by Tessa Thorne
My eyes start to sting and I blink, rolling hot tears down my cheeks. Things were really starting to go well. Ethan was so happy to go with Rocco to his baseball game. I didn’t even ask him how it went. I finally had someone I could talk to, someone who wanted to help with my son. Someone who’d comfort me and take care of my needs. And now I’ve lost him.
My pathetic pity party is interrupted by a knock on the doorframe. I wipe my eyes with the back of my sleeve and turn around to see Pinky leaning on the doorframe, watching me with concerned eyes.
“Are you leaving?” he asks.
“I have to,” I say, failing to keep my voice from shaking with emotion.
“Is that cash for Rocco?” Pinky asks, pointing at the neat bundles of cash sitting on the floor.
I nod. “He forgot to collect my payment for his protection.”
“He didn’t forget,” Pinky says. He nods toward the chair in the room. “Do you mind if I sit down?”
“It’s your brother’s house,” I say, nodding.
“Do you know Rocco pretended you were paying him?” Pinky says as he takes a seat. “He kicked up his tax for the protection money owed to his boss.”
I blink, dumbfounded. “Why would he do that?”
Pinky shrugs. “Isn’t it obvious?”
I sit there on the floor, my bags laying around me. I’m nearly done. I shouldn’t be wasting more time here talking to Pinky. I should be getting out of here now. He said Rocco would be able to get out soon, and I don’t want to see him again. If I do, I might change my mind, and ruin his life with another stupid decision.
“He cares for you,” Pinky says. “He didn’t offer you his protection so he could make money. He did it because he felt something for you and couldn’t leave you on your own.”
I smile, but the pain in my cheeks reminds me of why I’m leaving.
“I can’t stay,” I say. “Harry said if I don’t leave then he’s going to come after Rocco. He said he’d come after you and everyone he cares about.”
I don’t know if I’m trying to convince him or myself now. I don’t know if what I feel for Rocco is real or not. I don’t know if we can be together, or if he could be a father to my son. I don’t know how we’ll ever be able to stop Harry from ruining our lives.
“Rocco isn’t afraid of Harry,” Pinky says. “I can promise you, when he comes back home, he’s going to have a plan. And that plan’s going to work.”
“How do you know?” I ask.
“Because he protected his family from a monster before,” Pinky says. “He’d never tell you this. And he’d probably kill me if he knew I told you this. So please don’t tell him I told you.”
He pauses for a second for me to nod before going on.
“Our dad was a lot like Harry. He wasn’t a cop, but he was a drunk and a lousy gambler. He beat on our mother every day. Sometimes he’d put his hands on Rocco.” Pinky stops speaking for a moment, a pained expression on his face. “Come to realize it, I’ve never told anyone this story either.”
He takes in a deep breath, runs his hand through his hair and keeps going. “I was six when he started hitting me, too. I was a little kid. Rocco always protected me in school from the bigger kids who tried to pick on me. It didn’t take long before the other kids realized they shouldn’t mess with me. But our dad was a different story. He was a big guy. About as big as Rocco is now.”
He falls silent again before continuing, his countenance grim. “One day he came home after our dad had knocked out our ma by smashing a bottle of booze on her head. She was out cold. Then he climbed on top of her and kept hitting her. I tried to get in his way, and he got me real bad. I think he’d have killed me if it weren’t for Rocco.”
“What did he do?” I ask.
“He shot him,” Pinky says.
My mouth falls open. I’m at a loss for words.
“He was just thirteen,” he says. “He saw our ma sprawled on the floor, blood pouring from her head. Me lying on top of her, trying to protect her with my body. Our dad looming on top of me, his huge fist about to crash down into my face. So he shot him with his own gun.”
“I had no idea…” I say, just to fill in the silence.
“He doesn’t talk about it,” Pinky says. “Not even to me. We’ve never talked about it since. He just did what he had to do to protect the people he cared about, and that was it. Nothing else mattered.”
“What happened to your mom?” I ask.
Pinky sighs. I can see his eyes glistening. “She uh…” He wipes the tears that start falling down his cheeks. “She’s alive, but her mind isn’t there anymore.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say. There I go digging where I shouldn’t again.
“It’s fine,” Pinky says. “It’s good to talk about this shit, you know?”
I nod. I stand up and go over to Pinky and give him a tight hug. “Thank you for telling me this.”
It takes him a bit, but eventually he hugs me back and gives me a tight squeeze. “I can’t believe I just told you all this.”
I don’t know how this all turned around. From him trying to comfort me, to me trying to comfort him. But isn’t that what family's all about? Supporting each other, no matter what? Is that what Rocco is now to me? Family?
“I guess what I’m trying to get at, is that Rocco will protect you. There’ll be no stopping him now that Harry did this,” Pinky says with a proud look on his face. “So, please don’t leave. I’ve never seen Rocco like this before he met you.”
“Like what?” I ask.
“Happy,” Pinky says. “Genuinely happy.”
My heart swells with emotion at those words. The simple joy of being happy, content with your life. A joy denied to my little boy. A joy denied me. For so long. Until I met him and I learned to love him.
I do love him. But can I risk staying with him and having Harry ruin his life?
Chapter Seventeen
Rocco
I open the door and step inside.
“Uncle Rocco!” Ethan hops up from the couch, runs around and slams himself into my legs, wrapping his arms around me.
“Hey kiddo,” I say, rubbing his head. “I told you I’d be back soon.”
I gotta admit, it feels good to be welcomed like this on coming home. I could get used to this.
Pinky’s sitting on one of the stools at the kitchen counter eating some pasta leftovers. He nods at me and lifts a fork to say hello as he stuffs his mouth.
The bathroom door opens, and Cat steps out with a careful smile on her face. I walk over to her and before she can say anything, I wrap my arms around her waist, lift her up and crush my lips against hers.
My reaction takes her by surprise. But within a moment, she melts into my arms. It feels so good to hold her. To have my woman back in my arms. I will never let anyone take her from me again. That much I know.
“Are you hurt?” I ask.
Pinky told me what happened at the police station. It took every bit of self-control not to find Harry and kill him on the spot. But I can’t be stupid about this and get myself thrown in prison for life. I mean to be here for Cat, and for Ethan. To pull this off, I have to be smart and in total control.
“I’m fine,” she says.
I brush my hand lightly against her face where she’s got too much makeup on, and she flinches.
“He hurt you!” I say in a harsh whisper. I don’t want to upset Ethan, but my blood is boiling. I flex my fingers into tight fists and squeeze as I hear my blood pounding furiously in my ears. It’s easy to think about keeping it cool, going about this methodically. But when he lays hands on my woman, all that goes out the window.
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” I say to myself.
I stomp into my bedroom and find the gun tucked into a hidden compartment in the back of my closet. It’s a .45 revolver. More than I need to kill a little shit like him.
I step back outside and find Pinky looking back at me.
“Hey, hold
up,” he says, holding his hands in front of me like he has a hope of stopping me.
“Get the fuck out of my way, Pinky,” I demand, getting ready to barrel through him.
“Just give me a second,” Pinky says, keeping his hands up. “Let me say my piece, and I’ll step out of your way.”
“Spit it out,” I say.
“You don’t want to do this,” Pinky says. “I been doing some digging. His dad’s the lieutenant, remember? Word is he’s connected.”
“The fuck you going on about?” I whisper harshly.
“He’s an informant for one of the families,” Pinky says, lowering his voice. “I don’t know who. But if you clip his son without a boss’s say so, it’ll be more than you that gets killed. They’ll go after everyone involved. They’ll kill her. Probably the kid, too.”
I take in a deep breath, trying to calm the rage boiling inside me. I know he’s right. I need to do this right. I just need a plan.
I grab Pinky by the back of his neck and pull him into a tight hug, patting him on the back.
“You’ve always been a good kid, Pinky,” I say.
“You good here?” Pinky asks.
“Yeah.” I pat him on the back again and let him go.
I put the gun back in the closet and head out into the living room where Pinky is saying goodbye to Cat and Ethan. On the way there I see Cat’s bags packed up on the floor with a stack of money sitting next to a briefcase. I’m relieved she didn’t follow through on her plan to leave. I wonder what made her stop.
I wrap my arm around Cat’s waist as Pinky leaves, and kiss her on the forehead.
“What made you stay?” I ask, watching Ethan lying on the couch, fast asleep.
“Pinky convinced me,” she says, and gives me a peck on the chin. “He’s a good guy.”
“Yeah.” I smile. “He’s a good kid.”
“So what happens next?” she asks.
“You two will go about your lives like nothing’s changed,” I say, smiling down at her.
“But Harry knows we’re staying with you,” she says, a worried look on her face.
“I know,” I say. “But he won’t be able to lay a finger on you.”
She looks up at me. I can tell she wants to believe me, but she isn’t sure. I can’t blame her. She’s worried about her kid. She’s right to question me. She doesn’t know I care for Ethan like I would for my own child. How could she, when I didn’t know myself until those cops took him from me?
“I care for you,” I say. “And I care for Ethan. I promise you, I will not let him hurt you.”
Her eyes go wide and are brimming with tears.
“I…” She hesitates, looking into my eyes. She blinks, and a pair of tears roll down her cheeks. “I care for you, too. But how do you know you can keep us safe when he knows we’re here?”
“I know his type.” I lower my voice and walk around the couch, and sit down next to Ethan. I listen to his soft breathing, and watch the slow rise and fall of his chest. “Only a coward would put his fists on this little kid. He won’t come after you directly. Not where he’d get caught.”
Cat squeezes between me and the armrest and puts a hand on my thigh. I put my hand on top of hers, and squeeze her hand softly.
“I can’t go after him directly, but I have a plan.” I turn to face her, and lift her chin with a finger. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” she says without a moment’s hesitation. It feels strange hearing her say that. There’s a sense of pride unlike anything I’ve felt before. A feeling I’ve only gotten close to when I’ve pulled off the most difficult hits. But it doesn’t come from hurting someone, or accomplishing an impossible task. It comes from earning a woman’s trust. Is this what it means to be in love?
What else could it be but love?
I’m going to talk to Tony one last time to see if I can get the clear on a hit. After the shit Harry pulled on me, I'm hoping Tony will agree. But if it doesn’t work, I’m going to have to force the issue. Hopefully it won’t come down to that. It’d mean risking my life. But that’s what I’ll have to do if it’s the only way.
“What are you thinking?” Cat’s smiling, but I can see the worry in her eyes.
She’s smart. She knows this isn’t going to be easy.
“Don’t worry.” I kiss her on her forehead. “You need to get yourself some sleep.”
Chapter Eighteen
Caitlyn
I lay in bed, tossing and turning. Rocco told me not to worry, but how can I not? All I can do is worry.
If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I’m worried about my son playing baseball in the same park Rocco got arrested in. How’s he going to act when his teammates ask him what happened? He should be celebrating being the hero of this game, but instead he’ll have to explain why his “Uncle” got arrested afterward.
Then there’s work. I can’t skip tomorrow. I’ve already missed too much this past month. The extra funding we secured came with requirements that I agreed to. Deadlines I can’t miss. And it’s not just my reputation and well-being at stake. It’s Jasmin’s, too. I can’t let my troubles affect her. She’s worked just as hard as me on this, and she’s already given me too much slack. I can’t keep asking her to shoulder the weight.
Rocco says Harry won’t come after me at work. It’s a public place, with security and cameras. He can’t risk doing anything to me there. But how can I be sure? He’s crazy and drunk most of the time. He could do anything.
My sheets are soaked through with sweat. I toss them off me and climb out of bed. I pad on my bare feet on the polished hardwood floor and check in on Ethan.
The room is quiet; the only sound is his soft breathing. It’s nice to see him lying on his back, sleeping comfortably instead of curled up in a ball. Even with everything that happened today, he feels safe here. He feels safe with Rocco.
I close the door softly and walk over to Rocco’s bedroom. I raise my hand to knock on his door, but hesitate. I can’t sleep alone tonight, but if I do this… I’d be telling him I want to be with him.
But isn’t that what I want?
I rap my knuckles softly against the door. Almost too soft. If he doesn’t answer, I won’t have to admit to myself that I want to be with him. That I’m falling in love with him.
Am I making a mistake? Going from an abusive husband to a mafia hitman?
The door opens quietly to reveal Rocco with a grin on his face.
“Can’t sleep?” he asks.
The door’s not fully open. I can understand why. He’s not wearing any clothes. Figured he’d be the type to sleep naked. And nice to see that he didn’t swing the door wide open. It could have been Ethan knocking on his door.
I tear my eyes away from his bare hip and look back up at his face. He must have caught me looking because his grin’s grown wider.
I clear my throat to hide my embarrassment at getting caught. “Do you mind if I watch TV with you?”
“Sure.” He steps back and swings the door open fully. It’s hard not to stare at his cock. It’s half hard and tempting me. I would've never thought a guy like him wouldn’t be able to control himself around me. But here I am, staring at his cock growing at the sight of me in my pajamas.
“If you can keep your eyes off me.” He laughs softly.
I must not have done a great job of keeping my eyes off him. I smile and shrug as I climb in on the other side of the bed. He grabs a remote off the nightstand and turns on the TV. It’s already on one of the food channels. There’s a jolly fat man baking veal with parmesan. If that can’t get my mind off sex, I don’t know what else will.
He climbs back into bed and lies down next to me, stretching out his arm behind my neck.
God it feels good to be next to him. I squeeze in closer to him, lay my head on his chest and wrap my arm around his stomach. I can barely hear the show over the sound of his heart beating in his chest with a strong and steady rhythm.
Strong and steady, just like
him. He pulls me in closer and wraps his arm around me. I lift up my leg and lay it across his solid thighs and partially lie on top of him.
The steady beating of his heart drains the stress out of my body. With each passing minute, my eyelids grow heavier until I drift off to sleep, without a worry left in my mind.
Everything’s going to be okay.
Rocco drops me off at work in the morning. I lean over in the seat and give him a long kiss on the lips.
“Thank you for everything,” I say, squeezing his hand on the gearshift.
He grins back at me.
I step out of the car, open the back door and rain kisses on Ethan’s head.
“Mommy!” he cries out playfully, trying to block my kisses with his arms. “You’re embarrassing me!”
“Have fun today.” I kiss him one last time on the forehead.
“Okay Mommy,” he says, wiping his forehead with the back of his arm.
I look up to the driver’s side and see Rocco smiling at the scene reflected in the rearview mirror. His smile shifts to a grin when I catch him looking.
I wave goodbye and close the door behind me as I head into the co-op. It’s undeniable that Rocco cares for Ethan. Maybe as much as he would for his own son. More than Harry ever cared for Ethan, that's for sure.
I remember when I first moved in with him. When I told him he shouldn’t talk to Ethan. I feel like such an asshole for that, but how could I have known?
Can we really make this work? Can I really trust him to be a good father? Given who he is?
I shake my head to clear that dumb thought. I’m getting ahead of myself. There’s a big leap between him being nice to Ethan and helping me while I’m staying with him, and him wanting to be a father to Ethan. Just like there’s a big difference between Rocco comforting me on a difficult night and him loving me enough to marry me. I can’t get ahead of myself. There’s only disappointment in store for me if I fool myself into thinking he’s in love with me.
