“Your sister didn’t call me. She wouldn’t even speak to me after we broke up because she thought it would upset you,” I said and he arched an eyebrow at me.
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah well, I mean I needed to talk to her but she blew me off and, well, then you found me in the bar. I’ve had a really screwed up week. I don’t want what nearly happened to be a factor here.” His face softened and he reached out to touch me. I flinched, I couldn’t help it and his fingers curled into a fist.
“I can’t lie to you—you are definitely a factor. We could have been really good together, we could have been a permanent thing but things just got messed up and well, I thought you might be the one and it hurts to be wrong. Even if you said we could try again, right now, it might not change my mind. I craved you so badly when you left me that I did stupid things, the new look, the stupidly expensive sports car, all of it designed to win you back. I didn’t like that I became so obsessed.”
“It wouldn’t work out Magnus, I’m not who I was.”
“People change, I understand that.”
“You really don’t…” And then I blurted out everything. The dreams, the results of my blood test, the fact that I’d accept the power and now I might outlive him by several hundred years.
“If anyone other than you told me this I might not believe it,” he said sadly and when he reached to hug me, I made myself hold still and let him do it but his arms no longer offered me the comfort they once had. I had thoroughly killed any love I had for him but it was possible that we could still have some kind of relationship, a friendship.
“Kind of cements how perfect you and Aram are for each other.”
“I wouldn’t say perfect where Aram is concerned.” Magnus leaned against his car and crossed his arms again as if he didn’t know what else to do with them.
“He’s been in your life a lot longer than me, he’s taken his time but he has a secure place in your affections, even when you were mad at him you couldn’t let your inaction bring harm to him.”
“I suppose that’s true.”
“Just answer me one thing. Do you love him?”
I had asked myself this many times in the last week since I thought that we might be breaking up and although I had admitted it privately to myself, sharing it with another person seemed to make it more official.
“I think so.”
“You don’t sound sure.”
“I’m not. I’ve got a lot on my mind right now. I need to know who I am before I worry about…other things. I’ve got to talk to him.” Magnus rubbed the stubble on his chin and sighed like he didn’t like what he was about to say.
“I don’t like the vampire, I know I’ve said it before but I want to be clear, I really don’t like the blood sucking SOB, but that said, don’t break his heart, Cassandra. It will hurt you more that it will him.” I looked at Magnus and blinked tears back. I was going to miss Magnus because I could see it all. I could see us really being in love, getting married and having children perhaps, but I could also see me having to watch him die someday. I reached out to him and took his hand.
“I’m sorry, Magnus.”
“What for? You might have to be more specific.” That made me laugh and I hit him playfully in the shoulder, he winced and rubbed the spot. “Ah, so there is that new strength you told me about.”
I smiled weakly looking at our joined hands, he’d slid his fingers between mine like he always used to and still it didn’t make my heart jump. This last week had really put a dampener on my libido.
“If I said for everything do you think it would cover all the bases? I’m sorry you had to meet me, I’m sorry my job screwed with us, I’m sorry I hurt you.” He lifted my chin so that I had to look at him; his storm grey eyes were intense.
“I am not sorry I met you, Cassandra Farbanks, not sorry for anything but the way it’s ended. But I wouldn’t go back to the start and erase all of it. We had our good times.” I nodded helplessly, I didn’t do well with over burgeoning emotions, especially my own. I had more of this to come this evening and it made my heart sick that I might very well be saying goodbye to the only other man I’d ever had true feelings for.
“I have to get going soon. It’s a long drive.”
“Sure,” I said and I pulled my hand out of his first. He seemed sad that I was pulling away again.
“There is one thing I would like before I go.”
“Okay, what is it?”
“Will you kiss me, Cassandra? A kiss goodbye.”
I nodded sadly and moved closer to him, I reached up locking one arm around his neck and brought my lips to his. It was a completely innocent kiss, he didn’t try to make it more and I was thankful for that. Then I watched him get into his car and pull away.
Chapter Thirty-One
I waited until Dante’s closed in the end. There was no reason why I should ruin everyone else’s night by putting Aram in a bad mood. It also gave me a little practice time for what I was going to say to him. I’d stood in front of my mirror and gone through it again and again watching my face to see how it looked because it felt damn awful to do. I managed to do it enough times that the words no longer made me cry as I forced them out.
I found Aram in the main room, he was supervising the setup of microphones and amps for the live act that was going to be the next night’s entertainment. Sinatra, not the actual one as he’d lived several years before him–I’d heard him refer to prohibition once like he’d lived through it–was doing the sound check.
His mouth dropped when he saw me approach, my appearance had been so drastically altered. Aram looked puzzled then swung his gaze to take me in. He made a sound I can barely describe but it conveyed horror and pity in the same breath. He was suddenly stood in front of me stroking my shortened locks.
“Pet, what happened to your beautiful hair?”
“I had an accident with some werewolf claws. Considering he was going for my throat I’ll take the severe haircut. The stylist did her best.”
“I am not saying that it does not look good, but I shall miss the way it hung over…” his eyes ran down to my chest and I could almost tell he was thinking about me without my clothes on. I flicked him on the forehead and he raised his eyes.
“Can you focus on my face please?” He gave a wicked smile.
“It is the loveliest part of you, I will not find that too difficult.” His shoulders slumped slightly. “I fear that I owe you an apology, for what I said, I did not mean to make it sound so final.”
“I’m sorry for getting drunk and acting like a complete harlot and for kicking…actually no I’m not sorry about that.” He chuckled a little.
“I think you will find that Dusk now has a healthy dose of, let’s call it respect, for you as I do not think anyone has been able to do so to her since her mortal life ended. I am still surprised myself. How did you do it, pet?” I looked to one of the empty floor side booths and nodded my head in its direction. Aram took the hint and led me to sit. I got comfy and tried to make myself meet his eyes rather than staring at my hand.
“I don’t know where to start.” It didn’t matter how much I had practiced, this conversation was still a difficult one to start. I was scared that I would see rejection on his face when he found that I was not his beloved human.
“Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.” I smirked, I knew the line well.
“Alright, let’s start with the basics.”
I explained to him everything, about there being two worlds, about how I was forced to switch between them because of some spell my mother had wrought in an attempt to escape her people, a people that were not human and then I told him about how I had not known this till a week ago when a doctor had tested my blood. That on top of me thinking my relationship with him had gone ass up that I had discovered all this and lost it. How I’d gotten really drunk using both magic and booze to try to forget how much all this knowledge had hurt and
what had happened with Magnus-up to the point of him leaving town for what could be for good. He was silent for the whole conversation and for a long time after it.
I was getting so nervous that he wasn’t speaking, in fact he had gone into a sort of vampiric down time, his face was neutral and his body was completely still, he wasn’t even breathing. I felt like I was going to cry and that made me angry, there was nothing more I hated then to cry in front of people.
“I guess that’s it. You can’t love someone you didn’t really know then? I guess I should have expected that. I mean vampires can’t really love can they.” I was angry and I didn’t mean a word of it, but it seemed to snap him out of his silence.
“Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.” I was startled that the only thing I could manage was a weak smile.
“Where’s that from?” He calmed.
“Hamlet.” I nodded like I should have known that.
I hadn’t really noticed but the entire time we had been talking, Sinatra had been standing over by the music equipment watching us. He could sense that the mood between us was tense and suddenly the room was full of music. It was soft and gentle and Sinatra began to sing, ironically a Frank Sinatra hit, Strangers in the Night. Aram looked over to him and there was some sort of silent to and fro between them. Aram got to his feet, offering me his hand.
“Dance with me please, Cassandra.”
I didn’t like that he was using my full name but I took his hand going with him to the dance floor, letting him take me in his arms and we swayed softly from side to side to Sinatra’s hypnotic voice. I tried to freeze the moment in my memory knowing that this could be the last time I would be in his arms.
“Will you tell me where we stand, pet?”
I looked down at the floor between our feet, then back up at him. I cocked an eyebrow. He closed his eyes and appeared to be taking a deep breath. “I meant you and I, our relationship.”
“A relationship talk initiated by the guy, color me stunned.” The glare I received was not a great one but one that let me know my peculiar brand of wit was wearing thin. Sinatra sang softly into the mike, switching to a slightly off tempo rendition of Always by Bon Jovi and I thought the ninety something vampire was trying to set a romantic mood. Every vamp I’d met with one or two exceptions seemed to want to do what they could to draw us back together, whether it was outright manipulative plots or just creating ambience. It also meant that most of our private moments left us with an audience of at least one. I reached out and touched his fingers with mine.
“Can we get a minute alone?”
Aram made a quick gesture, a flurry of movement with his free hand. Sinatra’s voice cut off and we were alone in the room at last. I got this feeling that although they’d physically given us privacy, they were all grouped behind the door like little kids listening to us through the wood. Vampires were terrible gossips. I sighed.
“Did you come to break up with me, Cassandra?”
I took a deep breath and looked into his face, he was trying to mask his emotions from me but I knew he was saddened by the idea.
“Not exactly. But I need to call a halt to proceedings, to take a break.” I had come in and barreled out an explanation of my behavior for the last few days, my reasons behind them and he’d been patient with me, he’d let me get everything out without a word. He probably had a million questions he wanted to ask but he didn’t voice one of them.
“And you will take time now to..?”
“To come to grips with it, to deal with how I feel and what my future is and the only way to do that is to dig into my past, find out where it is I come from. What I am and what I can do.” Aram turned away from me slightly looking dramatically into the mid distance. Damn vampire dramatics.
“What does that mean for us? We will not be together but will you see others.”
“I don’t intend to but if something happens, it happens as I expect it will be for you-with all the women that throw themselves at you nightly.” I looked at my feet.
“I love only you,” he said taking my face by the chin lifting it so that I could see the sincerity burning in his eyes. “No matter what you are or how long you will live.” I smiled at him rising up onto my toes to plant a kiss on his mouth. He was a little surprised but quickly recovered himself enough to wrap his arms around me. I felt hot wet streaks flowing over my face. I pulled back wiping at my cheeks.
“I love you too-despite myself.” Aram looked confused.
“Then why?”
“I need to know who I am to know what I want. I could very well be with you forever, Aram. It’s a very big decision, one that merits just a little thought on both our parts, which needs a little time apart.” His arms loosened around me allowing me to step back from him. He looked a little guilty.
“You do not understand how happy it makes me, the thought that I will not lose you. I knew that you would never accept becoming vampire like me but now you tell me that you may be able to stay as you are and still remain with me, you must excuse me for finding joy in that.”
“I don’t blame you. That’s how you feel and it makes me happy that you don’t want rid of me even though I am putting you through hell. This has all happened to me yet it feels like I am punishing you.”
“The path of true love never did ever run smooth.” Was what Aram and I had true love? I would have to think on that as well. It did seem ironic that a few days ago I’d been puzzling over our future, about our time together ending and now it turned out we were more evenly matched than either of us had known
“Am I still barred from your apartment?” he asked.
“Yes and I think it’s best it stay that way for a little while. I don’t want to say goodbye because that seems too final, shall we just say till later or something.” I started walking towards the door, I felt like I was going to cry all over him if I didn’t get out of there fast.
“I will not give in,” he said and his words both surprised me and stopped my exit for a moment. “I will do all in my power to win you back. I know your heart is mine and I will not rest until you return the rest of you to me.”
It was quite a shock to me that although his words were a little cocky and a little possessive that they actually made me smile. It made me feel good to know how much he loved me.
“Aram,” I said giving him only a brief glance of that smile, “you wouldn’t be you if you’d let me off so easily.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
A week later I had a plan. I’d charted out all sorts of leads for me to follow to try and find out more about myself. Virginia had been mad at me for not fighting the power but seemed to ease off when I told her it had been that or death but she had clammed up again. She didn’t want to discuss my mother any more than she already had, it appeared it was painful for her and the more she thought about how it made her feel the less it appeared to me that our relationship would ever be back to normal. It was as frayed as old rope and it was staying that way. I was going to have to do this without her. She’d warned me enough and I was going to be careful.
I started on Ebay looking for texts on mythological beings; the older the better and I went through quite a bit of money the wolves had given me for my service. I figured that this research was important in my quest for identity and that having to live on super noodles and baked beans for a little while would be okay.
Incarra called me. Just to talk and it was like nothing was wrong between us but she had a lot of questions to ask me. I figured I would just have to put up with that for a little while to thank her for not completely freaking out on me and running a mile. I didn’t hear from Anton though and I’d seen him in town but he’d turned and gone the other way. I guessed that was a bridge that was going to get burnt.
I wasn’t the only one who was going through a case of new identity though which is how I ended up sitting in LeBron’s living room sipping coffee while he nervously
paced back and forth wearing a tread mark into this carpet. On Simian’s advice rather than waiting for a full moon to see if he went fuzzy there was a very simple blood test he could take that would say yay or nay on him joining the pack for their moonlit run next month. To take his mind off things I let him bring up the subject of my birthday which was in about four days.
“You’ll be twenty-two won’t you?”
“Yep but I feel way older than that right at this moment.”
“Nah, twenty-two is a great age to be.”
“Considering I might live to be a thousand it’s not that great.” He stopped his pacing to look at me, I’d not explained to him about my non-human status and managed to shrug it off. I wasn’t being careful and I chided myself for saying something so stupid.
“Are you planning on doing anything?”
“Like what? I don’t have many friends so a big party is not on the cards and I’m not really into parties anyway. I might just camp in with a few beers, a fatty completely bad for me pizza and watch re-runs of Two and a Half Men.”
“That sounds really sad, Cassandra, you need to get out and do things. Plus if you have people over you get presents.”
I pulled a face. I wasn’t a fan of presents. Aram had already sent me a present and I was a little afraid to open it in case he’d hired the vampire mafia to take me out or something. It might be a head in a box for all I knew but it was very prettily wrapped. Jareth had sent me coupons for free drinks at Dante’s in a badly concealed attempt to get me somewhere his brother or he could see me. He’d decided not to mention our little interlude on his bed and I was forever grateful for it. I felt uncomfortable around him as it was knowing how he felt about me.
I took a sip of my coffee that had been slowly cooling in my hands and LeBron continued his pacing until the sound of the mailbox flapping send him running like an excited puppy towards the door. I put my coffee down prepared to have to do some comforting when he got back. He came back into the living room and slumped into the chair across from me, and dropped the mail down on the table.
Inhuman Heritage Page 24
