Yet, broken sentences fell from her shackled tongue. She couldn’t get past the chains that bound her, or the sudden influx of brittle courage that threatened to snap like a twig at any second.
Lily had never been one for tests or quizzes or questionnaires. Interviews were clumped into that same tremble-inducing group. But never in Lily’s life had her sheer anxiousness crippled her mind so utterly and completely as it did during the phone interview with Lash Fashion. With so much to say, so much riding on the chance to get her foot in the door and show a rising star like Lilo Ashby what she was made of, the foundation of Lily’s confidence had crumbled under the pressure.
In the rubble, all she was left with was a shaky thanks for taking the time to talk with them about the internship and a promise that Magda would be in touch once they had spoken with the rest of the candidates.
Lily wasn’t holding her breath.
Defeated, she spent the rest of the afternoon with Eden at the bed and breakfast. The thick cloudy skies had cleared, giving way to a bright blanket of blue. A stark contrast to the gloomy state of her mood. Eden, ever the precocious child, was keen on lifting her mother’s spirits. She stayed close, even as Lily folded a basket of laundry—with Eden’s help, which meant the bath towels would need to be refolded once the little girl was preoccupied with something else—and refilled the toiletry baskets in the upper floor bathrooms with supplies from the basement supply closet. After that, Lily managed to unearth the old sewing machine Nancy had mentioned from the hallway closet—a boxy looking Kenmore from the 1970’s—and got to work trying to mend the ripped tea towel. She took it upon herself to repair a few more while she was at it, as they looked close to succumbing to the same tattered fate.
It was busy work, but Lily needed the distraction. Needed to remind herself that she had sewing skills, and that she was good at it. If she didn’t, her dreadful grief for the state of her childhood dream would take over and she would cry.
‘Mama, are you sad?’ Eden pushed the wooden chair up beside Lily and clambered up onto it, watching intently.
Sometimes, Lily wondered how she ever got so lucky as to be the little girl’s mother. Eden was such a small being, but the compassion and generosity and beauty within her was ten times larger. Pride swelled, and her heart burst with the force of it.
‘Nah, baby, I’m okay. Just got a lot on my mind.’
Fiddling with the corner of one of the newly stitched tea towels, Eden mulled over her next reply. ‘You look sad,’ she reasoned. ‘Like when I couldn’t find Bunny at Greta’s.’
Gosh, it had been weeks since that incident. Eden had slopped a healthy dose of spaghetti sauce onto her beloved velveteen rabbit, and while she napped, her babysitter, Greta, had tossed the stuffed toy into the washing machine. Lily hadn’t known a thing about it, and when she picked Eden up from her babysitter’s house after work, she’d said nothing of the rabbit’s absence. It took two full days for Eden to admit what was wrong, but not before the little girl had become a sullen shadow of herself, thoroughly believing the rabbit was gone for good. The reunion with the cleaner, softer bunny had reduced Eden to tears of joy. Bunny was perched upstairs on their bed now, awaiting its pint-sized owner’s return.
Somehow, Lily didn’t think a few days were going to rectify what she had lost during the train wreck of an interview. Still, she smiled at her daughter. ‘Nothing to worry about, my girl. I promise. Are you ready for tonight?’
Eden beamed up at her and gasped. Almost knocking over the chair in the process, she raced from the room as though she hadn’t heard her question at all. Lily heard the heavy thump, thump, thump of feet on the stairs, then the faint pitter patter down the upstairs hallway overhead. The sounds reversed as her daughter made her way back, slower this time, puffing heavily as she appeared again in the kitchen.
‘Here!’ she exclaimed excitedly. ‘I’m not sad when I got this with me.’
Lily would have guessed that Eden would choose her velveteen rabbit as a consoling gift to keep sadness at bay, but it wasn’t Bunny that she presented to her mother.
Eden held out the Panther de Ville replica as though it held the key to happiness.
As shocked as she was, Lily felt relief more than anything that Nancy wasn’t around to witness Eden’s attempt at making her smile. In less than two hours, Jason would pull up outside and whisk them away to the drive-in movie. Neither of them had ever been to a drive-in before, and Lily had to admit she was looking forward to it, even if it was Cars 2 on the big screen.
She could just imagine the hearts and stars that would be floating in front of Nancy’s eyes when she found out about the event.
Lily would not call it a date. She refused. But Nancy Bergeron would.
Holding the model car in her hands, seeing the way Eden stared at the toy with her own stars in her eyes, Lily wondered what Jason would call it.
***
The drive-in movie theatre was held in a five-acre field on the edge of town. According to Jason, the land was owned by a local resident who permitted the Port Landon Recreational Committee to use the spot free of charge with only one stipulation: that the space be used for something to give the younger generation something fun to do and somewhere interesting to go. If the packed parking lot was any indication, then there were a lot of children in town who experienced all the fun there was to offer.
‘Mommy, look!’ Eden’s face was pressed against the backseat window.
Lily didn’t have to wonder what her daughter was marveling at. The massive movie screen blazed light across the field, showing the colorful message in block letters that scrolled from left to right, depicting the radio channel to tune in to so that the movie could be heard. It was such a merry mix of modern and retro that Lily was just as childlike in her own wonder. ‘Pretty cool, huh?’
‘Wait till the movie starts!’ Carlie exclaimed from the seat behind Lily. ‘And Daddy makes the sound come through the car!’
Lily chuckled, casting a glance toward the driver’s seat where Jason sat. ‘Is that just one of your many magic tricks?’ she asked wryly.
Jason steered the truck into the first open parking spot he found before pressing buttons on the dash to find the radio channel. ‘You just never know what else I might have up my sleeve.’
‘Hurry, Daddy, it’s about to start!’
Eden let out an excited shriek, and both girls fell into a fit of giggles. Lily could only see Eden from her spot in the passenger seat, but there was no mistaking that lighthearted sound—Carlie and her daughter were friends. It was one thing to hang out in the park because they happened to be there at the same time, forced together by chance and circumstance, but an invite to a movie and simultaneous high-pitched giggles sealed the deal.
Seeing as both Jason and Lily were wearing matching faint grins that hadn’t faltered since they’d begun the drive out to the edge of town, it looked like they were becoming friends, too. A movie and a smile shared—it sounded like friendship to Lily.
She kind of liked it.
‘Thank you for inviting us along,’ she offered, interrupted by an electronic monotone voice floating throughout the truck cab.
‘Stay tuned for tonight’s feature motion picture. Stay tuned for tonight’s feature—’
The endless loop was cut off by girlish cheers from the backseat.
‘Where’s the popcorn, Daddy?’ Carlie’s feet bounced off the seat in front of her, and she clapped her hands. ‘We need the popcorn … stat!’
Before Lily could laugh or question the young girl’s terminology, Jason shook his head. ‘One mistake of leaving The Good Doctor on television for five minutes, and this is what I end up with.’ He shook his head. ‘Pass me that bag by your feet, please.’
‘I’ll handle this.’ Lily plucked the grocery bag from the floor and tore open the bag of movie theatre popcorn from the convenience store. She inhaled the buttery scent dramatically. ‘Mmm, maybe I’ll just eat it all myself.’
&nbs
p; ‘Nooo!’ Carlie tried to whine, but it was cut off by more giggling. ‘You have to share!’
‘Oh, all right.’ Lily plucked one piece of popcorn from the bag and held it out to the little girl. ‘You can have this one.’
‘No, more than that!’ she laughed. ‘You’re no good at sharing, Lily.’ She jutted her arms between the front seats, squealing as she narrowly missed the bag.
‘Well, then.’ Lily popped the puffed kernel into her mouth, unable to contain her amusement. ‘You’re not very good at pretending to be mad, either. You should really stop laughing, Carlie. It’d be more realistic.’
The little girl put her hand over her mouth, but it was futile. The giggles continued to erupt. ‘I can’t,’ she cried, still craning forward for the bag, ‘You’re too funny!’
‘Funny lookin’!’ Eden piped up beside her. The joke was enough to reduce both girls to tears, they were laughing so hard. Carlie’s outstretched arms disappeared into the backseat once more as she collapsed onto the seat with Eden.
‘All right, you two, we’d better settle down before the movie begins.’ She cast a glance at Jason. ‘You mind if I just hand it over to the girls?’ she asked. ‘I doubt they’ll eat it all, but stranger things have happened.’
He waved a dismissive hand, grinning from ear to ear. ‘Nah, let ’em have a little fun.’
‘I think they already are.’ Lily passed the bag into the backseat just as the monotone voice was interrupted by the opening credits of the movie. Another cheer from the backseat, garbled by mouths full of buttery popcorn. ‘This is so cool,’ she added in a whisper, her gaze locked on the screen ahead.
And it was. Darkness had fallen, though a hint of the day’s brightness still appeared on the horizon. A four-door sedan and a large SUV flanked the truck, and Lily could see excited children bouncing and pointing toward the screen. No wind, no rain, just an unobstructed view of an outdoor movie screen and two young girls who thought it was the greatest Friday night ever.
‘Agreed.’ Jason unveiled a bag of Twizzlers from the grocery bag and, inconspicuously, he held a finger to his lips. He continued to speak while ripping open the bag, his voice mixing with the movie’s audio and drowning out the sound of the plastic being torn. ‘Carlie and I check this out almost every weekend we’re together. It’s always this packed, too.’
‘Daddy, shh!’ Carlie tapped his seat. ‘The movie’s on!’
‘Yeah, Mama,’ Eden chimed in, enjoying the chance to joyously chastise. ‘Shh!’
Turning around in his seat, Jason smirked at the two cherub-faced girls. ‘Who’s being funny now, huh? Want to make a switch and sit in the front seat so you can see the movie better, and Lily and I can still talk without bothering you two princesses?’
The girls were unbuckling their seatbelts and clambering over the middle console before Jason even had the entire suggestion out. Lily laughed, wondering if that had been their end game the whole time.
Popcorn was already crushed into the floor where Carlie’s booster seat sat, but Jason didn’t mention it. Instead, he settled the girls into the front seat—Carlie in the driver’s seat and Eden cross-legged on the passenger side, with two juice boxes in their cup holders and a bag of popcorn propped open between them—and removed their booster seats from the back, setting them on the grass outside the truck.
‘They’ll be fine there till the movie is over,’ he whispered to Lily. He waved a hand toward the opened door to the backseat. ‘Shh, or the cute little gremlins in the front will ground us till we’re forty.’
‘No, a hundred!’ Eden piped up from the front, setting off another series of giggles.
‘You just watch your movie, my girl.’ Lily reached over the headrest and ruffled her daughter’s hair.
Once all four doors were closed, the movie’s audio surrounding them from all sides, Lily sighed and let her head fall back onto the comfortable headrest. ‘Yeah,’ she breathed, turning toward Jason. ‘This is awesome. Thank you again, Jason.’
Jason didn’t fit in the backseat quite as well as she did. His knees pressed into the driver’s seat and the headrest was too low for him to lean back comfortably. He didn’t seem to mind. ‘You guys never did anything like this in Sherman?’
Lily was pretty sure it was the first direct question about her hometown he had asked her since they met. Maybe it was the happiness in her daughter’s eyes, or the moment of luxurious downtime she was stealing, but Lily didn’t dodge the subject. ‘We didn’t have a theatre in Sherman,’ she replied. ‘Even if we did, I don’t know if I would have gone to it.’
Something sharpened in Jason’s gaze, evident in the dashboard lights. ‘You and your ex weren’t movie-going kind of folks, I take it.’
A scoff erupted from her throat. It wasn’t funny, but his choice of words was uncanny. ‘My ex hasn’t been around for a long time, Jason, but I guess you could say that. Part of him was always with me in Sherman, no matter where I went or what I did. So, yeah, if I’d gone to a movie theatre, he would’ve been with me whether he was actually there or not.’
He didn’t flinch, but her forwardness surprised him. It surprised Lily, too, and she was thankful for the dimness of the truck cab. She hoped it hid the heat flushing her cheeks.
‘Sorry,’ she added. ‘I’m not trying to ruin this night with my baggage.’
‘Don’t apologize for talking about yourself,’ he whispered. ‘Sometimes, the stuff that makes up who we are is difficult and hard to take. Doesn’t mean we should push it down and keep it hidden away. It’s better to get it out willingly than to have it explode when you least expect it. Besides, me and baggage, we’re old friends. You can’t ruin tonight by bringing baggage along with you.’
Lily didn’t raise her head, just her eyebrows. ‘Those are pretty profound words.’
‘I’m a pretty profound guy.’ The corner of his mouth lifted. ‘Seriously, though, I’m just speaking from experience.’ A bout of silence followed, and both adults checked to make sure the girls weren’t paying them any mind. Little hands were mindlessly shoveling popcorn out of the bag, their enraptured gazes locked on Mater and Lightning McQueen’s antics.
‘Does she see her father very often?’ Jason’s voice was soft with no hint of demand. He slid down in his seat, sprawling out as much as possible and leaning his head against the headrest behind him. Hands clasped together over his abdomen, he waited.
Lily admired his bravery. She wasn’t sure she would have had the guts to ask about Carlie’s mother first. ‘Michael left before she was born,’ she confessed. ‘He’s never met her.’
‘Damn, I’m sorry, Lily.’ He stole another glance at Eden’s profile, this time more curiously. ‘He’s missing out, big time.’
‘I agree with you, but he never saw it that way. He always had big plans. Unfortunately, children weren’t a part of those plans.’
‘So, he just left?’ Jason couldn’t seem to comprehend the notion, and a mix of incredulity and horror marred his chiseled features. Lily felt lighter, somehow, knowing he was shocked by Michael’s decision. It meant she wasn’t crazy for still being unable to understand it herself after all these years.
She nodded. ‘Within a few weeks. All the cliché stuff you hear about, like This wasn’t what I signed up for, and This isn’t how I planned out our life. He said it all, like I had done something to him. Like having a child was some kind of jail sentence that would prevent him from doing all the things he had said he was going to do since we were teenagers but hadn’t done yet by our late twenties. That was the thing with Michael, he had big dreams, but if those dreams weren’t realized quick, and with a big payoff, he moved on to the next supposed moneymaker.’
‘His big dream was to be rich?’
‘Not just rich, but rich quick.’ She shrugged. ‘That was how he measured success. Dollar signs.’ It surprised Lily that she was able to pinpoint Michael’s misguided aspirations so easily now. There had been a time when she wanted so badly to believe th
at his motivations included her and their life together that she would have given very different answers. The entire town of Sherman would have. But being the teenage golden boy of his hometown didn’t allow Michael’s indiscretions to continuously go under the radar the way he thought they did. People noticed his flippant attitude; they witnessed his inability to hold down a decent job and his incessant desire to live beyond his means. To puff out his chest and pretend to be something he wasn’t. They mentioned it to Lily, too. Worried about the hole he was digging, the vicious cycle she was caught up in as she worked tirelessly at the restaurant and he drove them further into debt while waiting for the universe to give him all the things he thought he deserved. He had not only wrecked her trust, but he’d destroyed her credit.
By the time she saw him for who he really was, Lily didn’t know how to save herself from the situation her naivety had placed her in.
Then, she found out she was pregnant. A switch flipped within her. She might not have known where to start when it came to fighting for herself, but she vowed she would fight tooth and nail for the child she carried. For the life her child deserved.
She would never understand the ease with which Michael turned his back on his unborn daughter, how nonchalantly he had signed his name and stripped himself of his parental rights, like being a father was a choice, but it was a blessing in disguise. Lily let him walk away, and he had done it without a second glance. He evacuated Sherman almost immediately. She didn’t ask for a dime; after all, she couldn’t get blood from a stone. She didn’t want his money, anyway. She didn’t want anything from him. The only thing that had mattered since was the little girl their tumultuous time together had graced her with.
‘Money doesn’t equate to success,’ Jason replied quietly.
‘Or happiness,’ she added. ‘Or so I’ve heard. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to give it a try.’
A Wildflower Summer Page 15
