She turned back toward the hallway but stopped short when she saw Robin. Kristina took a few steps back, then spun around, searching the room until she located the phone on the desk. She snatched it up, yanked at the length of the cord and brought it to Robin.
"Go for it." She took the receiver off its cradle and shoved it in Robin's face. "Do it."
Robin had no clue what she was talking about. "Do what, Kristina?"
"Find the highest bidder. You got all the dirt now. Go ahead. Use it."
"I would never do that to you."
Kristina dropped the phone on the side table against the wall and started clapping. She laughed, but it sounded hollow and full pain.
"That was good! No, really. I should start taking you to auditions with me. Except… I wasn't born yesterday."
Her voice turned low and grating. "I know exactly what you're going to do the second you leave here. You're just like all the rest of them. You look at me and all you see is a damn blank check."
She came closer until her face was only inches from Robin’s. "At least have the decency not to deny it."
Robin looked into Kristina's eyes and something unexpected happened.
It was as if she had a vision.
In a flash, she could see Kristina as a little girl, cowering in her bed. Praying to God to take her in her sleep. To take her before the sun came up and she had to face another day. Robin felt the fear and hopelessness as if it were her own. She experienced the ache for a mother’s affection. The longing for touch that didn’t bring pain with it.
And with the vision came an overwhelming sense of love. Robin could only imagine it was the Spirit of God allowing her to feel what He felt for Kristina. The hurting little girl standing before her in the body of a woman.
The love was so deep and profound; there was only one thing Robin could do: she encircled her arms around Kristina and held her.
At first, Kristina, primed for a fight, went stiff. Then she struggled to pull away. But Robin wouldn't let go.
"I know you're afraid, Kristina. You've gotten used to it because you've hardly known much else."
A choked sob escaped Kristina's lips and she struggled harder. "No. No."
But Robin continued to hold on. "Father, let her feel the love You have for her. Show her how much she means to You."
"No," Kristina cried out again. But still, Robin wouldn't let go. Instead, she leaned her head onto Kristina's and caressed her hair.
"You don't have to be afraid of me. I'm not here to hurt you. God sent me for one reason and one reason only. And that's to tell you this…"
Kristina stopped struggling as Robin lifted her chin so she could look her in the eye and know she was speaking the truth. "He loves you. More than you love your sisters. More than you loved your baby. He loves you. He always has. You thought He never answered your prayer because He didn't care. Because He wasn't listening. But sweetheart, He didn't answer your prayer because He cared. And He's always been listening."
Kristina's eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth with her hand. She’d never told anyone about that. Not even her sisters.
She backed away, her hand up to prevent Robin from coming any closer. "I don't know how you know about that, but God doesn't love me. Maybe when I was a little girl, but not now. After everything I've done?" She shook her head. "I can hardly look myself in the mirror." Her voice caught in her throat. "So I know there's no way in the world He wants anything to do with me."
"That's not true."
"No. My mama said—“
Robin took a step closer. "It doesn't matter what your mother said. It doesn't matter what anyone else on this entire planet has ever said. Not if it doesn't agree with what He said." Robin pointed upward and took another step toward Kristina. "Do you want to know what He said?"
Kristina didn't answer. A part of her wanted to know, but another part, a much larger part, was too afraid to ask.
"For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son. You know what that means? That God so loved Kristina Langston, He gave His only begotten Son."
Kristina stopped backing away and stood completely still. She’d heard that verse a hundred times. No. A thousand, at least. Never once did she think it had to do with her personally. As much as her heart longed to believe it, her mind wouldn't let her. She was just one person and not even a very good one at that.
As if she could hear her thoughts, Robin nodded. "I know. It seems too good to be true, doesn't it? He's perfect and we're just…us. But Kristina, the only reason you even exist is because He wanted you to. So you see, it doesn't matter if your parents didn’t want you or some man left you or anybody else threw you away. The Creator of the universe wanted you and if that's not a reason to live, I don't know what is."
Once again, tears streamed down Kristina's face. "But I've messed up. Things you don't even know about.”
"But He does. He knows and He still wants you. And every day is another opportunity to turn to Him. To accept the love He sacrificed to give you."
"But if He loves me so much, why won't He take this pain away?” Kristina put her hand over her chest. Robin stepped up to her and put her hand over Kristina's.
"Why won't you let Him?"
"What?"
Robin took Kristina's hand and led her to one of the big, overstuffed chairs in the living area. Kristina sat down and Robin sat on the coffee table in front of her.
"You hold on to hurt and unforgiveness like a shield. You use it to protect your heart from sustaining any more damage. But what about laying it down and letting Him protect it, instead?"
Kristina shook her head and wiped at the tear streaks on her cheeks. "But I don't know any other way. I want Him to help me, but I don't know how."
Kristina buried her face in her hands and began sobbing. Robin pulled at her wrist, bringing Kristina's hands away from her face and blotted her tears with a Kleenex.
"You stop trying. That's how. You stop tending to your own wounds. You stop struggling to be clean and struggling to keep your secrets and struggling to deal with your pain. You stop struggling and you start letting go."
Robin snatched up a few more of the Kleenex from the box on the coffee table and used them to dry Kristina's face. "Can I pray with you?"
Kristina nodded and bowed her head.
"In your heart, repeat this prayer with me. Father, I know Your Word says the only reason You sent your Son was out of love for me. But I'm struggling to believe it. To be honest, I'm struggling with a lot. But I actively choose to stop struggling and start believing You, despite what I see. I've tried taking care of myself. I'm not up to the task. But I know that You are. From this day forward, I let go. I lean on You and Your ability. Teach me daily to rely on Your help more and more. On my own, I have failed, but through Christ, I can do all things. Help me remember that I'm never alone. I need only depend on You to find Your support. I recommit my life and come to You just as I am…”
When they finished praying, Kristina grabbed more tissue from the coffee table and dried her face. She looked at her sisters, both sitting on the couch, drying their eyes, too.
"Pam, you still have the number to that rehab center you stayed at?"
Pam looked up, her face bright with hope. "I carry the card in my purse."
"Good. I think it's time I pay them a visit."
Chapter 10
The next morning, Pam was having breakfast with the rest of the ladies when her phone rang. After a quick glance at the screen, she excused herself and went to her bedroom.
"Hey, baby!"
“Oooh, girl,” he replied. "I've missed that voice!”
As usual, Reiland made a goofy grin spread across her face. "Not as much as I've missed yours. I'm so glad I get to see you tomorrow night.”
"Me too. How are things going there?"
"Actually," she said, her smile spreading even further. “We’ve made some real progress. We've talked about things I didn't think we would ever talk
about and this woman the pastor sent to help us has been a literal godsend."
“I’m so glad to hear that." She knew he meant it. She could hear the smile in his voice.
“What’s going on with you? I hope my being here hasn’t left you swamped with too much work.”
“Well, you remember that thing I called you about the other day? The lawyer and Mahalia’s will?"
"Yeah," she said. "I've been thinking about that. Were you able to get it cleared up?"
He let out a heavy sigh. "Not really. I mean, we know a bit more than we did before. But I can see why her lawyer was concerned. It's not making sense. I was hoping maybe I could run it by you and see if you knew anything more than we did."
"Okay…" Pam sat on the edge of the bed. She and her sisters had made such strides in the last couple of days, she was reluctant to even hear what her husband had to say.
"Do you know an Xavier Morris?"
Pam's eyes squinted as she contemplated. "Xavier…?”
"Morris."
“Umm…”
A few moments passed as she searched her recollection. Pam shook her head. Xavier was such a unique name, she was sure that if she did know one, she'd remember that right away.
"Is it possible you have a cousin by that name? Or, did your mom have any godchildren?"
She snorted. "Um, yeah. Especially after the stroke. I don't know, maybe she was lonely. But it seemed like she ‘adopted’ a lot after that. Especially from the church. Why? And what does this Xavier Morris have to do with it?"
"Quite a bit, actually. She left just about everything she owned to him."
It took a few moments for Pam to register what her husband had said.
"Wait. She did what?”
"Yep. Everything. The money, the house, her vehicles. Her church was endowed with a trust, but everything else went to him.”
Pam couldn’t make sense of it. That her mother left everything she had to someone else, wasn’t what bothered her. Truthfully, she and her sisters didn't need or expect any sort of inheritance. With her working as Kristina's manager and Tamia working as her background singer, they all had more than enough. In fact, most everything her mother had, came from them. But why in the world would she leave it to someone they’d never even heard of?
An uncomfortable thought crossed Pam’s mind. Could it be her mother had kept a secret boyfriend? Almost as soon as the thought occurred to her, she dismissed it. The world might be full of spry seniors, but her mother wasn't one of them. She was too old-fashioned. No, this had to be something else.
The more likely story, the one Pam didn't even want to consider, was that someone had taken advantage of her mother. At the thought of it, Pam felt something in her chest she could only describe as a pang of guilt.
While she had come back to Texas to take care of her mother immediately after her stroke, she also left the moment she was assured by her mother's doctors that she was in the clear. She hired a nurse to be with Mahalia on a daily basis for the next six weeks, but after that, she was mostly on her own.
Whenever she talked to her mother on the phone or visited, she never got the impression that she had any sort of diminished capacity. Physically, she wasn't able to do the things she’d done previously, but mentally, she was as sharp as ever. Had something changed? Had her stroke affected her in a way that Pam hadn't noticed?
"So what is the lawyer doing to find out who this is?"
"You know, the usual. Background checks, things like that. But he's already pretty sure it's someone at her church. According to him, it was all she really talked about. And like I said, besides this Xavier person, the church is the only other benefactor."
The church…
A thought struck Pam. "Hey, baby, Robin has attended New Life for years. Long before mama became a member. Let me go check with her and see if she knows anything. I'll call you right back, okay?"
"Sounds good. Love you."
"Love you, too."
Pam knocked on Robin's door and entered the room to find her packing her suitcase.
"Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Sure." Robin said, folding a sweater.
"Do you know of anyone at New Life named Xavier Morris?"
Robin paused, holding the sweater close. "Well, I know of a family named Morris. They have five boys. All singers. The jewels in the crown of New Life choir, in fact." She chuckled. "Thanks to those boys, we've won plenty a gospel sing-off."
Pam went back to her room and called her husband. "Check with Pastor Thomas. Robin says a Morris family goes there. He might know more."
"More what?"
Pam looked over her shoulder to see Kristina leaning against the doorframe, a lollipop in her mouth. Just behind her was Tamia.
"Call me when you know something." Pam disconnected with her husband and gave her sisters the news.
Kristina took her lollipop out of her mouth and waved it through the air. "Wait, wait, wait. Mama did what?"
Pam nodded. "Nobody even knows who he is."
Tamia came in the room and sat on the bed. "But how does her lawyer not know? Isn't that his job?"
Pam shrugged. "From what I understand, she allowed him to handle most everything but her will. The only time she ever even mentioned it to him was to make him promise that he would enforce it, no matter what."
"Well," Kristina said, popping her lollipop back in her mouth. "She could leave everything she had to Bobo the Clown, for all I care. It's not like any of us need it. Besides, come to Jesus moments or not, I have no desire to step into that house again, much less, live in it."
Tamia was obviously in agreement and with that being the end of the story, the sisters returned to their separate rooms. But Pam couldn't let it go. Mahalia Langston didn't let any of her girls get very close to her, but out of all of them, Pam knew her the best. And based on what she knew, nothing about this situation made sense.
After a round of tight hugs and emotional goodbyes, Robin and the sisters promised each other to stay in touch.
When Robin headed out the front door of the suite, Pam followed. "Do you mind if I walk you to your car so we can talk?"
"Of course not." Robin said, pushing the DOWN button on the elevator panel.
"Can you tell me more about this Morris family?"
The elevator chimed and the doors slid open.
“Well,” Robin said, stepping in. "I know a bit more about the parents than I do the boys. The mother, Esther, is a nurse at Presby. Her husband, Deacon, is a sweetheart. A big teddy bear of a man. If I'm not mistaken, he's been a janitor with the Dallas Public School system for most of his life.
"Deacon?" Pam asked. "That's the father's name? His full name?"
Robin grimaced. "I'm sorry, but I don't know. That's all I've ever heard anyone call him. I'm not even sure if it's his given name or just a nickname.” Robin studied Pam’s worried expression. “Why the sudden interest in the Morrises?”
“Apparently, our mother left all she had to someone with that last name. I’d like to know why. And since there’s a family with that name at the church…”
“Gotcha.”
Once again, the elevator chimed. This time, to notify them of reaching the first floor. Pam shoved her hands in her pockets and followed Robin out of the elevator and into the lobby. A hundred thoughts raced through her mind, none of them getting her any closer to the answers she needed.
“What do you know about the rest of the family?"
"Like I said earlier, there's five boys. The youngest one was a bit of a surprise, because—.“
Pam looked to see why Robin had stopped talking.
"What?"
Robin stood there in the middle of the lobby, her mouth open, but no words coming out. She kept blinking as if she'd seen something she couldn’t believe.
"When did you say it was that Kristina miscarried?"
“Uh…almost eighteen years ago. But what does that have to do with—“
Robin grabbed Pam
's upper arm. “I started to say that the youngest was a bit of a surprise because Esther hadn’t planned on having any more children. Her boys were already preteens. Then late one night, the doorbell rang. But when Deacon turned on the porch light, no one was there. No adult, anyway. Just an abandoned, premature baby."
Chapter 11
For a moment, Robin's words didn't make sense to Pam.
But when they finally did, the room started spinning. Robin grabbed Pam’s arm and led her to a seating area in the middle of the lobby. They sat down and Robin put her hand on her back.
“Breathe. Just breathe."
Pam leaned over on her legs, her eyes closed, her mind racing.
It couldn't be. It was impossible. She was there. In the room. The baby wasn’t breathing.
He was dead.
When she was finally able to catch her breath and think clearly, she asked, “A preemie? You're sure that he was premature?"
Robin nodded. "I remember because the doctors didn’t expect him to make it, so the pastor assigned a group of women to pray for him twenty-four hours a day. When he finally came out of the hospital and they could bring him to church, there was a dedication ceremony. Esther had to put him in doll clothes because none of the regular christening outfits were small enough."
Pam could've sworn her heart skipped a beat. As if it literally stopped and then started again at the meaning of Robin’s words.
At the hope.
She shook her head. No. She couldn't let herself hope. The chances of it meaning all that she wanted it to mean were slim. Kristina's baby had already died once. To believe this and then find out it wasn’t true would be like losing him all over again.
And yet…
"Did your mother ever mention anything about the baby?"
"You mean, like, what she did with him?"
"Yes."
Pam shook her head. “We never spoke about it. It was like it never happened. The beating. The birth. None of it.”
"I'm sure all of you must've wondered."
He Restores My Soul (The Langston Family Saga Book 1) Page 6
