by Anthology
She sat forward on the sofa and mounted her defense. “So what? It’s part of how I keep the bar solvent. See, you sort of need lesbians to run a lesbian bar. Otherwise, you have an empty space with lease payments piling up.”
“But I saw how uncomfortable it made Joanna. You left her hanging in the shadows like some anonymous troll while she watched you work the room. And I gotta be honest; you feed right into it, Court. You go way beyond hospitality; you’re a big ole flirt.”
Courtney wiped her face with her free hand, exhausted by the conversation. She was this close to inviting him to piss off, but right now, her best friend was all she had left. “I have to go now, Julian. Luckily, it’s Saturday, and I have to fill in for Wanda tonight, which is just what I need. I gotta escape all this relationship bullshit for a few hours.”
She slammed the phone down, realizing that her first choice for the afternoon, crying her eyes out on the loveseat, would’ve been more productive than her phone call to Julian. Joanna’s hang-ups were her problem, not Courtney’s. Let Joanna’s sister deal with her now. She was through.
* * *
As Joanna stood in her modest commercial kitchen, the stainless steel prep island inspired a graphic memory of the day she and Courtney met. But now wasn’t the time to drift into the past. She had four dozen mini pastry cups to stuff with lobster, shiitake mushroom, and herb filling. It was an original creation Courtney had taste-tested and given an enthusiastic seal of approval. Was there some hidden meaning in Joanna choosing that hors d’oeurve for the TV soap exec’s birthday party she was catering tonight in Belle Haven? Just another sign of how indelible a mark Courtney had made on her.
Zach, her culinary student assistant, carried in a large tray of kiwi and raspberry tarts.
“Hey, Jo, check these out,” he said with a proud grin. “Do you want me to load them into the van now?”
She kept slathering the creamy mixture into the pastries, oblivious to Zach.
“Jo,” he said louder. “Are you in or should I leave a message?”
“Sorry, Zach. I am kind of out of it today.”
“Oh, shit,” he said with a dramatic expression. “You moved out this morning. How’d she take it?”
“The best I can say is nothing got smashed.” Joanna stood up straight and gave her lower back a stretch. “I’m glad we have this party tonight.”
“I feel bad, Jo. That really sucks.” He pulled off a long sheet of industrial plastic wrap to cover the dessert tray. “I was psyched about the idea of you opening your own restaurant. You’d get all famous and I’d get to learn under an awesome chef in a real, live kitchen.” He dialed it down to an appropriate level. “You must be pretty bummed.”
She nodded and rubbed an itch on her chin with the back of her hand. “I’ll do it eventually on my own, but now I have to wait until I get everything straightened out with her.”
“Did she like back out on the idea or something?”
“No, she kept saying she wanted to, but it just never happened. She’s got those two clubs, you know? A person can’t be in three places at once.”
“Damn, she was hot, too,” he gushed, forgetting himself as he absently patted his bulging pectoral. “I’d love to be a lesbian for a day.”
Joanna glared at him as she pulled off a large sheet of plastic wrap for her tray.
“Sorry,” he said. “Like I need to tell you. You’re the one who had her.”
“Zach,” she snapped. She inhaled a deep, calming breath through her nose and blew it out her mouth. “Can we just change the subject please? Let’s talk about your love life. How’s Becca doing these days?”
“Great, except she won’t leave me alone. She calls me twenty-four seven, wants to spend every waking moment with me, but I’ve got work and school. I love her, but I wish she’d find something to occupy herself and give me a little space.”
“Be careful what you wish for,” Joanna warned. Her stomach suddenly dropped when she remembered she’d be going home to her sister’s house in Stamford rather than to Courtney after the soap exec’s shindig.
“Well, look on the bright side,” Zach said, his chiseled face goofy with optimism. “These entertainment industry gigs are usually full of gay people. Now you can go for it.” He smiled even bigger than Joanna thought possible.
No, he did not just say that. She shot him a baffled look.
“What?” he asked innocently.
She tried not to smile but couldn’t help it. “Just load the damn van, okay?”
* * *
Lucy was distressed, darting back and forth from one end of the bar to the other as the Saturday night crowd at Tango started pouring in. It was after ten-thirty when Courtney meandered through the masses over to the bar.
“Where the hell is Wanda?” Lucy shouted over the throbbing house music as she squirted club soda and Coke into separate glasses.
“She’s not feeling well. Guess you’ll have to make do with the boss tonight.”
“I’d make do with anyone right now. Get your butt back here.”
Courtney forced a smile and joined Lucy behind the bar. Forcing Joanna and her hang-ups out of her mind was another story. She’d stared at the television most of the day, floating in and out of lucidity as Oliver perched on her chest at intervals. Joanna’s departure had left her numb; not even her tear ducts functioned properly. It was after seven o’clock when Courtney had finally dragged her ass off the couch and jumped into the shower. The hour or so drive down to the Village, dodging love songs on seemingly every radio station, did little to distract her.
“What can I get you, beautiful?” she asked an African-American woman with dangling jewelry.
“I’ll take a Cosmo, that is unless you’re tonight’s special,” the older woman replied. She casually licked her front teeth as she inventoried Courtney from the neck down.
“No, that was last night.” Courtney flirted. “But I’ll make you a Cosmo that’ll rock your world.”
“Mmm-mmm, bring it, baby.”
Holy shit. Was Julian right? No, I’m just friendly. It’s my job.
As Courtney mixed the Cosmo, Jade, a petite, wild-haired regular with curve-hugging jeans and cat eyes shoved through to Courtney’s side of the bar.
“Hey, gorgeous,” Jade drawled. “How about a Stoli Razberi, ice cold?”
“You got it,” Courtney replied with her signature wink.
Jade hopped on a recently vacated stool and took a swig of her cocktail. “So what’s new with you?” she asked when Courtney reappeared with several bottles of Corona for a young jock stuffed in sideways against the bar.
“You know, same old,” Courtney offered Jade. “Thanks, girls,” she said with an alluring grin to the jock’s entourage of college girls. P. R. work she had called it once when Joanna asked why she laid it on so thick with the newcomers.
“So Court, can you get some breakfast at the diner after closing, or do you have to head right home to Mama?” Jade teased before Courtney had a chance to escape.
The “Mama” comment hurt. She knew Jade had called Joanna that out of jealousy, but now that Joanna was gone, it was like twisting the knife. “I’m pretty tired. I’m only here because Wanda’s sick. Take a rain check though,” she added for good measure.
“Yeah, I’m getting sick of your rain checks, honey. You live in the Brazilian jungle or something?” Jade said. She looked offended. “I’m gonna do a lap or two around. Maybe I’ll find myself a chick who’ll appreciate all this.” She leapt off her stool, whipped auburn curls around and displayed herself like the grand prize on a game show.
“Have fun,” Courtney said with a salute.
Lucy wandered over. “She’s relentless, isn’t she?”
“Some people only want what they can’t have,” Courtney replied, wondering if she was really referring to Jade after all.
“But she’s seen Joanna in here with you a million times. She knows you two are a couple.”
Courtney tos
sed her dish towel on the counter and rubbed her tired eyes. “Were a couple.” The words sounded as eerie as it felt saying them.
“What? Are you shitting me?” Lucy asked.
Courtney glared at her. “Do I look like I’m shitting you?”
“Man, I can’t believe it. I mean I know she hasn’t been in here for a while, but I never suspected… Did this just happen or what?”
“It’s been slowly happening for several months, but she moved out this morning.”
“I’m sorry, Court. Are you all right?”
Courtney nodded and popped open two Millers for an older lesbian couple, Saturday night regulars, so perfect together it was easy to forget they were separate people. For the first time, Courtney had actually taken notice.
“At least you know when you’re ready, there’s plenty to choose from here,” Lucy said.
Courtney glanced around at the variety of faces and frowned.
“I’m sorry. That was unbelievably insensitive,” Lucy said.
“It’s okay,” Courtney replied. Lucy was right, but what did it matter? It was like showing up at a buffet with a stomach bug. True, she could have her pick of Tango’s finest, but the only woman she wanted was Joanna.
* * *
It was after two a.m. when Joanna finally collapsed into the downy flannel sheets on the queen-size bed in her sister Nancy’s guest room. It felt unnatural alone, without Courtney spooning against her and Oliver balled up between their legs.
She was exhausted, her head a bowling ball indenting the pillow, yet she couldn’t sleep. When she closed her eyes, a vivid silent movie reel from the day she met Courtney rolled against her eyelids. She was too sapped to stop it.
When Courtney had walked into the cramped store-front reception area of Joanna Hilliard Catering, Joanna’s stare bordered on rude. She couldn’t look away from the young woman’s creamy skin and dazzling smile, scruffy sun-bleached hair, and toned deltoids rounding off the short sleeves of her Tango baby doll tee.
As they huddled at the round table discussing menu options, Joanna had trouble focusing on business. She kept saying things like excuse me or what was that whenever Courtney would lean closer, accidentally bump her knee into Joanna’s, or lick her full, glossy lips.
“Do you see anything else you want?” Joanna asked and knew by Courtney’s cocky grin, she’d better be careful about how she turned a phrase around this one.
“Oh, you mean on the menu?” Courtney teased.
“Yes, Ms. Wade, on the menu,” Joanna said with contrived professionalism. She tried not to smile. This kid had some nerve.
“Nope, I think I’m all set.” Courtney got up and tucked her shirt into her jeans with her thumb.
“I’m sure everything’s going to be delicious. My mouth’s watering already.”
“Okay, then. That’s all we need for now.” Joanna played it ultra cool. She clicked her pen, stuck it behind her ear and folded up Courtney’s deposit, flipping shut her leather-bound writing tablet. Joanna had been single and contented for over two years, but this girl had her grappling for any reason to extend the conversation. “So give me a call if you change your mind about anything. I’m very flexible.”
“That’s good to know,” Courtney said with a lustful gleam.
Joanna blushed, but quickly recouped. “So did you find me in Yellow Book?”
Courtney shook her head. “Word of mouth. I hear you’re the best.”
Joanna walked her to the door. “Really? From whom? I think I owe someone a fruit basket.”
“Hannah St. Claire.”
“Oh, yes, Hannah,” Joanna said with a dubious grin. “The famous lesbian eroticist. She certainly knows how to throw a soirée.”
“She said she couldn’t decide what her guests raved more about after the party, the food or you.”
Joanna looked away and giggled. “They were a tad disappointed when I had to break the news that I wasn’t the main course.”
Courtney smirked through a penetrating gaze. “Some people can be so tacky. Well, I’d love for you to stay as a guest at Tango’s anniversary bash, but I make no promises that the women there won’t wonder the same thing.”
“What makes you sure they will?” Joanna asked.
“Because Hannah was right.” Courtney scanned Joanna from head to toe as she wrapped her fingers around the door handle. She started heading out, and then suddenly swung around. “You know, there is one more thing.”
Joanna grinned. Before she knew it, they’d burst through the kitchen door in a blistering embrace. Hands explored the sensual terrain, and lips sizzled as they kissed with insatiable desire. They braced against the prep island, smearing the stainless steel with fingerprints as Courtney lifted Joanna up on the counter. Courtney then leapt on top of her with smooth athleticism. They melted into each other, lips locked in sweaty synchronization, tugging at each other’s pants. With jeans unzipped and unbuttoned, they slid off the counter and leaned against it as they vigorously stroked each other. Joanna threw her head back in ecstasy as Courtney’s tongue flicked against her neck. Their pleasured cries echoed through the sparkling metallic kitchen until unison orgasms left them panting, tangled in each other’s arms.
After catching her breath, Courtney smiled sweetly. “I see why you come so highly recommended.”
Joanna’s skin flashed like a road flare as she zipped her jeans. “I swear I have never done this with a client before.”
“Now you have no choice,” Courtney stated. “You have to attend my celebration.”
Joanna didn’t speak to Courtney again until Tango’s anniversary party, so mortified by her outrageously unprofessional antics. But they both knew from the moment they’d met the chemistry boiled over between them. Courtney had committed a professional faux pas of her own the night of the party when she refused to leave Joanna’s side.
As the digital clock blipped to three thirty-two a.m., Joanna flipped on her side, dogged by restlessness. In the murky silence, it was easy to think being without Courtney was a dream. How did it get to this point? One minute they were consumed by the obsessive mania of new love, days filled with eager phone calls and text messages and nights of intense passion. Was she simply expecting too much time and attention from Courtney? Sleep wouldn’t come, but she knew what she wanted in a partner and had lived long enough to know settling for less only gets you alone anyway.
* * *
A week later at Tango, Jade was on a mission, more driven than ever to get her intentions across loud and clear. As Courtney trolled the perimeter of the club, checked in with bartenders at both stations to make sure operations were running smoothly, Jade was her shadow. When Jade finally snagged her, it became apparent to Courtney that, despite her somewhat annoying, gnat-like presence, this girl had an undeniable appeal. Her body was amazing, with a tight ass, succulent cleavage and a raw sexuality Courtney found tough to resist, even in the throes of emotional disarray.
Jade jumped in front of her to secure her undivided attention. “I’m not looking for a relationship,” she stated. “I know you need time, and I respect that, but I also know we can have some serious fun back at my loft tonight. I promise you won’t regret it.”
Courtney studied the small facial features as Jade pouted, gazing up at her. She knew Jade was right, too; they’d no doubt have a wild time together. Maybe raunchy, uninhibited sex with someone she didn’t give a shit about was just what she needed. “I’m flattered Jade, but I’m afraid I can’t tonight,” she replied with all manner of diplomacy.
Jade sucked in her cheeks. “What the fuck? Am I a butterface? Too short? You don’t like redheads?” She fired off the rounds so fast, Courtney could barely defend herself.
“No, none of those things. You’re really attractive. It’s just that I’m kind of grieving right now. The breakup wasn’t exactly my idea.” Courtney kicked herself the minute it slipped. What would it do to her street cred if all of Tango’s clientele found out she’d been the du
mpee rather than the dumper?
Jade’s shoulders slumped. “Sorry, I didn’t know. I’d just assumed you kicked her to the curb. I mean what idiot would let you go?”
“Joanna’s not an idiot.” Wait, did she just defend Joanna? The woman who trashed her heart, the woman whom she’d loved more than she’d ever loved anyone who walked out on her without even looking back?
“Then let’s just go out as friends,” Jade suggested. “How about tomorrow night? We’ll grab some dinner and a movie. Get your mind off your troubles for a while.”
“I don’t think I’m ready yet, it being only a week and all. My fuzzy blanket and the television are all I can think about right now, but hey, thanks for the offer.” She pacified Jade with a gushy smile.
Jade’s expression softened as she threw a hand on her hip. “Okay, lady, but just know you’re not getting off the hook that easy. I’ll be around.”
“You’re a peach, Jade,” Courtney said and fake punched her shoulder.
Courtney wore her dazzling smile until Jade disappeared into the crowd. She dreaded the idea of Jade or any one of her regulars reading the defeat on her face, seeing the truth behind the Courtney Wade mystique. She was the lesbian bar scene’s hottest young entrepreneur living a charmed life with her sexy, sophisticated partner by her side. Now what separated her from the swarm of barflies constantly buzzing around her, hoping to be Courtney Wade’s next lover or latest hookup? She was one of them now, single, lovelorn, and hating Joanna. Of course, they hated Joanna. They knew there wasn’t one among them who stood a chance.
As she stepped out onto the sidewalk, Courtney sighed. She watched her breath billow out like clouds in the icy night air. Had she always been that shallow, reveling in something as trite as popularity? She trudged over to the parking garage, lost in contemplation. When she started her Acura TL and the dome light faded, a deluge of emotion poured out like she’d never known. She covered her face with her leather-gloved hands and bawled over the roar of the heater.
“I fucking hate you,” she cried, smashing her fists into the steering wheel.
