Maggie sat back down, cross-legged on the coffin. “I want that, all of what God has for me. I want the wonderfulness I see in you. The confidence you have with God, and the peace. I’d say the joy, too, but I don’t know if I would survive if I had any more than I already have.”
“You already know the benefits and ramifications. Think about it, and when you’re ready, you just need to ask Jesus for it.”
She wasted no time. “Jesus, please baptize me in your Holy Spirit.”
She closed her eyes and opened her mouth, but no words came out, not a sound. She waited a couple minutes, but still nothing.
“Did Jesus baptize you?” Matt asked.
“I believe he did. I felt a strange and wonderful warmth come all over me. My face still feels a little flushed. But I didn’t say anything. Did I do something wrong?”
“No. Your experience just now was exactly the same as mine. The language is a little tricky to get started. You actually have to start speaking, but you don’t know what to say. There seems to be this void spot in your mind. There’s a syllable or two there, but you don’t recognize it. Some people can start right off, others don’t. It took me a few days. Just relax, though, your bottle is now adrift in the ocean, and God who loves you more than you can ever know, will do wonderful things as long as you keep your eyes on him.”
“He told me that too.”
“Yes, I was quoting you from before.” Matt’s grin told her everything would be all right.
“Okay, I’ll be patient. For a little while!” They both laughed.
Jenny was awake, and she couldn’t take her eyes off her mother’s face, a face of great delight and love, of compassion and gratefulness.
54
Maggie stole a sideways glance at Matt, as he was trying to get the nail clippers to cut through a strap securing one of the three bottom coffins to the pallet. Nope, didn’t work. He looked up suddenly, and she quickly looked away, but not before they made eye contact.
Matt had seen that look before, a long time ago, a lifetime it seemed.
The coffin padding was almost as long as the coffin. They had doubled it over to make it more comfortable to sit on, but now they opened it back up, to give themselves some distance between them, to be somewhat alone, to ponder, to be quiet, perhaps to pray.
Matt glanced over at Maggie, who was busy getting reacquainted with her daughter. “Lord,” he said silently, “I’m know I’m getting old, but I—”
He didn’t get a chance to go on. He heard very distinct, unmistakable, and commanding words. “Stop! I will bring glory to myself however I will.”
Matt’s mouth dropped open, but receiving this humbling reproof, he understood. He remembered God has a plan for his whole kingdom, not just for him. “Yes, I’m sorry, and thank you.” He thought a moment, then continued his silent conversation with God. “She is like a sponge, Lord. She is so eager to learn, and it is delightfully easy to teach her.”
“Yes, she is. A sponge I don’t have to squeeze anything out of first. I kept her that way. It is one of my gifts to her. She has given herself totally to me. She may think she did that to get Jenny back. I know her heart, and she would have given herself to me the same way, even if I had kept Jenny.”
“I don’t want that sponge to have any wrong thing go into it on my account. It would grieve me knowing I did that.” Matt knew that God’s spirit was the real teacher, and that eventually Maggie would go directly to him for having that sponge indulged to the full.
“That’s why I picked you. You are also my gift to her, but not in the way you were thinking just now. And you will like my choice for her. Let me show you something else.”
God opened the eyes of his spirit, and Matt got a tiny peek into Maggie’s future. “Wow, books!” He felt a little bold. “May I ask then, why you did give Jenny back to Maggie?”
“Because I promised. Because I have chosen them to work together for me. And because you asked. You have some more asking to do, tonight.”
Matt tingled for a few minutes after that, his eyes moist, but his spirit bright. He dozed.
Maggie cooed softly with Jenny for a few minutes, letting her eyes, then her attention, drift over to Matt, who had his eyes closed peacefully. How he loves me, she thought. We were strangers until this morning, how he has taken care of me since then. Even before, while we were still on the plane, how he sacrificed his own oxygen for Jenny. He would do anything for us. How he has shared God’s love. How he has been God’s love! Then some more thinking: How I love him.
Then more thinking, and this time her thoughts were more directed. “Oh, Father,” she began, becoming quite comfortable and delighted calling him Father, “I belong to you. I didn’t know how wonderful that could be, or would be. All the great miracles you did for Jenny and me. And Matt belongs to you. We both belong to you. I’m wondering if you would do a miracle for Matt, too? I know he’s a lot older than me, but I don’t think thirty years is impossible for you. It could work. I can see that he loves me and his life has been so hard since his family all died…” She wasn’t sure how to continue, and she hoped God didn’t think she was being selfish.
She needn’t have worried about how to continue. She became aware, in her mind, of a voice other than Matt’s. “Maggie! Dear one!” She immediately recognized the voice. “My love and care for Matt is more than you can ever imagine. He has been my gift to you for this time and place, but he is not the right one for you for forever. I have been preparing the right one for you since before the universe began. You and he will be a perfect fit as you both follow me without reservation. He will love me. He will love you and Jenny. There may be others for you both to love, cherish, and nurture. Do not be afraid, Matt already understands this.”
The voice, his voice, went on, “I am showing you great things because I have a great work for you, and you need to understand my abilities and my compassion. But you are not ready yet. My spirit will make you ready, but there will be lessons along the way. I have given you a heart to learn and a mind to retain. Matt will be your teacher for a little longer. Learn from him.”
Maggie didn’t know whether to feel sad or relieved, but was glad to note that the heartache she was beginning to feel had disappeared. She thought about the wonderful things God had promised her, and decided to enjoy Matt’s company and tutelage, loving him however she could, within God’s new guidelines. Her joy undiminished, she made sure her charge was secure for the night, leaned back on the coffin, and joined her daughter in dreamland.
The little craft was turning slowly, and the setting sun lit upon Matt’s face and woke him. He checked his charges; both were slumbering rather fitfully. He noticed Maggie’s long brown hair scattered across her face—it had been doing that often since she first landed in the water. He stood up, reached into the top coffin, and pulled a strip of velvet loose, a long ribbon of pink and gold.
Maggie woke from the jostling of their lifeboat and the sound of tearing cloth. Seeing her awake, Matt brought his offering down to her. “For your hair,” he said. “I’ll help you tie it back.”
“No thank you,” she said quickly. “I don’t need it.”
She saw Matt open his mouth to respond, but then he closed it again. She could see she had hurt his feelings. How could I have done that, she wondered. Why was I so testy just then? She watched as he sat back down on the padding, knees drawn up. She felt quite rotten about it, but didn’t want to open her mouth again for fear of what might come out. She watched as he slowly wadded the cloth strip into a ball and flipped it into the water, where it straightened out and floated limply a few feet away. Neither of them moved. Neither said a word, and soon the last edge of the sun slipped beneath the horizon.
55
On the other side of the world, Rishaan Chabra was wakened by a jangly ringtone.
“Rishaan, the mission has been completed. There was nothing left on the surface, except a small fire. They were chased away by the US Air Force, so the site has
probably been GPS’d.”
“Thank you, Maria. How far away is that from the nearest land, and how deep is the ocean there?”
“The sea map I have is from the sixties, but it should still be good. Looks like over eleven hundred kilometers from Canada, and five to five-and-a-half kilometers deep. I was in constant contact with Jackson. She’s pretty good.”
They hung up, and Rishaan hummed a happy tune as he made himself breakfast.
56
Matt was the first to break the silence. “Maggie, I saw how you looked at me earlier.”
Maggie didn’t have to ask what look he was talking about. She hung her head, a little sheepish and more than a little embarrassed. He noticed, she realized, and now everything has changed. Jenny was still sleeping peacefully. Maggie rearranged her blanket and waited for the axe to fall.
“I have to confess,” he went on, “I was starting to feel that way too. I received your look, and thoroughly enjoyed it, savored it, delighted in it. In spite of our ages. So I asked the Lord about it. He told me, in no uncertain terms, ‘No!’ Knowing his will made it easy for me to turn off those feelings, to put them away forever. What I want you to know is that I don’t love you any less right now, and I can guarantee you it is one-hundred percent God’s kind of love.”
Maggie felt like a fool, like she had botched it. It was just a hair tie. Then she realized that wasn’t what he was talking about. “I am so sorry. The truth is, my whole heart went into that look. Before today, I wouldn’t even have been able to give that look. I was so undone, like I told you before. Since I became Jesus’s, it seems like he has given me my whole womanhood back. I’ve had feelings I never had before. So when you were napping, I asked God if I could be a gift to you for all that you have done for Jenny and me, and because you lost your family. I believe God could nullify any age difference.
“Well, he told me ‘No!’ too. When I woke up from my nap, I think I was subconsciously, or maybe not so subconsciously, irritated that you weren’t the right one. I don’t know how anyone could be more right than you! Please forgive me. Matt, how can I ever make that up to you?”
“Maggie, what you just said about me more than makes it up to me. Yes, I forgive you.” He leaned a little closer. “I really appreciate how you are being so open with your feelings and what is going on inside you. It’s as if you were bending over backwards to make up for the first story you told me about Jenny’s father. And please forgive me, too, as I was a little miffed at your rejection of my present.”
“Of course. I think I had to say all of what I said, that anything less wouldn’t have been the whole truth. And to tell the truth, I wish I did have that hair-tie. You were kind to get it for me.”
Jenny, sensing the peace that now reigned between the two adults, asserted her presence with a plea to be fed. Maggie was happy to comply. Matt rummaged around in what little moonlight there was, and fetched her another water. And another pink-and-gold ribbon.
As Jenny got started, Matt thought about what had just happened. He knew any romantic involvement wasn’t going to happen, but sensed that they both felt God was bringing them together, and there would be some attachment between them. What did God mean when he said, “You are my gift to her, but not in the way you were thinking?” He would wait and see.
“Maggie, I have a question. What was going through your mind earlier, when you finally decided you would be willing to die so Jenny could live?”
“If you had asked me that at the time, I don’t think I would have been able to give you a very good answer. There was just something, way down deep, that was telling me it was the right thing to do. Now I realize that that deep-down thing was God letting me know I could trust him, even though I didn’t deserve anything good for the life I’ve lived. And even though I didn’t really understand what dying might entail.”
“That’s wonderful! I’m in awe of your understanding of spiritual things, of the things of God. You know, there are other people who need to know what you are finding out.”
“Yes, I can think of lots of people like that. Friends, relatives, fellow teachers, the childcare workers who looked after Jenny.”
“I know some folks who need to hear this good news, too. Let’s ask God to show himself to them like he showed himself to you. I’d like to start, for a friend of mine, a young businessman named Larry Williams.”
They prayed while Maggie nursed Jenny. As they were finishing, Maggie prayed fervently for her brother Charles and his friends Ted and Billy, asking God to give them success in their lives, and especially to show himself to them like he had to her.
“Maggie, I can tell your forgiveness of them is complete, the way you asked God for only good things for them.”
“Yes, I wanted to do that ever since I forgave them earlier, but didn’t know quite what to say. What you asked God for, for your friend Larry, helped give me the words.”
Jenny was finished, and presently gave up the obligatory stomach air.
Maggie was not sure about the next step. “How do you suppose we will be able to change her in the dark?”
“You’ve done it enough in the daylight with these velvet cloths, so do it the same way, and trust that you got her clean enough. Then check her in the morning.”
Matt’s mention of trust brought Maggie back to their earlier conversation, about trust. About trusting fathers. About how she had trusted Matt. … Matt. … “Matt, I’ve been thinking. I believe we will be rescued, hopefully soon. Before that happens, I want to talk about my father. But not yet. I still don’t want to remember yet.”
“Okay.” He wondered why she brought it up. “God hasn’t told me any of those secrets.”
“No. He’s been gone a long time. You’ve been like a father to me. I can see what a father should be, just in the short time we’ve been together. In some ways, I still need a father. I know God is my father now, but for my whole life, I’ve longed for that human relationship without realizing it.”
She waited briefly for a reply, but Matt was enjoying watching her silhouette in the moonlight, gently swaying to rock Jenny, who also needed a father.
She went on, “I was wondering if you would be my father. I don’t know how that would work, and if you didn’t want to, I would understand. Maybe I’m being—”
“Oh, Maggie,” he interrupted.
Matt realized he was listening, not to a 28-year-old woman, but to a twelve—perhaps thirteen or fourteen—year-old girl. He could tell that the façade of maturity, forced on her by her own intellect, had slipped away completely. He marveled at the working of the Holy Spirit in her innermost being. The false was being pushed away, to be replaced by the true. Earlier, as he had watched Maggie nurse Jenny for the first time, he had sensed the beginning of the dissolving of this veneer.
Something had died in Maggie’ emotions when she was twelve, and God had resurrected it as surely as he had healed her body. He wondered if her father had somehow contributed to this death. Was there more in her psyche that needed healing? Yes, she certainly needed a father. Probably a mother, too, from what she had said. Having been forced to grow up on her own, she would need help navigating the throes of puberty and the transition into adulthood. She was already through it physically and intellectually, but not emotionally.
Like the child who walked without crawling—and therefore needed to learn to crawl later—she needed a restart. God, in his mercy, had chosen the North Atlantic Ocean to allow this to happen in isolation.
Matt felt a tremendous rush of responsibility and compassion for her. She trusted him, and so, it seemed, did God. Was this the job he was going to England to find? His fatherly instincts started coming back in full force.
“Yes, I would love to be your father! It would be such an honor. Such a privilege and delight. I feel you’re already my daughter in spiritual things, but nothing would please me more than to be your father in physical things as well. How could we make that happen?”
“Maybe we need t
o make a pronouncement before God and shake hands or something?”
“I think we need to make a vow to each other with God as our witness. You saw how powerful the vow you made was, and vows made for good purposes should be that powerful, too.”
They discussed this for several minutes, and decided they should vow to love, honor, support, and respect each other as father and daughter.
As they spoke, Matt thought again about the part of Maggie’s emotional development that had gotten stuck at twelve years old. He knew it was due to the vow she had made against herself. It had been only a few hours since she became unstuck. How long would it take her to catch up? “One other thing,” he said. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes, with my whole life. Do we need to add that?”
He was searching his brain for a term that would apply to a pre-teen as well as an adult. “Maybe not that word. I’d like you to add something to your vow that shows the accountability you have to God. An earthly reminder that you now answer to your heavenly father. Something indicating the trust you have in me to protect you, to watch over you, to help with that accountability. I’m thinking back to my own Rachel. She would let me know what was going on in her life, not so much to gain my approval, but to make sure she wasn’t making a big blunder.”
Maggie was thinking about her father and the still-locked door. “None of the words we’re using ever applied to my father.”
The darkness prevented Matt from seeing her facial expressions, but he could tell by the quiver in her voice that she was close to tears.
“I’m sorry. As your dad, I would never do anything that would cause you pain or anguish. And I certainly would never try to interfere with what the Holy Spirit was doing in your life. That’s not my place.”
The Wreck Emerged Page 16
