She saw Jamie perk up as she hugged her mother goodbye and walked toward the horse, her back stiff and her shoulders squared. She whispered to him as he held her small waist to assist her onto the horse, “This is to only not worry my mother.”
Jamie mounted up behind her, and Amelia felt his body heat touching her back. Jamie whispered back, “No one could accuse ye, lass, of wanting an excuse tae touch me.” She couldn’t tell if he was joking or agreeing with her. She chose to go with the latter, as that option didn’t make her core begin to heat with the memory of his hands on her.
Jamie clicked at the horse to begin its ride, and they waved to Henrietta as they rode steadily on towards the castle. Jamie dispatched Fletcher to return to the village to obtain the employment of the shepherd, and then he turned slightly away from the castle.
“What are you doing?” Amelia asked, wondering why they had suddenly veered off course.
“I need tae visit widow Kinnaird briefly about asking one of her sons to be the shepherd. I thought ye wouldnae mind comin’ as it will give ye a chance tae see a little more of the land and the people here.”
Why would she want to do that? She wouldn’t be staying forever certainly. Would she? Did she want to? She looked around at her, the wind in the grass, and the view of the open sea. Did she want to give up that hope of ever returning to London and live here instead? Had her heart fallen for the Highlands and a particular Highland Laird?
After a long while of riding in silence, Amelia stewing in her emotions, Jamie slowed Faolan, next to a small rugged cabin. Two young boys were chopping wood outside, and they stood with smiles as Jamie dismounted. He grabbed Amelia’s waist to assist her on her way down, and he let go of her quickly as he went to greet the young boys.
Amelia pushed aside the disappointment she felt at his warm hands leaving her sides so hurriedly.
She walked up behind him to hear the boys laughing. “Och, Jamie, ye should have seen him. He nearly cracked his head open!”
Jamie was smiling when Amelia walked up beside him. “Och lads, calm yerselves now. This here is Miss Parker, and she is companion tae Lady Fiona up at the castle. She is a fine lady, so I want ye tae be respectful.” He went around behind the boys and slapped each of them on the back. They removed their caps to greet her.
“Hello, Miss Parker.”
“Hello, boys. Lovely to meet you.” How did Jamie know she was a fine lady?
Suddenly a woman came around the corner, calling out to the boys. She stopped, and then a smile came across her face. “Jamie! Hello, me lad.” She went over to hug him.
She had a pretty face, and her figure was good, but there were lines of sorrow and hardship in her face. But she still had a sparkle in her eye, it seemed.
“Amelia, meet Jessica Kinnaird. She is another cousin of mine, but distant.”
Amelia nodded her head. “Pleased to meet you.”
“And ye as well, lassie.” Jessica put out a hand for Amelia to grasp in greeting.
She then gave the boys a task to do out in the field, and they scrambled out yelling and laughing.
“Och, these boys will be the end of me. And I’ve got four more of ‘em around, the good Lord didn’t think one or two would be enough.” She laughed.
“Jessica, we’ve gotta few things tae discuss with ye if ye’ve got a moment.”
“O’ course! Come on inside, outta the cold. Take Faolan tae the barn, lad, and I’ll check on the pot.”
She motioned for Amelia to follow her inside, and Amelia did so, watching her step as she entered the first cabin on the Kinnaird estate that wasn’t her own. It was one large main room, with two small rooms on the side. It was dark, but there was a merry fire going, with a pot boiling on top of it. The room smelled sweetly of meat and herbs, and Amelia’s stomach began to rumble with the thought of a meal.
It was a clean room, but very cramped, and nothing looked new. Many of the dishes had chips in them, including the furniture, and the fabric that she could see had tears and stains.
Lord forgive me for my worries in my mother’s little cottage. It’s a castle compared to this. And 7 people living here, in such a place. Amelia chided herself and tried to be kind to the woman.
“It smells lovely. What are you cooking?”
Jessica went to stir the pot. “‘Tis an old recipe of mine: rabbit stew. Rabbits are tough to find in these cold months, so when we do find them, we make a lovely stew out of them and enjoy our luck.”
Amelia smiled at her new host. To be so happy with so little was such a gift.
Jessica motioned her to sit at the small wooden table in the center of the room covered in grooves and cuts. It had been well-used. Jessica poured out a tea from a smaller kettle into three metal cups. Amelia was about to say something else when Jamie entered, rubbing his arms to warm up.
“I think Faolan is quite happy with a place in yer barn, Jessica. Without the company of other horses, he feels himself a prince.”
Jessica chuckled. “Aye, and he’ll be quite comfortable inside. Me Gavin built it many years ago, and it still holds strong.” She sat down at the table with them, grasping her cup and looking down.
Amelia looked questioningly at Jamie, and Jamie responded, “‘Twas Jessica’s husband, and fine and mighty warrior he was. A good man.”
Amelia reached out to lay a hand on Jessica’s arm across the table. Jamie noticed the kindness and smiled to himself. “I am truly sorry for your loss, Jessica. A good warrior and a good barn builder, he sounds like quite a man.” She smiled at the older woman.
“Aye, that he was.” She looked up, beaming with pride. “Alas, me last words tae the man were in anger, and so he didnae know or feel my love afore he died.” She eyed the two young people across from her. “I tell me sons this and anyone else in the village. Donnae let yer anger make ye stubborn, so that ye miss out on love and neglect tae tell yer precious one ye love them. ‘Tis a burden I must carry tae the end of my days.”
Amelia risked a quick glance at Jamie, and his eyes were already on her. They seemed urgent, requesting, beckoning. And they had something else in them. Desire?
She looked away, fearful of what her own eyes would reveal for she did not understand the emotions that raged within her. She was angry, but Jessica was right. Did she want to hold on to anger forever and miss out on...was it love?
Jamie watched Amelia’s blue eyes, searching, begging for some kind of change. What he saw there, gave rise to his hope. Her eyes showed pain, and that was written on the rest of her face. But, they also showed something else. Desire for forgiveness, perhaps? She’d looked away before he could think about it anymore.
He cleared his throat. “Aye, Jessica. Me ma would agree with ye I’m sure. ‘Tis not right to hold onto the anger of the past and lose precious time for affection...and love.”
Amelia heard his pause on the word love and was afraid to look at his face again, feeling her heart melting inside her, wanting to fall into his arms again like a foolish woman.
“Too true, laddie. Now, tell me why the pair of ye have come tae see me on such a frosty afternoon?”
Jamie told Jessica about his plans for the sheep pasture and wondered if any of her sons would like to learn the trade. Jessica heartily agreed and promised to send one or two of them to the castle after the old shepherd was brought to stay. The three of them spoke together for another few minutes before Jessica spied a light falling of snow out of the window.
“Och! Ye two must hurry away back tae the castle afore the snow falls heavy and thick and blinds ye with whiteness!”
Two of her sons appeared at the door. “It’s snowing, ma!”
“Yes, I see it, lads! Grab the wood from outdoors and place it intae the barn. Jamie, Amelia, ye must hurry!”
Jamie’s face turned serious as he rushed from the warmth of Jessica’s little room and hurried to the barn. He hurriedly untied Faolan and rubbed his nose. “We’ve got tae ride fast me friend.” Even in the desper
ate whirlwind of beating the snow, Jamie couldn’t forget Amelia’s reaction to Jessica’s words. She was so kind, comforting a widowed woman, and then seemingly so vulnerable to the older woman’s wisdom.
Jamie had said love. He meant to simply repeat the words of Jessica, but he had lingered on the word, hoping to stir an effect in the heart of Amelia. But why? Just for sport? She was bonny, kind, intelligent, surely, but love? Jamie had never felt such a thing before, with his stomach and chest in knots, worrying, wondering, any thoughts of prudence washed away when near her. Is this what love felt like?
He pulled on Faolan’s reins, and hurried from the barn, just as the young boys began to pile the wood inside. “All the best tae ye lads!”
“Farewell, Jamie!”
Inside, Jessica provided Amelia with an extra plaid. “‘Twill be cold out there, my dear. Ye must be prepared.”
Amelia, at first, declined. “But, Jessica, ye have 6 mouths to feed and protect. Surely, this plaid would be more useful to you here.”
“Donnae be silly, lass.” She wrapped the warm wool around Amelia’s covered arms, and Amelia thanked her heartily.
“Aye, God bless ye. And mind me words about anger and love.” She gave Amelia a solemn look and sent her out the door to Jamie and the horse.
Jamie hoisted Amelia up as she lifted her skirts to swing a leg over Faolan’s back, feeling the rush of cold winter air and the tickle of snowflakes. She couldn’t wait to get back to the warmth of the library.
“Ride true, Jamie!” waved Jessica, and Jamie turned the horse around to ride back towards Kinnaird castle. It was only a few kilometers away, and they could see it rising in the distance, gray against a backdrop of swirling white.
Faolan pounded steadily on the hard ground, and Jamie and Amelia’s bodies lifted slightly with each beat. But, soon enough, the few light snowflakes trailing their way down fell harder and thicker, until they could no longer see the castle.
Amelia held her breath, knowing they were close, but still fearful of their fate. She leaned back against Jamie’s hard chest, not embarrassed to catch what comfort she could from his presence.
Jamie leaned in to whisper into her ear, his warm breath tickling her skin, “Lass, all will be well. Faolan knows the way true enough.”
Above Amelia’s head, Jamie was smiling, despite his own fears. He loved the feel of Amelia’s body molded into his and when she let her guard down. He felt hope in their reconciliation.
“Why did you name him Faolan?” Amelia asked, attempting to draw attention away from their potential doom.
“Me da always taught me tae call out me fears by name. They lose their power being brought out from the shadows. Faolan means wolf in Scots. When I was young, I was always afraid of the wolves howling at night. Me da had tae come in tae comfort me in my bed. So, when he purchased Faolan for me, he suggested the name tae help me associate it with something I loved and bring that fear out of the darkness.”
“And did it help you?”
Jamie laughed, despite the snow swirling around their heads. “Do ye mean am I still afraid of wolves? I can’t say that I’d like tae meet a pack of them out on the moors, but aye, I sleep well at night.”
Amelia grinned widely, knowing he couldn’t see her face. She enjoyed hearing about him as a boy. It made him seem so...vulnerable. Not this man who made her feel such a range of emotions from rage to interest to mind-altering desire.
They rode on in silence. She knew Jamie needed to concentrate, she knew it was cold enough to freeze toes, but she was warm in his arms, and as she leaned back, she could feel the pump of his heart against her shoulder.
A few minutes later, they came up to a gray stone wall, and they both breathed a sigh of relief. The followed the wall until it brought them to the gate. Jamie opened it and pulled Faolan inside, knowing there was no way he could make it to the barn. Candles were lit in the windows, potentially to help guide their way as Fiona knew they were out on the moors. They paused in front of the large front door, and Jamie jumped down, his tall boots crunching into the snow.
“Are ye all right, lass?” He asked, as he held her waist again, to pull her down. Her skirts floated down after her, sliding along Faolan until they pooled around her as she laid her feet on the ground. They stood like that for a moment, despite the cold, Jamie’s hand on her waist, waiting for her answer to his question, his eyes on her lips, red and full, even though the temperature threatened to turn them blue.
Amelia’s hands lingered on his shoulders, feeling their familiar shape and strength, and she noticed his gaze and knew his thoughts in the pit of her abdomen.
He whispered, “Well, yer lips are still as red as ever, so ye must be healthy enough after such a ride.”
She replied quietly, “Yes. Yes, I am well. The warmest I have ever been.” She paused and then cleared her throat, “on a snow-filled horse ride that is.”
He brought his gaze back to her eyes. “Amelia…”
She hurried out of his grasp, afraid of what his next words might be, afraid she would succumb to his kiss. “We had better get ourselves indoors. The storm rages on.” And she hurried through the door.
Jamie stared after her. “Aye, it does.”
* * *
As soon as they entered with Faolan, Fiona cried out and Prince Charlie barked, “Oh, thank Heavens! I was so worried about you two! Amelia, I pictured you stuck in a snowbank and Jamie out rescuing you and not being able to find his way!” She placed a hand on her heart. “‘Twas enough to drive me mad with worry. Come, come! Cook will prepare you some warm wine. Sit by the fire.” She grabbed their cold hands and pushed them into the armchairs.
Amelia leaned back and closed her eyes, letting the heat envelop her. Jamie said, “Ma, we must keep Faolan inside until the storm clears. I couldnae make it tae the barn.”
“Of course. I will tell the servants to bring some hay and water and lay some hay on the floor for him.” She hurried away and returned with two large clay mugs of warm red wine.
“‘Tis a special recipe of mine from my grandmother. I’ve added a few different spices.” She smiled and passed Jamie and Amelia the cups. “Please drink and warm yourselves. Tell me of all that has passed.”
“Fletcher and I had just returned from Brechin, and we saw Mrs. Parker and Amelia in the old cemetery, so we wanted to greet them. I offered to take Amelia back, so that she wouldnae have tae walk.” Fiona noticed Jamie’s sideways glance at Amelia.
He continued, “We hired the shepherd from the village. And we went tae speak tae Jessica Kinnaird about hiring a few of her sons tae learn as shepherd. ‘Twas Amelia’s idea.”
“Really? How wonderful. So, this project can begin as soon as the weather warms a bit.”
Amelia turned worriedly to Jamie, “Oh, I do hope Mr. Fletcher has found his way in the storm.”
“Fletcher is a lot smarter and wiser than I. He will have known to not go as far as the town in such weather or he would have stayed at the pub in town tae wait out the storm. Donnae worry.” He laid a hand on hers and just as quickly pulled it away. He and Amelia sipped their wine at the same time.
“Fiona? Would you mind if I went to rest for a brief moment? I feel quite tired from our dangerous journey. I will return for the evening meal.”
“Of course, Amelia. Please do take the wine with you. I have had a maid light your fire, so the room will be bursting with healing heat.”
“Thank you. I will see you shortly. Oh, and thank you, Jamie. And thank you, Faolan, for guiding us through the storm!” She smiled and stood up to leave, her wine cup in hand, the two plaids still hanging about her shoulders.
Jamie asked quickly, “Ye are not ill?”
Amelia shook her head. “No, I am well, simply tired.” And needing a moment away from you to organize what battles inside.
She took her leave, climbing the cold stone stairs to the second floor, listening to the haunting, howling sounds of the snow and wind outside. She just neede
d a moment. A moment to make a decision. Jessica’s words rang in her ears. “Do not let anger make you a stubborn fool.” She spoke aloud to herself as she entered her room to sit in front of her tiny hearth, sipping at the delicious red wine that made her legs tingle and revitalized her cold fingers and toes.
She was still angry at Jamie, at her Father, at Charles. But does that mean she should let it hold her back from living her life? She was mad at Charles, but does that mean she did not deserve love and affection? She was angry at her father, but shouldn’t she still help him to come home and make their family whole again? And she was angry at Jamie, but shouldn’t she...let it go for a moment to experience what pleasure he could offer her? When she forgot her anger at him for a moment, being near him was bliss and made her feel things she didn’t understand but wanted to explore.
Capturing The Highlander's Heart (Lasses 0f The Kinnaird Castle Book 1) Page 13
