Choices (New Beginnings #1)

by Michelle Lynn

  It wasn't just their relationship that had changed either. Michaela was not the same weak-willed girl who followed Ethan everywhere. He’d lost his control of her, and was constantly trying to get it back. At times, Michaela thought he’d become cruel. She overlooked a lot of things because she loved him, but she knew it wasn't supposed to be like that.

  She had no intention of becoming some socialite here at home. That's what Ethan and both their parents expected of her. She wanted something different. She wanted to work hard at something she loved. She wanted adventure. She didn't want a quiet life. She wanted ... his face popped into her mind, but she refused to dwell on it. While she was with Ethan, that wasn't fair to him.

  She didn't even know if Jason wanted her. He’d rejected her and turned to Katie. Michaela stood abruptly to try to shake it from her mind. She walked down to the edge of the water to dip her hands into the icy sea to splash her face before going back up to the house.

  ###

  Ethan was waiting for her by the door with a frown on his lips. When anger deepened the grooves on his face, Michaela thought he looked frightening. He was attractive in the way of people who put a lot of thought and time into their look. When she started dating him in high school, there were a lot of disappointed girls out there. Michaela liked him when he smiled, however rare that was. Sometimes she felt like she stayed with him through all of his crap, just for those occasional moments when his lips would stretch into one of those full-teeth grins, and she’d melt.

  "I've been waiting for you," Ethan said when she reached him. Those words could have so many different meanings. Somehow Michaela felt that he didn't mean it in a romantic way. She knew she was being scolded for taking too long.

  "I'm sorry." She looked down at her feet, unwilling to meet his gaze. Things had been like this between them since they got back together - uncomfortable meetings and awkward phone conversations. Ethan took her hand in his and started pulling her through the house and up the stairs. He didn't release her until they were in her room with the door shut. She heard a click as he turned the lock and he finally turned to look at her.

  "Baby, I've missed you." He took a step closer. This was the Ethan she knew. The hunger in his eyes was all too familiar.

  "I've missed you too," she responded lamely.

  "Things have been so good since we got back together."

  Michaela didn't know what planet he was living on. She would've laughed if he hadn't moved so close, making it hard to think. Every hair on her arms stood on end as he ran his hands across her back. Her body always had a response to Ethan's. It wasn't the firework passion that Jason had evoked, but it was powerful all the same. Ethan brought forth a primal need in her. He was her first, and the only one who’d ever been more than a drunken college one-nighter.

  "Ethan ..." she started, but he cut her off with a kiss. Ethan never did anything slow or carefully. He dove in. His kiss was ... hungry ... claiming ... controlling. And Michaela gave him that control. He groaned in the back of his throat as she let him lead her to the bed. Ripping off his shirt, he started to unbutton Michaela's and pushed her back onto the bed. He covered her body with his, not breaking their kiss as his hands roamed freely.

  Michaela clung to the ripples of his back as she pressed their bodies closer. Ethan was lean but also muscular, and his skin was soft under her touch.

  "Ethan," Michaela breathed. "Slow down. We have all night." Ethan made a noise of disgust in the back of his throat and grabbed her wrists in his large hands. He yanked them above her head and held them there with one hand while his other worked on the buckle of her jeans.

  "We missed a lot of time," Ethan growled, "And you're going to make it up to me." He released her so he could push her jeans down her legs. He threw them to the side of the bed.

  Michaela tried to sit up, but Ethan pushed her shoulders back into the mattress and held her there.

  "You're scaring me," she said, pushing against his hands. He didn't say a word as he released her again to shed the rest of his clothes. She sat up again, and this time he pushed her down more forcefully and pinned her with his body.

  "Ethan, you're hurting me." She squirmed under him as his mouth claimed hers again. She was able to push him away just long enough to yell, "Ethan, STOP!"

  He released her shoulders and sat up, still looking down at her. "What's your problem?"

  Seeing his confusion, Michaela tried to think back on their relationship. Had she always let him treat her like this? With so much ... control?

  "I just ..." she sighed. "I think you should go."

  "Fine, Michaela." He ran a hand over his face and scowled. "Whatever. I just hope you're not becoming a prude. That wouldn't do with me. Sometimes I don't even know if you're worth it."

  He got dressed quickly and left her, shaking and crying into her pillow.

  ###

  Their father arrived home the next morning. Michaela and Chris greeted him right away, but the mood in the house had shifted. It felt like everyone was holding their breath, waiting to see what would happen. There were a lot of conversations that needed to be had. A lot of things that needed cleared up.

  Their mother told them that his meetings in the city had gone better than expected, so he was in a cheerier mood than usual. Michaela worried that would change as soon as he heard what she had to say.

  She still didn't know what to do about Ethan. She knew she still loved him, but she wasn't so sure she liked him anymore. She didn't want to be in a relationship like that again. For today she'd have to store those thoughts in the back of her mind, because she wouldn't be seeing him and she had other things to deal with.

  Her father was finishing his lunch and Michaela knew he'd head to his study soon after, so that's where she waited for him. There were large bookshelves lining the back wall and a couch off to the side. An antique cherry desk sat in the center of the room as the focal point. As a kid, this room was always off-limits, which made it the perfect room to play in.

  Michaela stood by the large floor-to-ceiling window that looked out onto the field in back of the house. It had started to snow in the middle of the night and had yet to stop. Michaela liked snow because, like the sand on her beach, it was so beautiful when it hadn't yet been touched, and even more beautiful when it had. It could create peace, or it could create chaos. In their perfect Stepford lives, chaos had always been a pleasant diversion.

  Michaela heard her father's footsteps, but he stopped when he saw her in his study. He wasn't used to his family intruding on his space. He cleared his throat and she turned.

  "Michaela," he said, moving around his desk to sit behind it. She sat on his couch without an invitation. Before she could speak, her mother came bustling in.

  "Oh, good," she said. "Are we doing this now?"

  "Mom," Michaela started. "I think I'd like to do this on my own."

  "Are you sure, dear?" She looked from daughter to father with a worried frown and then nodded slowly and left, closing the door behind her.

  "Should I be worried?" Michaela's father finally looked at her straight on. He folded his hands on top of his desk and waited. When she hesitated, he decided to speak again. "Look, I know some things were said when I came to see you last ..."

  "This isn't about that," Michaela cut him off. It was for Chris to talk to him about what had happened at their apartment. "I told Columbia I'd be starting classes next semester."

  "That's wonderful news!" His face relaxed into an expression of relief. "Let's have a drink to celebrate!" He reached into a drawer and pulled out a bottle of scotch. "We'll get your mother to bring us glasses."

  "I'm not finished." Michaela stood, and started to pace. Her father's eyes followed her, but she didn't look at him as the rest of her words came tumbling out. "I know you're going to think this is a mistake. I know you're holding a place for me at your firm. I don't want to disappoint you, but I also need to make myself happy. I can't be happy dealing with big businesses. I need to help
people."

  "Michaela!" Her father cut off her babbling, and she finally looked at his stern face. "What is going on?"

  "I want to be a family lawyer." There, it was out. She couldn't take it back. There was no more hiding from her father. He exhaled and leaned back in his chair without a word. Michaela had come expecting an explosion from him. His anger was well documented but she couldn't sense it just then.

  "Michaela. Dear," he finally said. "I have just returned home from the city, where my firm is working on opening offices. I will not be able to be there full time, but I was hoping, after law school, that I could set you up to run the place. I want a Matthews in charge."

  "But you can have a Matthews!" Michaela sat back down and leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. This was perfect. This could help her brother and father reconcile. "You have a son who is more than qualified. Chris went in to corporate law just because you did, and he's damn good at it."

  Michaela couldn't put a finger on the emotion that flashed across his face, but she took hope in that it wasn't anger or hate.

  "I'll make you a deal," her father said after a few moments of silence. "During law school, I want you working for my firm. I will need a few people in place in the city to get the offices up and running." She nodded and he continued. "Then you can become whatever kind of lawyer you want. By the end of school you may change your mind, but the deal stands."

  Michaela couldn't believe what she was hearing. She waited for the other shoe to drop, but it didn't.

  "I'd say that's fair." Michaela grinned and was surprised that her father was smiling back at her.

  "Oh, before you go, I wanted to ask you how things are going between you and Ethan." Michaela's parents took an unhealthy interest in her relationship. To them, Ethan was perfect. His family was old money, and he was destined for great things. They thought Michaela would be lucky to be around for that. The thing was, Michaela wanted to do her own great things, not tag along while someone else did them.

  "Oh, you know," she answered vaguely.

  "You need to hold on to that boy this time. Turning down his proposal was a huge mistake, one I hope you won't make again."

  "I don't want to talk about it." She got up to leave.

  "Ethan can take you places. He's a good young man, and I’ll be thoroughly disappointed if he's not my son in-law one day soon."

  ###

  Their father's good mood lasted all day. He even had a long conversation with Chris. They both had a better understanding of each other than they ever did, thanks to her mom, so none of it was brought up. They didn't talk about everything that was said because both were men that shied away from uncomfortable situations. It was easier to pretend it hadn't happened.

  Their mom must have gotten to their dad as well, because he acted like Chris was the same son he’d always known. He was, but it was nice for his dad to see that as well.

  Chris was offered the position running the new offices of Matthews & Matthews when they opened. The second Matthews had stood for Chris and Michaela's grandfather who had started the firm, and their father was pleased that there would be two Matthews once again.

  There is a lot you can forgive, Michaela thought, when it comes to your family. You can say or do some pretty awful things but they won't ruin the relationships forever as long as you have the humility to understand that you were wrong. That's the difference between friends and family. It's a lot easier to walk away from a friend.

  Michaela's thoughts went immediately to Jason. Even after last night she’d barely thought about Ethan, so why couldn't she get Jason out of her head? She was getting ready for bed when Chris knocked on her door and popped his head in.

  "Hey, you're still up." Chris grinned. There had been a certain lightness about him ever since the talk with their father. He was no longer carrying the weight of parental disapproval.

  "Yeah. What's up?"

  "Want to go for a run?"

  "Chris," she said. "It's been snowing all day."

  "For old times’ sake?"

  She laughed at that, remembering how they used to love running on the hard frozen ground with the icy wind in their faces. Some people would've called them masochists. "Why not?" She smiled and followed him out. "Think you can keep up?" She poked his stomach. "I don't think you've run the entire time I've been living with you."

  "I'll do." He laughed and swatted her hand away.

  "We'll see." She grinned wickedly and took off.

  The cold air burned as it filled Michaela's lungs but she didn't stop. When she ran, she didn't have to think. In a way, she was free.

  After only a few minutes, she saw her brother slow to a stop beside her.

  "Tired already?" she asked, stopping as well.

  "Not really. No." He ran a hand through his hair and looked out across the dark water. In the night, Michaela couldn't see the expression on his face, so she just waited. When he didn't say anything, she bumped her shoulder into his.

  "You okay?" she asked.

  "I brought you out here because I needed to talk to you."

  "We couldn't talk inside?"

  "No," he said. "I feel like that house has ears everywhere."

  Michaela knew exactly what he meant. Growing up, her mother had seemed to know everything. Michaela had her suspicions. There were always so many staff people around that would have jumped at the chance to earn a few extra bucks spying on their boss's children.

  "Okay," she said. "So, what's so important that we have to freeze our asses off?"

  "How are things between you and Ethan?"

  "Seriously? That's what you want to talk about?"

  "Humor me." He looked away uncomfortably while she thought of what to say.

  "It's complicated, Chris." Michaela sighed. "It's not the same as before." She paused for a moment. "Let me rephrase that. I'm not the same as before. I don't think he's changed at all. I'm just seeing him differently. I think he wants a future from me that I'm not sure I can give him." Michaela's shoulders relaxed and she sat down on the snow-covered sand. It felt good to get that out, and Chris was the only person she could talk to about it.

  "Your ass is going to get wet." He gestured to the snow, and she could almost hear laughter in his voice as they both realized the ridiculousness of the situation. They were out in the freezing cold weather in order to avoid their parents. Chris was right. Michaela could feel the snow soaking into her pants.

  "Just sit with me." She took his hand and pulled on it. "You're the one who wanted to talk."

  "Right," he said, sitting down and growing serious again. "Has Dad been pressuring you about Ethan?"

  "Since the day we started dating."

  "Did you guys talk about Ethan today?"

  "Yeah, Dad still thinks I have to marry him. As if Ethan's last name is the only thing to consider. I really don't care if I get to be a Walker or not. What I care about is if I love him. I mean, I'd be perfectly happy with a life as the wife of a bartender ..." She stopped speaking. Why had she just said that? Chris had always been able to read her better than anyone.

  "Michaela, have you talked to Jason?"

  "We're talking about Ethan," she said, harsher than she had intended. "Let's keep to that. Why are you asking about Dad?"

  "It was something he said to me this afternoon." He scratched the side of his face and then leaned back on his elbows, forgetting about the wet ground they were on. "I think Ethan is going to propose to you again tomorrow."

  "What?" Michaela shot to her feet. "He couldn't possibly be that stupid. I said no only a few months ago."

  "So, you haven't changed your mind?" Chris got to his feet and Michaela was able to look him in the eyes.

  "Chris, I don't even think I want to keep dating him. So, no, I don't want to marry him right now."

  "Dad seems sure you'll say yes this time."

  "What?" She suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe.

  "He told me that you were going to help get the new offices
up and running, but that you wouldn't be in the city for much longer."

  "That bastard!" Michaela started pacing back and forth furiously. "I can't believe him!"

  "Sis, calm down." Chris grabbed her arm to stop her moving and turned her to face him.

  "Don't you get it, Chris? This is why he was okay with me becoming a family lawyer. It's why both he and Mom have been trying so hard to act like they’re supporting my dreams. They don't think they'll ever actually have to support them. They're expecting me to marry Ethan and move back here to get our life set up while he finishes school. They're expecting me to become some housewife socialite. They're expecting me to be just like Mom!"

  "Do you really think they'd do that? Lie to you about allowing you to become whatever you want?"

  "Yes! They would! Mom and I had a talk years ago about what it would mean to be Ethan Walker's wife." She felt the tears make warm tracks down her icy cheeks and didn't bother to wipe them away. "Chris, they don't know how he really is. He scares me sometimes. How could I marry someone like that?"

  "Has he hurt you?" Chris's voice lowered into a growl and his posture straightened. Michaela put a hand on his arm.

  "Now is not the time to go all macho brother on his ass," she said. "I need you here with me." He relaxed and rested his arms on her shoulders as he looked her in the eye.

  "Fine, but promise me something. Promise that after tomorrow, you'll be rid of him."

  Michaela swallowed and then nodded slowly. Chris pulled her into a hug. She shivered even with the warmth of her brother's arms.

  "Let's get inside," he said. "It's cold out here."

  "You think?" she laughed as they started walking towards home.

  "Can I ask you one more question?" he asked.

  "Sure, why not?"

  "Jason."

  "What about him?" she snapped.

  "He's my best friend, Mic." Chris put his hands on his head and turned away from her. "This is so messed up! Why am I even getting involved?"