by Amanda Renee
Lydia called with an update on the bull they rescued. Part of the front leg had to be amputated, but they knew of an animal prosthetic company willing to donate their time and materials to construct him a new limb. He had a long recovery ahead of him, but his quality of life had already improved dramatically.
After their conversation, Belle finished mucking the stalls, showered and ate dinner. She stared at the main house from the stable’s apartment window. As much as she hated what Molly did to Harlan and Ivy, she’d pack up and leave in a heartbeat if it meant Ivy could have a happy home with both of her parents. Isn’t that what every child deserved?
It was what she had always dreamed of. Not only had her mother abandoned her, she never knew who her father was. For that matter, her mother probably hadn’t either. She’d always fantasized who Unknown could have been. Maybe somebody famous? Maybe a multimillionaire who would give her all the money she needed to start her rescue ranch. Whoever it was, she wished them well. Ivy at least had a name, she just hadn’t had the opportunity to put a face to it yet. Now she would. And whatever happened between Molly, Harlan and their daughter was out of her hands. She wouldn’t interfere.
The sound of Harlan’s truck interrupted her thoughts. She held her breath, waiting to hear if he came in the stables or went to the main house. When the downstairs door didn’t open, she braved a look out the window. The kitchen lights flicked on, followed by the upstairs bedroom a minute later. For a moment, Belle wondered if he was alone. Although, knowing Molly, she would’ve cackled from the truck to the back door to make sure Belle heard her.
She pulled her computer out of the tote bag next to her bed and turned it on. She prayed Harlan’s Wi-Fi wasn’t password protected because she needed to find a new apartment and fast. The sound of boots coming up the stable’s stairs startled her. It couldn’t be Harlan; he was already inside his house. She ran to the apartment door to lock it, just as it opened, knocking her to the floor.
“Oh, my God, Belle!” Harlan reached for her. “I am so sorry. What were you doing standing on the other side of the door?”
“Me?” Belle rubbed the side of her head. “I saw you turn the lights on inside your house and I thought you were a stranger coming up the stairs. Don’t you knock?”
“I guess it hadn’t dawned on me to knock before entering my own stables, but you’re right. I should have given you that courtesy.”
“Fair enough.” She allowed Harlan to help her to her feet. “So, what happened? Unless you don’t want to tell me?”
Harlan guided her to the bed. “Let me see your head. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“It’s just a bump. I’m hardheaded, in case you haven’t already noticed.” Levity, no matter how weak, seemed to be in order.
“I went into the house first because I figured that’s where you would be.” He sat beside her. “I thought we settled that.”
“And then you went to see Molly.” Belle pulled away from him. The more he rubbed her head, the more it hurt. “I’m okay.”
“What does seeing Molly have to do with you moving in with me?” He scooted back against the headboard.
“If you and Molly have a chance to work things out for Ivy’s sake, I think you should take it.” The words left an acrid taste in her mouth.
“Thank you, but I can make my own decisions.” He lifted her hand and placed a light kiss in the center of her palm. “Getting back together with Molly is not an option.” He smiled. It was a devastating smile. One that sent her stomach to the moon and back. “Thank you for persuading me to listen to what she had to say. I already knew most of it.”
“Did she give you any details?” A part of her was curious what her former best friend had been up to since Belle’s wedding day. The other part didn’t care what happened to the woman. She chose the high road out of respect for Ivy.
“She admitted she hadn’t been ready to raise a child back then. Pretty much the same way I wasn’t ready to get married. Not that I’m trying to justify either situation.” Harlan kicked off his boots and reached for Belle, urging her to sit between his legs. “She had always wanted to travel and get away from small-town life. And that’s exactly what she did. She works as a travel agent out of Billings. She told me when we spent that one night together she wasn’t trying to get pregnant.”
He wrapped his arms in front of Belle, cocooning her against him. “At least that’s something.” She still had a hard time absorbing his admission that he and Molly had only had sex once. Ever. A part of her had been overjoyed; the other part had been furious he’d thrown away everything they had together for a roll in the hay.
“I think I needed to hear that, because I always wondered if she had purposely trapped me. I was partially to blame, but I don’t think I was willing to admit it until recently.”
“Does she want you back?” Belle squeezed her eyes shut and braced for the answer.
“No. And I wouldn’t entertain the thought even if she did. She said she doesn’t want to come between us. Belle, she seems genuinely happy that you and I found our way back to one another. She had assumed we had been married for years, not days. I didn’t explain our situation because it’s none of her business. Knowing her, she would turn our quickie marriage against me. She would like to speak with you and apologize.”
Belle tensed. Molly and Harlan had a lot to work through. She and Molly did not. “Sounds like she’s making amends as part of a twelve-step program.”
“The same thought ran through my mind. But isn’t the first step always admitting you have a problem? She never abused alcohol or drugs when we were together. She just wasn’t emotionally ready to be a parent. Now she claims she is. She’s twenty-seven, appears stable—at least on paper—and would like the chance to know her daughter.”
“Will you allow Ivy to see her?”
He blew out a slow breath before answering. “I thought about what you said earlier...how you would have appreciated the same opportunity. I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t give Ivy the chance to decide on her own. She may not be ready to make that decision, and Molly will have to accept whatever the outcome. I won’t force Ivy into this.”
“Are you still worried about her running off with Ivy?” It had been her grandmother’s biggest fear when Belle first came to Saddle Ridge. She remembered Trudy’s stern warnings to never go with her mother under any circumstances. The situation hadn’t presented itself and over time, the memories of her mother slowly faded.
“I’m more afraid if I take too long, she’ll take it upon herself to meet Ivy, and that’s what I want to avoid. My daughter is already confused. I don’t think I can keep it from her any longer. It’s too late tonight. I’ll talk to her first thing tomorrow morning. I think this will be the hardest conversation of my life. In the meantime, will you please move into the house with us?”
Belle shook her head. “I can’t.”
“Why?” Harlan swept the hair off her shoulder and shifted his body to see her expression.
She withdrew from his arms and turned around to face him. “Your daughter will experience the biggest shock of her young life tomorrow. I don’t think now is the time to introduce another change into her safe zone.” She reached for his hands and held them between her own. “Your house and everything it represents is home. She has you and Elvis and that’s all she needs right now.” Harlan opened his mouth to protest, but she pressed a finger to his lips to silence his words. “I’m added confusion. I don’t want Ivy to feel she must choose between me or her mother. You have some big adjustments coming on the horizon. Take this time for you and your daughter.”
“What are you saying?” The pain was evident in his eyes. “Are we breaking up?”
“We’re married.” She smiled, however bittersweet. “We can’t break up without a divorce.” Belle attempted to laugh, but her heart a
ched too much and it terrified her. “I think it’s best if I stay out here. We’re moving way too fast. That doesn’t mean we can’t still spend time together, because I do want that.” She ran the backs of her fingers down the side of his face and cupped his chin. “I want us to both be sure we’re making the right decision.”
Harlan gently eased her down onto the bed, his touch light as he skimmed his fingertips over her hips through the thin cotton fabric of her boxer shorts. “I’ve already made my decision. I made it the day I married you.” His lips grazed hers. “I may have screwed up our relationship the first time, but I would never break my wedding vows.”
His hand moved under her shirt, searing a path across her abdomen. A shiver of arousal shot through her. A tiny moan caught in her throat as he lifted her shirt and his lips found her bare breasts.
“No, no, no.” Belle scooted out from under him. “Sex clouds things.”
Harlan sat on the edge of the bed, slack jawed. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”
Belle groaned. “I’m not.” Saying no to a night of passion was proving harder than she thought. Especially when every inch of her body yearned for him. But it twisted her emotions. Despite what he said about Molly, she wasn’t ready to chance him walking out a second time. Wisdom comes from experience, and she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.
* * *
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, Harlan paced the length of his living room. Dylan was due to arrive with Ivy any minute and he still hadn’t figured out how to tell his daughter her mother wanted to meet her.
To make matters worse, he was still nursing his wounds from Belle’s rejection last night. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. They were moving too fast and her moving in would probably be too much for Ivy to handle on top of Molly. It gave him one more reason not to like his ex-wife.
No sooner had Dylan pulled up outside than Harlan heard his daughter’s laughter permeate the air. “Daddy, I’m home.” She barreled through the screen door, Elvis clutched tight to her chest.
He lowered himself onto the kitchen chair, wrapping his arms around her and her little charge. “And how are you two this morning?”
“We’re good. Elvis is learning to do potty outside.”
“Only after Elvis did many potties inside.” His eldest brother, Dylan, stood in the doorway.
“I didn’t even think about that when I sent him over there with her.” Harlan cringed. “Did he ruin any of your hardwood floors? Whatever damage he did, let me know so I can pay for it.”
“Nah. We had it covered.”
“Yeah, Daddy.” Ivy beamed up at him. “We had it covered with lots of newspapers all over the house.”
Dylan nodded behind her. “Will you two be okay? Do you need anything?”
“I think we’re good. And thank you again for watching her.”
“Anytime, little brother. Ivy’s a treat any day.” Dylan slapped him on the shoulder. “Call me later.”
“Is Belle here?” Ivy placed Elvis on the floor and ran into the living room, the puppy hot on her heels.
“No, honey. She’s not.” Harlan followed her into the living room and joined her on the large area rug. “She had to go to work.”
“How come you’re not at work and why won’t you let me go to school?”
“Because today’s Saturday and you and I both have the day off.” Harlan swallowed down the bile threatening to creep up his throat. “Daddy needs to talk to you about something. Or rather someone.”
“Who?” She slowly stroked Elvis’s back. The puppy’s eyes were heavy with sleep. They had probably played nonstop ever since he dropped them off at Dylan’s on Thursday night.
“Your mommy.” There, he said it. He hadn’t had to share Ivy with anyone for six years and the thought of doing so now terrified him. Ivy had only ever spent time with his family, and in recent years, that had been narrowed down to Dylan and his uncle Jax. “Would you like to meet your mommy?”
Ivy shrugged and curled up on the floor, wrapping her arms around Elvis. Harlan brushed the hair out of her face.
“Are you tired or don’t you want to talk about Mommy?”
“I don’t know.” Fear laced her tiny voice.
“I’m not asking you to go live with your mommy.” This wasn’t fair. A child shouldn’t be afraid of their parents. Yet the thought of meeting her mother reduced his daughter to a shell of who she’d been minutes earlier. He hated Molly for instilling that fear. “I just wondered if you wanted to spend some time with her. It could be for however long or short you want it to be. If you only want to see her for a minute, you can. If you want to spend an hour with her, you can do that, too. I will be there with you the entire time so you won’t have to worry about being left alone with her.”
“I want Belle to be my mommy.”
While the idea alone made him smile, he didn’t want Ivy to get her hopes up. Which was exactly why Belle hadn’t wanted to move into the house. She understood his daughter’s needs more than he did, and that didn’t sit well with him. He’d allowed their relationship to distract him from what was most important. Ivy. “That’s not going to happen right now.”
“Is Mommy going to move in with us?” She traced the pattern of the area rug with her index finger, and Harlan wondered what other thoughts were running through her head.
“Absolutely not.” It didn’t matter how wonderful of a bond Ivy may form with Molly in the future; the woman would never live in his house again. “Our house is for you, me and Elvis. This house is yours as much as it is mine. We’ve always made decisions together and we will continue to do that.”
“Where has Mommy been?”
And there was the question he’d dreaded the most. He didn’t have an answer. Molly didn’t have one either. Except she needed time to grow up.
“Sometimes when people have babies, they are not emotionally ready to take care of them. Do you understand what I mean by emotionally?”
Ivy shook her head.
“Let’s use Elvis as an example. Say we got him when you were in preschool instead of second grade. Do you remember preschool?”
Ivy nodded. Harlan guessed a nod was better than no response at all.
“Can you imagine if you’d had Elvis then? You weren’t a big girl like you are now. Elvis would have been sad because you would have forgotten about him and wouldn’t have known how to care for him. That’s kind of what happened with your mommy. She wasn’t ready to take care of you, but instead of ignoring you and making you feel bad every day, she left until she felt she was ready to give you the attention you deserve. Just like you give Elvis the attention he deserves. Does that make any sense?”
Harlan rolled his eyes at his own analogy, praying she made the connection.
“Mommy’s a big girl now?”
“I certainly hope so,” Harlan muttered.
“Do I have to see her?”
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Ever. Except for going to school and doing your homework.”
“But you won’t let me.” Her big blue eyes were glassy with tears. Hurting his daughter had been the last thing he wanted.
“On Monday you will go back to school and everything will be normal again.”
“I don’t understand why I couldn’t before.”
“Because your daddy had to take care of some things with Mommy and while he did that I needed you to stay with Dylan. Now that everything is settled, you can go back to school.”
He hated lying to his daughter. Visitation was far from settled. But he had to swallow his own fears and allow his daughter to live a normal, healthy life until he could straighten things out with Molly.
“Can I sleep on it?” Ivy asked.
Harlan covered his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Every t
ime Ivy had asked him if they could get a dog, he told her he had to sleep on it. At least she was paying attention.
“You can take all the time you need.” Harlan lay down beside her and pulled her close to him. “Daddy’s in no rush.”
* * *
“WE HAVE PLENTY of room for you to stay here if it’s getting too uncomfortable on the ranch,” Lydia said as she examined Lillie’s sunburn on Saturday afternoon.
“Thank you, I appreciate it. I wish I had a place on the other side of the ranch already. It would make life a lot easier. Then there’d be some distance without there being too much of one. If that makes any sense.” It was awkward and uncomfortable living so close to Harlan, knowing Molly was trying to reestablish a relationship with her daughter. It would have been different if she’d helped raise Ivy for the last six years. “Molly and I are both new to her. I don’t want to confuse her, but I’m not sure I’m entirely ready to walk away either. I should have never moved in there.”
“Your fears about Harlan and Molly reconnecting and Ivy’s best interest aside, how are you doing?”
Her heart was equally as strong as it was fragile. Her mind ran in overdrive until it made her dizzy, and the butterflies in her belly hadn’t stopped fluttering since the day she and Harlan had exchanged vows.
“It’s ironic. Yesterday morning, I sat in the courtroom horrified by my own police record. It’s like I finally got it. I won’t stop doing what I do, but I understand more of what you and Harlan have been trying to tell me. I wanted to share that revelation with Harlan and see if I could truly forgive him. Until I completely do that, we don’t have a chance. And then Molly entered the picture. It’s hard to forgive and forget with that reminder staring me in the face.”
“You can’t—not even for a single second—believe Harlan stopped loving you because Molly sashayed into town?”
“Who said anything about love?”
“It’s written all over both of your faces. Calvin and I saw it in the dark in the middle of a cattle ranch. It’s obvious. Keep telling yourself otherwise and you’re the only one you’re lying to.”
