I know this isn’t how she grew up. But having her in my arms and around the people who mean the most to me, I can’t help but have hope she can see this for her future.
For the first time, I get it. Shooter always said he would give my mom as many babies as she wanted.
I’ll give Yesnia as many kids, dogs, cats, cars, whatever she wants, for as long as I’m breathing.
Yes, I, Axel Devon Crews am hopelessly hooked on her.
This time, I’m not going to let go.
Tessie
My oldest son, my Axel is here in my home as a man with his woman.
My heart swells with pride.
Rex is standing beside Axel with his arm casually draped over Caroline’s shoulders smiling and talking with our son.
This is how it’s supposed to be.
Way back when, I never could have imagined life for Axel and me would be this good. Raising a boy as a single mom is not easy. I worried if I would show him what it is to be a man of honor. With his dad’s reputation before Caroline, I wondered if Axel would have the right influence from Rex.
Shooter comes over wrapping both his arms around me before kissing my temple. “What’s on your mind, baby Momma?”
“This is the good life. Thank you, Shooter.” I lean into my man, my rock. “Thank you for this amazing life you’ve given me that’s beyond anything I ever could have imagined.”
“Baby, there’s not a thing in this world I wouldn’t do for you.”
“Axel is happy.”
Shooter gives me a squeeze. “Yeah, baby, he is. He’s got himself a strong woman like his momma.”
The sounds of another bike pulling up are heard so I pull away from my husband. “Send the other kids upstairs. Hawk’s here with Laura and while I don’t keep stuff from the kids, Te and Cadie are still too young to know what happened to me.”
He presses a soft kiss to my lips before rounding up our kids and getting them off to different areas of the house.
I blow out a breath. I don’t know Laura personally, but I know her pain. Sharing my story never gets any easier, but if I can help in any way then it makes all I have endured worth it. Grabbing a tray, I pour some sweet tea in mason jars for all of us and I head to the porch. Thankfully, Shooter filled our wrap around porch with tables, chairs, and comfortable cushions so we can all enjoy the Carolina air together.
Moving outside, I greet Hawk and Laura who stands timidly behind him. She’s got her long brown hair pulled back in a braid. She’s not much taller than me which means all of these men tower over her. Her eyes are a deep green and I instantly recognize the pain inside them.
I give her a soft smile as I hug Hawk.
“Hi Laura, welcome to my home,” I greet extending my hand to her.
She shakes my hand and I encourage them both to sit.
Rex and Caroline join us with their own quick greeting and introduction before Axel and Yesnia step onto the porch with Shooter.
Laura sits on the chair gripping the arms for dear life. I take the seat across from her.
“Laura, I know this is scary and overwhelming. I invited you here, not to make you talk or force you into anything. I wanted to meet you so I could share with you what I’ve overcome. I want you to know you aren’t alone. You are with us and we are all here for you.”
She nods but doesn’t speak.
Shooter takes a seat beside me. “If you’d rather it just be the two of you, we can all leave,” and I see her relax a bit.
“Maybe just some girl time,” she replies in a whisper.
All the men take the cue and head back into the house include Hawk after he reaches out and gives her hand a squeeze.
“I don’t know the specifics of what happened to you. I don’t know your history. I’m just a woman who has a past that’s a little damaged but full of hope,” I begin and Caroline gives my hand a squeeze.
Turning to Yesnia, I begin. “You are with my son. I know he’s stubborn. I know he’s powerful. I also want you to know he’s kind, he’s caring, loyal, and he will never hurt you or put you in harms way, Yesnia. I know you guys have things to sort out. But as you do that, know my son loves you like he’s never loved anyone else.” I give my attention to both young women. “Today, I hope you leave here knowing how strong women are, how strong you can be. I also hope you realize the kind of men that are out there and they aren’t all bad.”
Blowing out a breath, I begin.
“I’m a woman who made many mistakes. I had a son by a man who didn’t respect me,” I tell them the truth. Yesnia’s eyes go wild. “Yes, Rex and I used to hookup and Axel is a product of that. I thought I loved him. Really, I loved the idea of him. That’s a lesson for a different day. I kept Axel from Rex for six years, he didn’t even know he had a son. To be honest, if fate hadn’t stepped in and shaken up my whole world, I don’t know if I ever would have found the strength to tell Rex. Sure, I planned to, but planning and doing well, they are not the same thing.”
Yesnia nods and Laura still watches me cautiously.
“To provide for myself and my son, I worked at Ruthless, the local bar here. Only back then it wasn’t owned by the Hellions they just frequented it. One night I was closing up. A biker from another club showed up.”
The tears begin to build behind my eyes. Even after all these years when I think about that night it’s like opening the wound all over again.
“He pressed me to the concrete wall. I kept telling myself ‘he will not break me’. Over and over I repeated it in my head as he kicked my legs apart.”
Laura’s eyes lock to mine. I let the tears fall. “The seconds passed each one feeling longer than the last. The pain, yes, it hurt. He hurt me. The humiliation that was cut the deepest. I was stuck with no control and no escape as this man’s hands were all over me. He was touching me in ways I didn’t want to be touched. But that I could endure, the fear is what was getting to me.”
I take a deep breath.
“I didn’t think I would make it out alive. I guess I watched too many shows on the investigative channels because all I kept thinking was don’t let him break you and don’t lose your shit, Tessie. People died being stupid so I had to be smart for my son. He would shove his body against me while I was pinned to the wall. I could feel him hard and wanting. He licked me like I was some kind of dessert. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to be bigger, stronger, and somehow capable of inflicting pain on him like he was me.”
Laura’s tears are now steady down her face as Yesnia holds her hand and lets her own tears fall.
“I couldn’t think clearly. I didn’t know if I wanted to live or if truthfully I wanted to die. I only knew I needed this to end.”
“How did you?” Laura stammers, “how did you survive?”
“Shooter. He happened to show up. I don’t know if I would have made it out alive if he hadn’t shown up when he did. After that he took me home. At first I was in shock. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t get my breathing to be regular. I just kept playing things over and over in my mind. For the longest time it all felt like some nightmare I couldn’t escape.”
Laura nods and I realize she’s connecting.
“Shooter, he was patient with me. Never pushing, always listening, and reminding me of the good things I had to hold onto.”
I reach my hand across the table and Laura hesitates before she gives me her hand to hold.
“Each day that passes is another day you win back from your assailant. Each day you fight the dark to hold onto the light is another bit of strength you win back. Don’t let this man take any more from you than he already has. You have one life, Laura. Live it in the relentless pursuit of your own peace and happiness. Never ever lose hope because I’m living proof there is a happily ever out there even for the damaged.”
Laura doesn’t speak right away as the emotions overwhelm her and she falls into Yesnia sobbing on her friend’s shoulder.
“Let it out,” Yesnia encourages. “I got you, Laur
a. I always got you.”
This is the moment I know Yesnia is the perfect woman for my son. She gets it. The people you love don’t always come from blood. The people you love you support through all life’s obstacles and you do so without hesitations or expectations.
Life is painful, but love endures all trials and tribulations if we let it.
14
Yesnia
One Month Later
Words are like stones … once they are, cast there is no taking them back.
He is truly willing to bleed for me.
I pace the area of our living room. Truly, I can’t believe this is our home. Axel and I are finally going to build a life together in Catawba.
Hawk and Laura are our neighbors. It’s surreal to have my best friend literally next door. I offered to let her move in with us, but Hawk has pretty much given her the house next door as her own. He’s there when she sleeps, and I’m next door during the day. It’s nice because while the guys work we spend the day together.
I know things will be different when the guys go on a run, but so far that hasn’t happened.
Laura and Hawk aren’t romantic. She’s in therapy trying to overcome the traumas. This whole situation makes me realize our friendship has been one-sided. She came into my life as I lay with my life hanging in the balance. She cared for me, even bathed me when I couldn’t do it for myself. As my time with private healthcare was coming to an end, I asked my father to hire Laura because I didn’t want to go a day without her after having so much time together.
I had sent Axel away and I didn’t want to lose her, too.
She’s always been so supportive of me and this is a way I can give back to her by being there as she needs me. Laura likes it here and I find North Carolina has a lot more to offer me now than it did the four years I was in college here.
I’ve learned she doesn’t have any family left alive. Her mother had passed away from cancer eight months before she began working for the doctor who saved my life. Since my father paid a ridiculous amount of money for the doctor to move into a penthouse and turn everything into a care center for me, there was no practice to go back to. The doctor retired and Laura well, she stayed with me.
I get it now in a new way. Laura and I are family.
For someone like me who grew up with so little in the way of relatives, this continued growth of family is nice.
Right now I’m full of nervous energy. My parents will arrive any minute. It’s been hard for them. I asked for some time with Axel. My mom listened and has my father away. Sure, I’ve called home every day to appease him, but really, in order to heal, I needed space from them.
It’s not that I worry seeing them. In fact, I miss my mother terribly. It’s more I don’t want to disappoint them when I tell them I want to stay with Axel.
I look at my watch and worry if Axel will make it in time. He was working on a short run, local, he said. He told me he would be back in time, but what if there’s traffic or a detour. I want to show my parents a united front. I want my father to see that Axel keeps me safe, and he’s by my side.
Truthfully, if Axel doesn’t make it home in time, I don’t care what my parents see or think. I’ve let go of holding onto what makes them happy. I want to make myself happy. I want to know what it is to live this life I’ve been given.
The sound of Harley pipes rumble, and I hear the garage door open. I can’t stop the smile that creeps across my face knowing he’s home. I hope this feeling never ends and we always have this spark. The excitement to see him never gets old.
Axel comes in and I greet him with a kiss that quickly becomes passionate. Before we get lost in each other, we’re interrupted by the door bell ringing. The tension inside me builds.
Well, here goes nothing. Axel laces his hand in mine and leads us to the door.
Opening it, my smile quickly fades when my father stands in front of us with venom in his stare.
I know that look.
Rage.
My mom steps forward and gives me a hug, breaking up the tension.
With each second that passes, Axel and my father continue their stare-off. My heart beats faster and faster the longer it goes on.
“Come in,” I say, hoping to encourage a movement inside.
Axel backs up to make room and my parents pass through our entryway.
I lead us to the living room. The large room is sparsely decorated. We do have a fireplace as the focal point. The mantel is done in concrete and we haven’t been here long so decorations are minimal. My mom takes a seat on our red loveseat and pats the cushion beside her for my father to sit.
He doesn’t.
He is stoic as he pulls a gun from inside his coat pocket.
I’m stunned and frozen still by my shock. What the hell? This can’t be happening.
I jump back in surprise, and instinctively, Axel pulls me behind him as a shield, even though my father has kept the gun trained on the man I love.
“What are you doing?” I screech.
“It’s time for a man-to-man talk,” my father says, and Axel shrugs his shoulders never losing his cool.
“You don’t need a gun to have a talk with me, Almanza.”
“Depending on your response, I do.”
“NO!” I cry out from behind Axel. He raises his hand up to silence me.
Axel gives a sardonic laugh. “Alright, let’s get a few things straight. You’re in my home and pulling a gun on me. I could give a fuck less what response you want from me, and the gun doesn’t change that.”
My father doesn’t move.
Axel spreads his arms wide. “You see, Almanza, I’m the kind of man who’s gonna give you this one pass because it means something to your daughter. But mark my words, you draw on me again, you best plan to kill me in the first shot because if you don’t I’ll end you.”
It’s my father’s turn to laugh. “Ahhh, but the Hellion thinks he can provide a better life for my daughter than I can. Yet, he will go to the ends of the Earth for her and shed blood in her name too. How are you so different than I?”
Axel relaxes his arms. “Never said we weren’t cut from the same cloth. A man worth anything will shed blood for his family. What I can assure you is my world never touches your daughter. What I can assure you is with every breath I take, she’ll never lose another night’s sleep. What I can assure you is not one motherfucker will ever have a weapon drawn in the home I share with her. Unlike your world, with many variables, Almanza, the Hellions control the chaos that surrounds us. It’s the code we live by.”
“You say the words, but Yesnia is no less a weakness for you than me, therefore your enemies would be smart to use her as leverage.”
Axel steps closer to my father and the gun. “My enemies would be stupid to ever let my woman cross their minds as a means to control me. Because you are right, I will shed blood for her.”
This is all too much, the tears run down my face.
Axel takes another step closer and with the tip of his finger, Axel guides the barrel of my dad’s gun to his heart. “I’ll bleed for her too, Javier. You should know there’s not a damn thing you can do to me to change the fact that I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Yesnia is my woman. She is my life. This is our love. And you bet your ass I’ll shed blood for it, but more importantly I’ll fuckin’ bleed for it just as hard. Go ahead, pull the motherfuckin’ trigger.”
In a swift movement, my father rotates the gun and places it in Axel’s hand. “This moment, you mark it to memory. This weapon is my gift to you. Should anyone touch my daughter again, you are to shed blood for her. If my organization touches her again, you are to make me bleed for it, Hellion. All of this was because of me.”
My father locks his eyes to mine. “I’m sorry, Yesnia. You are my most treasured thing in life. You are my world. But decisions I’ve made cost me years without you. Even now, they put you at risk. I can’t simply walk away. If I could I would, but too much time and too many enemies.
I understand your desires to be with Crews here. I understand your need for space after I failed you. I just ask that you give us more time together and you forgive me for not keeping you safe.”
I look to Axel. His face is soft and he gives me a nod of approval. This is us. I don’t have to speak for him to understand me. Rushing from behind him, I go to my father and embrace him.
“I love you, Papa. You didn’t fail me. I knew you would come for me. The only person responsible for this is Medina and he can’t hurt me anymore.”
My father holds me close. “I love you, Yesnia.”
And just like that, all my tensions erase. We are one big family. My father sits down beside my mother like nothing happened.
I struggle to regulate my breathing as Axel does something to secure the gun, and then he steps back and places it on our end table right here beside the couch.
This is my life. Guns in the living room. I shake my head thinking I might not be cut out for this.
The danger. The chaos.
Once again the doubt creeps in.
Axel turns, reaching his hand out to me. Our eyes lock, and the doubts are instantly gone. He won’t let anyone hurt me. He will keep me safe. Axel sits on the couch and pulls me to his lap. I’ve learned this is where he prefers me to sit, and I don’t fight it anymore.
“It is good to see you happy, Yesnia,” my mother says sweetly.
“I’ve never been so happy,” I tell her.
“Sanchez,” my father begins.
Axel shakes his head. “Talk for another time,” he says giving a side eye to me and then looking to my mother.
My mother who laughs. “Hellion, one thing my husband has had to learn, I’ll be kept out of nothing. I’m as much in his world as he is. Whatever you and Yesnia agree to is your business, but she needs to know what is going on in her father’s world so she can sleep easy knowing it won’t touch this goodness she has found with you.”
Bleed for It: Hellions Motorcycle Club (Hellions Ride On Book 3) Page 12
