by Cassie James
I spent so much time trying to keep my head above water after those pictures that I never got time to really work through how I felt about being exposed like that. But now, with Ace’s camera pointed towards me, it’s all I can think about.
I hear it smash before I see it. When I turn my head back, Ace’s camera is dumped on the ground and his back is to me. He paces several steps away, his fingers laced behind the back of his head. This is probably about as close to him losing his temper as I’ve ever seen. I clasp my hands in my lap, not really sure exactly what I should do. I’m sure as hell not going to console him for being upset over doing something shitty to me. I’ve been far more understanding than any reasonable person would ever be.
Just because I understand why he did it, doesn’t mean I think it’s okay. If the two of us have any hope of making it, we’ve both got to be able to accept this as part of our history. I’m doing what I can to understand that what he did is not the person he is, but now he needs to come to terms with that, too.
“It’s so fucked up,” he croaks out, his back still turned. “I picture you, and I picture you in that red fucking bra. I shouldn’t even know what that looks like—no one should. And it sure as hell shouldn’t be the mental image I fantasize to when I think about…” He chokes on his words like he didn’t quite mean to get that close to admitting what I can guess was coming next.
He thinks about me, which I like. He pictures me in the underwear set I burned last year, which I don’t. He’s right. This is so fucked up.
“Ace.” He doesn’t respond. “Ace, turn around.”
Slowly, he does what I’ve asked. I almost wish I hadn’t, seeing the anguish on his face. I honestly had no idea this was still eating him up so badly. He might actually be hurting over what happened more than I am. God, I should have known our brief talk over Spring Break wouldn’t cut it. This shit isn’t resolved for either of us.
“Come here.” I hold my hand out to him, curling my fingers to beckon him closer.
He drags his feet coming closer to me. I don’t even know what I’m going to do or say until he’s standing right in front of me, both of his hands clasped in mine. He looks at me expectantly, something I savor because I know he’s letting me lead the way. He cares that I feel comfortable and safe, even if it means stepping back and letting me make decisions for the both of us. Ace respects me.
“Ace,” I say his name again, using his hands to tug him down to me. He’s so goddamn tall. I wait until we’re as close face-to-face as humanly possible before I say my piece. “When we’re ready to take that step for real, you’re never going to think about red panties again.” My voice comes out so husky I almost don’t even realize it’s me talking. Well, shit. That wasn’t at all what I meant to say.
Ace sucks in a sharp breath and I swear I feel the second his hands start sweating. Looks like I surprised both of us.
“Hey!” Who the fuck is seriously interrupting us right now? Ace looks over his shoulder as I lean to peek around him. It’s a girl from our class—Emery, I think her name is. “Oh.” She stops short when she sees me. “I—Uh, I—Sorry?” she stammers, obviously not quite sure what she wants to say. “Mr. Bridges asked me to let everyone know we’ve only got about fifteen minutes left of class.” She looks specifically at me as she adds, “I’m seriously so sorry. I had no idea it was you. I swear I won’t say anything.” She’s wide-eyed waiting for my response but I have no idea what she’s so worked up about.
Quietly, for my ears only, Ace says, “She thinks you’re out here cheating on Smith with me.” Well, double shit.
This is a no-win situation for me. Emery can promise whatever she likes, but I know the way gossip works around here. It spreads like wildfire. And with my new unwelcome social status, she’s sure as hell going to tell somebody what she saw and then it will only spread from there. I heave a sigh, knowing the only real choice I have is the truth.
“We’re not sneaking around. We’re dating.” I don’t offer up anything more than that. Her face twists in confusion. Everyone still thinks I’m just dating Smith. If they suspect anything’s going on with Patrick or Ace, they sure as hell don’t mention it to me, and the guys haven’t mentioned anything either. That’s probably all about to chance now. I fucking hate having people all up in my business.
“Oh, I thought you were dating—”
“I am,” I cut her off, my tone making it clear that this is the last of our conversation. “Thanks for the head’s up about the time, Emery. See you around.” I’m careful to meet her eyes and not show a bit of hesitation. I want to make it clear right from the start that I have nothing to explain and nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe if I set that precedent now, the fallout won’t hit quite so hard. Ha, keep dreaming, me.
She’s quick to back off, nodding and smiling. “Great, see you all later.” I hear the strain in her voice and I can tell she’s already dying to tell someone what I just disclosed. I’m so fucking glad this day is almost over. Coming out of the closet about having multiple boyfriends was not exactly how I planned to spend my first day back to school.
There is one silver lining, though. This is going to be one hell of a first day back story for Pearl when I get home. Before I left this morning, she told me if I didn’t bring an interesting story about my day home that she was sending my ass back out the door. I would certainly say this qualifies.
When Emery’s gone, Ace looks at me and shakes his head. “You didn’t have to do that, you know,” he tells me. “I wouldn’t have been mad if you’d wanted to lie. I know this isn’t… traditional.”
“I’m not going to lie,” I return immediately. I’ve had enough lies for one lifetime, I’m not about to start creating more. “Ace, who the fuck here has room to judge? We live in a town where teenage girls go drinking at the country club to pick up their classmate’s married dads. A town where adult women can’t be trusted with their teenage kids’ friends. And just at this last party, I saw people having straight up threesomes in the middle of the living room. Fully nude. In front of everyone. Anyone who can deal with that shit but not this can just fuck right off, as far as I’m concerned.”
His eyes go wide while I’m speaking, but the second I’m quiet they soften back to that familiar look I love so much. When he looks at me like this, this is when I know without a doubt that I can get past what he did with those pictures. I could get past almost anything when he looks at me like this.
“For someone that says they don’t want to run things around here, you’re pretty damn good at doing just that,” Ace says, giving me verbal whiplash.
“What? What do you mean?”
“You just handled that girl like a pro. And now here you are telling me you’d rather break the status quo than conform to it. It’s pretty badass, and it’s a pretty good sign that you’re already good at this, whether you like it or not. It’s in your blood.”
I wrinkle my nose as I push him away—not hard, I just want some distance after what he just said. “I think the only thing in my blood is chaos.”
He tilts his head as he looks at me. “That’s got nothing to do with your blood, J. That’s just life.” I’m not sure truer words have ever been spoken. I remember what Ace has been through. And what Smith goes through with his mom and Sadie being addicts and his dad being absent. And Patrick, with the insane amount of pressure he feels from his parents. And Jax—whose issues I don’t quite know yet, though my guess is it’s got something to do with his dad.
I think about Nikon Park, too. Everyone there comes with an entirely different set of issues. Poverty. Drugs. Gangs. No one comes out unscathed.
“You know,” I tell him, “I think that might be the most important thing anyone’s said to me all year.” Because it’s not just me. Everyone I’ve ever met is going through their own shit. Which brings us back to… “Ace, we need to resolve this picture issue once and for all.”
“How?”
I don’t have a good answer for him. Hell,
I’m not even sure if it’s actually possible. But I’m a fan of the fake-it-until-you-make-it theory. So what if we just face it head on instead of hiding from it? I glance at his abandoned camera, noting with a wince the cracked lense I can see even from over here. He’s going to have to get a new one.
I work the strap of my own camera over my head and hold it out to him, nearly laughing when he recoils from it like it might bite him. “Let’s fight pictures with pictures.” Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t. Either way, this is something that doesn’t hurt anybody that we can do right here, right now.
“What do you mean?” He frowns, still not taking the camera. I thrust it against his chest and let go, leaving him with no choice but to take it from me or risk my camera being broken, too.
Instead of answering him, I jump down off the tailgate and go around to the driver’s side of his truck. I pull the door open, not bothering to wait and make sure any of this is okay, and climb in. I don’t move over—he’s not getting in. It takes him a second, but he comes to stand in the open space between the door and the truck.
“What are you doing?” he asks, eyeing my warily as I untuck my uniform shirt.
“Changing the fantasy.”
Ace looks from me to the school building with alarm as I start to unbutton my shirt. This isn’t a striptease, so I don’t bother taking my time. We don’t have much time left, anyway. Five minutes maybe, tops. I’m not interested in getting caught half undressed in the school parking lot, so once my shirt’s unbuttoned I leave it hanging open—that way if someone comes I can cover myself up quick.
“Take my picture,” I murmur, sitting up straight as I tuck my loose hair behind my ear on one side. He stares at me, not moving at all, just his eyes on me like he can’t look away. I’m in a simple white lace bra this time, nothing like the red bra that half the town has seen pictures of me in. This time, this view and these pictures, this is just for him. A symbol of the trust and relationship we’re building.
I shift to get more comfortable on the seat and Ace lets out a short groan. “Jesus, Juliet. This is—” He clears his throat. “This is not what I had in mind.”
“Take the picture, Ace. I trust you.” We fall into a weird kind of staring contest. I think he’s trying to call my bluff, but if so he’s going to be sorely disappointed. This is no bluff. This is me doing what I should have done a long time ago. Showing him that we don’t have to be trapped in the past. If I’d been unwilling to forgive him, I never would have taken him to Nikon Park, or asked him to take me to prom, or any of the other dozens of things we’ve done together now.
It’s time to move on, once and for all. These pictures can be the start of a new chapter. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else—it only has to make sense to us.
As the clock ticks down the minutes until the period is over, Ace finally raises the camera to his eye. His movements are jerky and still uncertain, but now it feels like at least we’re on the same page. He points the lense on my camera at me and clicks just once before he’s lowering it again. I would have stayed here and let him take as many as he wanted, but I’ll accept one as progress.
“I don’t see how this is supposed to fix anything,” he admits as I hastily re-button my shirt and climb out of the truck to join him.
“Look,” I tell him, not even needing to see the picture to know what I’m going to find. I tap the screen and lean in so that we can look at the same time. It’s exactly like I thought it would be. “Look at the difference. Think about what it proves.”
He studies the photo, and I know he’s a talented enough photographer to notice the same things I do. The way my eyes are the focus of this photo, not my body. In those photos he took for Jax, it wasn’t about taking a picture of me, it was about taking a picture of my body, and this is the exact opposite. This picture is sexy, but not dehumanizing. It looks like the picture of someone worshipping me, not over-sexualizing me. And it’s the only proof I need to know we’ve both passed the one roadblock that was standing in our way of moving forward.
Ace reaches around me to put my camera down on the seat of his truck before putting his arms around me. “I love you, J.” The words are quiet, so much so that I’m almost worried I imagined them. But then Ace is looking down at me with more affection than I ever thought I would deserve, and I know I didn’t just imagine it.
“I love you, too,” I tell him without hesitation.
I can’t even stop to consider it’s too soon, because I know in my heart we started building towards this right from that first night I arrived in Patience. When he was just a boy in the dark letting me share his silence. He comforted me then, just by being there, and then he became the first person to start opening up to me. The mess with him and Jax and the pictures was a real shitshow, but everything since has been Ace proving that’s not the guy he is.
“You don’t have to say it if you’re not ready.” He looks nervous, like he’s not sure I really mean it. So, I repeat myself.
“I love you, too, Ace.”
Relief floods his face as he cups my face in his gigantic hands and kisses me firmly on the mouth. It’s not so hard it hurts by any means, but its the most intensely we’ve ever kissed. It’s like the first time, he’s kissing me like he wants to claim me, and I’m sure as hell okay with that.
He only pulls away when we hear the faint sound of the school bell, warning us this period is over. I step aside while Ace locks his car back up, and then he takes my hand and we stroll side-by-side back into school, ignoring the few stray stares as we head towards the cafeteria where all the seniors have to meet for Senior Study Hall. This is the only class we all share. All four guys, Salma, and even Sadie—who’s home now, and tentatively speaking to me, though things between us are still awkward.
As we find the others and grab a table together, there’s a little bit of guilt lingering in the back of my mind, knowing I’ve now told Ace I love him when I haven’t given the same to my other guys. But I’ve fallen so hard for all three of my guys, it won’t be long before I’m taking the same leap with Smith and Patrick.
Jax is the last to show up. He stops at the end of our table, standing across from me even though the only two open seats are on the opposite side of the table. His eyes flicker from mine down to my chest and then do a bit of a double-take. I blush as I glance down and realize what he’s looking at. I missed a button when I was buttoning my shirt, so there’s a spot gaping open in my top. From his vantage point, I’m sure he’s getting an eyeful of my bra.
On instinct alone, I glance next to me to Ace, and when I look back, Jax glances over at him, too. It doesn’t take much to practically see the gears turning in his head as I’m sure he takes a guess as to what happened. After the way Jax has acted lately, I’m almost expecting to see jealousy in his expression.
But, no. That’s not it at all. The only thing I see as he keeps his eyes on me as he walks to the other end of the table is a heady dose of desire. The kind of desire that makes me sink down in my seat as I discreetly rub my thighs together under the table. Jax fucking Woods is a real guilty pleasure.
Chapter Ten
“Remind me again why I decided to do this?” Salma groans.
I pretend to think about it. “Because you crave social acceptance and wanted a chance to hangout with Emmett again in an environment where you can personally guarantee the cleanliness of the bedrooms?”
“You wound me.” She gasps and clutches her chest. “Damn, you know me so well. It’s like we’ve been friends for forever.” She reaches out to give my hand a quick squeeze. She’s been a lot less concerned about our friendship since Sadie’s been back. I think because she sees now I’m not just going to bail on her for Sadie just because I was friends with Sadie first. “Hey, I’m gonna do one last check of the pool house. Could you finish this?”
“Sure.” I nod, eyeing the last case of drinks that need to be stuffed into the fridge. It won’t take long at all, so I wave her away.
/> I’m about halfway through the pack when heavy footsteps join me. I nearly hit my head on the refrigerator door when I hear that goddamn familiar whistle. Seriously? Salma swore Kareem had plans with his own friends and wouldn’t want to hang around here with a bunch of high schoolers all night.
“Let me help,” he says, his head of dark, curly hair appearing in my peripheral as he leans down to pick up the case of drinks I’m working on. He shoots me a bright white smile as he stands and hands me one of the cans out of the case. Reluctantly, I take it from him, pulling away quickly when his fingers brush against mine.
“You did that on purpose,” I accuse, narrowing my eyes to look at him.
“Abso-fucking-lutely, I did.” He smiles wider. He’s fucking shameless—and not in a cute way. There’s something off about the way he pays attention to me. Like he’s not just checking me out, but also looking for weaknesses to exploit. It creeps me out.
Knowing he’s not going to go anywhere anytime soon, I make quick work of finishing with stocking the fridge. I’m just loading the last two cans when several more sets of footsteps enter the kitchen. I can feel the energy of the room change, dread seeping in as I can already guess that it’s the guys. I told them to show up before everyone else started to, that way I wouldn’t be stuck looking for them later in the crowd. Fuck, if only they’d been like two minutes later.
“This looks cozy.” Patrick sounds pissed. What a perfect way to start the night.
I slam the cans down on the fridge shelf harder than I mean to and turn on my heel. Patrick, Smith, and Ace are all standing there looking like this is about to turn into another showdown. I thank the universe that Jax isn’t here, because I don’t think I could handle trying again to keep him from swinging at Kareem.
