He backed up to the chair and sat, unable to answer.
She walked toward him and bent to place her hands on the arms of the chair, bringing her face close to his. “No, you wouldn’t, because none of that is good enough. You want it, but not nearly as much as you want something else. It’s why you’ll let me go without a fight, without trying to force me to stay.”
He shook his head, praying to a God who couldn’t hear him that she wouldn’t say it. If she didn’t say it, it wasn’t real. Wasn’t true.
“You want me to love you. You want that more than you want me in bed, or holy ground, or anything else on Earth or even in Heaven. Your father and Phoenix didn’t have to have it. Maybe they wanted it, but it wasn’t a deal breaker. For you, it’s all or nothing.”
He couldn’t swallow. Couldn’t breathe. Grasping her arms, he gently pushed her away, got to his feet, and disappeared from his room.
Twenty minutes later, she was almost through the eighth circle of Hell when there was a knock and Phoenix said through the door, “Jax, what’s up? Don’t you have a basketball game in less than an hour?”
Sasha kept her focus on the screen, grimly wiping out more demons and some weird flying monkey creatures with fire for hair and evil red eyes.
The door opened, but she didn’t look away from Hell.
“Sasha? Where’s Jax?”
“I don’t know. He disappeared.”
“Did you guys get in an argument?”
“No, I hurt his feelings.” She pushed the buttons faster, wiping out the enemy with severe determination. “Completely annihilated him. You know why? Because I’m stupid. A total rube. Clueless wonder. God gave me a brain, but forgot to send the instruction manual.”
Phoenix sat next to her. “I’ve never made it to this level.”
“A friend of mine in San Francisco played Demon Slayer, and whenever I went to his house, he wanted me to try. Made him mad that I was better at it than him. Maybe because I’m Anabo, I have a natural ability.”
“You sound a little bitter, Sasha.”
She froze the last of the demons in the eighth circle, the screen went black, then an intricate gate appeared with an inscription across the top that read, ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE. “Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t Jax just be a regular guy?”
“Why isn’t the sky green and the grass blue? Why ask the question? It is what it is, and nothing can change it.”
The ninth circle was way different. There were flowers and trees and a gurgling brook, birds singing and bees buzzing. It looked more like a My Little Pony video game. “What’s this? A joke?”
“It’s Eden in Hell. The evil you have to overcome isn’t so obvious.”
The rules for this level of the game popped up.
Welcome to the Ninth Circle, where the line between Good vs. Evil begins to blur. To make it back to the real world, you must decide who are enemies, and who are friends. You may die, but if you choose wisely, one can bring you back to life and guide you to the other side.
She looked at Phoenix, who was rubbing his goatee thoughtfully, black eyes focused on the screen. “Okay, I get it now. I’m actually dead and traveling through the ninth circle of Hell.”
He turned his head and met her gaze. “What if you were? Who would you pick to be your friend?”
“I really hate rhetorical questions.”
“Do you hate Jax?”
“Of course not.” She sighed and slumped back in the chair, tossing the game controller to the table below the screen. “Maybe if everything wasn’t happening so fast, if I just had time to get my head around it. Last Thursday, I was living my life, thinking I’d graduate in May with all the kids I grew up with, spend four years at NYU, get a job at the Met, get married, work, have a couple of kids, live to my eighties, and kick off, just like every other schmo in the world. Now, in one week, my whole life has gone one eighty, to something I couldn’t make up in a million years.”
“It would be nice if you had a while to get used to the idea, but you don’t. And even if you did, would it change anything? You’re either willing to live forever and join the fight against Eryx, or you’re not. Since Jax is a basic necessity for that to happen, if you hated him, I’d say the choice is pretty obvious. But you don’t hate him. You just said so.”
“I don’t love him, either.”
“If you like him, the rest can come later.”
“You don’t have to answer this, Phoenix, but I really want to know—was it hard for Jane to make the decision?”
He went still, then looked away from her. “No.”
“How did you find her?”
“It was like Jax found you, during a takedown.” He stared at the floor with no expression on his face. “She had a twin sister who wasn’t Anabo, who was … she had some problems. They were extremely close and did everything together. They had a dancing instructor, because in those days it was important for young women to know how to dance. Jane’s family were aristocrats in England, very wealthy and influential. The dance instructor was Skia, and he promised health to Jane’s sister if she’d take the oath. She did, but her recovery was only temporary, and she was angry and bitter. Jane couldn’t understand why her sister had changed so drastically, or why she pushed her away.
“We discovered the Skia by chance, and found all of his lost souls within a couple of days. The takedown was at a ball. There was a fire, started by an overturned candle, and seventy-nine people died, including Jane’s sister. The rest were able to escape, but they didn’t remember how, because we made them forget. One of those was Jane.”
“So you found her that night. Did you tell her everything, right away?”
His nod was slow. “I went to her room, to check on her, and she was crying. She freaked out when I appeared, but I explained who I was, and what happened. I went back the next day and the day after that, and every day for over a month, until she said she wanted to join us, that if someone as faithful and good as her sister could be suckered into pledging, there was no hope for anyone, anywhere.”
“And she didn’t hate you.”
He smiled sadly. “No, she didn’t hate me.”
Sasha stood and walked to the windows to look out at the mountains, at the endless forest and craggy rocks, dressed in snow. She suddenly realized she could see them almost as well as if the sun was shining. Remembering what Jax said about being able to turn off lights, she turned toward the lamp on his bedside table and concentrated carefully, but nothing happened. Then she heard a guy yell from far away, “Hey! Who’s jacking with the lights?”
“Probably need to work on that,” Phoenix said as he stood and walked closer to her. “Tell me where you want to go, and I’ll take you there. Jax obviously isn’t coming back.”
She looked around his room, certain this was the last time she’d see it.
“You’re not going to stay, are you?”
Looking into his brother’s black-as-midnight eyes, she slowly shook her head. “He wants too much. Even if I was all in, like Jane was, it would never work out between Jax and me. He’d never be happy with me, not in the long run.”
“I think we both know that’s not true. Given time, you have the ability to give him what he wants. You’re afraid the same can’t be said for him.”
“So what if I am? I can’t spend forever without some kind of love in my life. I can’t. I’d want to die, but I could never die. It really would be like living in Hell, loving someone who couldn’t love me back.”
“What makes you so sure he can’t?”
“Did you love Jane?”
That made him mad. He scowled at her. “How could you ask me a question like that? I’ve lived over a hundred years with guilt.”
Sasha took a step toward him. “Guilt isn’t love. You liked her, you wanted her, you lusted after her, but you didn’t love her. It was all about you. Even after a hundred years, it’s still all about you. You’re so wrapped up in how she died, and how it w
as because of what you did to her, that you don’t have room to miss her, or grieve because she’s not here, living the life she was supposed to live. If you did, if what you felt for her was love, you’d have let it go by now, and made something good from her memory, instead of this whole woe-is-me martyr thing you’ve got going on. So the answer is no, you didn’t love her. She was what you needed for redemption, a means to an end, and I’m not okay with being that to Jax. I’d rather forget all of this and live out the rest of my life with an ordinary, nice guy, who may not be perfect, but who can love me for me, not what I can get him.”
“Are you done?”
“So done. Can I leave now? Or are you too mad to take me?”
“I’m not mad.” He suddenly hauled her next to him, his arms around her like the jaws of life gone haywire. “Just say where.”
She didn’t say anything, partly because she couldn’t breathe, but partly because she realized, too late, she’d stepped way over the line. Again. What was with her tonight?
“You can tell me where, or we can stand here all night.”
“I’m … sorry,” she managed to say. “Not my … place … to say you didn’t … love her … and I’m … sor—”
“Forget it, Sasha.” His arms relaxed a little, and she sucked in a deep breath. “Do you want to go to the Shrivers’? Or the school?”
“Both. Would you take me to my room to get my coat, then to the school?”
“I’m not an f’ing taxi service.”
“Please? I can’t face any of the Shrivers right now, but it’s freezing outside, and I need my coat.”
“It’s a damn good thing you weren’t meant for me. Nothing I can’t stand worse than a pain in the ass.”
“Nothing I can’t stand worse than a martyr, so I guess we’re even.”
“You said you were done.”
“I’m sorry, Phoenix. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Really, truly, I’m not like this. I don’t even think things like that, much less say them out loud.”
His arms relaxed further, and he looked down into her eyes. “Did he kiss you again?”
She nodded and blushed at the same time. “It’s the spit, isn’t it?”
“It’s the spit.”
Everything went dark, and a few seconds later, they were standing in her room. Jax sat at her desk, at her computer, reading messages on her Facebook wall. He looked up and frowned. “Let go of her, Phoenix.”
“Chris is right next door, and these walls are like paper,” she whispered.
“It doesn’t matter,” Phoenix said as he released her. “We’re all cloaked, so no one can see or hear us.”
Jax asked in a low, almost menacing voice, “Who’s Tyler Hudson?”
She looked from her Facebook page to Jax’s gloomy expression. “There’s this thing called privacy, and you just moved into mine and put your feet on the coffee table.”
“He says he’s coming to Telluride for Christmas, and he wants to see you.” Jax stood, drawing himself up into a rigid giant, looking like Death on Crack. He closed the distance between them, so agitated, she could feel the vibration from his body. “He wants to take you out somewhere, because he didn’t realize until you were gone how much he likes you.”
Last week, she would have died and gone to Heaven over that message. Now, it was a nuisance, and she felt aggravated at Tyler. He’d had a zillion chances to ask her out, but he had waited until she was gone to get a clue.
Jax was waiting for some kind of answer. “What do you want me to say? I sat by him in chemistry and tried to flirt, but he treated me like I was just one of his guy friends. Now he wants to hang out. So what? It’s not like I plan to go.” She glanced toward her computer. “Jax, you have to promise not to do this again. It’s so wrong.”
“I came to load what was on your old hard drive to this one, and when I turned it on, Facebook popped up. Like I wasn’t going to read your wall or your messages?”
“Are you on Facebook?”
“We all are, except Phoenix. We use different identities, obviously, but it’s great for getting personal information about the lost souls. The Skia use it to troll for possible followers.”
“You could have just friended me.”
“You wouldn’t have known who I am, so you’d have ignored me. But I’m not sorry for reading it, even if you’re mad, because it occurred to me I should keep up with what you’re doing and who you’re talking to. If word gets out to Bruno or any of the others, we could be set up, and that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”
Insulted, she glared up at him. “You think I’d sell you out? Are you serious?”
“I don’t think you’d do it intentionally, but you might let something slip.”
“That’s a crock and you know it! You’re just pissed off because of what I said, and now you’re acting like a child, trying to get back at me.”
Obviously surprised, he shot a questioning look at Phoenix.
“Don’t look at me, bro. You’re the one who kissed her. I’m just the sad, pathetic martyr brother.”
“She called you a martyr?”
He nodded, then looked puzzled. “Am I a martyr?”
“It doesn’t matter. She shouldn’t have said that.”
“Maybe if you’d stop enabling him, he could move on with his life.”
“What, so now it’s my fault he’s like this?”
“Like what?” Phoenix looked totally shocked. “You do think I’m a martyr.”
“It’s okay, Phoenix. Nobody blames you. We just want you to stop blaming yourself.” Jax paused. “And I guess it’d be nice if you’d lay off pointing out how you never go out, that you stay home and work while we’re off looking for girls.”
Phoenix raised his dark brows. “I always wondered if you all resented me because I found Jane, because I was first to find an Anabo. Now I know.”
“No one resented you. No one blamed you. No one was anything but really sad and bummed when she died. But it was a hundred and twenty-two years ago. They invented cars and airplanes and video games since then. I know you’ll never forget, and no one expects you to forget, but at what point do you stop living like it’s a hundred and twenty-two years ago and live like it’s now?”
Phoenix sank to the desk chair and stared at her computer screen. “I don’t know. I’ve lived like this for so long, it’s who I am. Everything seems so stupid. Like, look at this girl, writing to Sasha. She’s all”—he spoke in a falsetto voice—“‘OMG!’ and ‘LOL!’ and ‘WTF?’ and ‘Girl, you should totes go out with Tyler in Telluride!’” He looked up at her. “You’re seventeen years old, and this is how seventeen-year-olds talk to each other. I’m a thousand years old, and this stuff is like alien-speak to me. If I found another Anabo, she’d be writing OMG and I’d be thinking, You’re f’ing kidding me.”
Footsteps stopped at her door and they all froze, turning to stare at the knob as it turned. Phoenix hurriedly shut down her computer, then went to stand next to the window. Sasha went to stand beside Jax.
The door opened slowly, and someone whispered, “Sasha?”
When she didn’t answer, Brett came in and closed it behind him, very quietly, then went to her computer and booted up, evidently not noticing it was still warm. He wasn’t the sharpest crayon in the box. She watched her Facebook page load, mad at herself for setting it as her homepage, the password memorized. After he read the latest posts on her wall, he went to her e-mail and read one from her mother. Jax grabbed her hand and held tight, knowing how much that ate at her. Brett the Asshat was reading it before she did.
Then he deleted it! “I hate him so much, it hurts.” There was one from NYU, probably answering her question about the application she intended to send next Monday. He deleted that one, too. There were a couple from friends back in San Francisco, and one from the headmistress at St. Michael’s. He deleted all of them, then went to her trash folder and deleted them from there, so she’d have no way of reading them, ever.
“Why is he doing this?”
“Because he’s evil. Because he can. And probably because Mr. Bruno told him to do anything he could think of to intimidate you. What happened at school today made Brett look like a loser, and Mr. Bruno can’t have that. He’s his prime lost soul, the one who’s supposed to suck in all the others, but you put a major wrench in the works.”
Next, Brett went to her document files and deleted all of them, including the new essay she’d started after Melanie trashed her computer.
Jax squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, Sasha. But I have the backup of the old one in my pocket.”
After Brett shut down the computer, he went to the dresser and pawed through her things. He took the amethyst drop her dad had brought back from Russia, the pearls her mom had given her for her sixteenth birthday, and her money.
She was verging on hysteria. “Jax, what am I going to do? I need money to apply to college.”
“I’ll give you money, and after he’s gone, we’ll get your things back. Whatever he dreams up to do to you, I can fix.”
“What if he turns me in for being an illegal alien?”
“They’ll laugh at him. Right this minute, the records Luminas are working on your papers. By midnight, your birth certificate will be on file, and there’ll be a record of your U.S. citizenship with the government. Trust me, Sasha, there’s nothing he can do to you that we can’t undo. Just be patient, and soon he’ll be gone.” He looked down at her and squeezed her hand again. “Don’t let him get to you.”
He was the unlikeliest hero, but ever since last Thursday night, he’d been there to save her from one catastrophe after another. Meeting his dark gaze, she whispered, “I’m sorry, Jax.”
“Don’t be sorry. All you did was tell the truth.”
“So what happens now?”
“You’re in the line of fire, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you, so you’ll just have to put up with me until Bruno and the others are gone.”
His hand around hers was strong and warm, and in spite of her confusion and hesitation, she never wanted to let go.
ELEVEN
THE MEPHISTO COVENANT Page 23
