by Cassie James
With those last words, she drifts off back to sleep. It doesn’t seem fair, how peaceful she looks seconds after rocking my whole world. I pace the length of the room until I start to worry I’m wearing the floor down.
Every time I think I’m starting to come to terms with the reality of who I am, someone goes and drops another bombshell. I’ve spent months terrified to find out Hollis was the villain in my life story, only to find out it was actually my mother this whole time. Hollis tried to save me. And my dad tried to protect me, giving up his own life in the process. This is all too much. I wait a few more minutes for the nurse to return, then excuse myself to go lay down.
In my room, I close the curtains up tight so the room is pitch black, and then curl up in the center of my bed. I think about reaching out to one of my boys, knowing any of them would be here to comfort me in a heartbeat. Then I decide against it. For the moment, what I think I really need is to grieve alone. I bury my face in my pillow and let everything pour out of me. The months of being unwelcome. The chaos of Kathryn’s death and everything that came after. And now this, finally discovering the truth of what happened the night my name was stolen from me. The only comfort I have is knowing that no one will ever be able to steal the name Juliet Lexington from me again.
Chapter Seven
I force a smile on my face as yet another person whose name I don’t know offers to get me a drink. I’ve told every single one of them no, worried that it’s just a ruse someone made up to drug my drink and make a fool of me somehow. I grew up thinking I had trust issues, but that was nothing compared to how I feel now. After Pearl dropped that bomb about my mother, I catch myself looking over my shoulder even more now than before.
“Juliet!” I turn just in time for Allie Townsend to throw her arms around me. This is her back to school party, but I’ve never had an actual conversation with her—despite how much time she’s spent at our lunch table drooling over the boys, particularly Jax.
“Uh, hi,” I tell her, carefully twisting out of her grasp. She’s clearly had too much to drink already.
“I’m so glad you came! I asked Smith if you would be here, but he said he wasn’t sure.” She’s looking at me with an intensity that makes me uncomfortable. I told Smith I wasn’t sure if I was coming because I hadn’t wanted to, but Pearl hadn’t taken no for an answer. She doesn’t seem to remember telling me about my mother, but she’s been able to tell I’m moping around more than usual. Her words, not mine.
She told me if I didn’t come to this party of my own free will that she was going to start making calls for everyone to come to our house instead. Obviously, that was the last thing either of us really wanted right now. So, here I am.
Allie loops her arm through mine and starts dragging me further into her house as I stare over at her, bewildered. “Has anyone offered you a drink yet? I can have someone get you one.” She taps the person closest to her at the moment and starts to ask them to do it, but I interrupt.
“I’d really rather get my own drink, Allie.” That way no one will bother me later about the fact that I’m definitely not here to get drunk. I’ll fill a cup with water or juice or something and no one really has to be the wiser. Everyone’s going to be too drunk soon to notice whether I’m drinking or not, anyway.
“Of course!” Allie points towards a room I’m assuming is the kitchen and then starts tugging me that way. I’m indescribably relieved when we reach the kitchen and she lets go of me. “I think someone’s looking for you,” she says half under her breath. “I’ll come find you later.” She vanishes before I can tell her that’s not necessary. I’m not sure why she would think she needs to come find me again. We’re not friends. I barely know her or anything about her.
It’s not until I take my eyes off her retreating form that I realize what she was talking about. Jax is staring at me from across the kitchen. I consider tucking tail and following Allie, but the second our eyes make contact Jax is headed my way.
There’s no running from him now, I guess. I steel myself for whatever is coming. We haven’t seen or spoken to each other in weeks. Not since that whole debacle in my bedroom.
“Juliet,” he says my name as he comes to a stop in front of me.
“Jax.”
His eyes trail down, giving me a good once over, his gaze lingering on my bare legs under the skirt I wore tonight. His tongue darts out to lick the corner of his mouth, and I catch myself staring at the motion. Clearing my throat, I force my eyes back to his and wait for him to do the same. His lips curl up into a smirk.
He doesn’t say anything, he’s still just staring at me. The room around us is so crowded and loud, but standing here with him all I can notice is the silence hanging between us.
“Are you ready to beg me?” My mind goes blank for a second before his words really register.
“I’m not begging you for shit,” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest as I frown up at him. Fuck this guy, seriously. I can’t for the life of me understand why everyone’s been defending him for weeks. He’s still the same sleazy asshole that put my body on display for all of our classmates last year. Anyone insinuating he might have feelings for me has clearly lost their damn mind.
Jax’s eyes darken as I start to turn to leave. “Don’t walk away from me,” he growls as he grabs my arm. I’m so over this game. I jerk my arm out of his grasp and level him with a dark look of my own.
“Put your hands on me like that again and I’m going to do a lot worse than walking away from you. I’m not scared of you because of who your daddy is, Woods.”
He works his jaw. “If you didn’t want me putting my hands on you, then you wouldn’t have shown up here dressed like a slut. Don’t act like you didn’t wear that for my benefit.”
I don’t take even one second to think about it—I just fucking deck him as hard as I can, right in the jaw. He staggers back, clearly surprised by the blow even though I know he’s had worse. I wince as my hand starts to throb. Goddamn that hurt.
It’s like hitting him didn’t deter him in the slightest. He steps closer to me again and slips one hand up the back of my shirt. “Did that make you feel better?” he taunts me. “Now, kiss it and make it better.” He juts his chin toward me, legitimately offering me his jaw like he really thinks I’m going to kiss the slightly reddened spot where I hit him.
“Back off, Jax.” I grab his wrist from behind me and yank it away, making him let go of me. I’m relieved—but also surprised—when he doesn’t fight me more on it.
“You heard her, back off.” I’m surprised to see Salma materialize out of nowhere. She rolls her eyes as Jax turns to glare at her, then grabs my arm and pulls me away. I let her do it, because unlike Jax, she doesn’t grab my arm like she owns me, she does it in that friendly way people do between friends.
Even as Salma drags me out of the kitchen and into a living room, I can feel eyes on me. Just as she’s starting to pull me out the back door, I glance back to find Jax watching me from the opposite side of the room. There’s still a darkness in his eyes, but his mouth is curled up in that smirk of his. He’s impossible to read, and I remind myself that I shouldn’t want to, anyway. Whatever is on Jax Woods’ mind, it’s none of my business.
Salma drops my arm as we find a little open spot in the yard. Several people turn to wave at us, but don’t come any closer. Salma grins as I frown.
“What’s everyone’s deal today?”
“Are you serious?” She stares at me like I’m missing something huge. “I knew you were MIA this summer, but I had no idea you were this out of the loop. I thought for sure the guys would tell you what’s been going on.”
“What? Just tell me.”
“You’re it now, Jules. The top of The Patience School food-chain. You’ve got more money and family history in Patience than anyone else, which means you’re the rightful heir to the top of the social hierarchy. Jax sealed the deal at Prom when he put his stamp of approval on it.”
“He did? Why?”
<
br /> Salma twists her mouth and starts to let her eyes wander. She’s trying to avoid answering me, probably because we’ve had plenty of phone calls this summer where she was forced to listen to me bitch about how it felt like everyone was suddenly pushing Jax on me.
“So people are being nice to me because they think I’m the new head bitch now? That’s crazy.” A few months ago these people wanted nothing to do with me. They kept their distance, not even bothering to get to know me. Obviously, all that shit happened at prom, but I didn’t expect that to be a catalyst for something like this. I really just thought everyone would get a good laugh about me being Prom Queen and then someone else would step up and take over the vacancy Kathryn’s death and Cece’s arrest left.
“Basically, yeah,” Salma confirms. Her face morphs into one of horror. “Oh my god, are we still going to be friends?” What? “Please don’t drop me. This place is painful without any friends, and I really don’t want to have to go back to a boarding school, either.”
“What are you talking about? I’m not going to drop you. You’re one of my best friends.” I eye her sudden panic wearily. I’m so not in the mood for this. Social rankings? So fucking inconsequential. I have real-life problems I’m still struggling to cope with. I don’t have the energy to get wrapped up in this, too.
“I don’t know! It just seems like the kind of thing people do, dropping their friends when they’re suddenly the most popular person in the school. You’re already in a group with the guys everyone looks up to, so it kind of makes sense that maybe you’d start hanging with those kinds of girls, too.” She looks so freaking saddened by everything she’s saying, even though I would never do what she’s describing.
I take deep breaths in and out until I feel a little calmer. I don’t want to get wrapped up in food chains or hierarchies or whatever. I just want to finish high school and maybe find some way to get past the fact that my mother once tried to fucking sell me. Oh, and also, I want to find my boys. Where the hell are they? I haven’t seen any of them since I got here. My eyes take a quick look around, but I don’t catch sight of them out here.
Finally, I turn my attention back to Salma. “We’re friends. Nothing is going to change that. I’m not going to forget who was shitty to me and who wasn’t just because people finally decided to acknowledge that I’ve got a last name they think is important.” I shake my head, still baffled by the weight people in Patience put on our names. “Now give me a hug and calm down. There’s a cute guy over there eyeing you, and you’re going to be so mad at yourself if you’ve got nervous hives when you go talk to him.”
“What? Where?” She pulls out of my hug to get a good look, her eyes catching on the blonde that’s now smiling at her from the edge of the yard.
“Do you mind if I—”
“Go.” I give her a little nudge to help her along. If there’s one thing I know I can count on, it’s that Salma can always be distracted by a cute face. I absolutely adore her and how easily diverted she is. Just another reason why I would never freaking ditch her for mean girls that never gave me the time of day before now. I hate that she even thought it was a possibility.
I think back on when I first met Salma, though, and how distant she was from the rest of our classmates. She got used to being solo. I understand the feeling, and it makes me feel bad for not reassuring her even more than I did. She looks okay now, though, her face lighting up as the cute boy plays with a piece of her hair. Definitely flirting. She’s certain to be distracted for the rest of the night. Which means now’s the perfect time for me to go searching for my own boys. They have to be around here somewhere. They all said they’d be here, otherwise I would have just pretended to come to the party but hid out somewhere else until I could safely go home without raising Pearl’s suspicions.
I walk back into the house and make a loop, but I still haven’t found a single one of them. A girl I had English with stops me as I’m starting to make a second loop. “Are you looking for the guys?”
“Yeah, have you seen them?”
“They were in the middle of a video game tournament in the basement earlier. Check there,” she offers. I tell her thank you before heading in that direction. I saw the basement steps but I just assumed I needed to steer clear. I thought basements at a party were for making out, not for video games.
As I walk down the steps, I realize there’s plenty of room for both. A partial wall separates the room into two distinct living spaces. One with the TV where the games are happening, and one that’s just an oversized sitting room—only, the couches are being used for a whole hell of a lot more than sitting right now. I’m still scanning the room when I hear footsteps on the stairs behind me. I step to the side to let the person pass.
Instead, a warm body stops next to mine. I glance over, then do a double-take. Jax. Again. God, he really can’t take a hint. I open my mouth to tell him to fuck off but he tips his head, nodding toward the other side of the stairs. There’s a narrow hallway leading to who knows what over there. No one seems interested in that side of the basement, not when all the action is obviously out here.
When I glance back at Jax, he starts walking that way, not even bothering to see if I’m actually following him like he so clearly expects me to. After what happened upstairs—and also the countless other times I’ve interacted with Jax—I tell myself I shouldn’t go anywhere with him. I can’t trust him. But I’m still watching him as he glances back once before stepping around the corner.
I have absolutely no excuse for it. I’m weak. I’m curious. And I find my feet following him even though I know I really, really shouldn’t.
When I turn the corner after him, I’m greeted by an empty hallway. I get a weird flash of deja vu to last fall, looking for Sadie on the Forresters’ yacht. This time, I know better than to start opening doors. I step slowly down the hall until I come upon the one open doorway. Jax’s back is to me as I step inside and I don’t know what possesses me to do it but… I push the door closed behind me. Closing me in with him.
My eyes widen to take in the view of the room. Every inch of wall space is covered by fish tanks full of exotic looking fishies. The tanks glow in the otherwise dark space, casting a brilliant blue glow over everything else—including Jax. I look at him out of the corner of my eye, watching as he admires the fish tanks, too.
“What is this?” I ask, the awe in my voice echoing around the small room.
“Allie’s parents are really into fish,” he deadpans. “It’s fucking weird, but this room looks cool as hell, doesn’t it?”
“It’s stunning,” I admit, focusing my attention back on the tanks. Being in here is like what I imagine a submarine would be like. The quiet, enclosed space, surrounded by water and wildlife. Except, okay, obviously these fish aren’t exactly wildlife, but close enough. This might be the coolest room I’ve seen in any house in Patience so far.
Jax takes half a step so he forces himself right into my line of vision. “You closed the door.” The suggestion in his voice makes my heart stutter, missing a beat or two. Yeah, why the hell did I close that door, again? “Juliet.”
The quiet way he says my name sends electricity zapping straight to my lady bits. Damn him. And damn me for following him. He takes another step closer, and in this small space it puts him practically right on top of me. I meet his dark eyes, feeling myself melt for him even as I inwardly scream at myself not to do it. This is a bad idea.
But then I’m leaning in and he’s meeting me halfway and I swear someone might as well just douse us in gasoline right now because it feels like I’m catching fire. Jax slides his hands around my waist and slides them up the back of my shirt. His body heat is too much, but all I can do is press closer. I must be possessed because I’m clearly no longer in control of my own body.
I shouldn’t be doing this. I’ve got three guys I really care about and this isn’t fair to them. But goddammit I can’t seem to make my mouth stopping moving with his. He tastes like bubb
legum. There’s not even the slightest bit of alcohol on his breath. Has he really not been drinking? I manage to think about that for about half a second before my mind goes blank again. Jax has this way of making me feel so consumed by him that it’s all too easy to forget why we shouldn’t be doing this.
I have to stop. I have to go find my guys.
I have to stop, now.
Now.
Okay, now.
I turn my head to the side, breaking our kiss. I expect this to be like every other time, with Jax having a hard time taking no for an answer, but he steps back, giving me a bit of space. I focus my gaze on the fish tanks, not wanting to look him in the eyes.
“How can you fucking kiss me like that and then act like you don’t want this?” I’m so thankful for the lack of lighting so that he can’t see the full flush taking over my face. How, indeed?
“I didn’t mean for that to happen,” I say, the words sounding weak even to my own ears. I didn’t mean for that to happen—what a crap excuse that is. I can feel the weight of his stare and I’m sure he’s thinking the same thing. If I didn’t mean for it to happen, I had no business being in here in the first place. I knew exactly what I was walking into. And this time no one dragged me anywhere. I followed him all on my own.
I wait for him to say something. Preferably something cruel so that I stop feeling so off-kilter and go back to feeling the way I usually do about him. Of course, the one time I wish he’d be an asshole, he doesn’t say a word.
He grabs me by the waist again and kisses me long and hard. Then, he releases me as if it was nothing and storms past, opening the door and leaving without another word. I press my fingers to my lips and simply watch him go. What could I possibly say right now? I’m not entirely sure I know what the fuck just happened.
I stand there alone, trying to gather myself, and watching all these hundreds of fish swimming aimless circles around their tanks. I’m not sure what’s worse—envying them, or feeling like maybe I am them.
