He got up, and to his surprise, everyone in the room started to clap. His throat closed. He felt like he was about to cry. He didn’t, though. Instead, he raised his chin high and ignored the prickling behind his eyelids.
“Thank you. I’ll do everything I can to make you proud of me,” he announced.
The clapping got even louder. Julian had to get out of there before he started sobbing like a baby in front of everyone. He was grateful when Kaspar squeezed his hand and pushed him toward Thomas. Julian wanted to ask him to come with him, but he didn’t. It wasn’t Kaspar’s place. He wasn’t a council member.
Julian was.
Dammit. It was going to take some time to get used to.
Julian followed Thomas and Calder out of the living room and into the office. It was small, which was why they hadn’t held the meeting there. Julian flopped into one of the chairs as soon as the door was closed. His legs felt like rubber, and it was slightly hard to breathe.
Thomas chuckled and sat next to him while Calder leaned against the desk.
“Do you have questions?” Thomas asked.
“Probably more than you can answer right now.”
“That’s understandable. We won’t go into details right now because you probably need some time to get used to the idea of your new role. Why don’t you take a few days to wrap your mind around everything and come up with a list of questions? Calder will give you his phone number so you can call him if you need anything. He’s the best person to answer your questions.”
Julian couldn’t do anything but nod. “You said something about a bodyguard?” That felt like something he had to know right now. If he was going to put his life in his bodyguard’s hands, he wanted to get to know them.
Thomas nodded. “Yes. Calder and I talked to the guards. As you know, we’re going to start phasing them out since the carriers aren’t in as much danger as before. I thought that having one of them with you would make you feel more comfortable since you already know them.”
“Who?” Julian liked all of them. They’d been nothing but nice to him and the other carriers.
“Jacob volunteered.”
That wasn’t good, not for Chris anyway. The way he’d looked at Julian earlier made sense now. He was angry because Jacob was putting Julian before him, or at least, that was what it had to feel like to him. “He really wants to do this?” Julian wasn’t surprised. It looked like Jacob was trying to put more distance between him and Chris, probably because Chris would leave soon, and Jacob wasn’t planning on going with him.
“He does. Unless you have something against it, I think he’s a good choice. He’s trained, and he’s serious about his job.”
Julian nodded. “That’s fine with me. I trust him.” Everything was moving too fast, though. Julian needed time to wrap his mind around everything before he got too overwhelmed.
“Talk to him,” Thomas said. “I’m sure he can answer any questions you have about his job. And if you’d rather have someone else, that’s fine, too. I’m sure he’ll understand.”
“Honestly, I don’t know what I want right now.”
Thomas laughed. “That’s normal. Take a few days. We’ll talk again soon.”
Julian wasn’t sure a few days would be enough, but it didn’t look like he would have a choice.
* * * *
Kaspar was so freaking proud of Julian, but he wasn’t sure it was his place, so he kept his mouth shut about it. He doubted Julian wanted to hear any more about him being a council member anyway.
He’d been in shock since he’d been voted in, and even more so after the private meeting he’d had with Thomas and Calder. He’d come out of the office looking dazed, and Kaspar had taken his hand and dragged him to his bedroom. They were both in bed right now, with Kaspar playing big spoon, Julian wrapped in his arms. He hadn’t said anything yet, and Kaspar hadn’t asked. If Julian wanted to talk, he just had to open his mouth and let the words out.
The silence was a bit heavy, though. Kaspar didn’t mind it, but he wished he could ask the questions that pressed on his mind.
“Will you stop wiggling?” Julian suddenly asked.
Kaspar froze. He hadn’t even noticed he was moving. “Sorry.”
Julian chuckled.
Kaspar couldn’t see his face, but he knew he was smiling, and he felt better.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. It’s just a bit unnerving.” Julian unhooked Kaspar’s arms from around him and turned around until he faced Kaspar.
Kaspar hugged him again as soon as he was settled. Julian would have to ask him to stop holding him if that was what he wanted.
“What’s going on?” Julian asked.
Kaspar bit his lower lip. “I don’t expect anything from you.”
Julian arched a brow. “I’m sorry?”
Kaspar huffed. “I’m not the greatest when it comes to talking to people. I haven’t spent most of my life in the woods like you did, but even when I was with the sleuth, Morris kept me isolated for my own good. I had friends and even a few boyfriends, but I’m awkward on the best of days, and you know it.”
Julian’s teasing expression softened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You didn’t hurt me. It’s just frustrating sometimes when I can’t say what I mean to say without making a mess.”
Julian cupped one of Kaspar’s cheeks. “You don’t have to worry about that when you’re with me. I understand better than most people. Just take a deep breath, think about it, and I’ll still be here waiting for you when you’re ready to say whatever is on your mind.”
Kaspar sucked in a breath and did what Julian had ordered. “I just wanted to know how you were feeling, but I didn’t want you to think that you had to give me an answer.”
“You want to know about the meeting.”
“I do. I’m not surprised the carriers chose you, but I know this can’t be easy for you. I’m surprised you accepted so readily, to be honest.”
Julian relaxed against the pillow. “Honestly, I’m not sure what happened. I don’t know what I’m doing. I can barely speak to people. I lived on my own for years, and I am the least sociable person you will ever meet. I have no idea where to start being a council member.”
“Yet you said yes.”
Julian smiled. “I did. I know I could have said no, and I considered it. But then I looked around, and I saw you and everyone else. You were counting on me. For whatever reason, you have faith in me, and I need to honor that. Besides, I want the forest to be a better place for my grandson or granddaughter. I want them to be able to grow up to be whatever they want, and the best way to make that happen is to be right there on the council. I’m doing this for my family, but also all the other carriers in the forest. Kari had to hide, but I want to make sure he’ll be the last one who has to do that.”
“He still hasn’t told you if it’s a boy or girl?” Kaspar teased. He was mildly surprised. Julian and Kari were close, much closer than Kaspar had ever been to his parents.
Julian rolled his eyes. “I don’t think he knows himself. Or rather, he’s convinced it’s a boy, but of course, he can’t be sure yet.”
“How much longer before he can?”
“Well, it depends on the position the baby is in. If he’s lucky, he’ll be able to find out in a few weeks. But if he’s not, he could have to wait until the birth, although I think that’s rare. I don’t really have experience with that, though.”
Right. Because Julian’s pregnancy hadn’t been monitored by a healer. He hadn’t seen Kari when he was still inside him. He hadn’t known that Kari was a boy until he’d given birth.
Kaspar was grateful Julian didn’t get angry when he mentioned his past, because otherwise they probably would have already broken up at least a few times. Kaspar was curious about how Julian had survived in the forest, but even though he was trying his best not to be an asshole and not to ask too many questions about that
, sometimes, he said things he shouldn’t.
He rubbed a hand down Julian’s back. “I’m not surprised you were the one who was chosen.”
“No?”
“Well, I was a bit in the beginning. But it makes sense.”
“It does?”
Kaspar laughed. “Are you fishing for compliments?”
“Not really. I’m trying to understand. I told you. I’m completely lost, and I don’t know where to start. I don’t know why people have this much faith in me.”
“It’s because you have faith in them. It’s because they know you. It would have been so easy for you to isolate yourself when you arrived here. No one would have blamed you if you’d pushed everyone away. But instead, you act a bit like a father figure. Most of us are much younger than you, and even though Chris is angry with you, he knows that you’re a good man. He was the one who nominated you, after all. He’s nineteen, and while he does have a father, don’t think I don’t know how the two of you talked about Jacob.”
Julian grimaced. “Way to make me feel old.”
“You’re not old. Older, sure. But not old.” Kaspar kissed Julian’s forehead. “And Chris will forgive you eventually. It’s not like you did anything. He didn’t force Jacob to become your bodyguard, or to not move with him to bobcat territory.”
“I know. But I don’t like for anyone to be angry with me.”
“It will pass. Things are hard for him right now, and they will continue to be hard for a while, but it’ll be over eventually, and Chris will make his peace with the situation.” He’d have to, unless he wanted to leave the Bishop House angry with Julian, and Kaspar didn’t think that was the case.
“What about you?” Julian asked.
“What about me?”
“We’re talking about Chris leaving, and it made me realize that the same goes for you. Are you getting ready to go home?”
Kaspar shook his head. “I’m already home.”
“You’re a bear shifter. You’re not home. The sleuth is your home.”
“And it’s now allied with the cete. I know Morris won’t protest when I tell him I want to stay here.”
“And that’s what you want to do? Stay here?”
“Of course. I want to see where things can go between us. I’m not leaving you, Julian, especially not now that you need me the most. I’m staying at the Bishop House with you and the other carriers. It’s not even because of you, but rather because it feels safer and like the other carriers might need me.” It was probably wishful thinking, but the carriers had become Kaspar’s family since he’d arrived here, much more than the sleuth and his own family. They gave him a sense of belonging he hadn’t had with family. Kaspar’s family loved him, and they always would, but they’d always kept him separated. He was a carrier, and he wasn’t like them.
But he was like Julian and the other carriers.
Kaspar kissed the tip of Julian’s nose, smiling when he wrinkled it. “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. “I hope you weren’t planning to get rid of me anytime soon, because that won’t happen.” If Kaspar had anything to say about it, Julian would never get rid of him.
Chapter Four
This was it. It was Julian’s first official meeting as a council member, and he couldn’t stop bouncing his knee. He was sitting between Calder and Abel, and he couldn’t help but stare at the door. The human team was about to come in, and he had no idea what was going to happen.
He hadn’t left badger territory since he’d arrived at the Bishop House. Hell, he hadn’t left badger territory since he’d moved there when he was seventeen and pregnant. He’d taken a risk by moving away from weasel territory and entering the territory of the bears and the badgers. He’d lived on the edge of both territories for so long that he’d been stunned when he’d arrived in Northwood this morning.
Everything was so different from when he was seventeen.
There were so many buildings, so many people, and so many cars. He hadn’t known where to look, and it had been overwhelming. It still was. Even the council building was full of people and noises, and it made Julian slightly dizzy.
“Are you okay?” Abel asked in a murmur.
Julian straightened his back. He didn’t want to show any kind of weakness, especially with more than a few council members glaring daggers at him. He knew that with him on the council, the majority was even more pronounced. He was on the good side, and they weren’t happy about it. They weren’t happy about his presence there, period. They didn’t want a carrier, someone they saw as little more than a baby maker, making decisions with them, sitting next to them, and having the same privileges they did. That shouldn’t be the case, since women sat on the council, too, but carriers had always been treated differently. Even though having a baby with a carrier was seen as a good thing, the carriers themselves were considered even lower than women.
Julian raised his chin. Being a carrier didn’t define him. First of all, he was a human being and a man. He was a shifter, just like everyone else in the room. He deserved to be there. He’d been voted in, something none of the other people around the table could say. They’d all been chosen by their alpha, and while in some cases it had been a good thing, because they were good people, in others, Julian could have done without meeting them. Living with the carriers meant he’d heard a lot of the abuse that had been done to them—both by their alphas and their council members—and he had to resist the urge to snap at them. Especially those who were looking down at him like he was something nasty on the bottom of their shoes.
A knock on the door made Julian jump. He swallowed, looking around to make sure no one had noticed. Of course, someone had, but it was only Abel, and he pressed a hand to Julian’s arm, smiling at him.
Julian couldn’t help but ask. “How do you do this?”
Abel shrugged. “It’s not easy. I had to decide that I could ignore what most people think about me. I’m not a carrier, but I’m a deer shifter, and you know what most predator shifters think about us. In the beginning, a few of them looked at me like they wanted to eat me, and not in a good way. But I knew nothing would happen. They might try to corner you when you’re alone, and they might insult you and think you don’t belong here, but they’re wrong. That’s what you have to focus on. You’re here to do good, and that’s what you’re going to do, because you’re that kind of man.”
Julian wished he had as much faith in himself as Abel did, but he nodded and turned his attention back to the door. A guard had entered and was talking with another council member, who nodded at him. The guard stepped back to the door and opened it wider, and a man came in.
Julian had never met a human being before, but they didn’t seem to be any different from shifters. He didn’t think there had been a human in the forest for several decades, and he leaned forward, staring at the small group of people who entered the room.
The leader—and he had to be the leader—was tall and broad-shouldered, with dark hair and dark eyes. He looked at each and every single council member waiting for him without showing fear or revulsion. Julian hadn’t known what to expect. Shifters were stuck in the forest because that was where humans had put them. They could have killed them, but instead, they had made them prisoners. They might have an entire forest to run around in, but that didn’t change the fact that they couldn’t leave.
But it wasn’t these humans’ fault. They might not even have been alive when shifters had been locked in. Julian needed to remember that, and to remember that he couldn’t hold the fact that they were humans against them, just like people shouldn’t hold the fact that he was a carrier against him.
Marjory, the bear council member, rose from her chair. “Welcome,” she said. “Please take a seat.”
They obeyed silently. Julian could see that the humans were nervous now. Their gazes kept bouncing from one person to the other, then to the door and windows. He suspected they expected to be attacked, and they were righ
t to be worried. They might be armed to the teeth, but they were still human, and there was little they could do against a bear shifter.
But Marjory wouldn’t attack them. No one would. It wasn’t just because they would be in trouble with the humans outside the forest, either. They’d been left alone until now, but that wouldn’t continue if they attacked and killed an entire human team.
They needed to stay safe.
The leader settled into one of the chairs right across the table from Julian, and Julian stiffened.
“My name is Luther,” the man said. His voice was deep and graveled.
“I’d give you the names of everyone in the room, but as you can see, they’re written in front of them. We thought it would be easier for you than to have to remember everyone,” Marjory said. “I’m Marjory, the bear shifter council member.”
Luther nodded. “You know why we’re here?”
“Not exactly. We were told that a human team was being sent, but we weren’t given details.”
“There was an explosion.”
Julian briefly closed his eyes. He could too easily remember that moment. He hadn’t been anywhere near Thomas’s house when it had exploded, but Kari had been, and Julian had been terrified. Luckily, his son had come out of it alive and in one piece.
“We’ve had...some problems with a few shifter groups,” Abel said. His voice was soft, but there was a hint of steel in it. “The coyotes attacked the badgers.”
Luther looked at the cards in front of everyone. Julian’s had his name and the word carrier because that was who he represented, and he noticed Luther’s gaze stopping on it. Luther didn’t ask what it meant, though, and Julian was relieved.
“Why did they attack?”
“That is not your business,” Jacqueline snapped. She was the coyote council member. No one wanted her here, but until a new alpha replaced her, she wasn’t going anywhere, and she was using her power. She would milk this situation for as long as she could.
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