by Ellen Potter
That boy is wicked shaaap.
There was a lot of delicious food at the potluck. Mr. Aronson brought clam chowder, and Mrs. Spratt brought meatballs. Mrs. Pennypocket brought her baked beans, and the ship’s steward, Gillian, made Hawaiian chicken. Camilla’s family made mac and cheese, and Jacob and his dad made lobster stew. Everybody was so busy munching that no one talked. All you could hear was slurping and chomping and everyone enjoying their food. Except for me. I couldn’t enjoy any of it because I just kept thinking about how it was going to break my heart to watch that pie being served without me.
After everyone had finished eating, Mom put her napkin on her plate and stood up. I knew exactly where she was going. She was getting ready to cut up the pies. Dad caught me peeking at the pies on the counter.
“Piper, you know you won’t be able to eat the pecan pie, right?” he said.
“I know.”
I felt my face starting to crumple up again.
“I made some fudge, Piper,” said Nora Bean.
I nodded, but I didn’t say anything because if I did I was going to start bawling like a big boo-hooing baby and then Allie O’Malley would see.
“I made three different kinds,” Nora Bean said. “I made cookie-dough fudge and candy-cane fudge, and coconut fudge.”
Oh.
That candy-cane fudge gave me an idea because it reminded me of the candy-cane bathroom soap.
I popped up out of my chair.
“Where are you going?” Dad asked.
“Bathroom.” I quick ran past the galley to the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs, there was another door, and when I opened that, I was in the lower deck.
I had never been in the Sea Star’s lower deck before. The ship’s engine sounded very loud down here. There were lots of cabins, so I walked down the hall until I saw one that had “HEAD” painted on it in big red letters. “Head” is what you call a ship’s bathroom. I ducked inside and locked the door.
Now I can just hide out here until after Mom serves the pie, I thought. That way I won’t have to watch the whole tragedy with my own eyes, and no one can see me crying, especially Allie O’Malley.
I tried to keep myself busy. First I looked in the mirror and did a snarl. But that made me feel crummy all over again because it reminded me that I wasn’t going to be able to say, “Shiver me timbers, be ye like some pie?”
I spotted the candy-cane hand soap that Camilla had told me about. The bottle was even striped red and white. I squirted some of the soap in my hand and sniffed it. It smelled exactly like a candy cane. I washed my hands with it a few times, and then I licked my hands, but they didn’t taste very good.
After that, there wasn’t much to do except listen to the ship’s engine rumbling.
Suddenly, the door latch jiggled. After that, there was a knock.
“I’m in here!” I called out.
“It’s an emergency!” a voice yelled back.
I knew that voice. It was Allie O’Malley. She has about twenty emergencies every day in school.
But if I came out now, Mom would probably still be serving that pie.
“I’m not done yet!” I called.
“Is that you, Piper?” Allie said.
I just ignored her. I wasted some more time by seeing how long I could hold my breath. It turned out not very long. Then I made up a joke. Here it is: what do you get when you cross a monkey with a tornado?
A dizzy monkey.
That made me laugh out loud.
Allie pounded on the door very hard.
“I hear you laughing in there, Piper Green! You’d better let me in or I am going to have an accident and it will be your fault!” Allie shouted.
“I’m almost done!” I called back.
I flushed the toilet to make it more realistic. It didn’t flush with a regular handle. You had to flush it by pressing a red button just above the toilet seat.
PHOOOOOOOOOSH!!!
Boy, Camilla was not even kidding! That thing sounded like a twelve-foot giant was drinking a Slurpee through a tiny straw!
I flushed it again.
PHOOOOOOOOOSH!!!
And again.
PHOOOOOOOOOSH!!!
It was when I flushed it the third time that the ship’s engine stopped rumbling and the lights went out.
“Oh no, oh no!” I squeaked. “I broke the ship!”
It must have been the third flush that did it.
“Why are all the lights off?” screamed Allie O’Malley from the other side of the door. “What’s going on?”
I wondered if I should just keep hiding right there in the bathroom because Captain MacArthur was going to be mad when he discovered that it was me who broke his ship.
But then I realized that the toilet was “the scene of the crime,” so I felt around in the dark for the door latch and I let myself out.
The hallway was so black I could hardly even see Allie, but I sure could hear her because she was screeching, “Turn on the lights, turn on the lights!”
“I can’t,” I told her. “I think the ship is broken.”
Allie got real quiet. After a moment, she whispered, “I’m afraid of the dark.”
I’m afraid of the dark too. But it’s not as scary if someone else is more terrified than you are.
“It’s okay, Allie. We’ll just go back upstairs. I’ll go first.”
I put my arms in front of me and started walking. Allie grabbed the back of my dress to hold on to me. I walked very, very slowly and patted the wall until I felt a metal door. I pulled on the handle until the door opened.
“Where are we?” asked Allie.
“I’m not sure,” I said as we walked through the door.
It was so dark, I couldn’t see if the stairs were there. I couldn’t tell where the door was either, so I wandered around, trying to find my way out. Allie held on to my dress.
“Oooooh, I don’t like this,” she said with a panicky voice. She sounded like she might be about to cry.
Suddenly, I had a brainchild. That’s when a smart idea pops out of your brain. I remembered what Dr. Dagan had told me about how pirates wore eye patches to keep one eye adjusted to the dark. I quick switched the pirate patch to my other eye, and guess what? That Dr. Dagan actually knew what she was talking about. I really could see! It was shadowy, but I could tell what things were.
“It’s okay, Allie, because I can see in the dark now,” I told her.
“That’s not funny, Piper Green,” she said angrily.
“But it’s true. I can see with my pirate eyeball.” I looked around. “This cabin has shelves full of cans and jars,” I told her to prove that I could see. “And over here is a refrigerator with a latch on it. Probably so it won’t open if the ship gets tippy.” I flipped the latch and opened the fridge. Even though the little fridge light didn’t come on, I could still see everything inside of it. “There’s milk and butter and whipped cream and eggs and packages of cheese.”
Allie was quiet for a minute. Then she said, “Do you think you can get us back upstairs?”
“Yup,” I said, very sure of myself. “Take my hand.”
Allie held my hand, and I led the way out of that cabin and back down the hallway. We walked past two doors. When we got to the third door, I stopped and opened it.
“Wait. How do you know this is the right way?” Allie asked.
“Because I’m a pirate, ain’t I?!” I said in my best pirate voice.
Also, the word “STAIRS” was painted on the door.
We had to go up the stairs very slowly since Allie couldn’t see them and I had to tell her when to step up. We were almost to the top when someone shined a flashlight down on us.
Uh-oh.
Because the guy holding the flashlight was Captain MacArthur.
“Hi, Captain,” I said.
“Piper? Allie? What are you two doing down there?” he asked.
“Um. I think the ship got broken,” I said nervously. “It might have somethi
ng to do with the toilet.”
“The toilet?” He laughed. “No, it’s just the generator. I’m going down to have a look in the engine room. Are you two okay? It’s pitch-black down there. How did you find your way upstairs?”
“Because Piper has a pirate eyeball!” said Allie excitedly. “She didn’t need a flashlight or anything. She can actually see in the dark! It was totally amazing!”
I was shocked because that girl never has anything good to say about me.
Even though Captain MacArthur was shining the flashlight for us, Allie didn’t let go of my hand until we got to the top of the stairs.
I guess she’s just the kind of person who is nicer in the dark.
It only took a few minutes for Captain MacArthur to get the power back on again. Everyone clapped. The power must have gone out right before Mom served the pie because there were plates of sliced pecan pie lined up on the galley’s counter. I looked at all those slices of pie, but instead of feeling tragic, I had another brainchild. A really good one.
First I went to the ship’s steward, Gillian, and asked if I could use something from the fridge downstairs. “I saw it when Allie and I were down there in the dark.”
“Of course,” she said.
I ran down the stairs, and in a minute, I came back up again. Standing in front of the room, I made my finger into a hook, and with the other hand, I held up a can of whipped cream. Then I called out, “Excuse me, everybody, I have something to say!”
People stopped talking and looked at me. In my best pirate voice, I asked, “Shiver me timbers, be ye like some whipped cream with yer pie?”
Almost everyone did!
Mom served her pie, and I squirted whipped cream on each slice. I was very careful not to touch the pie with my fingers, of course. And the best part was I could make all kinds of shapes with the whipped cream. I made everyone a special shape that was just for them.
“Give me a cat,” said Isabelle, one of the nutjob little kids.
“I want a turtle,” said her brother, Sam.
I made a smiling face for Mr. Aronson because he has a nice big smile. “Well, look at that!” Mr. Aronson said, and he smiled that nice smile and it matched his pie face exactly.
I made Jacob a heart. That’s because I’m going to marry him someday.
I made his dad a lobster, and I made Mrs. Pennypocket a tree. It looked like the Fairy Tree, and she gave me a secret wink. I made Nora Bean a pig because she has a pig named Mrs. Snortingham.
For Uncle Mack, I made a lobster boat.
Well, it looked a little bit like a hot dog wearing a hat, but Uncle Mack guessed what it was anyhow.
When I was finished, Mom and I watched everyone talking and laughing as they dug into their piece of pie.
“Nice job, Captain Hook. I’m wicked proud of you.” Mom kissed the top of my head. “Looks like you’re Pie Girl after all.”
“I’m something even better than Pie Girl,” I said.
“You are?” Mom said.
“Yup. I’m Whipped Cream Girl!”
The next day, Mom and I made another pie. This was a pie that I could actually eat.
When it was done, Mom took a tasting bite.
“Mmm!” she said. It was a real “Mmm” too, not just the kind that is being polite. “Who would have thought this would be so delicious?”
Then Leo, Dad, and I all took tasting bites and we all said “Mmm” and we all really meant it.
“Can I take a couple of slices over to Mrs. Pennypocket?” I asked Mom.
“Of course.” She cut two fat slices and put them on a plate. I carried the plate across the yard, but when I got to the Fairy Tree, I stopped. I put the plate down on the ground and picked up one slice of pie. Very carefully, I climbed the Fairy Tree and settled into the crook.
“Hi, fairies,” I said into the hole in the trunk. “It’s me, Piper. Thanks again for the pirate eye patch. If I didn’t have the eye patch, I never would have had a pirate eyeball. And if I didn’t have a pirate eyeball, I never would have been Whipped Cream Girl. And guess what? Captain MacArthur said I was the hit of the party.” I held the pie up to the fairy hole. “I brought something for you guys. It’s a kind of pie you’ve never had before. I know because I invented it. It’s called lumpkin pie. It’s pumpkin pie with lumps of Marshmallow Fluff on top.”
I put the lumpkin pie in the fairy hole.
“Also, I made up a new song. I think you’re really going to like it. Ready? Okay, here it is…
“Whipped cream, whupped cream, pile it high.
Perfect on pudding,
Better on pie.
Squiggle it, sploosh it, make a big swirl.
Hunka munka, Whipped Cream Girl!”
THE END
Although she doesn’t ride a lobster boat to work, Ellen Potter can look out her window and see islands, just like the one Piper lives on. Ellen is the author of many books for children, including the award-winning Olivia Kidney series. She lives in Maine with her family and an assortment of badly behaved creatures. Learn more about Ellen at ellenpotter.com.
Qin Leng was born in Shanghai and lived in France and Montreal, where she studied at the Mel Hoppenheim School of Cinema. She has received many awards for her animated short films and artwork, and has published numerous picture books. Qin currently lives and works as a designer and illustrator in Toronto.
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