Was it a bad thing? Julian had no idea. He’d been so convinced that he would never get pregnant again that he had never thought about having another baby, or rather, about carrying another baby. He and Kaspar hadn’t talked about it, since they both thought it was impossible. Julian had no idea how Kaspar would react, especially since he was pregnant.
Looking at Kaspar right now was one of the scariest things Julian could remember doing. The way Kaspar would react to this would make or break Julian’s life. He could have this baby on his own if he was pregnant. He knew that. He’d done it with Kari, and he would do it again if he had to.
But he didn’t want to. He loved Kaspar, and they’d been planning a life together. He didn’t want to lose that. He didn’t want to lose a future he’d finally allowed himself to dream of.
Julian looked at Kaspar. It was hard for him to read Kaspar’s expression in the beginning, but then Kaspar smiled, and Julian knew everything would be okay.
Or at least, he hoped so.
“Why don’t you go in the bathroom and take a pregnancy test?” Estelle asked. “I don’t need to visit either of you today, so I’m going to go back downstairs to Seamus. Let me know if it’s positive. If it is, we can plan something together so I can visit both of you sometime in the next few weeks.”
Julian frowned. “And if it’s negative?”
Estelle grimaced. “Then, I want to see you as soon as possible. Kaspar said you’ve been throwing up?”
“Yes. I’ve also had some backaches, and I’m exhausted, but I didn’t think it was pregnancy. I thought I was stressed and overworked.”
“It’s a possibility, but if the test comes back negative, I want to see you tomorrow or the day after that.”
Julian couldn’t even think about that possibility. He didn’t want to, not until he took the test. He nodded at Estelle and accepted the test she handed him, then watched her leave. He turned to Kaspar, who gestured to the bathroom. “I’ll be right here,” he said.
“Are you sure? Because I know you didn’t sign up for this. We were planning to have one baby, not two.”
Kaspar nodded. “I’m sure. Whether you’re pregnant or have a health problem, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
Kaspar’s words helped settle something in Julian’s mind. He took a deep breath and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind himself. He put his hands onto the sink and looked down at the pregnancy test. He swallowed, but it didn’t make things easier. He was confused and worried and feeling a mixture of emotions that he didn’t know how to deal with right now. He might be pregnant. At forty-two, after living for more than twenty-six years in the forest on his own, after having one child who was now pregnant with Julian’s grandchild, he might be having a baby.
Julian had no idea what to do with that information. It was another thing he hadn’t allowed himself to think about. In the beginning, it had been because, well, he’d been alone. He’d been living in the forest, and he knew how hard it was to be pregnant and have a baby on his own. Besides, how would he have gotten pregnant? Then, once he’d arrived at the Bishop House, he’d thought that Estelle had told him that he couldn’t have children. He’d made his peace with it.
And now, everything was upside down.
He picked up the pregnancy test with a still-trembling hand and opened the box. He’d never done this before. When he’d been pregnant with Kari, he’d realized he was pregnant because of how his body had behaved. He’d been throwing up then, too, and now that he thought about it, he’d had the same backache. He’d been terrified. He’d known that if the alpha found out that he was carrying his child, he would have locked him up until he gave birth. Julian had refused to raise his child in that kind of situation. Hell, he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t have been able to raise Kari at all if he’d stayed home. The alpha would’ve taken Kari as soon as Julian had given birth, and he would have raised him with his wife.
That was why Julian had left. His life had been hard, but he was still convinced that he’d done the right thing. Having this baby would be so entirely different. It would be a new experience for him, especially with Kaspar also pregnant.
Even though Julian had never used a pregnancy test, he knew how they worked. He peed on the stick and put it on the sink, trying to avoid looking at it while he washed his hands. It was hard not to, but he knew staring wouldn’t give him an answer faster.
Then two lines appeared, and Julian almost fell to his knees. He was pregnant. He was carrying Kaspar’s baby.
He pressed both hands to his stomach, and his eyes filled with tears. He knew he needed to leave the bathroom and tell Kaspar about this, but he didn’t think he would be able to get a word out. He wasn’t sure he could talk around the emotion that clung to his throat, closing it and making it feel tight.
He sat on the floor because his legs wouldn’t hold him up for much longer. They felt like rubber and trembled with emotion. He leaned against the wall, welcoming the coolness of the tile, and closed his eyes.
A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. “Julian? Is everything okay?”
Julian hadn’t locked the door, so he called out, “Yes. Come in. Please.”
The door opened, and Kaspar’s eyes widened when he saw Julian on the floor. He knelt next to him, wrapping his arms around him. “What is it? What happened?”
Julian didn’t want him to panic, especially since he was pregnant. “I’m fine.”
“The test?”
“It’s positive. I’m pregnant.” Julian leaned back and rubbed his face. He looked at Kaspar, even though he was terrified. “I know you never signed up for two babies. If you want—”
Kaspar shook his head, cupped Julian’s cheeks with both hands, and kissed him. For a few seconds, Julian was able to forget about everything that wasn’t Kaspar. Reality came back soon, though, and he gently pushed Kaspar away. “Like I was saying, I know you didn’t sign up for two babies.”
“I signed up to be with you,” Kaspar told him. “I don’t care what that implies. I’m not going anywhere. I’m having your baby, and you’re having mine. We might not have planned for two babies, but we can deal with it. We would if it were twins, right?”
Julian’s eyes widened. “God. What if one of us is carrying twins?”
To his surprise, instead of being struck in horror, Kaspar laughed. “Then we’ll deal with it. I don’t care how many babies we have. I love you, Julian. I want to build this family with you. I’m not going anywhere. I promise. It might not be what we expected, but we can make it work. We have friends and a family. You have a new job. It won’t be easy, but it doesn’t mean we won’t be happy.” He hesitated. “Because you are, right? I know you thought you couldn’t have children, but now you’re pregnant. How do you feel about that?”
Julian hadn’t thought about it yet. How did he feel about carrying another baby? About giving birth a second time? “I’m happy.” Happier than he’d ever thought he would be. He had a job, freedom, a family, and love. It would be hard, but he was used to hard, especially when he knew it would be so worth it.
Chapter Twelve
Julian was still in shock by the time the evening came, but it was easy to get distracted when the first cries of baby Scarlet echoed through the house.
He and Kaspar were in the living room, and they stayed right where they were. Julian remembered too well how he’d felt when Kari was born. This situation was nothing like the one he’d been in, but he knew Seamus and Alex would want some time alone with Scarlet. They probably wouldn’t want to see anyone until tomorrow, so he was wondering if he and Kaspar should go home when Alex appeared at the living room door.
He looked tired but also happy. He was beaming. When Kaspar rose from the couch, Alex grabbed him and wrapped his arms around him, shocking both Kaspar and Julian.
They both knew Alex, of course, but Julian wouldn’t have said they were friends with him. He was a good man, thoug
h, and Julian was more than happy to hug him and congratulate him when he released Kaspar and turned toward him. “Are they both okay?” he asked.
Alex nodded as he stepped away. “They’re both perfect. She’s so beautiful. She has all this black hair, and I swear she was smiling.”
Julian doubted that, but he didn’t say anything. Alex was a new father, and everything his daughter did would make him marvel.
“We’re happy for both of you. Tell Seamus that, will you?”
Alex frowned. “Why don’t you tell him yourself?”
“I thought we should go home. I’m sure you and Seamus want some time alone with your daughter.”
Alex blinked. “God, that sounds so weird. My daughter. I have a daughter.”
Julian laughed. “It’s going to take a while to get used to it. It’s a huge change.”
“It is. I mean, I knew it would be, but now that she’s here, it’s different.” Alex rubbed his face. He looked exhausted, but happiness shone from him. “Come on. Seamus wants to see you.”
Julian was surprised. “Are you sure?”
“I think he wants to thank you. You were there for him when he was terrified.”
Julian was humbled by the trust Seamus was showing in him. He knew Seamus and Alex would want to protect Scarlet and to keep people away from her, especially in the first few days. When he’d had Kari, he’d been lucky, since he hadn’t had anyone to barge into his little two-person family life, but they wouldn’t be as lucky. Alex was the future alpha. As soon as the news that he’d had a child spread, everyone would come to congratulate him and take a peek at baby Scarlet. These were the last few hours of peace Alex and Seamus had, yet they were inviting Julian and Kaspar to be part of them.
Julian didn’t protest. If Seamus wanted to see him, then he would. He and Kaspar followed Alex back to the bedroom in which Seamus had given birth. It was the bedroom he and Alex shared, and Julian felt slightly awkward stepping in, even though there were plenty of people there.
The bedroom was still busy. Estelle and Patrick were putting away things and cleaning, while Hope, Alex’s mother, was cooing over the baby. Seamus was holding Scarlet, and he looked tired but happy and at peace. He couldn’t seem to stop smiling, and it made Julian smile, too.
Seamus looked up when he heard them walk in, and his smile widened. “Julian. I was worried you’d already left. I’m surprised you waited so long. It’s late.”
Julian shrugged. If he was honest with himself, he hadn’t stayed because he wanted to be there when Scarlet was born. He and Kaspar had stuck around because they were still in shock over their own news. He’d wanted some time alone with Kaspar, and the Bishop House was the last place in which they could have that. It was always busy with people, so it had been good for them to have a few hours on their own, even if it had been in a house that wasn’t theirs.
“I’m going to get a snack for you,” Hope said. She was giving them some time, and Julian was grateful.
With everything that was going on, he felt especially vulnerable and emotional at the thought of meeting Scarlet for the first time. He didn’t want to start crying in front of Hope.
Estelle looked at Julian once Hope was gone. “So?”
Julian bit his lower lip. He hadn’t been planning to announce that he and Kaspar were having two babies just yet, but for whatever reason, he found it impossible to keep the secret. Besides, it wasn’t exactly a secret. He would start to show soon. He’d ignored the symptoms, but he was pretty sure he’d gotten pregnant one of the first times he and Kaspar had made love. “It was positive.”
Estelle beamed. “I’m happy for both of you. Call me tomorrow or the day after that. We’ll set up a visit. I need to keep an eye on you, especially considering your background.”
Julian laughed. “You mean my age.”
Estelle shrugged. “That, and the fact that you had Kari on your own in the forest. You’re lucky things went the way they did.”
“What’s she talking about?” Seamus asked when Julian turned his attention back to him. Julian and Kaspar exchanged a glance. Julian didn’t want to blurt out the news if Kaspar wasn’t okay with it, but Kaspar nodded, and Julian knew what it meant.
He pressed a hand to his stomach. It still looked the same, but it wouldn’t for long. “I’m pregnant.”
Seamus’ eyes widened. “Oh my God. I would hug you if I could get out of this bed. I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling up to that. But I’m so happy for you!”
Julian laughed. “Don’t worry about it and stay right where you are. I remember all too well what it was like to give birth.”
“This is great news.”
Kaspar cleared his throat. “I’m pregnant, too.”
Seamus blinked and cocked his head. “You decided to have two babies at the same time?” He snapped his mouth shut. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“You weren’t rude,” Kaspar said with a smile. “It was a surprise. We were trying to have a baby, but we didn’t think Julian could have any more kids. His pregnancy is a surprise, but we’re happy.”
“Of course you’re happy,” Alex said. “Babies always make people happy. You can’t stay at the Bishop House, though.”
Julian hadn’t expected the conversation to go that way. “We’re fine there.”
“For now, sure. But now that you can leave, you should probably have your own home, especially with two babies on the way. Who’s further along?”
“I am,” Julian said.
Alex nodded. “I see. I need to talk to my father about assigning you another bodyguard.”
“I’m sorry?” Julian had no idea what was happening.
“People in the council have accepted you so far because you weren’t pregnant and it was easy for them to ignore the fact that you’re a carrier, but I want to be sure that none of them are going to change their mind or try anything when they find out you’re pregnant, especially with what Jacqueline just tried to pull. But enough talking about that right now. Where do you want to live? How about a house close by? That way, you can have as much help as you want when the babies arrive. Besides, they won’t be much younger than Scarlet. We can have playdates when they’re older.”
Alex was rushing ahead, but Julian understood where that need came from. He’d started a new chapter of his life, and he was eager to see what would happen.
Julian felt the same way.
“I think it’s a good idea,” Julian said slowly. “I love the Bishop House, but maybe it is time for us to have our own house, since we’re starting a family.” He looked at Kaspar, but he already knew Kaspar would agree. It made sense, even though Julian was sad at the thought of leaving the Bishop House and the carriers who still lived there behind.
“I don’t know if there’s a house available. I’ll have to ask my dad,” Alex said. “But if there isn’t, we’ll build it. I want our kids to grow up together. They’re the next generation. Scarlet will be the next alpha, and you two are both carriers having babies together. We’re leaving prejudice and bigotry behind, and those kids are the symbol of that.”
He wasn’t wrong. Having these babies was the beginning of something new, something big for the entire forest. Julian wasn’t sure he liked his babies being a symbol, but there was nothing he could do about it. He would shield them and protect them, but beyond that, he didn’t know what would happen.
Chapter Thirteen
When Julian opened his eyes the next morning, he was already smiling. He doubted he would stop smiling for a long time. Whatever happened, whatever people told him, he was happy. He had Kaspar, and they would have two babies soon. What more could he want from life?
“You look like I feel,” Kaspar murmured against the skin of Julian’s neck.
Julian turned around in Kaspar’s arms so they could face each other. “You mean happy?”
Kaspar nodded. “It still weird, but yeah. I’m happy. I guess the worry will start
soon, so I’m going to enjoy this as much as I can in the meantime.”
“I know worrying is inevitable. But compared to when I had Kari, this is going to be a walk in the park.”
Kaspar laughed. “For you, maybe. But this is my first baby, and by the time she or he is born, we’ll already have yours. We’ll have a newborn, and I’ll go into labor, and oh my God, how are we going to deal with that?”
Kaspar was starting to panic, which was the last thing Julian wanted. He cupped Kaspar’s cheeks with both his hands and waited until Kaspar finally managed to breathe in and out more calmly. “We won’t be alone,” he said. “You heard Alex. He wants us to move closer to him and Seamus. Besides, we’ll have the entire cete by our side. You know what that means. We’ll have dozens of babysitters if we need one. And I will be right there with you when you give birth. I promise.”
“What if we give birth at the same time? I mean, Seamus had Scarlet a month early. What if that happens to me?”
“Then we’ll deal with it. We’ll hold hands while we push. I know this is terrifying, but you have to remember that we’re not alone.”
Their bedroom door slammed open, startling both of them. Julian scrambled into a sitting position, pulling the sheet around his body, his eyes wide. He only relaxed when he saw that Kari was walking in, looking around as if he expected someone to attack him.
“I know I raised you in a forest, but I taught you to knock on doors, didn’t I?” Julian said.
Kari made a beeline for him. He ignored Kaspar and climbed onto the bed on Julian’s empty side, snuggling against him. “What’s going on? You were sick yesterday. What happened? Are you still feeling sick? What did Estelle say? You talked to her, right?”
Too many questions—Julian blinked. He should have known someone would tattle to Kari that he hadn’t been feeling well. He was surprised it had taken so long. “I’m okay.”
“Are you sure? Because I can get Estelle right now if you need her.”
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