I need to do laundry. Or maybe I should buy a few more clothes. I only wear a couple of pairs of jeans and a rotation of about five shirts, day after day. I squat down and rummage through my duffle bag, finally grabbing what are probably my last pair of clean underwear and put them on.
Br-ring!
I glance over at my cell, that’s probably Vanessa. I imagine she wants to apologize for that shit show on the set. I mean, I know it’s not her fault, but it would still cool the embers of anger burning in my gut to talk to her about what a twatwaffle her co-star is.
Br-ring!
I swipe my thumb across the phone and hop into my bed, “Hello?”
“Hey man! I got ya, awesome!” I was expecting Vanessa, so it takes me a second to place the voice.
Ryan.
“Hey bud, what’s happening?” I lean back against the pillows and remember that he said he’d be heading to Los Angeles to visit me soon. I completely forgot with all the distractions around here. Until today, they were welcome distractions too.
“I’m gonna be in your neck of the woods tomorrow. I was hoping we could meet up for a bit, maybe hang for a night? Are you still cool with that?”
I look around the guest bedroom I’m staying in and sigh. The problem with this job, with this whole situation is, I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t know if Vanessa needs me around here at night. I don’t know if I’m even going to the set with her anymore… I just don’t know.
“Yeah man, I’m sure we can figure out something,” I try not to commit to anything.
“Cool, so are you still good with me crashing at your place for a couple of nights while I’m there?”
I forgot I told him he could stay in my rental. Not that it’s a big deal, I just need to meet up with him and give him the key, “Sure Ryan, you can stay there as long as you like man,” I look up at the television and my eyes slide open wide with surprise as I see Vanessa on the screen being followed by some TMZ camera guy.
“Hey, I’m gonna need to call you back, okay? I’ve gotta go,” I don’t wait for his answer, instead I end the call and reach for the remote cranking the volume up.
Vanessa is looking down at the ground like she’s trying to hide from the camera behind her hair as she makes her way out of, some kind of cafe. Behind her is Erik, mugging at the camera like he can’t get enough of it.
“Is it true that you two are back together? Has your on-screen romance rekindled something?” The faceless man behind the camera asks.
Vanessa looks like she’s grinding down her teeth as she tries to walk away from them.
“Us?” Erik answers, “Nah, Vanessa is off the market right now, aren’t you Nessa?”
She shoots him a look and he smiles broadly.
“Who’s the lucky guy, Vanessa?” The man recording them shouts.
“It’s her bodyguard. Right?” Erik stays on her heels like Axle does to me.
“Really? That guy?” the guy conducting the ‘interview’ says.
“It’s not true,” Vanessa answers flatly, glaring at Erik. “I’m not seeing anyone, just enjoying the single life,” Vanessa forces a thin-lipped smile at the camera. “Anyway, we’ve got to go guys, nice seeing you,” she practically runs up to the car and hops in.
My blood boils at the whole scene. I’m not sure what part has me angrier, the fact that Erik takes so much joy from making her miserable and putting her on the spot, or the fact that she denied our relationship.
Her words from the other night ring in my ears. About how it’s best not to respond to tabloids when they speculate on romantic connections because it just fuels them.
I guess there’s always exceptions to the rule when the speculation is about someone who looks like me.
28|Gabe
I slurp another mouthful from my cup of noodles and cringe. After eating Vanessa’s cooking, these cheap noodles taste like flakes of burnt rubber floating in salt water. This, is why you shouldn’t get used to the finer things in life, because eventually it all comes to an end. It’s a lot harder to go back to discount bins and coupons when you’ve been living all your champagne wishes and caviar dreams.
The same goes for women.
Just as my head gets muddled with thoughts of Vanessa, the door opens and she walks into the house like a zombie. She’s gotta be exhausted, the way she’s moving makes me feel sore and I’ve been sitting around the house all day.
“Hey,” she gives me an uncertain smile that I don’t return. “Don’t eat that Gabe, let me make you something,” she offers.
“I’m good. Besides it’s not your job to cook for me,” my voice is like a steel rod, cold and hard.
“I know it’s not my job,” she frowns a little and looks into my eyes, but I’ve already put up my defences. Around my heart is a cage of barbed wire. I refuse to act like a fool, running around with my heart on my sleeve for a woman that’s ashamed of me.
“Speaking of jobs,” my words slice through the air as I lean back on the kitchen counter and level her with my glare. “What’s the plan here, Vanessa? Am I supposed to sit around your house now while you go to work? It doesn’t seem like you need me if that’s the case.”
“No, I don’t think so,” she rubs her hands over her temples and looks down, “listen I know you’re upset about what happened this morning, but it’s not like I kicked you off the set, why are you mad at me?” She tilts her head and searches my face, but I’m made of stone. I don’t move a muscle or give anything away with my expression.
“You didn’t go out of your way to try to keep me there though did you? It was my understanding that I was hired on to be a bodyguard, not a house-sitter,” I force the bitter words from my mouth.
“What was I supposed to do? Argue with the director? Get fired because of Axle? Come on, give me a break here,” she seems to be wilting as she pleads her case, her exhaustion spreading over her face in weary lines.
“Because of Axle? No. He didn’t do anything other than try to protect you. Erik is the problem here, not my dog,” I puff up indignantly.
“Ok, yeah, you’re right. My bad. It is definitely Erik’s fault. Listen, it’s been a long day, can we just agree he’s a piece of shit and move on already?” She crosses the floor with her hands upturned, trying to cuddle up to me but I don’t slide my arms around her. I don’t breathe in the soft scent of her hair or run my thumb over her jaw. I don’t move at all.
“I saw you on TV,” I can feel her body stiffen and she steps back. “You were on TMZ today,” my voice is low and emotionless.
“Oh, you saw that,” she looks up at me nervously.
“I didn’t realize I embarrassed you,” I stare her down and she knows exactly what I’m talking about. Red rushes over her cheeks as she looks down to the kitchen floor.
“You don’t embarrass me, that’s ridiculous,” she frowns.
“Really? So why is it when those stupid shows say that you and Erik are back together you don’t respond but when they ask about me you deny it? Maybe it’s because people thinking you’re Erik’s fuck toy makes you more popular in Hollywood? Or maybe it’s because of these,” I wave my hand over the side of my face covered in scars. “Probably both,” I know I’m being an asshole, but I want her to hurt like she hurt me.
“How can you say that? You know I hate him!” She meets my eyes and I can see anger flash behind them.
“Then why did you say that?”
“Because I’m trying to protect you!” She tries to hold my hands but I cross my arms.
Her words are a slap in the face. Protect me?
“Well, if you think I’m so fucking fragile that I need your protection then I don’t think I’ve done a very good job here. You should probably find someone else to be your bodyguard, or sit in your trailer or look after your house, or whatever the fuck this stupid job really is. I’m done.”
“Gabe!”
I storm out of the kitchen and don’t turn back when she calls me. It only takes a few se
conds to stuff my belongings back in my duffle bags. I throw them over my shoulders and whistle to Axle who is immediately at my side.
“Where are you going? This is stupid. I didn’t mean protect you like that. Come on, just talk to me,” she follows me to the door as I put my shoes on.
“I know exactly what you meant. I’m not some frail little flower that you need to keep in a glass dome, Vanessa. And I’m not buying that you were looking out for my feelings anyway because if you really gave a shit about my feelings you wouldn’t have pretended that I’m no one to you. But then again, maybe you were on to something there,” I open the door and look back at her. I refuse to let the tears slowly sliding over her cheeks affect me. I’m done with the melodrama, I’m done with this whole thing.
“Gabe, please come inside and talk to me! You’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion,” she cries.
Am I? Because it seems to me she’s perfectly happy to have me as her behind the scenes love interest, but the second it’s brought out into the light, just like my scars, the ugly truth comes out.
She’s ashamed of me.
“You take care of yourself,” I walk down the path to her driveway and jump in my Jeep. My eyes only flicker to Vanessa for a second. She’s backlit by the lights in the house as she stands in her doorway watching me leave. For a second I feel my anger slip away into sadness, but I push it back down. I throw it in reverse and turn my head to look behind me as I back out onto the road. I don’t look in the rearview mirror as I drive away. There’s no point in looking behind.
Instead I take a few deep breaths and grab my cell out of my pocket. I need to get out of here and forget all of this. I swipe my thumb across the screen and hit call. It rings in my ear a couple of times but he picks up.
“Hey Ryan? I’m glad you answered. Listen bud, forget about slumming it at my place while you’re here. There’s been a slight change of plans, okay?”
“Sure Gabe, what’s up?” I can hear air rushing over his phone as he talks to me, he must be outside.
“Make sure you get a good night’s sleep and you get good and hydrated ‘cause you and I, we’re going to Vegas.”
29|Vanessa
The set is quiet and down to only the essential crew. It still feels like a lot of people who will see me naked. Today we’re shooting a teaser scene where my character is trying to seduce Erik’s character by leaving her door open when she gets changed. On screen, my body will be silhouetted, but in the shadow, you will still be able to make out every curve, even my hard nipples.
I’m nervous, I shiver in my robe and instinctively look out past the almost blinding lights and search for Gabe. My heart squeezes in my chest and my lungs collapse all the air from them when I remember, again, that he’s gone.
I still haven’t told the studio about him walking off the job and walking out on me. I spent all night hoping he’d come back, calling him and leaving voice messages that he never answered. I honestly never meant to hurt him, but I did. And now I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.
My eyes line with tears and I quickly wipe them away before they have a chance to ruin my makeup. I already had to spend longer than usual in the chair with my makeup artist scolding me for my puffy eyes from hours of crying.
“Alright, Vanessa, you ready hon? We’re gonna try to get this in as few takes as possible. I know it’s a little cold in here and I don’t want you to be too uncomfortable,” Bobby’s gruff voice calls out from behind the viewing screen.
I take a deep breath, it’s time to take off the robe. Of all the people here, the only one I really don’t want to see me naked is Erik. It doesn’t even make sense since he’s seen me naked plenty of times when we dated. However, now I feel like I should be shielded from his eyes. Like my body isn’t something he gets to soak in anymore. I feel like only Gabe should get that privilege.
You’ve gotta concentrate, I chide myself silently. “Ready,” my voice sounds anything but, as I slide my robe slowly down my shoulders and avoid Erik’s stares.
The cold instantly makes my nipples taut and my body covers in gooseflesh. Standing tall, I force myself to throw my shoulders back and lift my eyes from the floor.
“Quiet on the set! We’re gonna record in five…”
“Whew,” Erik gives a low whistle.
“Four!”
“If your body looked like that when I was fucking you, maybe I wouldn’t have shopped around,” Erik’s eyes flicker over me like he’s admiring an expensive watch at a jewelry shop.
“Fuck you Erik!”
“What? It’s a compliment!” he smiles.
I walk off the set, snatch my robe from my assistant’s hands and quickly wrap it back around me. My head is buzzing like a hornet’s nest as the set explodes with the panicked crew freaking out about me ruining their shot. The loudest voice of all is Bobby’s.
I don’t care. Fuck Erik and fuck this movie. I’m done with this shit.
Tears blind my sight as I walk off in a huff. In nothing but a housecoat, I walk out of the studio and into the lot where the drivers are killing time on their phones, while they wait on standby in their cars.
I grab the car door handle and whip the door open, sliding inside and slamming it shut behind me. The driver turns in his seat and doesn’t say a word about how I’m dressed or my tears. He’s probably seen worse. This is Hollywood.
“Where can I take you, ma’am?” He looks at me, but I don’t know. I have nothing waiting for me at home. I feel like I have nothing for me here either.
“I need a minute,” I answer and he nods, turning back around.
I slide my hand into the pocket of my robe and pull out my cell, pressing Fiona’s number as I pull a trembly breath into my lungs.
“Hey, hey, if it isn’t my shining star. How’s it going?” Fiona answers cheerily.
“Not good,” I swallow the lump in my throat and try to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks.
“Why? What’s wrong?” Her tone immediately changes as she listens intently.
“I don’t think I can do this Fiona! I can’t work with Erik, I fucking hate him. He’s impossible to work with and nothing about this movie is working out the way it was supposed to,” I wail. “This was supposed to be for me, you know? I was supposed to find my sexuality in this role, but I didn’t.”
I see the driver raise his eyebrows in the rearview mirror, but I ignore him. “You know where I found it? With Gabe, but now he’s walked out on me and I don’t have a bodyguard and I don’t have him and I don’t want this stupid fucking job anymore,” I sniffle as my nose runs and my mascara blots under my eyes.
“Whoa, slow down,” Fiona takes a deep breath, “so you are hooked up with that guy? Isn’t he the one with the monster cock that was watching us drive away from that club?”
“He was, we were together, but I told a reporter that we weren’t together and he said I was embarrassed by him and he left.”
“Ugh, you lost out on that huge dong? That is a shame,” I hear her lighter flick as she pulls her first puff of smoke into her lungs. “Wait, did he make you cum? Oh, let a girl dream!” She sounds so happy I want to smack her. Hasn’t she heard a single word I said?
“Yes,” I admit and wipe my tears away.
“Oh my God! And you didn’t call me? Are you fucking kidding right now?” She loses her mind and I have to pull the phone away from my ear because she’s shrieking so loud.
“Fiona, can you just focus for one minute,” I sigh.
“Ok, fine,” I can almost see her downturned lips. She loves nothing more than to dish dirt and I know she’s not happy with me that I’ve been leaving her out of the loop. “Listen, this is what you’re going to do,” her voice is matter-of-fact. “You’re gonna finish crying, wipe your face and go back on that set and do your job!”
“But!” I begin to protest.
“No, you called me for advice right? So, listen. Men are a dime a dozen in this town. This role is a once in
a lifetime opportunity. So, you hate Erik. So, what? You think you’re the first actress to hate their co-star?”
“No, but…”
“No ‘buts’! Listen, you’ve already lost the man, let it go and move on. Do you really want to lose the only other thing you’ve got happening for you right now? Do you want to flush it all down the toilet? Because that’s what you’re talking about doing right now,” she lectures me sternly.
“No,” I whisper. “I don’t want to lose everything,” I admit.
“Then pull up your big girl panties and march your ass on set and show them how a professional does this shit. Worry about the man later. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out. If not, then you dodged a bullet. At least you got something good out of the whole thing,” she muses.
“Ok,” I take a huge lungful of air and nod my head, “you’re right. I’m going to shoot the scene and get through this stupid day.”
“Good girl,” she breathes out a puff of smoke onto the receiver. “Oh and Vanessa?”
“Yeah?”
“You better call me when you get home and catch me up on this shit,” she warns.
“I will,” I can’t help but smile as I hang up. Fiona and her one-track mind.
Wiping my hands over my face I get myself pumped up and grab the car handle, “I won’t be needing to go anywhere, but thank you for waiting,” I tell the driver.
“It’s what I do,” he shrugs.
I open the door and step back outside. Okay, I look up at the studio door, let’s do this.
30|Gabe
Ryan’s got us bellied up to the side of the stage in perv alley, sipping drinks and shooting the shit as girl after girl gets up and shakes her ass. It’s funny how guys talk at strip clubs, sitting side by side, eyes on the stage, never looking at each other. The only other place I’ve carried on conversations the same way has been at confession. Now, instead of pouring out my sins to a priest, I’m indulging in the exact sort of thing I’d be confessing about.
Riding Lil' Red Hard: A Modern Day Fairy Tale (Fairy Tale Series Book 3) Page 35
