When they left, Gwen asked me, "Can you tell me about those red welts you have on your body?"
I said, "Sometimes the jeebees get lucky."
"How long ago did you get shot?"
"The latest are at least six months old."
"They don't look that old. Do they hurt?"
"Only when the doctor touches them and asks if they still hurt. She thinks it is strange that they don't heal."
"There are things here that don't make sense. Like when the jeebees shot me and I didn't feel anything. I'd like to ask your automaton a few questions. Hopefully it has the answers I need."
"You need to pay attention when you ask him anything. 'Tis difficult to get the answer you seek on the first question. I can't explain it, but you'll see."
She said, "I'll be back soon. Don't go anywhere."
"That's wonderful; making jokes about bed-ridden people."
"It's not a joke. I wouldn't be surprised if you tried something stupid. I'm going to send your sister up to keep you company and make sure you stay in bed."
I was hungry, and I was thirsty, and I didn't feel like being here any longer. I expressed these things to my sister. She looked up from her reading and said something that she thought was comforting. It wasn't. I shut my eyes as my head felt better with them closed.
I guess I napped again as the next thing I heard was Gwen asking, "How is she doing?"
I replied, "She... still has the same headache she had when you left."
My sister added, "She's acting like a crab."
Gwen puzzled through that expression. "Acting... Oh, she is being crabby. That's okay. I'll take care of her."
"What did you and Bradan talk about?"
"We talked about what happened when the two of us got shot by the jeebees. You are very fortunate to still be alive. The jeebees use a variation on a microwave gun."
"I've never heard of that. What is a microwave?"
"It is like a radio at a very high frequency. Weapons using it are banned in all civilised countries because of the damage it does."
"It doesn't seem so bad. My rifle makes a nastier wound."
"The microwave gun not only burns your skin, but cooks your internal parts as well. I think you are still alive only because of those sensible undergarments that you kept talking about. I am okay because my jumpsuit has a metallic weave which redirected the energy into your cousin's device."
"Will you be so kind as to let the jeebees know that I am cooked medium rare and almost ready to be served?"
She laughed. "I wish I knew a way to heal them. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"I have a device in my jewellery box that's supposed to help me relax, deal with pain, and just feel better. Could you get it for me?"
"What's it look like?"
"It's shaped like a valentine heart and has a key to wind it up."
She held up the thing that I bought at the convention. "I guess this must be it."
"You wind it up for a minute, then remove the key to start it working."
She gave it a puzzled look as she wound it. I heard the slight hum it made when she removed the key. She said, "I didn't know wind-up vibrators existed. How long does it run for?"
"The woman said it would go for fifteen minutes, but it only hums for ten."
"It's time for me to visit your cousin. I'll let you have this, and when I return, I'll bring something much more relaxing."
The woman who sold this said to place it a palm's width below my navel, but I preferred placing it the same distance above it. It felt almost as good as having a kitten purring on my chest.
My guards changed. I was fairly certain I could make my way to the comfort room without falling and splitting my head open, but my sister insisted that I needed help. I think she was seeking revenge for all those times I had helped my mother nurse her back to health. I had to admit she was less smothering than Gwen though.
Gwen was back within an hour. She said, "I don't believe your cousin likes me."
"Just because the day you arrive, you destroy his time viewer and the next day you get his favourite cousin shot? What's not to love about you?"
"I did not... It wasn't my fault... Oh! That's not it though. When I was there, he stopped what he was doing for only a second to point out the power converter. There wasn't even a simple greeting."
"That means he was busy inventing. He has no manners when he gets that way. I hope you didn't disturb his concentration much. The last time I distracted him, we both ended up in a hospital for a day."
"I don't think I disturbed him. I got the hint, took the converter, and left quietly."
"That he built the power converter for you so quickly means he likes you... Is that what is making that buzzing noise downstairs?"
"Unfortunately, that's it. I have everything recharging now so I can turn it off soon."
She continued, "I got this out of my trunk." She held up a cup of clear liquid. "Do you have a favourite perfume?"
"I like the one in the tall clear bottle on my vanity the most. The one next to the candy that I can't have."
Gwen opened it, put a couple of drops in the cup, and stirred it with a finger. "You won't be needing the vibrator now. Just set it aside and roll over onto your stomach."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to treat you to a sensual massage. A candidate for your very great-grandson-in-law used to do this for me when I came home all stressed out. He wasn't royalty, but he treated me like a princess. He said he loved me most when I was all wet and shiny. I loved the way I felt when he finished."
• February 13
There was light and warmth on my eyelids. I didn't want to open them lest I was somewhere that I was afraid to be. I heard Gwen singing and knew that I was either alive or in heaven. I asked, "What does 'get high' mean?"
"That is the really nice feeling one gets after drinking too much. 'I get high with a little help from my friends'[x] means that I feel really happy when I am among friends... Good morning! How are you feeling?"
"Not as high as you, but better."
"That's good to hear."
I asked her, "What are you reading?"
"Fianna Kelly and the Dance of Death"
"Don't believe anything in there. It's all a fantasy from start to end."
"How about 'Fianna Kelly: Queen of the Pirates'?"
"That one is awful too. I prefer the 'Magnificent James Anderson' ones. They are more inventive."
"Your brother, Michael, gave me those to read as well. They are shorter than your adventures. I've never shot a pistol out of a person's hand. Have you?"
"I am not as skilled with a pistol as Jim."
"Jim? Does that mean you have met this man?"
"We were guests at a dinner hosted by a mutual friend. A few days later, we performed together on stage. I can believe what is written even though he said the stories aren't true."
"You keep surprising me. Which one of your adventure stories is the best?"
"Have you read 'Fianna Kelly at the World's Fair'? The editor removed the scenes with Jim as he said they were boring."
"That's the one where God sends down a lightning bolt and you can now see like a hawk, right?"
"I was out of the hospital bed in only a day after that."
"You mean that part is true; you really got hit by lightning?"
"'Tis true. My eyes are the same as they've always been though."
"How about the part where you refuse the proposal of the handsome King?"
"The editor thought the story needed more romance."
"Why would you refuse him?"
I laughed. "The United Kingdom needs me to keep the sun from setting on it. I cannot go off and marry just anyone who comes along."
"Too bad. I'd be a step closer to being born."
I'll make sure that you will get born eventually. I'm waiting for a certain Count to propose. I'd like being called 'Contessa Fianna'."
She flipped th
e page. "Where do the writers get these ideas?"
"Sometimes I send them my diary pages. Most of the time they just create something."
I asked Gwen to fetch a glass of something cold and Felix passed her on her way out. He said, "I have some interesting news for you."
I said, "Don't keep me in suspense."
"I'd like to have Gwen here so I don't have to repeat it."
"She'll be back shortly." As if she was listening, and she probably was, she walked back into my room.
"I found out some useful things about the numbers on the displays," he began. "As Gwen noticed, they changed when the jeebees came through."
"She said you were ignoring her."
"I was trying, but she is persistent... Anyway, they must have activated the circuits that I thought were disconnected."
I asked, "What does that mean?"
He leaned back and boasted proudly, "I know where the jeebees came from!"
Gwen asked, "Where?"
He said, "It looks like they found a cavern in Thirl Moor. For those without maps at hand, that is a peak in the Cheviot Hills which border England and Scotland."
I thought about what he just said for a moment. This could be very good news. There was the opposite side though. I said, "Do you think the jeebees know where those three arrived? They could be planning to send a much larger force here."
He said, "No, I know for sure that my time viewer did not send its location to them."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Positive. It cannot tell them what it doesn't know."
Gwen asked, "What do we do now?"
They were both looking at me. This was happening more frequently these days and I wasn't sure how to react. It was nice that people both wanted and appreciated my opinions. I wasn't sure I liked being the one that they turned to first for important decisions. However, this was an opportunity to give Gwen something to do for a few hours instead of doting over me.
I said, "I need to ask a couple favours from both of you."
They talked over each other trying to tell me that they would do anything for me. Felix motioned for Gwen to go first. Gerald taught me that when possible to phrase what I needed done as a question. He said people respond better to them than to commands.
"Gwen", I said, "Could you go to the telegraph office and send one to my employers appraising them of this news?"
She said, "I think I know where that is. It is next to the shoemaker, right?"
Felix said, "It's two doors down, but you can't mistake it once you get that close."
I resumed, "Don't bother waiting for a reply as those guys will be debating what to do for hours, if not days."
She said, "You write it. I'll send it."
"Felix", I said, "You were going to inspect my airship. Can you do that today?"
He said, "Only for you."
"In addition, since you find my adventures too dangerous, could you train Gwen to work the controls on the Clover's cannon while you are in it?" I looked at Gwen, "It takes two people to work it. One to regulate it and the other to aim and fire."
Gwen protested, "You are flat on your back and in no shape for battle."
"I won't be here for much longer... And I'd still like something to drink, if it's not a bother."
She brought back a glass of water along with her trunk. "There's not much extra space in the guest room. Do you mind if I leave him with you while I am out?"
It seemed okay to me. If only Bradan and it had something to talk about, they could keep each other company. The water was nice, but I wanted something nicer.
Gwen returned from her errands after sundown, ecstatic over what she had learned. I smiled and listened while she told me things I barely understood. She stopped abruptly. She asked me, "Do you remember the story with James Anderson and the Comanche Chief?"
"That one is special to me. It was the first one I read after I met Jim and I fancied myself as the Indian princess."
"As fellow warriors, he and the chief became blood brothers. I'd like you to be my blood sister."
"This is going to hurt, isn't it?"
"More than you can possibly know, but not as much as getting hit by lightning."
"Have you been hit by lightning too?"
She sighed. "Okay, that's a poor example. I can only promise you that you won't regret it."
"Okay, get out your Bowie knife and slice my forearm. I'm ready."
"I'm just going to use this pin to poke our fingers. You can ask your friend the next time you see him if they really made such large cuts."
She poked four fingers on my right hand and four on her left. She held them together with her other hand. I felt a warm sensation go up my arm to my head. Then my head hurt again. It was like it was being pulled apart and then being screwed back together.
• February 14
I felt good when I awoke. Gwen said, "The doctor was here this morning while you were still asleep and said you healed quickly. I explained it was all due to love and care. She added that you could get out of bed when you felt like it."
"I smell breakfast. What time is it?"
"Almost lunchtime. What you smell is the remainder of what your mother brought me so I wouldn't have to leave you alone."
"I would like to get up, but I believe I'll need help getting dressed."
"I didn't keep track of everything when we undressed you so I'll need instructions to put you back together again."
"Have things changed that much in 450 years?"
"Did your grandmother wear the same kind of clothes you do?"
I pointed out where I kept my undergarments and what order they went on me. She admitted it wasn't as confusing as she had thought. I tried to argue that it wasn't confusing at all. She said she was going to relax in the guest room for a change and I went down to see what I had missed during the last two days.
My mother and sister were baking some cookies. My brothers had smelled them and were waiting to get their share as soon as they left the oven. I was surprised that Gwen wasn't here as well. After everyone else claimed some, I put six on a plate, filled a glass with milk, and went up to the guest room. Gwen had piled all her blankets and pillows at one end and was wearing her helmet. That was probably why she didn't know that cookies were baking.
"You seem relaxed," I said loudly.
"Classical music always relaxes me," she replied.
I looked around and neither saw an orchestra nor heard one. Gwen noticed my puzzled look and laughed. She took off her helmet, motioned for me to come close, and put it on my head. Suddenly it was like I was in the middle of music. I looked around me trying to figure out where she had hidden the musicians. She touched the side of the helmet and the music stopped.
"Whatever that was, make it come back... Please?"
"That is called 'Days of Future Passed'[xi] and since you asked nicely..."
"That was wonderful. It was music, and poetry, and poetry set to music. It was all around me yet playing only for me."
I could barely hear her over the music. She said, "I really shouldn't expose you to music that hasn't been written yet. I'm violating my mission parameters."
"If I promise not to sing the songs, can I hear some more?"
"Sure! You can listen to the music and I will eat all the cookies."
"That's a good trade. I can always bake cookies, but this is rare and special."
When it finished, I said, "What are these 'mission parameters' that you keep talking about?"
"They are a big list of dos and don'ts. One is not to mention things we have in the future so they don't get invented before their time. The most important one is not to kill anyone who should be alive and conversely not to help anyone who should die."
"So that is why your pistol only paralyses people for a short time?"
"That's correct. I believe if your cousin had written the rules, the first and only one would be 'Look, don't touch!' or something similar."
"What happened last nig
ht? It was more than a touch, wasn't it?"
"I saved for a year and bought a hundred very tiny mechanical doctors that stay inside of me for when I need them. Last night I shared them with you and they worked all night to heal you from the inside. Unfortunately, they didn't know how to heal your welts, just your head injury."
"How did they know what to do?"
"You might say that my trunk sent them a telegram with instructions... Speaking of telegrams, this one came for you this morning."
Pilots arriving tonight.
I said, "They are never one to waste words, especially when they pay for each one. It looks like I might be leaving tonight."
"Don't you mean 'we' might be leaving tonight?"
"I hadn't gotten around to asking you yet. 'Tis not your usual invitation, is it? Please join Miss Fianna Kelly and company as they go to war."
"I accept your invitation and will be ready to ship out before you are."
"Well, as long as I can walk, I think I'd like to get outside for a while before we have to leave."
We took a short walk down the road and found Felix working in his lab. I asked him, "Did you get the time viewer repaired?"
He said, "I can't fix it?"
"Why not?"
"You are going to make me say it, aren't you?"
"Make you say what?" Gwen asked.
He replied, "That I have no idea what some of the parts were in the panel that caught on fire."
I looked at the table on the left side. I said, "This one looks okay."
"I built that one from all man-made parts," he replied smugly.
Gwen asked, "Does that mean I can't go back?"
"It means you can't go back... yet. It will take me a while to figure out which parts are essential and which we can do without."
I said, "We are likely on our way to fight the jeebees. I'll try to bring you back some souvenirs."
He said, "Good bye and good luck and good hunting and may God watch over you both." With that, he went back to his work.
We went back home and started packing. As telegrams went, that one was vaguer than usual. It was almost like Bradan's responses. I was close to finishing when my sister ran up the stairs to announce that I had visitors.
Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories Page 22
