"Shit! Don't creep up on me! And of course he was!"
"Ok sorry for asking, just wanted to make sure," she says sounding believable, but her untrusting eyes search mine continuously.
"What are you two doing?" I question with my own suspicious look.
"Talking," she answers quickly.
"Um hum. I'll see you in the morning, I'm shattered."
"Yeah, ok sweetie," she replies in a cheery tone before walking out of my room and back down the hallway.
Closing the door with a gentle click, I dive into my bed and let embarrassment take a hold of me.
As it is Ruk's ceremony of mating tomorrow, I have decided I will meet him in his dreams, say goodbye to him privately.
Closing my eyes with Ruk on my mind and in my heart, my soul leaves my body and enters Ruk's dreams.
To my surprise, he doesn't dream, he lays on a white sheeted bed, quiet, peaceful, and beautiful.
Walking to him, I place my hand on his warm chest, and lean down to press my lips upon his.
"Ruk, wake up for me, please?" I whisper to him gently, whilst running my fingers though his hair.
"Zara?" His voice rough and scratchy.
"It's me," I reply, tears welling up in my eyes.
Blinking himself awake, he slowly sits up and rubs his hands over his face. Finally meeting my eyes, his own soften and a smile spreads on his stunning face.
"This is a dream?" He asks quietly.
"Yes, a dream," I tell him through the lump in my throat.
Holding his hand to me, he stands from the bed. His 6 foot 4 height looking down on me with wonder in his eyes.
"Why am I dreaming of you Zara?" He asks with a light frown, but still smiling at my sweetly.
"Because you will be mated tomorrow, this is our goodbye," I whisper through the building sobs that threaten to rip from my chest.
"You really like me hu?" He laughs lightly.
"I love you."
"You shouldn't."
"I know," I reply, dropping my eyes to my feet.
Lifting my face to meet his, he leans in slowly.
Without a second thought, I slam into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him with everything I have, and everything I am.
As the kiss comes to an end, my mind spins, and my body numbs as his lips leave mine and his arms are cruelly parted from my waist.
"You should have told me before, I could have been yours," he admits sorrowfully.
"Really? Would you give Mary up for me, for the love I offer?"
"No, I'm sorry Zara. Mary is important to me, she is everything I have ever wanted my mate to be," he says apologetically.
"Then I hope you live a long happy life Ruk, you deserve it more than any man I know.”
"I don't get you, you act as though you know me so well, you don't," he tells me, but sounding as a question as his eyes turn intense and his mouth partially opens.
"I know you better then you think. I will leave you now. I lo..." I stop myself from uttering the last words of love.
"Please don't ruin tomorrow for me Zara. I can see you feel for me, but, I'm sorry, I just don't feel the same."
Biting my bottom lip when my back has turned from him, my eyes shut, wanting to erase this memory, this horrid heartbreaking memory.
"I won't," I stutter out.
Letting my grief stricken tears fall mercifully down my cheeks, I inhale deeply.
"Why can't you remember?" My hand fly’s to my chest, willing him not to give up on me.
"Remember what?" He asks sounding thrown off.
I don't face him, I can't. He isn't the Ruk I want to remember.
"Nothing, it's nothing?"
"Why would I dream of you being sad, this isn't what I want."
"I have to go. Goodbye Ruk," my eyes close and I will myself to return to my unconscious body.
Waking with a start, my hands fly to my hair, pulling violently, as sobs rip from my chest.
Why did I do that to myself! How can I be so deluded to think I could say goodbye and have closure? Everything we were and everything we had is my memory alone, heartache will only rip from my chest, always mine.
"Zara?" I hear a deep voice call gently.
Opening my eyes and wiping my tears away with my sleeve, I speak as calmly as I can manage.
"I'm fine, leave me."
And to my amazement, Richard walks into my bedroom, without a word, he sits on the edge of my bed, but faces away from me as he speaks.
"You went to him?" He asks coolly.
"I did," I admit.
"Why?"
"To say goodbye."
"You should have left it."
"I know, I just wanted one last chance.”
"Do you want me to get someone, the Vampire perhaps? He seems very...comforting," he snorts a laugh.
"I want no one. Close the door behind you Richard," I tell him as my body can no longer keep itself up.
Slipping under the covers, I hold them tightly to my face, silencing my tears of grief.
Hearing the door close, I let my eyes close and that is when the image of Ruk enters my vision.
However, those images are taken by the feel of Richards, warm, large frame slipping in beside me.
Lacing his arm around my chest, he pulls me close.
The strange thing is, I let him, I welcome him to comfort my grieving.
Feeling his heart beat against my back, I slip my hand into his hand, and squeeze gently.
Not a word is spoken, not a movement is made. But what is made, is a friendship, not that Richard will admit it, but I will always remember that he was here for me, making me take comfort instead of dealing with my emotions alone.
Chapter 19
Hearing a knock at the door, followed by Dallah's loving voice, I quickly look to Richard anxiously as I know she is about to walk in.
Throwing the covers over his head and cuddling a little too closely to me, Dallah walks in only a second later. Worse, she sits on my bed, only inches away from his still body.
"How you feeling sweetie?" She asks with concern in her eyes.
"I'm ok. I just want to get on with today. Hey, can you go put the kettle on please, I'm in dire need of a cup of tea?"
"No, no tea today. Just this!" She pulls a bottle of wine from her back.
"I just woke up!"
"No you haven't. Zara..."she starts gently, "I know you haven't slept, I know you went to Ruk last night. I wish you could confide in me sweetie. You keep putting these walls up, let me in, please," she says graciously.
Richard takes this moment to squeeze my breast sexually, which makes me jump and elbow the bastard in the throat.
Pretending to choke along with him, Dallah watches me closely, eyes squinted and brows frowning.
"Sorry. Can we do this down stairs, I need a minute," I try desperately to convince her.
"Ok, one minute though. You're acting weird, I don't like it. Don't go near Richard today, he will be out to make this day more painful than it has to be," she warns.
"This is not Richards doing Dallah."
"Why do you always stick up for his actions, he is a prick, we both know that. I get that you think he has some good in him...because you like to see the good in everyone...but look past that, see him for what he really is?"
"Please just go, I will be a minute, I promise," I tell her in a sigh.
"Don't let him in, never let him in," she tells me seriously, whilst watching me closely before walking out of my bedroom with a sad smile.
Listening to her footsteps vanish down the hallway, I throw the covers off of us both and look at him questionably.
"I got bored," he states as he vacated the bed.
"Well don’t!" I say unbelievingly.
"Unless you want to mess about, I'm going to leave?"
"Goodbye Richard. And...Thank you," I tell him whilst looking away from his intense eyes.
"Don't mention it, I really mean that. Do not mention
this to anyone, or I shall..."
"Shut up you dick!"
"Now that's what I like to see, a little spirit," he smiles widely.
Rolling my eyes, I turn my back from him and enter the bathroom.
Standing outside the kitchen door, I take a moment to compose myself, deep breaths, fakes smile applied, and I'm ready.
Pushing the door open, I'm met with three very serious faces, and one devilish grin from Richard.
"Before you ask, I'm fine. I know what today means, and I'm ready," I tell them in a fighting tone and with my head held high.
"Good. Let's get this day over with...oh and girls, save the tears for when I'm gone," Richard tells us sarcastically, looking at Angus and Sallack.
Surprisingly, they do not react to his sarcastic ways, have they really grown accustomed to him in such a short amount of time. Nevertheless, I'm grateful they haven't reacted; it saves me the drama of screaming at them.
Taking a seat beside Angus, he places a delicate kiss to my forehead before placing his arm around the back of my chair.
"Ok. What’s the plan for today?" Sallack asks, and in doing so, I capture everyone's attention.
"We go to the ceremony, watch Ruk throw his life away, and then help him sort his life out when she has finished with him." I say with regret.
"That's it?" Sallack's asks astounded.
"What more can I do? I have nothing else to offer. Don't judge me; you do not know how hard this is for me! Have you tried everything you could of?" I question back, getting agitated.
"I know that Zara, I just thought you had more to give."
"More to give! I went to hell to bring back Richard so that I could bargain with the fucking devil! Then went to two fucked up Witches that cursed me! What else do you want me to do? Perhaps, give him my life? Oh, no, wait, I did that already!"
"Fuck it! I'm sorry. It will be hard to see him throw what he had away so easily," Sallack sighs guiltily.
"No shit," I remark sarcastically.
"I'm starting to like you lot," Richard jokes as his swigs his whiskey.
"Starting early?" I point to his glass, needing to change the mood.
"Always. So where are we heading first?"
"Dress shop," Dallah chimes in.
As everyone's eyes land on her, we all look at her with frowns.
"You still need to look pretty," she states.
Rolling my eyes at her, I look back to the men.
"Well looks like my days sorted. Will you guys be ok together?" I ask them from around my tea cup, and as I take a sip, I spit the mouthful out.
"Richard!" I screech as a wicked grin plays on his lips.
"You need to lighten up, take the edge off," he waves his hand ignoring the situation.
"If I wanted a drink, I would have got one. Don't spike mine again," I warn with a stern look.
"Why don't we go together?" Angus asks.
"Where?"
"Shopping."
"God no! I'd rather die!" Richard sates with disgust.
"Well you weren’t invited!" Angus speaks angrily.
"Neither were you," Richard smirks.
"You can come if you like," I smile sweetly to him, ignoring the glare from Richard.
"No need," he almost sings happily.
Wondering why he said what he did, I'm soon to realise when I'm dressed in a magnificent outfit.
Red satin lies perfectly on my skin, a full length dress, with spaghetti straps.
Standing abruptly, I notice the dress has a huge spit along my right leg, and my breast are sat so perfectly, I find myself wanting to touch them to see if they are real.
"What is this?" I ask unbelievingly.
"A dress," he speaks as if I'm stupid.
"Wow...oh wait!" Dallah says excitedly.
Suddenly my hair hangs loose down my chest, perfect curls lay elegantly.
"Are you shitting me, you're working together now?" I ask with a raised brow.
"You look amazing," says Angus, eating me with his eyes.
"I don't want to look amazing. And certainly not at 11 in the morning," I look to Dallah annoyed, she should know better.
"I got carried away, sorry."
"I didn't," Richard says, watching me intensely.
"I'm going to get changed," I sigh as I make my way out of the kitchen and up stairs.
Standing before the mirror, I look at my reflection, and it brings my tears to the surface.
Why am I beautiful, what is the point, not when I cannot get a man to love me, when I love them so deeply.
I saw the way Angus was looking at me, as well as Richard, it's a curse to look this way, feel this way.
It's selfish, but I would do anything to go back to my old self, just for an hour, even a day. Feel free, no pressures to do well, no sexy men lusting over me, just me and Den sitting in the burger bar, like we did on a Saturday. However, it's a useless thought, my life will carry on changing, twisting and turning, and I will be left to fight the emotions that overtake me so cruelly.
Walking to stand behind me, Sallack places his hand on my shoulder and looks at me in the through my reflection.
"You should wear it tonight."
"I don't think its right," I sigh.
"Its right, it's perfect. He has hurt you too badly to ever want to return?"
He has hit the nail on the head. Even if Ruk did suddenly remember who I am to him, what we were, it would be too late.
I want him to remember to save himself, not what we had. What we had has gone; I think it was taken on the night he was murdered.
I feel guilt, so much guilt that my heart burns with it.
"Too much has happened. I want for him to be happy."
"If he remembers, before the ceremony?"
"Then we have won, but my heart is lost. I only have one heart Sallack, how many times can it be broken?"
"What will you do?"
"When the ceremony has ended? I do not know," I admit.
"You should stay with us, at the mansion," he tries to persuade.
"Maybe," I smile to him sweetly before turning to face him.
"No one knows what their life holds, but then no one could take on a life as a Charmer as well as you could," he smiles down at me, "I want to thank you Zara, for this, all of this. My life has changed so dramatically, but for the best. You gave me and my Brothers’ something else to live for, feel needed, loved."
"You too, for me and Den. Hey, do you think Den is doing ok?"
"I think he is trying to find his feet. He will be fine, we all will. Look, today will be hard for you, but keep your head high."
"Always."
Dallah ends up going shopping for a dress with Sallack, as she batted her eyelashes so beautifully; he had no other option then to say yes.
I couldn't go with her; I don't care about dresses, hair or makeup, well not today.
I need to spend the day alone, get myself ready for what awaits me. Keeping my emotions in check. I think I have done well so far, except for last night, that was a mess, putting it lightly!
One day I want to look back at this day and think, that was the start of my life, my fresh beginning. However, I have learnt the hard way, that life is not that way, it isn't greener on the other side, it sucks.
The time is 6:40, and Dallah has applied my makeup, which she insisted I wear, and I am back in my red dress, which Richard decided he would gift me with.
I hope to god that he does not take it back in the middle of the ceremony. I'm sure he is smarter than to mess with an emotional woman, well, I at least hope.
We were due to meet downstairs 10 minutes ago, so squirting a little perfume on my neck; I make my way down to the front door.
Waiting for me are Angus, Richard and Dallah, Sallack has left already as he will be practising the ceremony. As Alpha, it is Sallack's task to bond the two chosen together in their ceremony, which I'm sure will be hard for him to complete, he knows too well what sort of woman Mary is and what
trouble she can cause.
Richard wears a wonderful Armani tailored suit, and his hair styled perfectly as always, not a hair out of place.
Angus, as a brother to Ruk, wears the white cotton trousers, and a bare chest, well apart for the symbol of the Charmer family on his chest. He looks handsome, with his hair tied back, his pronounced muscles on show, he really is a beautiful man, and by the smile on his lips, I have feeling I was looking a little too closely.
Dallah, as always looks stunning. She is wearing a stunning black gown, diamonds hanging from her ears and her hair falling graciously down her back.
Smiling to them weakly, telling them I'm ready, Angus slips his hand into mine, and we all transport to the bar, where everyone is meeting before the ceremony for drinks.
Transporting just a little away from the bar, we take the 5 minute walk in silence, everyone deep in their own thoughts.
I'm nervous about seeing the Brothers’, only because I'm worried they will ask question that I will not know how to answer, more simply cannot.
More than anything, I am scared, scared that Ruk will be hurt in the same way he was at our ceremony, and scared that he will be mad at me for what has become of his life.
"Can I speak with you a moment," Angus asks, jogging me from my thoughts.
"Of course. We will meet you inside," I say to Richard and Dallah, who take a giant step away from each other as they make their way to the entrance of the bar.
Turning to face Angus, he laces his arm around my waist and his other hand lies gently on my cheek.
"Sweet Zara, I don't know how this will work out, but know that it is for a reason," he tells me with a sweet smile.
"You always say the right thing," I smile back, and go to turn, but he doesn't budge.
"No matter the ending, I need you in my life Zara, don't forget about me," he says sadly, then looks away from my teary eyes.
"Never, I would never, I couldn't. You are a part of me Angus, in here," I place my hand over his heart, "never think any different, promise me?"
"I do sweet," he sighs.
"There is something else?"
"Just keep on alert tonight, I don't get a good feeling."
"I will. Come on, let's get a drink?"
"After you," he smiles sweetly as he holds his hand out to show the way like a gentleman.
Forsaken (book 3) (The Charmer series) Page 20
