” He spun his glass around, watching the liquor swirl. His eyes never met Lacie’s. “But they all did. And it always pissed me off. Especially when Quinten did it because he knew. But they did it, and then I did it, and I hated myself. Because she almost ruined me. Tried to kill me.”
He swallowed half of what was left in his glass and continued his swirling. “I used to be a cop in San Antonio, working the Vice taskforce undercover. Tanya was an informant, but she was in danger. Her boyfriend was the head of the San Antonio arm of the cartel I was undercover with, but they made me, and I didn’t realize it at first. When she came to tell me my cover was blown and her boyfriend had beat the shit out of her because he thought we were fucking, I made a plan to keep her safe. Initially, that’s just what it was. She was supposed to stay with me and make nice with the boyfriend so she could feed me information. But it was a ruse. Sure, they’d made me, but the bruises were faked. She lived with me while going home to his bed and feeding him information. What she told me was false.” He took another sip, leaving a tiny amount in his glass. His voice was automated, like a recording, just getting it out because she had told him to.
“Sure, she told me enough true stuff to make it seem legit, but the important stuff … she gave just enough false info so her boyfriend would be clear.” His haunted eyes drifted over to her. “I thought I loved her. I was protecting her. She depended on me for her safety, and that went straight to my head. And the sex was good, so I figured it was love. I would do anything for her.” He grimaced as if he’d just taken a drink, but he had only relived a memory. “I took her to Corpus on the day we were supposed to bust him for good. I wanted her out of town, safe. I’d been taken out of the rotation since they knew my face, and I figured since I had given them the intel for the bust, we’d be good to go.” He finished his drink. “I proposed. She said yes. Then we went back to the hotel and she tried to kill me while we were making love. I shot her.” He dropped his face in his hands as he fell apart. “Her face. I’ll never forget it. The life leaving her eyes is what I sometimes remember at night. The love that I’d always assumed was mine had belonged to a drug lord. She’d used me, controlled me, and then tried to dispose of me. Four men died that night because I was in love.” His face, which was now looking at her, twisted into a sneer. “So that’s why I try to maintain control in every situation. Because of the first time I lost it.”
“The first time?” Lacie wanted to hold him, to scoot over on the couch and take him in her arms, because right now he looked so lost in his thoughts. She wanted Simon to see his reality. She wanted him to see her.
He shrugged. “Well, I never had it growing up. That was Dad’s thing.” He waved his glass around absently, coming out of his fog. “But in my adult life, I became a cop to take control of my life, and Tanya made me lose it. I swore it would never happen again.” His neck swiveled around until he pinned her with his gaze. “Until you.”
It was then that she saw him—the way he really was—the Simon he was when no one else was watching.
Lacie looked around the house and saw his father and mother there. His father was dictating things, while his mother made it all look pretty, and Simon followed orders—until he couldn’t anymore. She saw a young Simon, fresh out of the police academy, making his own way in the world, taking control and leaving all this other stuff behind. His one homage to his upbringing being his penchant for suits and expensive scotch. While the rest of the world moved ahead technology-wise, he still carried around a briefcase full of papers instead of a tablet or some other electronic device with all the i
nformation on it. She saw the man who insisted on self-discipline and restraint in all things as a defense mechanism for his mistakes made in the past. She saw the man who refused to see what was in front of him until it slapped him across the face.
Her heart broke for him. She’d never felt the betrayal he described. Lacie couldn’t imagine what it must be like to put a bullet in anybody, much less her lover. She couldn’t stand Trent but didn’t want to see the life drain out of his eyes. Then again, he hadn’t tried to kill her. And she didn’t love him.
Not like she loved Simon.
Lacie couldn’t take it anymore. She scooted over to him and awkwardly wrapped her arms around him as he still faced the center of the living room. But he shifted and brought his arms around her, too, so they were both twisted into some weird comfort pretzel.
“I love you, Simon.” I see you. I hear you. I feel you. She started stroking him, his hard muscles flexing under his shirt as he did the same. She was comfortable now; everything was clicking into place.
“I want you to live here. So I can come home to you every day.” The words were murmured into her hair as his head fell to her neck. One hand twisted in her braid, sending tingles through her body.
Lacie stiffened, the conversation turning into uncharted territory. She had planned to tell him she loved him after he opened up to her about his feelings, but plans for the future like this were still a ways off. The scent of scotch on his breath permeated her senses and made her want to give in to him. She couldn’t speak because he didn’t seem to be finished.
“I want you, Lacie, but I want more with you than anybody else.” His lips moved against her shoulder, where his hot breath fanned across her skin. “All I’ve done is take from you.” His tongue slipped out and stroked her collarbone, and his fingers slid under her shirt. “I want to give myself to you like you’ve done with me.”
She didn’t feel his breath anymore, and Lacie realized she’d closed her eyes to his touch and lips. She opened them and saw his stare, beseeching her.
For what?
“I’m yours, Simon. I have been since you first walked into my classroom and gave me that look.”
He smiled initially, but it faded as his eyebrows rose in a question. “What look?”
“Like you wanted to eat me up. Sort of like the look you’re giving me now.” He chuckled at her words, and she couldn’t hold back the giggle that rose in her chest.
Before she could say a word, he rose and lifted her over his shoulder, striding with purposeful steps to his bedroom.
Simon was determined to do this right. This was no longer about a mutually beneficial relationship. This was about his intentions with her future, his desire to love her and make Lacie happy forever.
Forever.
He let her down slowly once they got to his bedroom. She slid down his body, her arms wrapping around her neck and tugging him down for a kiss.
It was a kiss they both desperately needed but he wasn’t ready to give yet. When he kissed her, she would have zero doubts what it meant.
Just her nearness had him aching for her, unpromised desires filling him. “Tell me what you want, Lacie. Let me be what you want.”
She looked up at him. “I just want you, Simon. I love you.” She said the words like they were the silliest thing in the world, but they couldn’t have made him happier. He clasped her face in his hands, rubbing his thumb on her lip. He wanted to feel the words.
“Say it again.”
“I love you.” Lacie snaked out her tongue to lick his thumb, and he lowered his face to hers with a groan, inhaling the air she breathed. They shared the same space, as if trying to share skin.
“I love you too.” Simon touched his lips to hers, just a brush of skin, her taste merging with her scent to explode inside him in a fiery ball of need. A need he would absolutely control because this was about Lacie.
As she opened to him, chasing his lips with hers, he lost himself. He grasped her face tighter between his hands and angled it so he could dive in deeper. Suddenly, it went from a gentle, exploratory kiss to one so encompassing, he got lost.
Lacie rocked against him, her small whimpers reminding him of her words. I love you. I’ve been yours. When she wrapped her arms around his waist, gripping his shirt tightly, he felt her hands telling him what she wanted. Her elegant fingers were grabbing at the material with an urgency that echoed her whimpers.
“I’ll take care of you, baby.” The murmured words left his mouth before he realized what he meant. But he did mean them. He was ready to take care of her, not just protect her.
He stood back and removed her necklace, placing it gently on the nightstand. He was going to do this slowly so she understood his intentions. He may not be able to articulate clearly what he meant with words, but he damn sure could control himself enough to do it with actions.
Her shirt was next, as he caressed her curves, watching her reactions. She gasped a little as his knuckles rasped against the smooth tops of her breasts, but he just continued down to her waist, where the elastic of her skirt allowed for easy stripping.
Simon ran his hands over her hips, taking her panties with them as he dropped to his knees, willing to do anything to worship this woman. Lacie had been through so much but still wanted him. He would make sure she never regretted it.
Gripping her legs, his tongue delved into the sweet juncture of her thighs. She gripped his hair and moaned softly, giving Simon a feeling of rightness. This was where he was meant to be. Loving her. Cherishing her. Pleasuring her.
Her thighs quaked around him as his tongue explored the playground between Lacie’s legs. The tiny bundle of nerves, her tremoring insides, it was all hot and wet, and he couldn’t get enough. He wanted to spread her wide and feast for days, but this wasn’t about him.
Her hips ground against his mouth while she held his head in place and took her pleasure. It was amazing, giving up the control he’d constantly sought. He was giving it up simply for her pleasure, but it was an expression of love, and as he stiffened his tongue and allowed her to ride it, he felt her release around him as she shook and writhed against him.
Her climax was sweet, and he licked his lips as he stood, taking her into his arms once again. The emotion in her eyes was intense and mirrored his own—love mingling with awe.
Lacie spun in his arms, still grinding against him, and he continued his lack of control with her. Slipping off her bra strap, he played with her nipples, listening to her hiss with pleasure as he kissed her shoulder. One hand moved to her neck, while the other continued playing with her nipple. He squeezed gently, but it was an illustration only. He wanted to show her he was giving up control, so after his brief squeeze, he let go. His hands moved to her hips, pulling her against him to let her know how aroused he was. His erection was a force to be reckoned with, mindlessly needing to be sheathed inside her.
Lacie fell on the bed, rolling over with a come-hither look on her face that Simon was powerless to ignore. He started shucking clothes—his vest, his shirt, his shoes, pants—until he was naked and falling into bed next to her, tugging her to him for a kiss.
But she wasn’t having it. “More, Simon.”
He looked at her, face filled with desire and the need for a good fucking. But he would not be providing that tonight. No, tonight he was loving her.
Reaching for a condom, he slipped it on, raising over Lacie. He turned her face up to his with a hand on her neck. “Look at me. I want you to know who’s loving you.” And he kissed her again as he slid inside with a groan.
This time was different than the other night they’d had sex. For one thing, he knew her body now. The night a couple of weeks ago had been exploratory fucking, for mutual pleasure, but he’d never given up control. Now, he could feel her hands roaming his back, clutching his ass, as he slowly pistoned in and out
of her warmth.
They surged together, and Simon found the words he’d meant to say. Knowing this wasn’t the time, he offered her what he could instead.
“Get on top. You’re in control.”
She smiled at him, and as they rolled, she murmured something that was lost to him as he relished the slide of her skin against his. Lacie straddled Simon and slid over him, teasing him by rubbing herself all over his cock. Simon’s eyeballs rolled into the back of his head, and he groaned at the sensations.
She was so wet and hot when she slid onto him, spearing herself with his length, he could only grab onto her hips with a harsh, breathless groan.
Lacie swiveled her hips around, and Simon growled at her, needing her to do more but not saying anything because it was her show. The restraint built up inside him threatened to explode in a feral fucking, but he grabbed her tits instead and twisted her nipples, trying to distract himself.
It didn’t work. Lacie found her rhythm and managed to blow his mind, using her inner muscles to clench him with each upstroke so it felt like a vacuum sucking him inside her.
“God,” he managed to get out between clenched teeth. “You are fucking amazing.”
She grinned down at him, a wicked smile. “You are amazing at fucking.”
