Neutralizing, not displaying anything at all, is very difficult, especially when it’s about something we care about, which provokes a strong emotion in us that we want to keep hidden. This will often stiffen us up to the point where it’s obvious we’re hiding something, even if nobody can tell what we’re hiding. So we prefer to take the easier way out and mask it, pretending to feel something other than our genuine emotion. When we try to control our facial expressions, we tend to only use the lower portion of our faces, as you should know by now. This means that the area around the eyes, eyebrows, and forehead is free to display our true emotions, something we do unconsciously. For even when we make an effort to smile, the nose can wrinkle up in disgust over something. You’ve just read the chapter about emotions and learned what the signs displayed by our eyes, eyebrows, and forehead signify, no matter what we try to express with our mouths, so I won’t repeat that here.
The most commonly used mask to hide our emotions is a smile. Darwin, who wrote one of the seminal works on facial muscles and body language, offers a theory as to why this is. He claimed that we usually try to mask negative emotions, and that the use of muscles in smiling is the furthest removed from negative expressions.
Here, I showed you how to tell the difference between a fake smile and a genuine one. A genuine smile is always symmetrical: both corners of the mouth are raised equally as much; it can never be asymmetrical (assuming the person doesn’t suffer from some facial-muscle injury). A fake smile can be either symmetrical or asymmetrical, and so it can occur solely on one side of the face. If you observe a crooked smile, it’s therefore either a failed attempt at looking happy or actually a part of a different expression, like disgust or contempt. It also uses both the outer and inner part of the area around the eyes, which is almost impossible to do consciously.
Actors that are able to make a natural smile, including the eyes, usually do it by bringing to mind a positive memory, making them genuinely happy. Fake expressions of joy are also often given away by bad timing. They are assembled a little too quickly. A genuine expression of joy can take some time to be completed, and a fake one tends to also be displayed for too long.
Microexpressions can also appear in these situations. Personally, I think microexpressions play a huge part in our hunches about people. If we feel that somebody doesn’t like us, despite the person being nothing but polite on the surface, it is probable that our hunch was caused by body language and other unconscious communication that we’ve picked up on. But there is also some likelihood that we’ve noticed a microexpression that has told us what the person really feels about us. It may have been too quick for us to notice consciously, but our unconscious mind has plenty of time to register it.
Microexpressions are reliable leakage whenever they appear. However, some people don’t display them at all, while others do in some situations, but not in others, and so on. Not seeing any microexpressions in somebody is no guarantee that she isn’t trying to suppress an emotion, if that’s what you suspect. In that case, you’ll have to look for signs elsewhere.
The Eyes
It is commonly believed that you can tell when somebody is lying by observing the eyes. We think we know that shifty eyes, frequent blinking, and whether or not somebody looks us in the eyes is a sign that that person is lying. This isn’t necessarily wrong, but since everybody has heard of these things, it will often be the case that somebody who’s lying will actually look you in the eyes more than he would otherwise! Since most of us have been told that a liar won’t dare to make eye contact, a liar is likely to overcompensate instead.
There are some moods that cause our eyes to be averted in a natural way. We look down when we’re sad; we slant our heads down or lean them away when we feel shame or guilt; and we bluntly look away when we disapprove of somebody. A liar won’t do this, for fear of being exposed as a liar(!). The best liars avoid detection by knowing exactly when to turn their eyes away.
Another factor that has to do with the eyes is the size of the pupils. As I mentioned earlier, the pupils dilate when we feel emotions like appreciation or interest. Try to make sure that the size of the pupils matches the emotions that the person in question is claiming to feel. Somebody who is taking an active interest in something shouldn’t have pinpoint pupils, unless the sun is right in her eyes.
When somebody who is lying or under emotional pressure blinks, the eyes will often remain closed for longer than they do with somebody who is telling the truth. Zoologist Desmond Morris, who has also studied human behavior, has observed this phenomenon in police interrogations and claims that it is an unconscious attempt at shutting the world out.
How we move our eyes can also provide clues to the thoughts that go through our minds. We often use our memories when we think, but we are also capable of constructing new events, which we have never experienced, with our imaginations. This is what happens when we’re being creative, planning our futures, making up stories, and so on. Do you remember the EAC model for eye motions and sensory impressions? Check it out on pages here if you’ve forgotten it. It tells us that our eyes will make different motions depending on whether we are constructing a thought or remembering something. We’re constantly constructing thoughts, and sometimes constructing means we’re lying. If someone tells you about something she claims to have done or experienced, but her eyes suddenly go to the place they usually go when she is being creative, this would indicate that she is constructing a thought. You will need to ask yourself if there is any reason for this person to be using her creativity and imagination in that context. For example, if she says, “I had to work late, and since I would have been late for dinner anyway, I grabbed a pizza and a beer with Josh, but then I came straight home” and you observe a construction occurring when she says, “I grabbed a pizza and a beer with Josh,” it’s time for caution. There is obviously some kind of problem with this claim. It could be that you are the victim of a straight-up lie.
Maybe this is the reason for the cliché about liars being afraid of eye contact. According to those who put faith in the EAC model, the eyes are moved when a lie is constructed, which will make it difficult for the liar to retain eye contact, as that would require him to look straight ahead. On the other hand, telling somebody about a memory you have while looking straight ahead (and maintaining eye contact) will usually work, since this eye position allows for visualizing previous memories.
Remember, the EAC model will only work as a lie detector if you can catch somebody in the act of constructing a lie as it is uttered. If somebody has had time to prepare for his lie, that is, construct it in advance, you may not see any difference, since the lie has become a memory, even though its content is still imaginary. And finally, let me remind you again that this model isn’t a general truth. There are plenty of exceptions to it, so before you make somebody sleep on the couch, make sure you can truly tell the difference in their particular behavior between remembering and construction.
CONSTRUCTION EXERCISE
Even if the EAC model doesn’t apply fully to everyone, most people still make some personal change in their behaviors or eye motions that indicate that they are mentally constructing an idea. You can perform the following exercise to improve your ability to spot somebody making a visual construction:
Step 1: Ask the person to visualize something, like in the earlier exercise with the Mona Lisa. Give her plenty of time to paint the full picture in her mind, which will also give you an opportunity to observe her eye motions.
Step 2: Now ask the person to imagine a new version of this image, one that doesn’t exist. Mona Lisa as painted by a five-year-old, for example. Again, give her enough time to get into this task and construct the image in as detailed a way as possible. In the meantime, you can observe if she follows the EAC model or not and see if you can find any other signs of construction.
Step 3: Feel free to do the exercise again to make sure the changes you observed are part of her consistent behavior and not frea
k events. (But remember to use a different picture the second time! Otherwise, there won’t be any construction in step 2, as she can simply remember her previously constructed memory.)
Hands
The farther away from the face we get, the easier it is for us to lie with our wordless signs, since the rest of our body isn’t as strongly connected to the emotional centers in our brain, and is under our control to a greater degree. So it’s a good thing we forget to do it, lie with them, that is. The hands are somewhere in between; we are quite aware of them, as we can see our hands most of the time, but they also provide a huge number of unconscious signs.
Desmond Morris refers to certain kinds of hand gestures as emblems. They work in exactly the same way words do: they are specific gestures, with specific meanings, known to all members of a certain culture. An example of this is the gesture Winston Churchill introduced, where the index and middle fingers are extended and the palm is turned forward. In most of the Western world, this is recognized as the sign “V for victory.” Lying with this kind of gesture is no problem, of course. There is no trouble at all making the victory sign when somebody asks you if your team won a game you actually lost big.
But sometimes we use these kinds of gestures unconsciously, in a kind of body language equivalent to a Freudian slip. When this kind of gesture appears as an unconscious slip, it is a good indicator of the true feelings somebody holds, for the simple reason that it is unconscious. These gestures can be hard to notice, though, as they will often be made in unusual body positions compared to how they are ordinarily used. An example of this is the gesture Paul Ekman discovered when he arranged for a number of students to be interviewed by an extremely unsympathetic professor. The unconscious gesture he discovered in several cases was a fist with an extended middle finger. The proverbial bird. But instead of being a conscious action, with a raised fist, the hand was rested on the knee, with the finger pointing to the floor. There was no doubt that this was a sign of strong dislike, despite the fact that the person who made the gesture was completely unaware of having made it.
Another common unconscious gesture is the shrug, which we make consciously to show that we don’t know, have an opinion about, or care about something. But instead of pulling up your shoulders, raising your hands, and turning the palms out at chest level, like you would ordinarily do it, the unconscious shrug is made with straight arms that hang down. The shoulder motion is left out or minimal, and the traces of the emblem that we see are the hands turning up or out at waist level.
Other kinds of hand motions are the ones we use to clarify what we’re talking about or to illustrate an abstract concept. Like when we draw a square in the air with our finger and say “it was completely square.” Almost everybody uses their hands when they speak, even though cultural and personal factors determine the frequency and intensity of such gestures. Scandinavians don’t use their hands much when they speak, and the Italians are the unrivaled masters of hand gestures. But just about everybody uses their hands to some degree, and we’re actually very dependent on this kind of gesture to understand others, even though we rarely note people’s hand gestures consciously.
It’s impossible to communicate with somebody who illustrates her words with the wrong hand gestures. When I give classes, I often illustrate this by making eye contact with somebody and asking the person what the time is while pointing at the window with my hand. The answer is invariably “Uhhh … huh?” even though the actual literal question is so simple to answer. But there are occasions when our use of hand gestures is minimal: when we are very tired, or very sad, or very bored, or when we really, really need to think about what we’re saying. And when we consider. Our. Every. Word. Carefully. Like when we lie.
Constructing new thoughts is a demanding internal process. When we need to focus on it, our external expressions will be subdued. Hand gestures are very distinctive expressions, and their absence is always obvious.
When I ask how we can tell if somebody is lying, there’s always somebody who mentions that liars scratch their noses. It’s actually true that hand gestures toward the face increase when you lie, but the most common one actually isn’t scratching your nose. That’s in second place. The most common gesture is covering your mouth, as if to stop the lie from getting out, or as if you were ashamed of what you’re about to say. It is likely that all the other hand gestures to the face—adjusting your glasses, tugging at your earlobe, scratching your nose—are actually the same basic gesture that has been deflected from the mouth, to do something less-suspect instead.
You can also see this kind of hand motion in people who are simply listening to somebody. We often cover our own mouth when we’re doubtful of something we’re being told, or when we don’t think we’re being told the truth. It’s easy to imagine a surprised person thinking “I can’t believe it!” with wide eyes, and covering her mouth with her hand. If you observe this behavior in somebody, it’s time to make an effort to be clearer and confirm the truth of what you’re saying. If you’re telling the truth, that is. If you’re not, you might get an itchy nose.…
Just like all the other signs of lying, the fact that somebody is scratching her nose doesn’t necessarily indicate anything more than an itchy nose. But if it happens repeatedly, it might be a good idea to start looking for other signs of lies or concealed emotions.
The Rest of the Body
Other things you might want to pay attention to are posture, legs, and feet. An interested person’s posture will make an alert impression, of course, while an uninterested person can’t help but shrink away a little. If it goes on for long enough, we may end up leaning against a wall or the edge of a table, until we realize how bored we look, and try to change things by coughing and adjusting our posture in a very obvious way.
We’re terrible at keeping track of which signals we’re giving off with our legs and feet. This is probably because we spend so much time with our legs hidden under tables and because we’ve learned to only look at people’s faces and ignore the rest.
A classic example of contradictory signs would be a travel agent who’s just spent forty minutes selling a nine-hundred-dollar holiday package to a young couple in love, but has been thinking about all the other holidays he could have sold for more money if he hadn’t been tied up with these kids. He is unconsciously kicking his foot toward them under the table, an obviously aggressive signal. Or another example would be the shy girl at a speed-dating session who’s trying to seem relaxed but has one leg wrapped tightly around the other underneath the table.
Gestural Slips
Lots of situations can cause nervous tension or stress. Sometimes it’s natural, like when we’re going for an important job interview, giving a speech at some big party, feeling really bored and restless, about to have our first child, starting school, or something like that. We call it “butterflies in the stomach.”
Something else that can also cause nervous tension, stress, and anxiety is lying about something that’s important. When we’re in this situation, we’re carrying around a lot of energy and anxiety, which has to find some release. If we try to not show anything at all and just focus on being completely cool, we’ll eventually start shaking. We could even faint if we tense up like that. So it’s better to keep busy doing something. There is a certain kind of action that is like a release system for anxiety and nerves: gestural slips. This kind of action is a clear sign that somebody has a lot of internal conflict or tension going on. Gestural slips are small, repetitive, and meaningless actions. For example, constantly clicking a ballpoint pen, tearing paper into small pieces, or tapping your fingers. Some research indicates that we have a great need to keep our hands constantly occupied, so it can sometimes be hard to determine if the behavior you’re observing in somebody is a gestural slip or not. So it’s important to confirm that it’s a recurring, repeated (looped) action.
Somebody who has found a good gestural slip with which to keep herself busy can seem as cool as a c
ucumber in every other respect. She may not even know why she just sorted all the toothpicks in the jar. But you can tell that it’s a sign of heavy internal stress. What you need to find out is if it is warranted or not.
Airports all over the world have staff that walk around looking for these very signs in travelers, to identify people who are afraid of flying but trying to hide it, since they could cause a problem once they’re on the plane. They’re often in the smoking lounge or, if there isn’t one, outside the terminal. (And since 9/11, nervous flyers have taken on a completely different dimension in a lot of countries.) The guy in the suit who knocks the ash off of his cigarette more often than he really needs to is one example. The sophisticated lady breaking all of the matches one by one before disposing of them in the ashtray is another. Smoking itself is, of course, sometimes a very obvious gestural slip, if it seems to happen mechanically, smoke after smoke, instead of being a short moment of pleasure for the smoker. In a conversation with me, the public relations officer at Arlanda Airport in Stockholm confirmed that the customs and security staff are also trained to be observant of these signals.
Remember, gestural slips can be completely natural. There are lots of situations in which we have a lot of energy that we can’t find any suitable release for, and it “sneaks out” in meaningless activities like tapping your fingers, biting your nails, or messing around with lit candles. There are also times in our lives when we’re constantly overcharged with more energy or frustration than we can release. Take a look at how a teenager exhibits gestural slips if she has to sit still for more than a fraction of a second.
The Art of Reading Minds Page 13
