by Anthology
“I know that, but my head keeps sucking me back in. I have this knot in my stomach, and my sleeping is for shit.”
“Have you tried yoga or meditating?” Jade asked, absently twirling one of her curls.
Courtney laughed and shook her head. “That New Age crap isn’t for me.”
“You should give it a try. It really works. For instance, I can show you these pressure points that’ll relieve some of your symptoms.”
Courtney gave her a skeptical look.
“No, it’s true,” Jade said. She got up and sat next to Courtney. “Here, give me your wrist.” She grabbed Courtney’s wrist without waiting to be handed one. “There’s a pressure point about an inch or so below your palm. If you squeeze it, you’ll feel that knot in your stomach relax.” She pressed her thumb into Courtney’s wrist. “Feel it?”
Son of a bitch, it was true. “Yeah, I kind of do feel it.”
Jade was pleased. “Just give it a try whenever it’s really bothering you. How about a stiff neck? Ever experience that from tension?”
“All the time.”
“Well, there are two points at the base of your skull that’ll fix that. They’re a couple of inches apart. Here, turn around.”
What the hell—the wrist thing worked.
“They’re right around here.” Jade pressed her thumbs into the muscles on Courtney’s neck and held them for a moment. She began rubbing gently.
Courtney closed her eyes as the tension eased away under Jade’s touch. “Looks like I won’t be trashing New Age anymore. This really feels good.” She felt herself relaxing, falling against Jade’s hands.
“You know, you don’t always have to be in control of everything,” Jade said and began massaging Courtney’s shoulders.
“Who says I’m like that?”
“Oh, please, if you’re not the epitome of high-strung Type-A personalities, I don’t know who is. You should try letting someone else take the reins once in a while.”
“You obviously know nothing about me,” Courtney joked, but Jade’s small hands were strong and effective. Her muscles hadn’t felt this relaxed in weeks.
Jade kept working Courtney’s left shoulder, but with her right hand, she gently turned Courtney’s chin toward her. She leaned in and kissed Courtney on the corner of her mouth.
Jade’s lips smelled like watermelon. Courtney let their softness graze across her own lips, enjoying the warmth from Jade’s face radiating to hers. Jade stopped rubbing her shoulder and focused on kissing her. She took Courtney’s cheeks in her hot hands and kissed her more firmly, tickled her lips with her tongue.
Courtney’s instinct screamed push her away, but the unfortunate truth was Jade was incredibly sexy. She craved this type of connection again. She craved Joanna, but...
Jade eased her back against the cushiony armrest and got on top. Her warm, taut yoga body molded itself into Courtney’s. Courtney couldn’t resist running her hands up the side of Jade’s smooth torso as Jade kissed her, open-mouthed and fervently. She tingled with arousal as Jade ground against her and whimpered with pleasure. She reached up the back of Jade’s shirt and snapped open her bra.
“I want you so bad, Courtney. I want to make love to you right now,” Jade breathed. She rolled up Courtney’s shirt and began undoing her belt buckle as she kissed Courtney’s stomach.
Jade’s words and the fumbling at her pants jolted Courtney back to reality. Make love? Joanna’s fingers, her French-manicured nails digging into her back, the citrus scent and sweet taste of her skin flooded Courtney’s senses.
“I can’t, Jade,” she said in a whisper. She took hold of Jade’s hands, which had already started making their way into Courtney’s pants.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this.”
“Why the hell not?” Jade asked, her breath escaping in staccato puffs.
“It’s not fair to you, for one thing.” Courtney tried to nudge Jade off of her, but the little firecracker wouldn’t budge.
“Don’t worry about me, babe. I know you’re still hung up on Joanna. I want to fuck you, not marry you.” She dove onto Courtney’s mouth again, but Courtney pushed her back.
“This is just gonna complicate things.” Courtney exerted a little more effort and easily extricated herself from Jade.
Jade flopped against the other armrest and wiped strands of hair off her sweaty forehead. She sighed. “You need this, Courtney. You’ve got nothing to lose. And it won’t complicate anything between us since I don’t expect anything from you.”
That’s the problem, Courtney thought. “I wasn’t talking about us, Jade. Doesn’t the fact that I’m still in love with someone else make you hesitate for even a second?”
Jade’s expression morphed from vexed to vulnerable. She sat playing with her fingernails for a moment. “All right, you wanna know the truth?” She jumped up and began pacing in front of the coffee table. “I want you for more than just sex. I like you, okay? I have for months. Every time I’d watch you and Joanna together at Tango, I’d fantasize about all the possible reasons why you could break up. I wished for it. Shit, I’m not proud of that but that’s the way it is. I just want my chance with you. And I figured if I played it cool, like there weren’t any feelings...” She stopped and sighed. “I don’t know.”
Courtney smiled and shook her head. Jade with a weakness: epic mind-blower. “I get it, Jade, but I still wish you hadn’t come here.”
“Okay, maybe throwing myself at you wasn’t the smartest way to convey my sincerity.”
“It’s not that. You just threw in my face what I’ve been trying to deny all along.”
“Which is?”
“I’m still completely in love with Joanna. God, I miss her so much.” Courtney’s voice broke up before she could stop it. The sobs came fast and uncontrollable, and she buried her face in her hands. What the fuck? She hadn’t even lost it with her best friend; now she was having a three-alarm meltdown in front of Jade?
Jade sat next to her and threw her arm around Courtney’s shoulder. They sat together while Courtney cried.
“I’m sorry I came on to you,” Jade said after a few minutes. “I had no idea trying to open your pants would open Pandora’s Box.”
Courtney laughed through her sobs.
* * *
Later, Courtney walked in from one of the pointless drives she’d gotten into the habit of taking. This one brought her to an Xtra-Mart to refill her Acura and the supply of powdered doughnuts and Vitamin Water she’d sustained herself with in recent weeks. She dropped the bag and rushed over to the ringing telephone.
“Why do you keep calling and not leaving a message?” Joanna’s voice was even.
Fucking Missed Call feature on cell phones. “Quite frankly, I thought I was hanging up before the call registered,” Courtney replied, matching Joanna’s evenness. She could tell Joanna tried not to laugh, but a barely audible titter still escaped.
“Well, what did you want?”
“You know all your tax files are still on the computer?”
“Yeah, I was going to ask you to email them to me.”
“Why haven’t you?”
Silence. “After that night at the Marriott, I thought we definitely needed some distance.”
“I think we’ve already established that, don’t you? Besides, what did you think would happen, we’d get into some hot and heavy email sex?” Courtney clenched her fists the minute it came out. Joanna was being civil, and it took all of sixty seconds for her to go bitchy.
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” Joanna replied with some attitude of her own.
The tension was unbearable.
“Do you miss me at all?” Courtney blurted. Shit. Did she not have any control over what spewed out of her mouth anymore?
Silence again, longer this time. “I do,” Joanna croaked and then cleared her throat. “I do.”
My God, Courtney thought, now what do I say? Had Joanna just given her an opportuni
ty? “Uh, wow. Well, I guess I don’t have to tell you I miss you, too.”
“Would you mind emailing me those files when you have a chance? We’re gonna have to talk about the house, too, at some point.”
Fuck her. “You can buy me out. I’ve been looking at places in the city anyway.” Let Joanna sit and stew in this haunted house like she’d been doing for the last stretch of damnation. Her chest felt heavy as she glanced around the kitchen, remembering the array of luscious smells of primavera, Alfredo or whatever tweaked recipe Joanna was testing.
“Maybe we should just sell,” Joanna said.
The words catapulted Courtney back to the distasteful present. “Whatever,” she replied. “Call me when you’ve made up your mind.” She hung up without saying good-bye. And the next gash put into the wall matched the shape of the cordless phone.
* * *
“Thanks for playing mediator for me.” Joanna smiled as she fingered her cup of green tea at Nancy’s counter.
“I’m not playing mediator, Jo,” Nancy replied. “I really don’t want to be here when you talk about this with Courtney. It’s very uncomfortable.” She poured herself a glass of Chardonnay and drank it too fast.
“You think?” Joanna countered.
“And would you turn off that friggin’ song,” Nancy griped, pointing to the portable CD player spouting Andy Williams’ “Lonely Street.”
“What have you got against Andy Williams? Mom loved him.”
“I don’t have anything against him, but you’re playing that same depressing song over and over again. Are you planning to kill yourself or something?”
Joanna got up and shut off the song. “You don’t have to be in the room. I just want to know that you’re around. In case… well, you know.”
“Yeah, I know. Look, I just want to state for the record that I’m profoundly conflicted about enabling you like this,” Nancy said and took another large sip of her wine.
“Exactly what do you think you’re enabling?”
“This ridiculous act of martyrdom. It’s been three months and you aren’t anywhere near getting over her.”
“Oh, really? Is that why I’m having her over to talk about selling the house? This is it, Nance. It doesn’t get any more over than that.”
“If you’re over her, then you’ll meet Marcia Landino for coffee.”
“Who?”
“Marcia Landino. I told you about her last month. She’s in my scrapbooking class. She’d like to have coffee with you.”
“I’m not having coffee with someone from your scrapbooking class.”
“Why not? She’s a charming woman, Jo. I think she’s around my age, maybe a couple of years older. Her partner died about three years ago and she’d like to meet new people.”
“So how did I come up?” Joanna sat down and finished her tea.
“I showed her your photo, and she said you were exquisite.”
Joanna smirked and shook her head. Nancy tore off a sticky note from a multi-color block by the phone and began scribbling.
“Here, at least give her a call. I’m telling you, she’s really nice.” Nancy slapped the note on the counter next to Joanna.
The doorbell startled Marcia Landino from her mind.
* * *
“So whose lawyer do you want to use?” Joanna asked after the long moment of uncomfortable silence. Courtney had slipped into a deep brooding when Joanna had presented her with the list of debt and joint financial holdings they still hadn’t sorted out.
“Just use yours and send me my half of the bill. I trust you,” Courtney said as she pushed herself away from the kitchen table. She walked over to the refrigerator to peruse the display of Disney characters Nancy’s grandson had colored for her.
Joanna downed a couple of aspirin while Courtney was occupied. Watching Courtney’s eyes water intermittently throughout the last hour’s discussion killed her. Her head pounded and she wanted to run upstairs and shut the door on everyone and everything.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Courtney muttered, still facing the refrigerator.
Joanna approached her with caution. “I’m sorry, Court. But we’ll both be better off in the long run. You’ll meet someone younger, someone who shares your enthusiasm and interests.”
“I don’t want anyone else.”
“Court, will you look at me?”
Courtney turned around, and her eyes were pooled with tears. God, why was this so hard? Joanna thought. “You will meet someone some day,” she said and hated how it sounded.
She’d planned to buffer the finality for Courtney with a pep talk about how wonderful she was and how easy it would be for her to find someone new, but suddenly and inexplicably, the vision of Courtney naked and intertwined with another woman turned Joanna queasy and selfish.
“You’re so beautiful,” Courtney said and surprised her with a gentle kiss. She threw her arms around Joanna’s neck and kissed her hard, devouring her lips, backing her up against the breakfast counter.
Joanna’s lower back met with the firm edge of the granite, but the ache was effaced by Courtney’s swirling tongue and fingers flitting through the back of her hair. She thought about Nancy in the other room and cursed her sister’s cowardice.
Joanna managed to wrench her lips free. “Courtney, stop. This is only making it harder.” Joanna pried Courtney’s arms from around her neck, but mornings at the gym had sculpted her into a formidable opponent.
“You know what harder is, Jo? It’s every night I go to bed without you. It’s every minute I’m wondering what you’re doing; where you are; who you’re with. I can’t focus on anything but you.” Courtney spotted the note on the counter and snatched it. “Marcia Landino, 479-8666. Call her, Jo. Who the fuck is Marcia Landino?”
“Nobody, it’s nothing.” Nancy, I wish you’d get the fuck in here.
“You’re dating already? Wait a minute, is this why you left? And you had the balls to accuse me…”
“No, no, she’s just someone Nancy knows.”
“So are you seeing her or not?” Courtney seethed.
“No, Nancy just gave me her number.”
“Nice,” Courtney said. She slammed the note down on the counter with her fist. “Thanks a lot, Nancy,” she shouted.
“Courtney, calm down,” Joanna said. She recognized that look and feared one of Nancy’s belongings was moments away from getting implanted into the wall.
Courtney shoved the stool out of her way, knocking it to the pristine hardwood floor. She stormed past Joanna and Nancy, who’d just appeared in the door way.
When the front door banged shut, they both exhaled.
“A wrinkle in the negotiations?” Nancy asked with a timid grin.
“Your Marcia Landino note,” Joanna replied. She shook her head in disgust. “I’m going to work. Don’t wait dinner on me.”
“Jo, I’m really sorry.”
Joanna ignored her sister’s earnest apology. She draped her jacket across her shoulders and hurried out to the front porch. Jingling her car keys, she glanced around hoping Courtney’s Acura was still parked in the driveway. Instead, a set of brake lights glowed at a stop sign in the distant dusk. Exactly how many months was this supposed to take?
* * *
At the Landmark diner, Courtney watched in envy as a guy in a Rutgers cap in the booth across from her crammed a forkful of blueberry pancakes in his mouth. He chased it with a bendy strip of greasy bacon. Breakfast at nine o’clock at night. Sounds good. Joanna would’ve crinkled her nose and said, “Really?” But Courtney wasn’t waiting for Joanna. She scanned the menu and decided on the turkey club on whole wheat, salad instead of fries. Her appetite was coming back. She was running again, too, had even showed up at a couple of yoga classes. It was early May and new life was springing up everywhere, especially in the courtyard garden of her Greenwich apartment complex. On second thought, get the fries.
“Look who I found cruising the parking lot,” Jade jo
ked as she made her way to the booth with Julian.
“Yeah, and I would’ve caught one too, if she hadn’t scared him off,” Julian replied.
Courtney stood up and hugged her friends, flashing them a broad smile. “Ted pulling another double at the hospital?” she asked Julian.
“Isn’t he always? You look great, Court,” he said. “Better than the last time I saw you.” He rolled his eyes.
“I feel better,” Courtney began with reserved optimism. “I know I kind of blew you guys off, but I really needed to be alone. When it hits the fan, I need space to think things through.”
“We know,” they replied in unison.
After the waitress took their order, Courtney seized the opportunity to steer the focus away from herself. “So, what’s new with you guys?”
“Well, I’ve met someone,” Jade said with a coy grin. “Her name is Angie Lopez and we met at work, if you can believe it.”
“The Grand Dame of Tango meets someone at work?” Courtney joked.
“Yeah, it gets even wackier. I haven’t been to Tango in over a month. It just wasn’t the same without you, Court.”
“You hear that?” Julian said. “The loyalists are demanding the return of their queen.”
“As of Monday, I won’t be anyone’s queen anymore,” Courtney replied. She fingered the fork and knife rolled in a napkin.
“What?” Julian’s mouth dropped open.
“What do you mean?” Jade asked.
“I’m selling out my half of Tango to Dawn. I’m still keeping half of Calypso, but Dawn can run that one. She lives right there in South Beach.”
“I can’t believe it,” Jade said.
“Yeah,” said Julian. “What did Joanna say about all this?”
Courtney shot him a quizzical look. “I haven’t told Joanna. We’re not together anymore, remember?”
“But I thought that’s what this whole thing was about,” Julian said.
“It was a major part of it, but if she and I were truly meant for each other, something like that wouldn’t stand in the way. She did what she needed to, and now so am I. I’m doing this for me because I’m finally ready to move on.”
