by Jo Cotterill
Chapter 7
what’s the worst that can happen?
‘YOU DID WHAT?’ shrieked Mari. ‘I cannot believe you, Fliss Richards! You turned him down?’
Fliss stared miserably at the floor. ‘I know. I don’t know what happened.’ She glanced helplessly at Victoria. ‘You know what I’m like.’
But Victoria too was looking baffled. ‘But you like him. You really like him, I mean. I know you pretend not to, but you like him more than we do, I think.’ She saw Fliss’s face and reached out to give her a hug. ‘You big silly. You can’t hide things like that from your best friends. But if you like him that much, why on earth did you say no?’
Fliss shook her head. ‘I just froze. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what would we talk about?’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said Mari sarcastically. ‘Drumming, maybe, or the play, or HOW MUCH YOU LIKE HIM – anything!’ She shook her head. ‘Well, that’s it. You’ve blown it.’
‘Oh God,’ said Fliss. ‘I have, haven’t I?’ She sat down heavily on Victoria’s bed. The three of them had retreated to Victoria’s room after the rain had spoiled their afternoon sunbathe in the garden. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think about him all the time. It’s ridiculous! I even dream about him! And then – in real life he asks me out. And I say no!’ She buried her head in her hands. ‘I am such an idiot.’
Victoria sat down next to her. ‘You’re not an idiot. You’re just shy. I can see why you might have been scared. But he doesn’t know that.’
‘He probably thinks you’re not interested,’ said Mari, biting into an apple.
Fliss looked up, her eyes wide. ‘But I am. I couldn’t be more interested.’
Mari shrugged. ‘Then your only chance is to talk to him about it. Say you made a mistake. Ask him out.’
Fliss went white. ‘Do what? I can’t do that!’
Victoria sighed. ‘See, there you go again. Fliss, I know you’re a bit scared of this kind of thing . . .’
‘A bit?’ interrupted Mari. Victoria shot her a look and she subsided. ‘All right, all right.’
‘But maybe it’s time to start taking a few more risks,’ Victoria went on.
‘But how?’ Fliss was distressed. ‘What if things go wrong?’
‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ asked Victoria.
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said Fliss. ‘Tom could tell me he thinks I’m the ugliest person on the planet, he’d never go out with me in a million years, then he turns away and everyone starts laughing and I’ll be completely humiliated and everyone on the bus will say for months: Look there’s that girl who made such a fool of herself over Tom Mayerling.’
There was a short silence. ‘Well,’ said Victoria, ‘if you put it like that . . .’
‘I’ve got an idea,’ said Mari. ‘It’s like acting, isn’t it? I mean, when you act on stage, Fliss, you become someone else. You’ve told us – it’s like the real world goes away, right?’
Fliss nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘So why can’t you do that in real life?’ Mari was triumphant. ‘You just have to pretend to be someone else – someone more confident.’
‘Of course!’ Victoria was excited. ‘It’s easy that way! You just act a character when you’re asking Tom out.’
‘But I’m not someone else then,’ objected Fliss. ‘I’m me. And if I wasn’t me, then I wouldn’t be asking him out, would I?’ Her two friends looked puzzled. Fliss tried to explain. ‘It doesn’t work like that. I can do it on stage. I’ve got lines, I know what I have to say. I’m being someone who’s not me. They do things I wouldn’t do, they say things I wouldn’t say. But it’s not real. It’s theatre. This is real – this is my life.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘I can’t change the way I am. It’s just not me.’
‘Oh, sweetie.’ Victoria put her arms around Fliss and gave her a squeeze. ‘We know, and we love you just the way you are. And we did promise we wouldn’t bully you into changing anything.’ She glared at Mari, who looked guilty. ‘Listen, if Tom really likes you then he’ll ask you out again. I’m sure.’
Mari looked less certain. ‘He might. But maybe he’s not the right boy for you anyway. I mean, if he asked you out and you said no, maybe deep down your subconscious was trying to tell you something.’
Fliss wiped her eyes. ‘You really think so?’
‘Yes, I do,’ said Mari firmly.
‘Well, I still think he likes you,’ said Victoria. ‘All that stuff he said about you being a pixie – that’s a compliment.’
‘Is it?’
‘Yes. Pixies are cute. And if he does like you, then he won’t give up.’ She squeezed Fliss again. ‘And next time you can say yes, right?’
Fliss spent the next few days trying to imagine how she would respond to Tom if he asked her out again. Jeanette was rather astonished to catch her daughter one day sitting in front of the mirror and saying firmly, ‘Yes, I would love to, thank you.’
‘Everything OK?’ asked Jeanette.
Fliss went red. ‘Yes, fine,’ she said, scrambling up.
‘You rehearsing or something?’
‘Uh – yes, that’s right.’
Jeanette looked quizzical. ‘Didn’t sound very Shakespearean.’
‘It’s – um – an acting exercise.’ Fliss waved her hand. ‘You wouldn’t be interested.’
Jeanette smiled. ‘Fair enough. I just wanted to let you know I’ve invited Vivienne to dinner on Friday.’
‘Oh,’ said Fliss. Dinner with Vivienne. Just what she wanted. ‘All right.’
Jeanette put her head on one side. ‘You done something different with your hair?’
Fliss lifted her hand to her head automatically. ‘No, why?’
‘No reason. You look – different somehow. Taller. Are you wearing heels?’
‘No.’
‘Oh well.’ Jeanette raised her eyebrows. ‘Just me going mad, obviously. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.’
Fliss closed the door behind her mother and took a closer look in the mirror. Was she taller? Or was it all this practising she was doing? Could she maybe, just maybe, be feeling a little more confident? She tried smiling at herself. Was that a confident smile? Put your shoulders back, she told herself. Chin up. Face the world confidently. There you go. That’s more like it. That’s the kind of person who would say yes to Tom Mayerling. Isn’t it?
In the midst of her self-examination, her mobile rang. ‘Mari,’ said Fliss. ‘You OK?’
‘Yeah.’ Mari’s voice sounded strange. ‘I had a rehearsal today.’
‘Oh yes – the Nurse meets Romeo scene?’
‘Yeah, that’s right.’ Mari fell silent.
‘Did it go OK?’ prompted Fliss, wondering what all this was about.
‘Yes, it was fine,’ said Mari. ‘But, Fliss – I’ve got something to tell you.’
‘What?’
‘Well – it looks like Tom is going out with Samantha.’
Fliss’s stomach seemed to drop through the floor. ‘What?’ she whispered.
‘I know. I didn’t believe it at first, but she was all over him at the rehearsal. And then – well, are you sure you want to hear this?’
‘Yes.’ Fliss sank onto her bed. This was it – this was her punishment for turning him down the other day. ‘Tell me everything.’
‘Well, Samantha came in looking like the cat that got the cream. All soft and purring. I nearly punched her silly face in, she was so annoying. Kept saying “Oh, Tom, did I leave my script at yours yesterday?” And picking imaginary bits of dirt off his T-shirt. She kept interrupting as we were doing the scene too, giving Tom advice and calling him “honey” all the time. Even Candy got annoyed. Told her if she couldn’t keep quiet, she’d have to go outside.’
Fliss swallowed. ‘Did it work?’
‘Yeah, for a while. We got the scene done anyway. I have to say, Fliss, I can see why you like him so much. I know I’ve always said he’s good-looking, but there’s mor
e to him than that. He really listens properly when you say something. Most boys pretend they’re listening, but they’re not really – they’re waiting for you to stop talking so they can say whatever it is they want to say.’
‘Mari . . .’
‘Yes, sorry. Anyway, my point is that I made a suggestion in the scene, and Tom was really nice about it. It didn’t work, what I said, but he was willing to have a go. Not all stuck up about it. Samantha didn’t like it – in fact, I think it was because of her that my idea didn’t work, but never mind.’ Mari took a breath. ‘We got to the end of the rehearsal, and I was pretty shattered. The Nurse does a lot of waffling in that scene, and Candy’s directed it so that Tom and the other boys do a lot of skipping around me, if you see what I mean. I get pulled from one side of the stage to the other. So by the time Candy called it a day, I was gasping for some water. I went out into the corridor – you know that water fountain thing they’ve got? The one you should never let your lips touch in case you catch something? I swear they should get a proper water cooler thingy . . .’
‘Mari!’
‘Sorry. So I was having a drink there, and all the others came out of the studio except Tom and Samantha. And I’d left my bag in there, so I had to go back. And . . . oh, Fliss, I’m so sorry.’
Fliss closed her eyes. ‘Just tell me.’
‘They were there. The two of them – standing in the middle of the room. Snogging each other’s face off.’
Fliss hadn’t even realized she’d been holding her breath, but now she let it out in a shallow sigh.
‘Fliss? You still there?’ Mari waited for a moment, but Fliss didn’t reply. ‘I’m so sorry, Fliss. They’re definitely together. Samantha looked up and saw me watching, and she just smiled at me. I mean – ooh, I was so mad. On your behalf, I mean. She’s such a cat. She’s had her claws into Tom for weeks. And I guess – well – I guess he’s finally given in to her.’ Mari paused again, but Fliss was still silent. ‘He doesn’t deserve you,’ said Mari. ‘He’s not worth it. If he can be taken in by a – a weasel like Samantha, then—’
‘Thanks for letting me know,’ said Fliss in a small voice.
‘Oh, Fliss, don’t be sad. He’s not worth it, really. There’ll be someone better just round the corner. I know it.’
‘Yeah.’ Fliss hung up.
‘You OK?’ asked Tom. ‘You look a bit – I dunno. Ill or something.’
‘I’m fine,’ said Fliss. For the first time since rehearsals started, she wished she wasn’t playing Juliet. Any part but that. She’d even gladly swap with Victoria and be in the Chorus. Anything so that she didn’t have to look at Tom as though she were in love with him. Knowing all the time she couldn’t have him. It felt like months since she’d heard the news about Tom and Samantha, but in reality it was only ten days. Ten days in which she’d cried herself to sleep, attended a rehearsal with Mari, concentrated so hard on her lines she’d left her bag behind in the studio . . . Fliss felt as though she was the unluckiest person in the world. The joy of getting the part of Juliet now felt like a dream. This rehearsal was going to be a nightmare.
To make matters worse, Samantha was in her usual corner and staring intensely at Fliss again. Even when Fliss had her back to Samantha, she could feel the stare burning through her shoulder blades. It was giving her a headache.
Candy also peered at Fliss. ‘You do look a bit peaky. Are you feeling under the weather?’
Fliss shook her head. ‘I’m fine. Honestly.’
‘I’ll reschedule the rehearsal if necessary,’ said Candy. ‘Though actually we’re on a tight one as it is. I’m not sure there’s much extra time available.’
‘I said I’m fine,’ snapped Fliss. ‘Can we just get on with it?’ She was being unreasonable, she knew. But there was simply no point postponing the rehearsal; it would have to be done at some point. And Fliss had too much professional pride to make things difficult for Candy. She bit her lip, tried to ignore the smirk on Samantha’s lips, and turned to focus on Candy.
‘Right,’ said Candy, ‘well, if you’re OK then, we’ll make a start. Now, it’s the morning after the night before, if you see what I mean. Romeo and Juliet have got married. He’s killed her cousin, but she’s so deeply in love with him she can’t give him up. He’s about to be banished from the area, so she doesn’t know when she’ll see him again. They’ve consummated their marriage – you know what that means?’
Fliss and Tom nodded. Fliss blushed.
‘So,’ said Candy. ‘They’ve slept together for the first time – it’s a big deal for Juliet in particular. And they’ve woken up quite early, and Romeo needs to be off very quickly, because if he’s found in the area he could be executed.’
The door banged and Mari came in. ‘Sorry I’m late,’ she said, flustered. ‘Got on the wrong bus by mistake.’
Samantha snorted. Mari ignored her.
‘Take a seat,’ said Candy. ‘You’re not on for a while anyway.’ She turned back to Tom and Fliss. ‘I’ve split this scene for rehearsal purposes because Juliet has a long conversation with her mother after this bit and it seemed daft to have you sitting around for it, Tom. And Sarah’s gone down with hayfever, so she’s not feeling too great either.’ Candy sighed. ‘I always think rehearsing in the holidays means that everyone will be able to come to all the rehearsals. But it never works out that way, does it?’
‘Is Sarah OK?’ asked Fliss. Sarah was playing Lady Capulet, Juliet’s mother, and although Fliss and Sarah got on well, Fliss found it very annoying that Sarah kept mixing up her lines. ‘Oh, it doesn’t matter,’ Sarah had said when Fliss had mentioned it. ‘As long as you get the general idea across, isn’t that the point?’ Fliss had bitten her lip and kept quiet.
‘I hope so,’ said Candy. ‘She’s got a bright red nose and keeps sneezing, but she said the doctor has given her some new medicine, so let’s hope that works.’ She gave a rueful smile. ‘But one step at a time, right? So let’s get on with it. You’re both in Juliet’s room, and for the purposes of this scene, you have to imagine the window at the back. Romeo goes out of the window halfway through so that he won’t be discovered. Right?’
‘Right,’ said Tom.
It was the hardest thing Fliss had ever had to do. She tried to imagine away the real world, just as she usually did when playing a part. But although she could imagine away Candy and Mari, she still felt the burning of Samantha’s gaze.
Candy stopped the rehearsal. ‘Fliss, what’s wrong? I’m not getting the usual level of performance from you.’
Unconsciously, Fliss’s gaze flicked towards Samantha, who was doodling on her script and looking smug. Candy followed her eyes. ‘Ah. But we’ve talked about this, haven’t we?’
Fliss nodded miserably. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll try again.’
They started the scene again, but every time Tom went to touch Fliss – on the arm, on the cheek – she flinched away. After a few moments, her jitters got to him and he stopped trying to touch her at all. ‘Tom,’ said Candy in exasperation, ‘now you’re doing it. You’re supposed to be in love, you two. You look like you hate each other.’
Tom pulled a face. ‘I’m sorry. I guess . . .’ His eyes went to Samantha.
She looked up. ‘What?’
‘Maybe . . .’ said Tom hesitantly. ‘I mean – you and I are going out.’
‘So?’ Samantha’s gaze hardened.
‘Well, it’s a bit awkward,’ said Tom. ‘Doing this scene in front of you.’
Samantha stood up. ‘Are you saying you want me to leave?’ Her voice was as steely as her eyes.
Fliss felt herself shrink. She hated this kind of confrontation.
‘I’m just saying,’ Tom went on in a placatory tone, ‘that maybe it would be easier if . . .’
‘Stop right there,’ said Samantha, holding up her hand. ‘I get it. You don’t want me watching while you snog her. Fine. If you can’t handle it – if you can’t be professional . . . well.’ Words seemed to fai
l her. She glared one last time at Fliss, picked up her bag and stomped out, tossing her hair.
There was a short silence. Candy cleared her throat. ‘I’m not sure that was entirely the right thing to do, Tom.’
Tom cast an agonized glance at Fliss. ‘Sorry,’ he said, although he didn’t seem sure what for. ‘I mean . . .’ He looked at the door. ‘I think I should . . .’ he said. And then, shaking his head, he went after Samantha.
Mari let out an annoyed sigh.‘What a drama queen,’ she said. ‘Honestly.’
‘Mari,’ said Candy, ‘please would you take a short break? I need to have a word with Fliss.’
Mari opened her mouth.
‘Now,’ said Candy.
Mari shrugged and went out.
‘Fliss,’ said Candy gently, ‘this isn’t just about Samantha, is it?’ She sighed. ‘I think you should tell me how you feel about Tom.’
Fliss went pale. ‘What?’
‘You like him, don’t you? I can see it in the way you look at him – or don’t look at him.’
Fliss tried to laugh. ‘That’s acting.’
‘No it isn’t. I can tell the difference.’ Candy sighed. ‘It’s impacting on your performance. I see that Samantha and Tom are dating now, right?’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t think it’s a great idea while the play is going on, but she can be very persuasive.’
Fliss thought of Mari’s description of the two of them kissing in the studio. ‘Doesn’t seem like he needed much persuading.’
‘Maybe he thought she was the only option.’ Candy put her head on one side. ‘It’s none of my business, Fliss, except that it sort of is because of the play. I can see this has made things more difficult for you. But if you can’t play convincingly opposite Tom, well – the whole thing falls apart. I don’t have time to re-cast. You know that.’
‘I know.’
‘So you have to make some kind of decision,’ said Candy. ‘I know it’s hard for you, but if you want to do yourself justice, you have to forget everything that’s happening outside the play. Forget Samantha. Forget the fact she’s going out with Tom. I know that’s hard . . .’ Fliss gave a small smile. ‘But you have to stay focused.’
