So I smile and stick out my tongue at him. Jagger releases my arms as I laugh out and start posing away for Corbin, with Paige and Justeen joining in on the fun. This is the most I have smiled or laughed in a long time. It feels so good just to be free of the ball of nerves that I usually am. Corbin walks over and hands me my camera.
“That wasn’t so bad now, was it?” he questions.
“You looked like you were having fun. You’re really quite beautiful.”
My eyes go wide with his statement, and I flush a bright shade of red. Justeen comes over, wrapping her arms around me, in that moment.
“Hiya, doll face! That was fun.”
Laughing, I say, “Yes! It was.”
Looking over my shoulder, I wink at Corbin and sigh.
“It’s funny how as one marriage is ending another one is starting its very first chapter.”
“Where are you going to stay? Have you discussed this with Mom and Dad?”
Laughing I say, “Twenty questions.”
I wipe my tear-streaked face, and we both burst into laughter.
“No, Justeen, I haven’t, and I need your help with that.”
I look at her and break down into a full-blown sob. Justeen catches me just as I fall to my knees. Corbin runs over, pulling me into his arms.
“What’s wrong, Boss?” he says to me, full of concern and with sorrow in his eyes.
“Please get me out of here.”
Justeen has Corbin follow her back into the room where we had all gotten ready earlier for the wedding. He sits me down, holding me in his lap like I am a fragile piece of glass. Right then, I could care less about propriety. I allow him to hold onto me enjoying the calm feeling that came over me in his arms. I go to scoot off his lap, and he holds me tighter to him like he doesn’t want me to move. I look up into his eyes, smile weakly and pat him on the chest saying, “I’m okay now. Thank you.”
He nods at me and lets me go. Justeen is there in an instant, wrapping me up in her arms, but with the oddest look and a mega-watt smile.
“What?” I say as I look at her. Mom comes in, and Corbin rises with the whole nervous, deer-in-headlights look on his face, and his hands go straight into his hair, running along the stubble. A torn look shortly following, and he looks anywhere but at my mom.
“Um I-I will be outside if you need me,” he says looking for what I could only assume as the quickest exit. I sniffle and nod in acknowledgment. Stopping dead he turns, comes over directly in front of me, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a handkerchief and hands it over to me.
“Thank you,” I softly whisper.
I watch as Jagger slaps Corbin on the back. He heads straight for me and engulfs me in a hug. I love this man more than air itself.
“You okay, sis?” he questions.
Letting out another sob, I say, “Yes, Jag. I’ll be fine.”
Having him hold me was so comforting. I finally start to relax, and the tears finally stop. This man helped me when I first came to live with his family, through all the awful nights after what I had endured with my real dad. I cried every night for weeks, and Jagger used to sneak into my room at night through our closets. There was a board at the bottom he could move and crawl right on through into my room. He would climb into my bed with me and hold me and stroke my hair back and forth to try and sooth me. He would tell me he would always take care of me and protect me. He may be a year older than me, but he has always looked out for Justeen and me. The nights became easier to bear for me in the months that followed, as Jagger still came through the closet to check on me.
“You okay baby girl?” Dad asks.
“Yes, Dad. I’m fine now. Just a little freak out, is all.”
“You ready to go to the reception and make an old man happy by saving me a dance?”
Smiling, I nod yes in response.
“Sure thing, Dad, I think I can manage that.”
Jagger has loaded my gear up into my car by the time I get myself together. I apologize to Paige repeatedly. My family is waiting for me to head to the reception.
“They can’t start without us,” she said with a bright smile.
The reception hall is packed. I capture so many great moments of all their friends and family celebrating Jagger and Paige’s love. I catch some very special moments between the newlyweds, ones I bet they have no clue I witnessed and captured.
What a crazy emotional day. I am just finishing up some photos when I notice Corbin dancing on the dance floor with Ashlynn. She has the brightest smile and is holding his hands. I capture a few moments of them together as well. He then picks her up in his big arms, and she throws her arms up in the air while he twirls her around. They are both laughing, and I capture a couple of pictures of them together. I finally go to get something to eat because I am exhausted and starving.
I am sitting finishing up my plate when Dad comes over and sits down beside me.
“Hey, Ashlynn is in the bathroom with Mom, honey. She is throwing up.”
“Oh, no!”
I bolt to the restroom, and sure enough Mom stands over Ashlynn holding her hair back as she pukes her guts out in the toilet.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. I think she may have caught that awful stomach bug that’s been going around. All of a sudden she said she didn’t feel well and that her tummy hurt. I brought her in here, and she started throwing up. She feels like she has a fever, too.”
I place my hand on her forehead, and sure enough she is burning up. She turns towards me and projectile vomits all down the front of my dress.
“Sorry, mommy,” she cries and starts to sob.
“It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s going to go get us cleaned up, take you home, and get you into bed.”
Mom picks her up as I run over to the sink to clean myself up. Coming back over, I stroke her sweet face, brushing a few stray strands away, placing them gently behind her ear as she lays on my mom’s shoulder.
“Can you stay with her real quick while I run and change please?” She nods yes.
I walk out of the restroom almost knocking over a very surprised Corbin. He catches me and brings me up against his chest. We are standing toe-to-toe staring into each other’s eyes. Folding me closer into his chest, he says, “Hiya, boss lady. How’s it going?”
He must have just gotten a fresh whiff of Ashlynn’s puke. He pulls back taking in my dress letting out a slurred laugh.
“What happened? You drink too much tonight huh?”
Ugh! I push myself away from him.
“No, my daughter is sick and puked on me.” I say, motioning to the front of my dress.
Giving me the sexiest smirk he says, “Oh, shit!” He laughs.
Dragging his hand over his shaved head, he looks pained and very pale in the face.
“I didn’t realize that was your daughter.”
I need to get away from him. The feelings he is causing inside me are way too intense to handle right now. “Excuse me, I need to go get cleaned up and back to my daughter.”
Moving aside so I can walk by, he stares at me walking down the hall.
“You have a good night there, Corbin,” I say over my shoulder.
“Y-Yeah! Y-You too, Boss. See ya around.”
Grabbing my bag, I start to undress, and I change right there out in the open. My mind is in a hurry to get back to Ashlynn. And who do you think comes strolling in at that very moment as my bra hits the ground? I stand there like a deer in headlights as my bare breasts are out on display. Yep, you guessed it, the yummy, to beautiful, Corbin. Groaning as if he were in pain, his eyes rake along my body as he swallows.
“Oh my God, Corbin! Get out of here.”
“Sorry boss, it seems I have gotten myself t-turned around.”
I grab for my shirt as he stands there licking his lips and staring straight at my boobs.
“They’re just boobs, for fucks sake,” I say to him. He laughs.
“No, Boss. Those aren’t j
ust any boobs; that’s the hottest fucking rack I’ve ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on.”
“Stop calling me that, goddamn it.”
His eyes go wide. “You have tattoos?” he questions.
I turn around throwing my shirt over my head. Thank goodness I had gotten my pants on already. I walk out leaving Corbin still staring after me. No one besides Troy has ever seen my ink or has seen me completely naked.
My family doesn’t even know I have tattoos in places that are always covered. They are for my pleasure, my therapy, the way I deal with my shitty life. Tattoos are what keep me calm; as long as I can see them and have control of what I put on my body, I will be okay.
I touch the one at my side and smile. It is a quote from one of my favorite books: Running In Place by L.B. Simmons. It says, “Never settle for less than you’re worth.”
I guess it’s time for me to start taking Noah Reese’s advice.
Chapter Eleven
Kennedy
Getting home, I carry Ashlynn straight upstairs to the bathroom and strip her clothes off and place them in the hamper. I consider giving her a bath, but it is late, and her eyes are barely open. I am exhausted, too, so I decide it can wait until tomorrow. A quick clean with a couple of wet wipes and we are good. Taking out her jammies, I get her changed and into bed. I climb in right alongside her, snuggling in close and rechecking her forehead. She’s not as warm as she was earlier thankfully. I hear a door slam and know it’s Troy who is stomping down the hall. He throws open the door and flips on the light just as Ashlynn closes her eyes.
“What the fuck’s going on?” he yells.
“Shh! Ashlynn is very sick; please be quiet.”
“Look here bitch, this is my goddamn house and you don’t fucking tell me to be quiet. You hear me?”
“Please, Troy!” I plead with him.
“If she wakes up, she will be crying.”
He grabs me by the arm and rips me from her bed. I fall to the floor with a thump, and he drags me down the hall to our room.
“Don’t you ever fucking talk to me like that again, bitch. You’ve gotten very ballsy lately. Now I’m going to have to do something about that.”
He slaps me across the face, and I gasp, bringing my hand up to my cheek and fall back on the bed. I look up at him and catch his haunted expression. He lunges at me and closes his hand tightly around my throat. My thoughts shoot to Ashlynn and how this time I may not be as lucky as the last. He’s going to kill me. The punch comes, and it feels like an explosion on my face. My cheek is on fire and so is my lip. Ashlynn walks into our room in tears, and he lets go of me and I fall to the floor.
Gasping for air and coughing trying to catch my breath, I crawl over to her, but I’m too late. Troy pushes me aside so hard I fall into the wall headfirst. I scream as sharp pain shoots up the back of my neck. He grabs her up by her arms.
“Shut the fuck up and keep quiet,” he yells.
I try getting up and stumble over to them.
“Troy, please, give her to me, I’ll take care of her and keep her quiet.”
“Damn right you will you.”
Ashlynn cries, “Mommy, my tummy hurts.” She then pukes all over the front of Troy’s chest. He pushes her away and drops her to the ground screaming at her.
“You little, fucking brat.” Reaching down, he slaps her right across the face.
“Oh my God! No!” I yell out. I scramble over towards Troy, and I punch him square in the face, and he falls backward to the floor.
“Fuck! Ugh!”
My hand bursts with pain. I pull Ashlynn from the floor as she screams. Her eyes closed tight.
“It’s Mommy, baby.” Opening her eyes, she grips me so tight she might even be drawing blood. Running down the stairs, I get about half way before Troy comes down after me. I grab the carved wooden sign off the wall as he hits the bottom step and slam it against his head. I rush through the front door gripping my purse and keys and cringe at the pain from the open wound in my palm. I get to my drivers side door, clicking open the lock as I’m yanked back by my hair. I cry out. I wrench my head forward wincing at the lock of hair being rip away from my scalp. I can’t stop, I must get away, get Ashlynn to safety.
Troy lets go, I quickly slide inside the car while Ashlynn’s death grip punctures through my skin. Locking the door, I scramble to get my keys in the ignition and start my car. He bangs on my window. Dear God, why did I allow us to live so far away from our neighbors. I can barely make out a faint light in the distance.
“You better get out of this fucking car right now and walk your fat ass back inside this house, bitch. You think slapping you around hurts, whore?” I watch as he throws his head back laughing his evil laugh.
“I’m going to beat your fucking ass so no one will recognize you.”
Ashlynn screams. With shaky hands I slip the gear shift in reverse and tear out of the driveway while he’s pounding his fist into the back end of my car. I speed away; Ashlynn is gripping her nails deeper into my flesh and I welcome the pain.
“B-Baby, we are going to Momo and Popo’s. I-I’m so sorry, A-Ashlynn.”
Relaxing a little, she loosens her grip and lays her head down against my chest. I never once looked into the review mirror.
I come to a screeching halt in front of my parents’ house. They are just stepping out of their car. Dad looks over his eyes wide in surprise until he notices I’m crying, and I have Ashlynn clinging to me in my lap. I haven’t stopped crying since I drove away. I know then and there, I can never go back. He rushes over to me, forcing open the door.
“Kennedy, what’s wrong?”
Ashlynn lets out a sob saying, “Hold me, Popo!” While reaching down to pick her up, he takes in the sight of us.
“What the hell happened, baby?”
I slide out of my seat and step out. I throw myself at Bruce while he stands there holding Ashlynn and we both sob into his chest.
“D-Daddy hurt me and Mommy, Popo,” she says. Mom gasps, bringing her hand up over her mouth. My dad turns a bright shade of red, never saying a word and ushers us inside. Walking inside, Mom flips on the light.
“Oh my God, Bruce! Look at Ashlynn’s face.”
Mom looks over at Ashlynn examining her, her cheek is bruised and swollen, and she cries harder.
“Mommy!” Ashlynn says. I grab her bringing her to me as I slide to the ground. Dad comes over and touches me; I jump in response. He moves my shirt a little to the side and sees the bruises.
“Oh, Kennedy! This can’t be happening to you again.”
I snap my head up to look up at him, “What do you mean again, Dad?”
“Carl Morgan! The night I came to your house…”
Oh God! I come completely unglued in that moment, right there in front of everyone.
“Mommy, I’m not feeling so good.”
Mom comes over taking Ashlynn from me, heading upstairs.
Dad sits next to me and asks, “How long baby?”
“Almost three years; it started right after I got pregnant with Ashlynn and got worse after I gave birth to her. It was subtle at first, but it escalated more the last year.”
“Why?” he asks me.
“Huh? Why, what?”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Kennedy? Why after all the shit you’ve been through? You had to have known I’d never let anything happen to you. Not again, not like this.” He shakes his head, and I watch one single tear escape and roll down the length of his cheek.
“Dad, I thought you’d be so disappointed in me. I failed you,” I sob out. “I-I r-really failed you big this time; I-I just couldn’t let you and Mom down.”
Grabbing me in a bear hug, he crushes me harder to his chest.
“I could never be disappointed in you, baby. Never! Mom and I love you so much, Kennedy.”
“I’m not even your r-real daughter though,” I bawl and the waterworks pour out.
“The hell you’re not, Kennedy!” he says ster
nly holding me tighter.
“You’ve been my daughter for eight years since the night I saved you from those abusive people. Maybe even before that with as much time as you spent at our house with Justeen. Nothing could ever change my love for you baby; I may not be your biological father, but I am always going to be your dad, you hear me?”
I grab onto him tighter and squeeze releasing all my fears.
“I love you so much, Dad,” I whimper out.
“I’m so sorry! I’m so, so sorry I let you down. You saved me from him all those years ago, and I let it happen all over again.”
Justeen comes flying through the front door. Dad jumps up, standing directly in front of me like a big ole daddy bear protecting his cub. My heart swells at that moment. Justeen eyes land on me, and she runs over, throwing herself at me and falling into my lap, pulling me to her.
“Mom called and told me what happened.”
A knock came from the front door, and we all jump in response. Dad looks at us and walks over to the front door pulling it open. There stand two uniformed police officers. Dad lets them in and starts explaining what happened.
I am pulled aside for questioning, and I tell them everything. A female officer escorts me upstairs to look over and document Ashlynn’s injuries and photographs them into evidence. After examining us both, they ask us to follow them down to the station to fill out an official complaint. We all pile into my dad’s car, driving in silence to the station. We are almost finished when Jagger comes busting through the main entrance of the station demanding to know where we are. Mom and Dad walk over to him trying to calm him down. He takes one look at me and loses his composure. He runs to me taking me in his arms.
“I promise you this won’t happen again, Ked.” The tears start back up, and he squeezes me tighter. I will never get the tortured look on Jagger’s face out of my head. It’s burned into my retinas forever on replay.
Crushing Misery Page 6