by E. M. Foner
“I guess I should have been paying more attention to this LARP stuff,” Dorothy admitted. “I don’t have the patience to sit through broadcasts, though. Maybe I should sign up for—”
“Are you crazy?” Affie cut her off. “You can’t run around role-playing in your condition.”
“But I want to learn more about what the players are wearing and how they’re accessorizing.”
“I’ll do it,” Flazint volunteered. “I enjoyed your Jack-and-Jill, even though Baa kept on raising our casualties from the dead as her personal slaves.”
“Better bring Zach to advise you on intellectual property issues,” Dorothy suggested with a wink at Affie, and for once the Frunge girl didn’t even notice that she was being teased.
“It wouldn’t be right to ask Tzachan to spend his own money and then give us advice for free.”
“I’ll pay for the LARP entrance but not for the time he spends playing,” Jeeves said. “If he writes up his conclusions afterwards, that’s billable time, but I’m not made of creds.”
“I’d find you much more interesting if you were,” Baa told the Stryx.
“So where were you guys when you left the station?” Dorothy asked. “Libby wouldn’t say.”
“When I agreed to work for SBJ Fashions, I insisted that Jeeves help me recover my old ship.”
“The one next to my dad’s ice harvester? But Paul and Aisha are living in it.”
“That was just a habitat where I crashed for a while. I left my ship in a force-field hangar on the surface of—the planet isn’t important—and the natives built a pyramid over it. I couldn’t instruct the ship to extract itself without destroying the temple complex.”
“And that stopped you?” the ambassador’s daughter asked.
“The Stryx science ship monitoring the situation stopped her,” Jeeves said. “Baa was participating in an unlicensed pantheon—”
“The Stryx have no jurisdiction over religious matters,” the mage interrupted.
“You and your Terragram friends happened to choose a world that later came under our protection,” the young Stryx continued unperturbed. “The natives were quite upset when their gods deserted them seven millennia ago without any explanation.”
“I was in love and he wanted to travel,” Baa replied sulkily. “Next time we’ll go in my ship and he can be the one stuck with a major parking problem.”
“Wait,” Dorothy said. “Is this the same guy who—”
“We’re made for each other,” Baa said unapologetically. “He just doesn’t know himself as well as I do.”
“How long has this been going on?” Shaina inquired.
“Love is timeless.”
“So what about your ship?” Affie asked.
“I displaced it for her, leaving the force-field intact,” Jeeves said. “It’s in horrible condition.”
“Why would it be in horrible shape if the force-field was still intact?” Brinda wanted to know.
“I’m not much of a housekeeper,” Baa replied with a shrug. “A cycle or two in a repair facility will sort it all out.”
“If you can find one willing to work on a Terragram ship,” Jeeves cautioned her. “And remember, no threats.”
“How am I supposed to get a fair price if I can’t threaten anybody?” Baa complained. “It’s like saying that I’m welcome to be a mage as long as I don’t use magic.”
“My dad and Paul would probably take the job,” Dorothy offered. The Frunge girl stared at her friend in horror, and everybody else in the room other than Jeeves looked surprised, but the ambassador’s daughter continued undeterred. “They like working on alien technology and they have oodles of spare parts from the abandoned ships Aisha bought from the Stryx.”
“Are you inviting me to stay in Mac’s Bones?” Baa inquired casually.
“No,” Dorothy answered immediately, “I’m saying that if you can’t find somebody else to work on your ship, you should check with my dad.”
“They have two Cayl hounds living there now,” Jeeves added, causing the mage, who was allergic to the breed, to shudder.
“Tell your father I have a job for him, Dorothy, but I’d prefer to meet here to discuss it,” Baa said.
“Is the meeting over?” Affie asked. “I’m having a late dinner with Stick.”
“Let’s just take a moment to recap,” Shaina said, and began counting off points on her fingers. “One, Flazint is authorized to hire more contractors to help with bespoke clasps and leather work on her bags. Two, Jeeves is going to tell the LARPing league that the sponsorship deal is for Baa’s Bags. Three, we’re going to brand all of the enchanted gear that our resident Terragram mage produces with feathers expressing the price point and capability. Four, Dorothy is limited to one cup of coffee a day. Did I miss anything?”
“How about maternity leave?” Flazint suggested. “She’ll be having the baby any time now.”
“No I won’t,” Dorothy said in irritation at having her pregnancy made the subject of a meeting. “I’m not even halfway through my term.”
“You should get one of those countdown watches so you’ll know for sure,” Affie suggested.
“I’m fully prepared to let you change to part-time whenever you’re ready, and maybe you’d like to take a few years to bond with the newborn,” Jeeves offered.
“Wait a minute,” Dorothy said, staring at the Stryx suspiciously. “If you’re figuring on taking back my programmable cred, you have another thing coming. I have an idea for a line of all-species snugglies for babies, and I’ve already contacted Drilyenth about creating a programmable elastic. He was very enthusiastic.”
“That Verlock and his patent filings are costing me as much as your endless purchases of supplies,” Jeeves grumbled, projecting a hologram of the word “supplies” in double quotes to compensate for his lack of fingers. “Well, at least covering babies shouldn’t take much fabric.”
Four
“Just a peek,” Kelly pleaded with her best friend. “I promise I won’t copy.”
“I already sent it in so it’s too late for that,” Donna told the ambassador as she brought the sabbatical report up on her display desk. “Before you ask, Stanley helped with the beginning and the end.”
“To the Office of the President,” Kelly read. “I wish to express my gratitude for the full-year sabbatical leave I was granted by EarthCent and our Stryx benefactors. I returned to work with a renewed sense of professional pride in my calling as an embassy manager—Oh, that’s good.”
“Stanley’s,” Donna admitted.
“My sabbatical time was spent rotating through the embassies of oxygen-breathing species and shadowing my counterparts. I remained approximately six weeks each with the Verlocks, the Frunge, the Drazens, the Grenouthians, the Dollnicks, plus almost twenty weeks in the Vergallian embassy. My original plan had been to shadow the Horten and Chert embassy managers as well, but I was unable to cope with the antiseptic requirements of the Hortens, and my Chert counterpart proved impossible to shadow due to frequent invisibility.”
“The truth is, the Horten embassy manager is a relative of Ortha’s who didn’t want me there, probably because he’s embezzling from petty cash,” Donna commented. “The Chert was a nice woman, but it’s hard to put aside a lifetime’s habits all at once. We did try it out for almost a week before I went back to the Vergallians.”
“In addition to learning how the alien embassies function, I was able to establish professional relationships that I’m sure will pay dividends in cutting through the red tape going forward,” Kelly resumed reading. “I kept records of all my interactions with the diplomatic support staff I encountered, and I am attaching a summary to this report, which I have also provided to EarthCent Intelligence.” The ambassador looked up at her friend. “Isn’t that a little under-handed?”
“They all assumed I was spying, Kelly. It’s no secret that my daughter and her husband run EarthCent Intelligence. In fact, with the exception of the Drazens
who already work closely with us on the intelligence front, every one of those embassy managers asked me to convey back-channel requests to Blythe about one thing or another. Now skip over that long section about purchasing office supplies, it’s pretty dry,” Donna instructed. “Go to the second-to-last paragraph.”
“I was surprised to learn about the extent of funding alien governments provide their embassies for event planning,” Kelly read. “The embassy managers explained to me, with varying degrees of bluntness, that EarthCent is considered in diplomatic circles to be a cheapskate organization when it comes to embassy parties. This isn’t at all difficult to believe as we’ve never really hosted an embassy party, other than Kelly’s ball, which was paid for by Dring. Thanks to my sabbatical experience, I sincerely believe that I could make efficient use of any funds earmarked for entertaining alien diplomats should a budget be established.” The ambassador snorted.
“I can dream, can’t I?” Donna said.
“In conclusion—Hey, that’s my line.”
“I checked with Libby and you couldn’t get a trademark.”
“In conclusion, my sabbatical experience was both productive and enjoyable. I want to again thank EarthCent and the Stryx for granting me paid leave, and I am honored to work for an organization that facilitates the ongoing education and intellectual growth of its support staff.” Kelly pushed back from the display desk. “Thanks for making it hard for me.”
“What?”
“I was hoping to get away with a postcard telling the president that I’m back. Now I’m going have to write a whole report.”
“Just export your mediation calendar from last year and submit that with a few explanatory notes of how the sessions went,” Donna suggested. “It will be like filling in an outline.”
“Can you show me how to do the export?”
“I’ll do it for you and send it to your desk. You have to leave for the Verlock embassy if you’re going to make the nuisance-species committee meeting.”
Hurrying out into the corridor, Kelly almost barreled into a stunning female who was standing right in front of the doors when they slid open.
“Ambassador Aainda,” Kelly greeted the Vergallian. “I want to thank you for extending the hospitality of your embassy to Donna when her time with the Hortens and Cherts didn’t work out.”
“We all enjoyed having her,” the Vergallian ambassador replied. “Please forgive me for waylaying you like this, but we need to talk before the committee meeting.”
“What is it?” Kelly asked.
“Wait until we’re in the lift tube. They’re nearly impossible to bug.”
“We could go back to my office,” the EarthCent ambassador suggested. “The embassy was swept clean just yesterday.”
“The corridors are a safer bet than your embassy, which is why I waited for you to come out. No offense.”
“None taken, though I should tell our people if you’re hinting that we’re not secure.” The two ambassadors entered the lift tube.
“Verlock embassy, slowly if you don’t mind,” the Vergallian told the capsule, and then grasped Kelly’s forearm and fixed her with an intent stare. “Can you promise to keep what I’m about to tell you entirely confidential?”
“I’m sure you know that I’m EarthCent’s Minister of Intelligence. My job is making sure that our ambassadors are as well-informed as possible.”
“This has a personal aspect related to both of our families.”
“I can only promise to act according to my conscience,” Kelly said slowly.
Aainda let go of the ambassador’s arm and nodded. “Very well. To make a long story short, I’ll be introducing myself as my replacement at this committee meeting and I want you to play along.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.”
“I’ve been extending my stay on Union Station through legal maneuvering until a cousin of mine could be approved for the diplomatic service and now I’m taking her place.”
“You’re going to impersonate your own cousin? Where is she?”
“She’ll be going out to Fleet,” the ambassador explained. “Fortunately, we were both named after the same great-grandmother so I won’t have to change names.”
“But everybody will know,” Kelly protested. “Your own intelligence—”
“Exactly,” Aainda cut her off with a savage smile. “My family has a bone to pick with the imperial intelligence service. They were behind the death of my favorite uncle on my father’s side and the destruction of most of his family. Vergallian royals often lose track of male relatives after they marry into another family, but my uncle was a wonderful man.” The alien ambassador paused significantly before continuing. “I’ve always been friends with his illegitimate daughter, Baylit.”
Kelly sucked in her breath as the pieces fell into place. “You’re related to Ailia, the orphaned princess who lived with us before her half-sister came to reclaim her? Is that why you’ve been treating humans so nice?”
“We take family debts seriously. Vergallian Intelligence already knows that I’m pulling a swap, of course, but forcing them to accept the situation is part of the game.”
“But aren’t they the most powerful force in your empire?”
“Hardly,” the Vergallian scoffed. “The intelligence organization has a seat on the imperial council but no worlds of their own, and most importantly, no family patronage. Many of us are working to purge their ranks of those dishonorable curs who have meddled in the internal politics of the empire. It’s not the first time Vergallian Intelligence has forgotten its boundaries and needed to be brought back under control. Something similar probably happens every ten thousand years or so, but this time it cost my uncle and his family their lives.”
“So what part of this exactly do you want me to keep confidential?” Kelly asked.
“All of it. I don’t mean to say that you can’t discuss it in private, though I would certainly prefer if you did so only with your top people under reasonably secure conditions. I have sufficient backing to defy Vergallian Intelligence, but the diplomatic service answers to the imperial family, and if it appeared that I was intentionally rubbing their faces in the dirt, it would be seen as an act of outright rebellion.”
“I see, I think. I can do that.”
“In any case, with the exception of the Horten ambassador, I doubt our colleagues can tell one upper-caste Vergallian from another,” Aainda concluded with a laugh. “Their own intelligence people will tell them the truth soon enough and I wouldn’t be surprised if the Grenouthian already knows since they track station arrivals and departures so closely.”
The doors slid open on the Verlock deck, and Kelly and Aainda made their way to the embassy. The temperature in the reception area was surprisingly mild, thanks to the lava waterfall having solidified during routine maintenance, and the two ambassadors followed a young Verlock staffer to the meeting room. Two Gem caterers were just leaving, and the other ambassadors were huddled around the buffet, loading stoneware plates with their favorite delicacies.
“Ambassadors,” Srythlan boomed from the head of the table. The slow-moving Verlock always sat out the food scrums where he stood little chance against faster hands, a sacrifice that cost him nothing since the other species wouldn’t bother with the dried-out, hard-to-chew foods favored by the oldest of the oxygen-breathing tunnel network species.
A giant bunny was the only one of the ambassadors to look around at the newcomers, and he proclaimed, “I see that the Human has returned from her paid vacation and the new Vergallian ambassador has finally arrived.”
“Sabbatical,” Kelly retorted.
On hearing that a new ambassador was among them, the other diplomats immediately changed their behavior with an eye towards making a good first impression, and cleared a path to the buffet for late-comers.
“Ambassador Aainda,” the Vergallian introduced herself to her old colleagues. “I’m replacing my cousin with whom I share a name. I hope
nobody finds it confusing.”
“Not at all, my dear,” Ortha said, bowing and kissing the ambassador’s hand. “It seems you shared a wardrobe as well. I recall that gorgeous dress from a reception we attended last cycle.”
“My cousin left behind a few articles of clothing she didn’t feel were appropriate for Fleet,” Aainda lied smoothly to the Horten, who had their roles been reversed, would have undergone an embarrassing shift in skin color. “And you are?” she asked the Drazen.
“Bork,” he replied, seemingly ignorant of the charade. “Welcome to Union Station. I hope you don’t mind my saying that even though your predecessor was both the loveliest and the most cooperative Vergallian diplomat I have ever met, something tells me that you are her equal.”
Aainda blushed prettily and moved on to the Dollnick.
“Crute,” he introduced himself, offering a two-handed politician’s handshake with his lower set of arms while holding a loaded plate and a brimming tankard of some alien brew with the upper set. “I was briefed on your arrival before the meeting.”
“I’ve been expecting her for a week,” the Grenouthian said, and Kelly would have sworn that the giant bunny actually winked.
“Czeros,” the Frunge diplomat greeted Aainda, setting down his plate of cheese and water goblet of wine on the giant slab of rock that served the Verlocks as a conference table. “My government specially requested me to offer you and your family a warm welcome.”
“I’m afraid I traveled alone, though my cousin’s daughter remained on the station,” the Vergallian said.
“The welcome extends to your family wherever they might be,” Czeros replied with a knowing smile.
“Gwen Two,” the Gem ambassador introduced herself. “You and your cousin could be clones.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” the Vergallian responded diplomatically.
“I am Srythlan, the host of today’s meeting,” the Verlock announced, having just reached the knot of ambassadors at a slow shuffle. “I will instruct my staff to reset the security monitor to allow you free access to the reception area.”
