“I’m here.” He sounds choked up. “I hope I can make you happy. I hope we can find a way to make each other happy,” he conveys, not knowing he’s already done that for me. That being with him and the kids makes me happy. Having them around, going to dinner, cooking, watching movies, or just spending time together is what makes me happy.
“You make me happy. You and the kids are what makes me happy. I don’t need more. I just need you guys,” I tell him honestly, and his arms tighten around me.
“I love you, Shel. Fuck, but I didn’t think it was possible to love you more than I did years ago, but I was wrong… so fucking wrong.”
“Zach.” I never thought he would say those words to me again, never believed we would have what we have again after so many years apart.
“I don’t need you to say it. I just need you to hear it and take it in. I love you and Hunter. I love that you have taken my daughter under your wing and accepted my son for the man he is becoming. I love that even after so many years, you’re still the sweetest woman I’ve ever met, and I love knowing I will have a lifetime of that sweetness in my bed. I never wanted to even hope to have what I have right now, and I probably don’t deserve it, but you’re mine and I’m keeping you,” he growls, and I feel myself smile.
“I know you said to take it in, but I love you too, and I love your kids.”
“That’s probably good, babe. I’d hate for you to be unhappy for the next sixty years or so,” he says, and I laugh then moan, feeling his hand slide up my side under his tee, which I stole when I got ready for bed. “I wish the kids were in bed already.”
“Me too,” I whisper, feeling his hand brush the underside of my breast, and then he’s up out of bed, dragging me with him. “What are you doing?”
“We’re going to shower,” he mutters, tugging my hand.
“I don’t need one. I already showered.” I laugh as he pulls me along with him toward the bathroom.
“I thought you wanted to see if I could hold you up.” He rips the shirt off over my head then turns and starts the water.
“I definitely want to see that.” I smile to his back as he kicks off his sleep pants, steps in under the spray, and turns toward me, holding out his hand. By the time we’re done and back in bed, I’ve learned that not only can he hold me up, he can do a lot of other things to me while he’s standing with me wrapped around him.
Chapter 11
Zach
“I’m free,” Shel yells, as soon as I close the door to her house then proceeds to run toward me, jumping into my arms, giving me no choice but to catch her on the fly.
Smiling, I lean back to see her smiling at me. “I take it Max was able to catch a fight home after all?” I mutter, knowing she’s been gnawing at the bit to get Max out of the house and back to Seattle since the day he showed up. He planned on staying until Friday, but after everything that came out about his girlfriend and their child, and probably realizing his fuck-up, he had been trying to change his flight and get home sooner. But this time of year, with the cold coming in, fishing slowing down, and tourists leaving, planes are always full, with an abundance of people waiting on standby.
“Yes.” She nods then looks up at the ceiling, shrugging. “I may have bribed Paul into asking his friend who was flying to Anchorage to pick up supplies to let Max ride along with him so he could catch a flight out this evening, but still, he’s on his way back to Seattle as we speak. And his girlfriend April, who has to be the sweetest woman in the world, told him they would find a way to work things out, so Max left in a good mood.”
“Good,” I agree, giving her a squeeze, and she hops down.
“Yeah, and hopefully he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes what he has, because when I talked to her today to give her Max’s flight information, she seemed really nice. She even asked if Hunter could fly out after the birth to meet his brother or sister. I told her yes, and told her Hunter can fly out anytime he has a break, unless it’s a holiday. Then we will have to split those up so it’s fair for Max and me.”
“That’s good, baby,” I concur.
“I don’t want to keep Hunter from them. He’s so excited to be a big brother, and I would never want to keep him from having that.”
“I know, babe,” I tell her, and she smiles then tilts her head to the side, studying me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re lying,” she says, leaning in and resting her hands against my chest.
“Tina came by the station today. She’s planning on moving to Anchorage at the end of the month.”
“Oh no,” she whispers, leaning back.
“It’s good for me, but it’s going to suck for the kids. Flights in the winter are sporadic and expensive. Flights in the summer are just expensive, so it’s going to be a hit every time I send them out to see her.”
“Won’t she help you with that? I mean, she’s the one moving, not you,” she asks softly, studying me.
“I’m sure she’ll try, but waitressing doesn’t pay much, so she won’t be able to do it on her own, and I know the kids—especially Steven—will want to see her often, and I want them to have their mom.”
“I’ll help. Max agreed to give me more a month for Hunter, and with him dropping the custody fight, me working, us moving in together, and this house being paid off, money will loosen up. We’ll figure it out.”
“That’s sweet, baby, but no.” I shake my head, giving her sides a squeeze.
“Why no?” she asks, as her nose scrunches in confusion and her brows draw together.
“They’re my kids… Tina and my kids. We’ll work it out. The money Max is sending you is for Hunter. The money you make is for you. And the kids and me moving in here means I pay for the utilities and things that need to be done around the house, so we’re not living free.”
“Um… what if that doesn’t work for me?”
“It’ll work.”
“Zach.” She pushes against me until I’m forced to let her go then stares at me from a few feet away, which suddenly feels like miles between us. “I told you.” She points at me. “I told you what happened between Max and me. I told you that he always made me feel like his happiness came before mine, that his wants came before mine.”
“Shel.” I run my hand through my hair in agitation and hold her gaze.
“No, I never want to feel like I’m not contributing, like I’m not the other half of a whole. I cant live like that again. We are either both in this together, or we’re not in this at all.”
“Baby, I love that you want to help me, bu—”
Holding up her hand palm out, she shakes her head, cutting me off. “No, no buts. You either accept that I need to help, that I need to feel like the life we are building is one we are building together, or I can’t do this.”
“They’re my kids.”
“You’re right. They are,” she agrees, with a jerk of her head. “I’ve accepted them. I’ve fallen in love with them and you, but the life I want is one where we are a family, one where we figure out how to share each other’s burdens. I love you.” Her voice softens, cutting me to the bone. “I don’t think I’ve ever fallen out of love with you, but I decided a long time ago that if I ever got into a relationship again, it would be with a man who understands what I need, understands it and gives it to me without question.”
“Baby, plea—”
“I think we both need some time to think,” she states, cutting me off once more, causing my temper to flare.
“We don’t need time,” I growl, taking a step toward her, only to have her take a step back.
“I don’t want you to give me what I need while sacrificing your own happiness. That’s not fair to you either,” she says softly, while her bottom lip trembles and her eyes grow wet.
“You’re pissing me off, Shelby.”
“What?” She frowns, and I close my eyes, pulling in deep breaths through my nose, attempting to get my temper under control. Once I�
�m good, I open my eyes and pin her in place.
“I love that you want to help. I love you, even when you’re being hardheaded and stubborn, but this isn’t something you need to go to battle with me about.”
“Excu—”
“The kids are Tina’s and mine,” I interrupt, before she can piss me off more. “She and I will figure out how to make this move of hers work. You want to help with everything else? Fine. But your money isn’t going to go to helping Tina see her kids. It’s her choice to leave, her choice to follow her boyfriend. That is not your problem. She has a good job here and a house. She doesn’t need to move. She wants to move. She didn’t even want to tell the kids. She wanted me to break the news to them. Do you know how fucked up that is?”
“What?” she whispers, and I nod.
“We are not arguing about this bullshit, and we are definitely not taking any time to think about one goddamn thing. You and I are together, and there will never be a time when that isn’t true.”
“Zach.”
“No, we work. We’re happy and working on starting our family, and I won’t let you make this shit into something it’s not. I won’t let you use your past as an excuse to push me away. I don’t give a fuck what Max did. He is not here. This is you and me. I’m not asking you to sacrifice your happiness. I’m telling you that Aubrey and Steven’s relationship with their mother isn’t something you need to tie yourself into knots about.”
“But it is,” she replies gently, and I jerk my head back.
“It’s not, baby. She’s the one who should be fighting to stay close to them. She’s the one who should be worried about how she’s going to make it work, not you. I’ll worry about it, because I want them to have as much love as they can get, and because I want them to have their mother in their lives. But that isn’t something for you to worry about.” I sigh, then growl, “Jesus, Max may be a dick, but he loves his son enough to fight for him. He loves him enough to fly here to see him when he hasn’t heard from him for a few days. Don’t get me wrong; I know Tina loves Aubrey and Steven in her own way, but she’d never sacrifice her own happiness for them. Right now, she’s looking out for herself.”
“That’s not fair to Steven or Aubrey,” she whispers, wringing her hands together.
“It’s not, but at the end of the day, all I can do is pray the kids see what we have, what we’re building, and know what love looks like, what family looks like, and hope that sinks in for them somewhere along the line.”
Her face softens and she goes to speak, but is cut off.
“Moms moving?” Steven asks, and I swing my head toward the hall, where he and Hunter are standing, obviously having come in through the back door in the kitchen at some point, only I don’t have a clue when or how much they heard.
“Bud.” I hold his gaze and see pain in his eyes that causes my jaw to tighten.
“Is mom moving?” he repeats, and I nod. “She’s going to talk to you and Bre about it while you guys are over at her place for the weekend.”
“She’s going to live with Thomas, isn’t she?” he prompts, and I nod, not wanting to lie to him, even though every part of me wishes I could, so I could protect him from this. He loves his mom, has always loved her unconditionally, and that love runs deep. So deep, I wonder if I’ll lose my boy to this—something I’ve been worried about since Tina told me her plans.
“She’s leaving Bre and me here to go live with her boyfriend?” he asks again, and I take a step toward him, wrap my hand around the back of his neck, and drop my head toward his.
“She’ll be a forty-five minute flight away. You can go see her anytime you want.”
“And see him, right?” He laughs, but it sounds pained and bitter. “He doesn’t even talk to us! He doesn’t even act like we’re there when we’re at her house and he’s there with us.”
“We’ll find a way to make it work, bud. Your mom and I will find a way to make it work so that when you’re there, he’s not, or she’ll come here to see you, if that’s what you and Bre need.”
“What’s the point? Bre’s right. Mom doesn’t care,” he mutters, dropping his eyes to the ground, sounding defeated.
“She loves you,” Shel cuts in, and Steven lifts his eyes to her. “I know this transition will take time, but your mom loves you. I’ve seen you together, and have seen pictures. I know you and Aubrey are both her world.” Steven’s muscles tighten under my hand. “Just give it time, honey. Everything will work out. You’ll see. Your dad and I will make sure you can see her as often as you and Bre want. Right, Zach?” she asks, and even though this isn’t the time to smile, I feel myself do just that, because she has somehow just placed her self in the middle of this.
“We will,” I agree, giving his neck another squeeze. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Sure,” he agrees, not sounding sure at all, and I touch my forehead to his.
Hearing the front door open, I don’t pull away until I hear Bre ask, “Is everything okay?”
My eyes move to her. “Everything’s fine, gorgeous.”
“Then why does Steven look so upset?” she questions, and I hear Shel say something to Hunter about Penny then the sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor, along with the sound of paws, and I know Bre must have brought Penny over with her.
“Your mom is going to talk to you and Steven this weekend about her plans to move to Anchorage.”
“I told you,” Aubrey says, looking at Steven. “I told you that she was going to move away with him.”
“Shut up, Bre,” Steven growls, as I hear footsteps coming back toward us.
“Aubrey, don’t. Now is not the time for an attitude,” I stop her, seeing she’s getting ready to say something in return.
“Fine,” she huffs, glaring at Steven and crossing her arms over her chest.
“Once your mom talks to you both, we’ll sit down and figure out how we’re going to move forward, but I don’t want this to be something you two fight about. Do you both understand?” I ask, looking between them, and they nod.
My cell on my hip rings, causing me to sigh, because I know it’s work and I can’t ignore it, even though I want to. “Hello?”
“I know you just left, but there was a fight that broke out at the Harbor, and both men involved were sent to the hospital and are asking to press charges against each other. Arney’s already there, but he needs backup,” Darla says, and I look at Shel. We made plans two weeks ago to have dinner with Austin, Lea, Rhonda, Ben and their son Braden and two weeks ago we had to cancel when I got called out for work and it looks like that is going to happen again.
“Tell them I’m on my way.”
“Will do,” she says, hanging up.
“Sorry, baby, I gotta go. Take the kids out to Austin and Lea’s, and I’ll meet you there or at the restaurant as soon as I get done taking care of this.”
“Go on, we’ll be fine,” she replies, making me wish I could kiss her in a way that expressed what I’m feeling. Because as long as her list of shit she needs from me is, my list only includes two things: our kids being happy, and moments like this, when I know she understands my job is important and doesn’t ask a million questions about when I’ll be back, or get angry at the fact I have to leave to begin with.
“Be good,” I point at Aubrey and Steven, then walk to Shel and drop my mouth to hers for a quick touch before heading out.
Knocking on the door at Austin and Lea’s house a half hour later, I listen to the sound of a baby giggling on the other side and smile. Rhonda and Ben are either already here, or Lea has once again confiscated Braden, their son. Something I know she’s done often since his birth, which drives Austin crazy, since Lea is pregnant and, as Austin puts it, should be resting. She obviously ignores him, since she has Braden as much as Rhonda will let her.
Seeing Lea come to the door and her smile through the glass, I—not for the first time—feel happy as hell for my friend. Lea and Austin dated in high school. They were solid whe
n they were teens, and everyone knew they were planning on getting married after graduation. Then Lea’s father passed away in a boating accident, and instead of staying in town and marrying Austin, she moved away and eventually married someone else, only to move home and find herself back with Austin. Since then, they’ve been inseparable, and are now married and have a son of their own on the way.
“Hey, Zach.” Lea smiles as soon as she has the door open, and then leans up on her tiptoes, kissing my cheek. “Come on in. We’re all in the living room waiting for the guys.”
I step into the house, sliding the door closed behind me. “They still at the Harbor?”
“Nope they are both upstairs attempting to put together a crib,” she says over her shoulder, as we head for the large open living room. “They could probably use your help, since they’ve been at it for three hours now, and last time I looked, it was still in a hundred pieces.” She laughs, and I smile at her then stop in place, the sight in front of me making my heart contract.
The kids—Aubrey, Hunter, and Steven—are all hanging out on the large sectional that faces the giant stone fireplace in the middle of the room, with a game in front of them spread out on the coffee table, while Shelby is seated in a chair off to the side, with Braden on her lap and a book open in front of them. I hate that I didn’t get to experience her with our kid, to see her in moments like this everyday. But something in me wonders if it’s not too late for us to have another child.
“Hey, Zach,” Rhonda says, coming toward me and pulling my attention to her, and I lean down, kissing her cheek.
“Hey, honey,” I return, and she smiles then leans into my side.
“He’s been glued to her since the moment she came in,” she tells me quietly, and my eyes go back to Shel and soften as I see her kiss the side of Braden’s head and smile when he giggles, turning his head back to look at her.
The kids all greet me at the same time, and I look at them and smile, lifting my chin, then look at Shel when I feel her eyes on me.
Wide Open Spaces Page 15
