Twenty-Two
Cole
She came out ten minutes ago and hasn’t said a word. Even when I asked her what the doctor said. She just shook her head and walked back to my car, so I followed. I know it’s been ten minutes because I keep looking at my phone. We are back in the car and I haven’t started the engine because she is as white as a ghost, which is freaking the shit out of me.
“Can you send a few bread crumbs my way? Please,” I say softly.
Her eyes snap up to mine but they look vacant and I start to freak the fuck out. “You aren’t sick, are you?”
She shakes her head. “Not in the way you’re thinking,” she replies sounding cryptic. WTF.
“Can you take me over to Rebel’s?” she asks.
“Of course, but say something. Anything, I’m really worried,” I say.
“Don’t be,” she says. “I’m not dying or anything.”
I try to think back to the drive over. She asked me if we used a condom. I told her she didn’t have to worry about STDs and she said that’s not what she was worried about.
This is a damn puzzle I can’t figure out and I used to spend Saturday afternoons as a kid doing puzzles.
I don’t want to be pushy so I stay quiet and I drop her off at Rebel’s. She says thank you when she leaves the car but she doesn’t give me a second glance, and I wonder if it’s something I did or said.
I call Wolfe, hoping that he’s free to talk. He doesn’t pick up but then my phone rings two minutes later and his name flashes on the screen.
“Wolfe,” I say.
“No hello?” he laughs.
“There’s something going on with Holland and I’m really fucking freaked.”
“Easy there. Chill out and tell me what happened,” he says.
“I don’t know what happened. I had one of my stupid nightmares. She heard me screaming and came into my room last night,” I begin.
“Do not tell me you guys hooked up,” he groans.
“Worse. I found out that I knew her mother. Her mother shared a hospital room with my mom. It was her mom who consoled me the day I went into the hospital and found out my mom died,” I choke out. Those are not words I thought I’d ever be saying out loud. Mom’s death is too hard to talk about and reliving that day has just opened wounds that haven’t healed over.
“That. . .”
“I know. . .”
“Yeah. . .”
Wolfe understands every fucking emotion I am having and even though words don’t really pass between us, they do.
“So Holland knows and what did she say?” he asks.
“She was really shaken up this morning. She ended up vomiting and I took her to the clinic on campus,” I mumble quickly.
“Why would you take her to the clinic?” he asks.
“Duh, because she’s been feeling sick,” I say. “We were fine on the way to the clinic. Just talking about shit. Then she came out white as a ghost and asked to be dropped at Rebel’s.”
“Okay, then it doesn’t sound like you did anything. She and Rebel are family. Maybe something happened with the doctor and she needed Rebel,” Wolfe explains, like what happened is perfectly normal but it isn’t.
“That’s it. Something did happen at the doctor’s, but what? She had this vacant look on her face like her life was over.” My stomach turns with worry.
“I can’t just call Rebel and ask her what’s going on,” he says. “Sister code trumps.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to. I was just hoping you could help me figure out what the fuck happened?” I’m driving back home, but I’m so on edge I don’t know what to do. Even a run won’t cut it for me.
“Are you sure nothing else happened this morning or last night between you two? I mean Holland is in a tough place,” he says as if I don’t know.
“Don’t you think I know that,” I snap and then regret it.
“Shit. Chill the fuck out. Dammit. What’s gotten into you?” Wolfe hisses.
“She’s gotten into me,” I bark back. “Dammit. The girl has gotten under my skin.”
“Holy shit,” Wolfe says. “I can’t fucking believe this. I mean Rebel and I had a bet going in the Cape. We totally saw you two making out,” he chortles.
“We weren’t making out and it was a one-time thing,” I retort.
“Aha,” Wolfe says like he knows better.
“Don’t give me this crap now. There’s a problem that needs fixing.”
“What were you two talking about before the clinic?” he asks, his tone turning serious.
“She asked me if I wrapped it up the night we were together, and I told her she didn’t have to worry about STDs with me, but yeah, I always wear the glove.”
“Too many deets,” Wolfe says. “Give me a sec here.”
“For what?” I ask.
“Trying to figure this thing out. She’s been throwing up. She asks you if you wrapped it on your night together. . .”
Suddenly I get a light bulb moment and I don’t like it one bit.
“Fuck me,” I growl.
“Um, she did fuck you and it might be that you have something to show for it?” Wolfe says sheepishly.
“No fucking way.”
“Way,” Wolfe answers like we are two.
“Leave New York now and get your ass back here,” I demand.
“Can’t do, bro. I wish I could be there for you but preseason games have started.”
“I’m freaking the fuck out,” I practically croak.
“Okay, let’s get a grip here,” Wolfe says, and he uses that tone he uses when he means business or he’s looking out for me in a parental way. “Let’s say Holland is having your baby. It doesn’t mean that you two need to be together. You have a trust fund, so I mean money isn’t an issue.”
“Yeah, I’m also twenty-one years old,” I remind him.
“Almost twenty-two,” he corrects.
“In January, which is months away and that isn’t the point,” I remind him.
“No, the point is you’re a good guy. You may have made a mistake but you need to own it. No, you aren’t ready to be a father or have a kid, but just think of how freaked out Holland must be. She has to carry the thing,” he says and I cringe. Dammit. Medical school. No wonder she looked like her world was ending.
“Okay, so what do I do? Because apparently you’re the mature one in this relationship Mr. NHL Hockey Player.”
“You can handle this, Cole. Think of how happy you’d make Granny Mae,” he says.
“You know when she asks for great-grandchildren she means in the future and she’d want me married. She is going to be so disappointed,” I groan.
“She loves the ground you walk on. You made a mistake, Cole, but now you have to grow up and deal with the consequences. I know that’s harsh, and fuck, I feel like your parent. But just think of how much you hated your father’s reaction to your mother dying. How much you resent him for Amber. He didn’t man up, but you can,” Wolfe says.
“We don’t even know if she is actually pregnant,” I remind him, but I know better. That haunted look on her face told a story of its own. Was she going to even tell me? “Never mind. I didn’t say that. Fuck, man, I know you’re right but what about the draft in June? It’s my turn.”
“Life throws us pucks offside. We need to know how to deal with those too,” he says.
He’s right. About every damn word. I can’t be my father because my granny taught me to be a man of honor. A man of honor stands by his woman and his child. Only Holland isn’t my woman.
Twenty-Three
Holland
I was planning on knocking on the front door, even though Rebel and Blossom just expect me to walk in at this point and the front door is wide open.
I step into the kitchen to see Paris dressed in the same uniform Blossom wore when she worked at the diner. Max is at the table and Tobias is leaning against the kitchen counter. There was a definite shouting match going on, which stopped t
he moment they noticed me.
“Everything okay?” I ask looking between Paris and Tobias. Even though I’m so shaken I can’t really deal with this right now.
“Tobias doesn’t want to stay in Westfall,” Paris informs me. “He thinks he can just pick up and go back to Philly.”
“I didn’t say that,” Tobias snaps. “You and Max should come with me,” he says, and then he looks at me. “The job I thought I had didn’t pan out. There’s nothing for me to do here.”
I remain quiet because with everything that’s going on between them and my newfound news, my head is spinning.
“You need to stay and find a job, not take off,” Paris says.
“There’s no job here for me. I’m leaving.” Tobias pushes off the counter and heads upstairs.
“Get back down here, you need to watch Max,” Paris shouts after him but he doesn’t come back. Paris looks at me and I see how worn and tired my sister is.
“What can I do?” I ask.
“I need you to watch Max,” she says.
“What’s going on with Tobias?” I ask her.
“Nothing new,” she exhales. “He always wants a quick fix. A job that will make him fast money. He also has no interest in staying in this house. He’s complaining about all of us being in the same room, which is completely insane because he isn’t paying rent here and he has no money to pay rent anywhere else,” Paris says on a rant, clearly worked up.
“Is he going to leave?” I ask.
She nods. “He wants me to come but I told him there is no way I’m leaving you again.” I hug my sister.
“Thank you,” I say and my eyes grow wet.
“I need to go. I can’t be late, it’s the only income we have.”
“Go, I’ll take care of Max,” I confirm, waving her off.
My sister runs out the door and toward her old VW van.
I close the front door and walk back over to Max. “Have you eaten lunch?”
He shakes his head.
“Are you hungry?” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Do you want to eat or play a game?” I ask.
“Play a game,” he finally answers.
“But will you tell me when you get hungry?” I ask.
He nods and I figure that’s the best answer I’m gonna get. I was hoping Rebel was around, but I’m guessing she must be on campus since she said she needed to pick up a few things from the bookstore.
I send her a quick text anyway.
Me: When are you coming home?
She answers me almost immediately.
Rebel:In the next hour. Just stopped at the campus supermarket. Do u need anything?
Me: I’m good. Just hanging out here with Max.
“What game are we going to play?” Max asks.
“That’s a good question.” I don’t know much about kids and it’s been a while since I was one. What I really want to be doing is melting down and crying, but I can’t do that since Tobias is unreliable. It makes me think of Cole and what kind of dad he would be. I’m guessing he’d be reliable because he’s a good friend. Unless he doesn’t ever want kids at all. I’m pretty sure he mentioned never wanting kids when we were back at the Cape.
Shit. I know I have to tell him about the pregnancy, but how?
“I’m bored,” Max says.
“Sorry.”
“Do you have a ball? Maybe we can play catch,” I suggest.
“It’s outside. I have a ball and a bike,” he exclaims. He really is adorable; I just can’t picture myself taking care of a kid. It’s a full-time job.
“Do you want to go outside and ride your bike?” I ask.
He nods and we head outside.
His bike is this old rusty thing but Max doesn’t seem to care.
“Can you ride it far?” I ask him and he shrugs his shoulders.
“I was thinking we could bike over to my campus and get a slice of pizza, or even better, we can get tacos,” I suggest, and that’s when I realize why I’ve been having crazy cravings for tacos.
“What’s a campus?” Max asks.
“It’s where I go to school,” I answer.
“I don’t like tacos,” he says, scrunching up his adorable face.
“Do you like pizza?” I get a nod in return.
“Pizza it is then.”
Max and I leave the house. I don’t bother telling Tobias we are leaving and I don’t offer to get him food either. His total lack of responsibility is pissing me off. This should be my moment to melt down and lose my shit, but I can’t exactly do that with Max around.
We are halfway to campus when Max says he’s tired and can’t ride anymore. I decide to lean down and push the bike all the way to campus. By the time we arrive I am exhausted, sweaty, and very nauseous.
I call Rebel to see if she is still here because even though it’s not far, I think we are going to need a ride back. Rebel picks up and says she’ll meet us at the Commons building in twenty minutes. In the meantime, I wheel Max’s bike inside the Commons and order tacos for me and a cheese slice for him. We are busy eating when Rebel finds us at the food court.
“Hi, you two,” she says smiling. She’s carrying some grocery bags and some bags marked with the campus store logo.
“Did you find everything you need?” I ask and take a bite into my beef taco. Damn it’s good.
“Yeah,” she says.
“What are you two up to?” she asks, and I take another bite before answering her because I find eating is really helping with the nausea.
“I’m watching Max. Paris had to work and we needed to eat lunch,” I explain.
“Nice,” Rebel says and she narrows her brows. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Who me?” I ask and take another bite of my second taco. I can’t even think of calories right now when this is so satisfying. Max sits across from me enjoying his cheese pizza.
“Duh, yeah.” She rolls her eyes playfully.
“Fine,” I say.
“You seem. . .” I see my best friend watching me and I realize how into my tacos I am and how I probably have a sheen of sweat across my face from the exertion of pushing the bike. Truth is I am usually not so sweaty. Is it hormones? Dammit. “Holland?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “Would you mind giving us a ride back to your place?” I ask Rebel. “Max got tired of bike riding.”
“Mommy doesn’t take me so far,” he chides.
“Sorry,” I say to him.
“Of course I can give you a ride,” Rebel says, but I still feel her blue eyes watching me closely.
Her cell rings and she answers. It’s obvious it’s Wolfe. They start out with I love you and miss you and then Rebel is saying a lot of uh huh, uh huh, she is also eyeing me curiously. Did Cole speak to Wolfe? What would he have said anyway? That I lost my shit after a doctor’s appointment? “Let me call you later. I’m just here with Holland and Max. . .yeah. . .aw. . . love you too.”
“You guys are so mushy,” I laugh.
“Wolfe said you and Cole got into some sort of a fight?” Rebel says.
Just great.
“I wouldn’t exactly call it that,” I retort.
“No? What would you call it?” she asks.
“We can talk about it later,” I say, and I eye Max so she takes a hint that I don’t want to talk in front of him.
Instead of dropping us at home as we originally planned, Rebel drops us off at the local movie theater and Max and I watch Peter Rabbit 2. Max giggles hysterically at so many parts and I find I’m more intrigued by watching his reactions than I am the movie. I remember how scared Paris was when she found out she was pregnant, and she was three years younger than me. She never said anything about giving him up for adoption or having an abortion. Not that there was anything wrong with those options, I guess they just weren’t good ones for her. Even after spending such a small amount time with Max, I adore him. I can’t help thinking of my mother. She met Cole. Knew him and consoled him when he lost his mother.
She meant something to him because he still dreams about her and calls out her name. She was special. People were impacted by just having met her. She would’ve made an amazing grandmother. Max would have adored her.
But what will a baby mean for my academic career? Can I juggle the two of them? How will I study for the MCATs when I have a newborn baby? I feel like all my dreams are turning to ash around me. It makes me think of the children’s song, “Ring Around the Rosy.” Ashes, ashes they all fall down. Why are kids’ songs so bleak? It’s really messed up. Gah! I feel like my head is spinning but in a way I’m glad that I’ve taken the day to try to process things without input from Rebel. I wonder what Cole must be thinking of my insane behavior after we left the clinic.
I think I am going to have this baby, but will he want it too? Will he tell me he has no interest in being a father? I know he hates how his father isn’t present in his life. Does it mean that he will want to be involved with his own child?
I’m making myself crazy with thoughts and so I try to clear my head and watch Peter Rabbit 2, but I am so bored I can’t seem to get into it.
Twenty-Four
Holland
“What did you say?” Rebel asks, making me repeat the dreaded words for the second time.
“I’m pregnant,” I repeat, feeling the burn of the words in my throat.
I’ve seated Rebel and my sister next to each other on the couch in Rebel’s family room and dropped the bomb.
Paris rubs her eyes. She’s exhausted after working all day in the diner. “Am I hallucinating? Or maybe I’ve fallen asleep and somebody needs to wake me up,” she says, and then she begins to pace the room holding her stomach. “This feels like déjà vu.”
“I thought you and Cole didn’t make it to home base. Is that what it’s even called?” Rebel asks, and she begins to pace too. Between the two of them I am getting dizzy.
“I wasn’t sure, but Cole made it clear in the Cape that we in fact did take it all the way. I just don’t remember and his ego has taken a blow,” I say trying to lighten the mood, probably because I’ve lost my mind.
Ruthless Player: A College Hockey Romance (Westfall U Series) Page 15
