by K. Webster
Ignoring me, she continues her slow bounce on my dick. When if flops out of her, now completely flaccid, she begins to cry. The noise is like fucking sirens wailing in my head.
“Please be quiet,” I hiss.
“I don’t understand. You said you loved me but you can’t fucking get hard for me anymore?” she pouts.
What the fuck?
Why is this fucked up?
Fucking think, asshole.
“Just lie with me. Let’s talk tomorrow when I’m not dying of a fucking migraine,” I bite out more nastily than I intended to.
She gasps, but I pull her to my side. Her tears subside as she lies next to me. I stroke her ribs with my fingers and once again fade into the black, hateful pain that plagues me.
She feels different.
Why?
Pain.
Black.
“Holy fucking shit,” Bobby growls, waking me from my slumber.
My head still throbs, but I can deal with a headache. At least the monster is gone for now.
“What?” I ask, cracking an eye open to search out the sound of his voice.
A slender arm moves across my belly, and the night before seems like a dream, but it’s reality. My heart thrums happily and my cock now decides to become rock hard.
“Dude, what have you done?” he asks softly.
I squeeze her to me. “She came back to me. My angel.”
Bobby opens the curtain a little and I wince.
“Man, that ain’t no fuckin’ angel. That’s your devil.”
My eyes fly open and I ignore the strong throb that begins in my head. I reluctantly drag my eyes over to see a big tit pressed against my chest and dark hair spilling all around her.
No.
Fuck no.
“Neve?” I murmur, still in shock.
She stirs awake and turns to look at me. “I missed you so much,” she whispers and goes to kiss me.
I fucking scramble off the bed as if I really do have the devil in my bed. Bobby just crosses his arms and watches it all unfold, unfazed by the fact that we’re both naked. Once I’m on my feet, the world sways and I clutch the wall for support. I look down at my morning wood to see a fucking condom hanging off the end. Angrily, I yank it off and slam it to the floor.
“What are you doing here? What have you done?” I demand.
The beating in my head is beginning, and if I were a crier, I’d be doing it right about now at the thought of another migraine.
“You said you loved me last night. We made love.”
I hold my hand up to her. “Neve, I thought you were Ryan! What are you doing in my fucking house? We are not cool! We are not fixed! I can’t stand the idea of what happened last night. You fucking knew I was having a migraine and you took advantage of the situation. How low could you go?”
She starts sobbing, which only angers the pain in my head.
“Chaz, go take a hot shower. I’ll make sure she leaves,” Bobby says softly.
I nod and stumble to the bathroom, thankful for my best friend having my back—always. Once I’m at the shower, I turn it on as hot as it will go and step into the heated spray. I let the hot liquid roll from the top of my head down my neck, and it temporarily dulls the pain. But with the absence of pain comes the clarity of the situation.
I had sex with my ex-fiancée.
My God. What have I done?
I just want my angel back, but instead, I slept with the fucking devil.
“You should eat,” Mom says softly.
I’m not hungry nor do I have any desire to leave my baby even for a minute. I already pee with the bathroom door open as to not let him out of my sight.
“Honey, you’ve hardly eaten a thing in the past two weeks. You’re frail as can be.”
I continue to ignore her as I stroke Jacob’s hair. He’s so beautiful. My heart has been on overdrive because the doctor took him out of the coma and said he should wake any time now. With each twitch, I hover over him, saying his name over and over again until I’m hoarse. I just want my baby to wake up.
My phone chimes from my pocket. I want to ignore this too, but I won’t. I never do. Every day, I get the same text.
Chaz: Everything’s going to be okay. I love you.
I pull out my phone and read it. These days, it’s the only thing that brings a smile to my face, even for a moment. He should hate me. I left him without a word and then treated him like shit when he came after me. I’m a horrible person and I don’t deserve him.
The text says exactly what I expect it to say, and a grin tugs at the corner of my lips. I never reply back. I’ve already broken his heart—and mine—once and I don’t plan on doing it again. With Jacob in the state he’s in, I can’t give Chaz one single sliver of me right now. It’s simply not fair to him.
I sigh because my heart aches for him. My poor little heart is a mess these days. Turning my head, I look down at my sweet son. I jump when I see his blue eyes staring right at me.
“Baby,” I choke out and stroke his hair.
He blinks several times and lifts a hand to pull at the tube in his throat.
“Mom! Get a nurse!”
“Praise God!” she cries and runs from the room.
“Baby, listen to Mommy. You have a tube in your throat, but the doctor is going to take it out for you now that you woke up. You’ve been a very sleepy boy, but I’m so glad you’re awake now. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
He nods his head. Tears blur my vision, and I hug him to me.
“I love you so much, baby. I’m never leaving you again.”
When he puts his arm around me and weakly hugs me back, I lose it altogether.
Chaz was right.
Everything’s going to be okay.
“Mommy, can we get ice cream?” Jacob begs, pulling me along by my hand. The little guy has surprising strength for someone who woke up from a coma two weeks ago.
His doctor was pleased that he wasn’t going to suffer any lasting effects from the injury and coma. I was over the moon.
“Hmmm… Let me think about it,” I tease.
He stops and looks up at me, scrunching his nose. “Mommy, think yes.”
I giggle and ruffle his hair. “Thanks for helping me out with that one, baby. Yes!”
His cute laugh fills my heart as he drags us into the old sweets shop. We’ve been at the park all morning and could use a cooling off.
“What flavor?” I ask, lifting him up so he can see the different types.
He thinks long and hard, but I know he’ll choose the blue one. That’s his favorite color, and it could taste like dirt but he’d still love it.
“Umm, I was thinking the orange one, but I think I’ll get blue, Mommy.”
I kiss his cheek and place our order. Minutes later, we’re walking along the sidewalk, licking our cones. Jacob’s making a huge mess, but I don’t even care. I have my baby boy back. There is no better feeling in the world. He goes back to day care in a few days and I’ll be taking my old teaching job back at his school. We’re getting in as many fun moments as we can.
I guide him to a bench and we sit, both of us contentedly eating our cones. He takes forever to eat his, making a good mess, and I polish mine off quickly. My phone chimes with a text and my heart skips a beat. Every day, Chaz continues to send me the same text, and each day, it chips away at my heart. The day Jacob woke up, I sent him a text to tell him.
Me: He woke up.
Chaz: Angel, I’m so fucking happy right now!
Chaz: I told you everything would be okay.
Chaz: Please don’t shut me out.
Chaz: I’ll never quit trying. You’re the one for me.
Chaz: I love you.
Chaz: You’re a good mom.
It was heartbreaking to ignore him at first, but several days later, he went back to the same text he’d been sending me.
Chaz: Everything’s going to be okay. I love you.
When I look at my phone, e
xpecting the usual text, my heart falls when I see that it’s from Donnie.
Donnie: We need you back, Ry-Bear.
Shit. No. Absolutely not. I’ll never leave my son again. Ever.
Me: No.
Donnie: Bring Ry-Bear Junior.
I roll my eyes and grin. He always has a way of making me smile.
Me: His name is Jacob.
Donnie: Fine, bring J-Bear. I’m not budging on that one.
Me: You can call him J-Bear but I’m not coming back. I can’t. I fucked things up too badly with Chaz. He knows me as “Ryan the bassist.” I’m “Ryan the mommy” now.
Donnie: You were always Ryan the mommy—we just didn’t know it yet. Now get your skinny ass back here. I know you’re skinny because Terry-Bear told me so.
Me: You talked to my mother?!?!
Donnie: Every day. She’s cooler than mine. I’ve got a thing for older chicks. ;)
Me: OMG you are so gross!!
My phone goes silent for a bit, and I look over at Jacob as he happily eats his cone without a care in the world. This is perfection.
Donnie: He misses you so much, Ry-Bear.
Attached to his last text is a picture of Chaz sitting at the booth in our familiar spot, staring out the window. I greedily devour every detail from the picture. His eyes are hollow, sad. Dark circles paint the flesh below. The scruff on his face has grown out, giving him a rugged-outlaw look. I want badly to reach through the screen and caress his cheek.
Donnie: Told you.
He sends me another picture. This time, Chaz is texting. He has a sad yet hopeful smile. It fucking guts me.
When it chimes again, the text is from Chaz. Fuck. My heart is going to explode.
Chaz: Everything’s going to be okay, angel. I love you.
Tears blur my vision and I choke back a sob. Quickly, I blink them away and bite my lip to keep from crying. Jacob won’t understand my tears.
“Baby, let’s take a picture,” I tell my son.
He grins, and I take a snapshot of the two of us. Without second-guessing myself, I respond to Chaz’s text with the photo.
Seconds later, he replies back.
Chaz: He looks just like you. Beautiful. How are you doing?
My heart is racing, and I try not to overthink things. I type out a response.
Me: Thank you. I’m doing better. I’m sorry for everything. One day maybe we can be friends again.
He immediately texts back.
Chaz: Fuck that. I don’t want to be friends. I WANT YOU. ALL OF YOU.
Tears roll down my cheeks. I want him too.
Me: How can you still want me? After everything…
Chaz: How could I not? I love you so much. I’ll fight every day to get you back. Angel, I told you we are more. We can go through hell and back but I’ll be standing on the other side with you. Can’t you see that my love for you defies everything?
Me: Give me some time. I want to find a way. I will find a way.
Chaz: I’ll fly out there right now!
Me: No! You don’t understand. I will find a way to come back to you. My head’s just not there yet. I’m trying but please give me time. Can you do that? I know I’m asking way too much. I don’t deserve another chance.
Chaz: Are you fucking kidding me right now? Of course I can wait. I’ll be waiting for you with arms wide open. I love you, angel.
Instead of responding like I should by telling him I love him back—because I totally do and have for some time—I respond like the coward I am.
Me: Thank you.
Jacob softly snores in my lap and I stifle a giggle. This boy is my entire world. I’m not sure how I made it as long as I did on that tour without him. June nailed it right on the head. I was dying a slow death without him. And when he was struck by the car, I lost my mind.
It’s been two days since I finally texted Chaz back. Now, we’ve settled on a pattern of texting throughout the day. He begs to talk to me on the phone, but I feel like things might be awkward and I don’t want that at all. So instead, I greedily stick with our texts, which have now started to slip from friendly to a little more.
I scoop up my baby and carry him into his room to tuck him in. I’ve only started letting him sleep in his bed the last couple of days. Up until then, I kept him tucked right beside me. But when he told me that I squished him up, I knew it was time to let go a tiny bit. I can’t keep him in a bubble forever.
I strip out of my clothes once I’m in my room and pull a nightshirt out of my drawer. After I slip it over my naked body, I pad over to my bed and crawl in. When I turn my phone on, I’m pleased to see a text from him and grin like an idiot.
Chaz: What are you wearing?
His texts have gone to more teasing and borderline sexual in nature, but this one is the boldest one yet. A hot flush spreads across my chest.
Me: A nightshirt. You?
I’m not sure what possessed me to ask the last part, but I can really use the visual. My body craves his touch. Imagining him naked is making me horny as hell.
Chaz: Nothing. Can I please call you? I need to hear the sound of your voice.
I sigh. I want to hear him so badly. My heart thumps against my chest as I type out my reply.
Me: Okay.
I’ve barely hit the send button when my phone starts ringing. I quickly answer it as not to wake Mom or Jacob.
“Hello?” I answer quietly.
He exhales into the phone and my body breaks out in goose bumps. “Angel.”
“I miss you.”
“God, I miss you so fucking badly, Ryan. Please let me come see you. I want to make love to you. Hold you. Kiss you. Sleep with you tucked against me.”
A sob lies in my throat. Fuck, I want that too.
“Soon,” I promise. It’s a promise I intend on keeping.
“Just the sound of your voice has my cock rock fucking hard. I have dreams every night about slowly pushing myself into that tight little pussy of yours and making love to you all night long.”
Oh God. I missed this about him. The fact that he’s so fucking sexy and says stuff that wets my panties in no time.
“That would normally get my panties wet, Chaz, but I’m not wearing any.” I don’t mean to taunt, but now I can’t stop myself. “Are you touching yourself?”
He groans into the phone and my pussy throbs. “I’m stroking myself, wishing it were you. Are you touching yourself too?”
I slide my fingers down my belly and jolt in surprise when they connect with my sensitive clit. “Yes,” I breathe.
“Good girl. Are you creating circles just the way you like it?”
“Mmmmhmmm.”
“That’s my girl. I bet your pussy is starting to drip because it feels so fucking fabulous. Am I right?”
I bite my lip. His voice alone could make me come. So deep and beautiful.
“So good.”
“Dip a finger inside. Tell me how wet you are.”
Slipping a finger in, I whimper. “Very. It’s all over my finger. If you were here, you’d probably suck it right off.”
He groans again and his breathing picks up. The thought of him stroking his long, thick cock sends another blast of heat burning across my chest.
“If I were there, I would slowly taste the lips of your pussy, every curve. I would suck on your throbbing clit until you begged me to stop. My fingers would easily slide into your wet cunt and I would finger-fuck you fast and then slow. And then faster. Then slower.”
I’m beginning to pant. My eyes are closed as I push two fingers inside myself, pretending they are his.
“Oh God,” I sigh as I go faster and slower like he described.
“That’s it, angel. And when you finally came all over my fingers, I would pull them out and lick off every last drop. As you lay there, spent from your orgasm, I would lap up any remaining juices coming from your body. You would taste so fucking sweet.”
“I wish you were here.”
“We’ve g
ot a show tomorrow night, but after that, I’ll come for you.”
We’re both quiet for a moment, lost in touching ourselves and thinking about each other.
“Babe, I want you to pull your wet fingers out and massage your clit some more. Pretend it’s my strong tongue.”
I do as I’ve been told and get lost in the vision of him tasting me.
“Chaz,” I cry out, a long-overdue orgasm coursing through me.
His breath swooshes into the phone as he too climaxes. “I just made a huge fucking mess in this bed. God, I can’t wait to be inside you for real. I miss you so goddamned much, woman.”
“I miss you too.” A small cry escapes my lips even though I tried to hide it.
“Shhh. Everything’s going to be okay. I love you, angel.”
“Goodbye, Chaz.”
The Boston crowd is wild tonight. Every fan is screaming at the top of their lungs. “Encore! Encore!” We’re standing just out of view on the side of the stage. Donnie is bouncing on the tips of his toes, completely drenched in sweat. He’s like a live wire at our concerts, crackling with electricity. I look over at Bobby, who still has his Gibson strapped to him. He glances over and grins at me.
One time, he told me that performing never gets old for him. I would have to agree. It’s my life—well, at least a part of it. The other part hasn’t spoken to me at all today, which has left my nerves on edge. I hope she didn’t withdraw back into herself.
Manny winks at me when I look over at him. This guy flew back out to help us the moment I discovered Ryan was with her child in the hospital. Elena and the kids came with him this time. The only thing missing is Ryan—and her mountain, Jacob. Normally, during the encore, we’d sing the duet she and I came up with. But since Manny’s been with us, we’ve just reverted to one of our hits.
“You guys ready?” Bobby asks.
I’m just ready to get this night over with so I can call Ryan again. Hopefully she’ll answer. I miss her so fucking badly.
“Yep.” I smile and run out onto the stage.
Strutting along the front of it, I raise my hands in the air to make them scream. And boy, do they fucking scream. I laugh at them and blow kisses to few of the fans who are freaking the fuck out. I’m pretty sure they’re crying.
