Shouts of “Retrial!” and “Free her!” rang through the air. Judge Themis raised her hands and the audience simmered down.
“Makario, this comes as a huge surprise,” she said. “You’re one of the most diligent young legal minds in our land. And your father, Cranus, is our longest-standing Council member.”
Cranus was Marco’s dad? I imagined having such a cruel parent and my heart throbbed with pity.
Marco held his head up high. “I’m ashamed to say that it’s true,” he said.
Judge Themis turned to the Council benches. “Cranus, can you confirm this is true?”
But Cranus wasn’t sitting on the benches. He was nowhere to be seen. While we were all distracted by Marco, he must have slipped off.
Judge Themis motioned a pair of guards forward. She muttered instructions that we couldn’t hear. The guards jogged out of the auditorium.
“Judge Themis, you must overturn Helen’s punishment!” It was Athena. She stood up and glided over to the podium.
While they talked, Marco turned around to face me. Seeing his face jolted the anger out of me, but only for a few seconds. It must have shown on my face because when I turned to him, he stepped back. Like he was scared of me.
Good. He had every reason to be nervous.
“Do you have any idea how much you’ve put me through?” I said through gritted teeth. “I’ve lost everything. All because of you and your snake of a father,” I spat.
“I can’t apologize enough, Helen. That’s why I’m here. I want to put things right.”
I didn’t care about his apology. He’d left it until the very last moment to have a change of heart.
“You targeted me, gained my trust. You betrayed me.” I sniffed, not bothering to hold back the tears.
“That’s not exactly how it happened,” Marco stammered. “I didn’t target you. You didn’t feature in the plan at all. Not at first. But you caught my eye, and I couldn’t not approach you.”
I wiped away the tears pooling under my chin.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“When Father found out that I met you, he suggested that I should get to know you better. That you might let your secret slip. To me.”
Cranus knew I was the weak link. The half-mortal. I hated that I had proved him right, even if I was tricked.
“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I hate myself and will continue to hate myself for a long time to come.”
I could feel my cheeks burning. Just thinking about the sweet emails and kisses and longing glances that we shared, that he must have faked. Shame consumed my entire body. I couldn’t stand to think how desperate I must have looked. All Marco had to do was fake the slightest interest in me, and I was putty in his hands.
I looked up to meet his eyes. I had to ask.
“Was any of it real?”
“I wasn’t truthful about my background or motives,” he said. “But nothing else was a lie. How I feel about you … it was never a lie. I couldn’t live with myself, knowing that your life would be turned upside down. Because of me. No one deserves that fate. Least of all you, Helen.”
I knew he was telling the truth, but nothing stirred inside of me. He had betrayed my trust, and worse, my family. What he did was unforgivable.
“Your attention, please,” Judge Themis called from the podium. “This new evidence from Makario is quite startling. Lady Helen did not reveal her family’s immortal status to a mortal after all. Therefore, I hereby overturn your sentence,” Judge Themis said.
The Bough of Demeter withered and crumbled before my eyes. I ran to the gods’ box and hugged Dad. I was free!
“Well, well,” Hades said with a chuckle. “That was a lucky escape, Helen.”
My tears soaked Dad’s robe. “I thought my life was ruined!” I said between sobs.
“It was a close call,” said Eros.
Aphrodite looked murderous. “I could strangle Cranus with my bare hands. To think I once gave him fashion advice!”
Judge Themis cleared her throat. She wasn’t finished. “However. Makario, you must face punishment,” she said. “You knowingly assisted your father. You were aware of his deceit.”
Marco nodded. “I was, Judge Themis. I knew what I was doing.”
“Oh dear,” Dad muttered under his breath. I looked around at the courtroom, which had turned silent. What was about to happen?
The judge sighed. “Very well. You know the punishment. You are sentenced to a lifetime on Mount Olympus. You may never enter the mortal realm again,” she said. “I’m very disappointed in you.”
I’d never watch him sip espressos in Cafe Gio’s or show him my favourite bus routes around London. We’d never go ice skating under the stars or eat sticky food until our bellies hurt.
He’d sacrificed that for me.
I knew he was making up for his lies, but tears still sprang to my eyes. I’d probably never see Marco again. His sentence made sure of that.
Before I could catch one last look at his face, Dad put his arm around me. We left the courtroom through arched entrances. I couldn’t wait to go home.
“Now, Helen, I must ask something else of you. We’re having a little party at home to celebrate. Are you too tired to join us?”
A nap was the last thing on my mind. My nerves were on edge and my head swam. Did that just happen?
In the last hour, my immortal ex-boyfriend had appeared out of nowhere, admitted that he’d tricked me, and secured my (rightful) freedom. With the whirlwind events of the last hour, I felt like I’d never sleep again.
I sighed. “I can deal with a party. But can I have a shower first?”
FORTY-FOUR
We bundled into taxis (no chauffeur-driven cars this time) and drove home together, as a family. I never thought I’d be so happy to see the house. It felt like weeks, rather than two days, since we’d left for the trial.
I immediately went upstairs to get changed. Hopefully I’d never have to wear that cotton toga again. After I showered and dressed, I came down to the living room. Dad, Aphrodite, Athena, Apollo and Eros were there, laughing, chatting and singing. They made enough noise for thirty people. I didn’t mind, though. It was the warmest and liveliest the house had ever felt.
I found a space on the sofa next to Athena. I don’t know what I would have done without her guidance that weekend.
“Gosh,” I sighed. “Imagine if Marco didn’t do the right thing today? My life would be over.”
“There are worse punishments, believe me. A lifetime on Mount Olympus is nothing compared to Hades or Tartarus,” Athena said. “There, you’d have pure air, wholesome food and a top-notch education.”
I shuddered at the word “wholesome”. Athena made Mount Olympus sound like a Swiss boarding school. I’d never swap that for North London, even if the air pollution was asthma-inducing.
“And would I be accepted? Even though I’m half-mortal?”
“Mount Olympus has moved on quite a bit since my day,” Athena replied. “It’s true that at one time half-mortals were looked down upon. But no one really thinks like that. Not any more.”
I remembered the look that guard gave me when he called me a “half-lifer”, and the frosty reception I got from Phaedra and Flavian at the feast, but I decided not to argue. Athena wasn’t going to get it. She was 100% goddess, after all.
“Anyway, Helen, shouldn’t you be getting to bed soon? We can’t have you miss any more school,” she said.
“Nope,” I said grinning. “It’s half-term tomorrow. No school for a week!”
It was good to see my family smiling and laughing together for what felt like the first time in for ever. But I couldn’t quite enjoy myself. Despite everything, a part of me felt sorry for Marco. If only he’d told me he was immortal instead of following Cranus’s orders, I would have had someone to talk to. I wouldn’t have had to deal with the madness of my family alone.
A familiar wave of sadness reappeared. I couldn’t c
ry here, not when everyone was having a good time. I decided to slip upstairs for a bit of peace and quiet.
I switched my phone on and several days’ worth of notifications sent it into a frenzy. I was only interested in one update. Were my friends worried about me? I nervously opened the group chat and saw several “get well soon” messages. So they had worried about me. That was a relief. I wasn’t sure I deserved their sympathy after how I’d treated them.
I had to make sure things were OK between us. I typed into the group chat:
H: Hey lovelies! I’m feeling much better now. I miss you. Want to come over for a sleepover tomorrow night? Xx
I went back downstairs and joined the family, still celebrating our lucky escape.
“Hey, Dad? I have a favour to ask.”
FORTY-FIVE
The doorbell buzzed as I put the salted caramel cupcakes in the oven. I’d woken up early on a school holiday to begin Operation Forgive Me and make my friends smile. I’d even roped in half the family. The gods agreed to leave me home alone for the night, and they’d even helped with a few other surprises. I hoped it worked.
I opened the front door to let in Yasmin, Daphne and Noor. They’d arrived together. We all hugged and they asked if I was feeling better after my tummy bug. They were smiley and friendly but things weren’t the same. There was a definite tension between us. I had to be brave and address the issue.
We sat down in the living room. “Listen, I know that I’ve been a bit distant lately,” I said.
The girls went silent and exchanged glances. But they didn’t deny it.
“Moving back in with my dad, getting to know my new family … it’s been a lot of change for me. And I’m not very good at talking things over,” I continued.
“You’ve been kind of weird since DJ Sunny was on TV,” Noor admitted.
“And since you met Marco,” Daphne added. “You wouldn’t tell us anything!”
“We thought you went quiet on us because we weren’t as cool as Marco. We had a few theories,” Yasmin mumbled.
I thought about how much weirder my life had been, and how that looked from their perspective. My friends only saw the random days off school, my family’s fame and me being withdrawn. I never let them in.
“No way! Meeting you all has been the best thing about moving back to London. That first day in Miss Bloom’s English class … I was so nervous it was unreal. And you guys made me feel at home. It meant the world to me,” I said.
“Then why the disappearing act?” Daphne asked.
There was no easy way to answer that honestly.
“Things have been weird lately. I’m still adjusting to this new life with my dad.” I took a deep breath. “Also, Marco and I broke up.”
The girls gasped.
“When?!”
“Why?!”
“Do you need me to get Isaac to jump him?!”
“Slow down with the questions! It was never going to work out between us anyway,” I said. “And I’m doing OK.”
Daphne went over to my side of the sofa and put her arms around me. “I really wish you’d told us, Hels.”
“We just want to be here for you, babe,” Noor said.
“Sometimes I just can’t talk about things that easily,” I said. “I’m working on it, though.”
“Um, Helen,” Yasmin said. “Is something burning?”
The salted caramel cupcakes failed miserably (and Maria was going to kill me for ruining her baking tin). Luckily, the other surprises I had planned didn’t rely on my cooking skills.
As we waited for our pizzas to arrive, I told the group about their surprises.
“So you know how I’m really sorry for being a crap friend? I want to make it up to you properly,” I said.
“Aw, Hels, you don’t have to do that!” Yasmin said.
“Seriously, Helen, you don’t. No one needs to try your baking for the second time,” Noor said, laughing.
I raised my eyebrows. “You sure about that, Noor? Because I can always find another home for this.” I pulled a cardboard box from behind the sofa. “My big sis deleted her YouTube channel. She doesn’t need her state-of-the-art webcam any more. Plus there’s a load of untouched make-up in there. She’s assured me it’s good stuff.”
“Whoa, Noor, this is awesome!” Daphne said. “Now you’ve got no excuse not to start that YouTube channel.”
“Helen, this is sick!” Noor said, rooting through her box of goodies. It felt so good to see her happy.
“Daphs, this is for you,” I said, pulling out a huge shopping bag. “I remembered you saying you love all things vintage. Right?”
Aphrodite (reluctantly) let me choose a couple of old dresses from her vast wardrobe for Daphne. I picked the fifties-style dresses with full skirts.
Daphne pulled out a crimson number and unfurled it. “Where did you find this?! It’s beyond perfect,” she squealed.
“Don’t worry about that. If you love it then it’s yours,” I said. I turned to Yasmin. “Yas, I haven’t exactly got you a gift.”
“Oh please, Helen,” she said. “I owe you one for saving my life on New Year’s Eve.”
I gave her a look. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, you know that my other sister works in a law firm, right? She says you’re welcome to shadow her for work experience whenever you’re ready. And she’ll write you a reference, too!”
Yasmin’s jaw dropped. “Helen, are you for real?! This’ll help me so much when I’m applying for sixth-form colleges.”
“Honestly, girls, it’s the least I can do,” I said.
“Awesome as all of this is, you know it’s not necessary. Right?” Daphne said.
“Innit,” Noor said. “Just talk to us next time, dummy.”
I nodded. “Sounds like a deal.”
FORTY-SIX
I opened my front door and could hear arguing. Great. We’d been back home for less than two days but my family were already bickering.
“Eros, you’re getting ashes on the floor!” Maria said. I rushed into the kitchen and gave her a massive hug. I was so happy to see her.
“Helen! You must tell me all about this dreadful trial. Right after Eros gets rid of his flaming herbs.”
“Maria, it’s a sage cleanse,” he said. The acrid smell wafted in my face. Gross. “This house has seen a lot of … energy recently. This’ll sort out the atmosphere.”
I sat at the kitchen table while Maria shooed Eros out of the kitchen.
“My Snail Slime Serum arrived over the weekend!” Aphrodite dumped a package on the kitchen table. “You’ll help me test it, right, Helen? It’s the only hope for that spot on your forehead.”
Before I could answer, a DOOF-DOOF-DOOF sound boomed from the ceiling. Apollo was reunited with his DJ decks.
“Happy to be home, darling?” Dad wandered into the kitchen with his coffee mug.
I waved the sage smoke out of my face and grinned. Home.
Dear Mum,
I can start the letter with something positive, for once. I’m doing much better since I last wrote to you. To try and describe the last week in one letter would make my hand ache (and I’m sure you’d prefer I save that energy for my French homework).
Mum, I think I would have made you proud. I never in a million years thought I could be so brave. But I just kept putting one foot in front of the other like you taught me. I guess I’m much more like you than I thought.
Even though today is Valentine’s Day, the only card I’ll be getting is one from Eros. Marco is well and truly out of my life. It’s for the best. I think I’m going to swear off boys for a while. At least for a couple of months anyway…
Things are back to normal now. Or as normal as they’ll ever be. Apollo and Aphrodite are staying far away from fame. Dad is as passionate about junk sales and probiotic bacteria as ever, but he comes out of his office every now and then. We’re even going to try visiting somewhere other than a museum.
Let’s face it: I was never going to have a “no
rmal” family. My life with you never fitted into that category, but that didn’t make it any less wonderful.
One good thing to come out of this whole trial? Dad actually trusts me. I’m allowed to have friends over for sleepovers and everything! And Aphrodite is way easier on me. She doesn’t flip if I take too long in the bathroom, and she hasn’t tried to transform my hair in ages.
My family aren’t perfect, but they’re mine and they’ve got my back. Wherever you are, you don’t need to worry about me.
Love for ever,
Helen xxx
Q&A WITH THE AUTHOR,
ALEXANDRA SHEPPARD
What inspired you to write Oh My Gods?
Oh My Gods was inspired by a comedy-musical from 1946 called “Down to Earth” – my sisters and I watched it with my mum one Sunday afternoon, back when families typically had one TV per household so were forced to spend time together (ahh, the noughties). The film starred Rita Hayworth as a Greek muse, who, after finding out that a Broadway producer is about to spoof Greek mythology in his next play, comes down to earth disguised as a mortal actress in order to intervene. The film, truth be told, is forgettable. But the idea of Greek gods on earth has stuck with me ever since. This idea, combined with my evergreen love of angst-filled teen confessionals, was the source for Oh My Gods.
Have you always been interested in Greek mythology? What’s your favourite myth?
I’ve been interested in myths, folklore and legends for as long as I can remember – Indian, Egyptian and Caribbean stories are amongst my favourites. But Greek mythology’s impact is unrivalled, and the stories were constantly repackaged throughout my childhood. From Disney’s Hercules (yaaaas, gospel-singing goddess babes!) to Percy Jackson, I couldn’t get enough of the retellings.
My favourite myth? It’s impossible to choose just one. But the myth that I first remember reading over and over again is the story of Arachne, the skilled weaver who was turned into a spider by the jealous goddess Athena – and condemned to weave for ever! It’s a creative origin story combined with vengeful, petty behaviour. I love it.
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