by E. M. Gayle
"You mother let you do that? Oh wait. Never mind. You're a boy. Of course she did. Boys are allowed to do anything, and girls have to stay home and play quietly."
The bitterness she clearly harbored came out loud and clear. "I guess I know why you haven't ventured out much if your parents were that overprotective."
"My parents were and are assholes. If it was up to my dad, I would have been married for five years and probably popped out a few kids by now. Sons, of course, because in our family, girls just aren't worth a damn."
"Whoa." I don't know how we got on this track, but it was building steam and Nova was on a roll.
"I'm sorry," she said squirming to get away. "It's the liquor talking. I'll stop now."
"Bullshit. Your family sounds toxic, and it sounds like whatever is going on you need to get it out."
"I really don't want to talk about them. It doesn't make for a fun time. I'd rather hear more about you. Do you have family in Sultan or are they somewhere else?"
His family life wasn't easy to talk about either, but for her, he'd do his best. "My father is in Sultan. Still runs the MC. Although it's a little different than it used to be."
"How so?"
"Back in the day, they were probably just as you imagine. Up to their eyeballs in illegal businesses. Guns, drugs, and anything else that suited their fancy. They were younger and just didn't give a shit about the law. Eventually, that changed and now they do things a little more legal like strip clubs, coffee huts, distillery, even got themselves a fully legal marijuana dispensary now that recreational use is legal in Washington. My brother left Sultan shortly after I did. He joined the Marine Corps, got hurt, went back to the MC and then left again. He lives in Vegas now. But you know him, since he's married to Izzy now."
"That's right. I didn't realize until the party the other night. There was a lot going on that night, though, so I kind of forgot."
"You also didn't tell me it was your birthday. Found that out from my brother and then got blindsided by a fiancé at your party. I think I still owe you some birthday spankings."
She giggled. "Rock, are you just looking for an excuse to get me on my knees again?"
"I don't need an excuse, babe. If I want you there, I'll put you there."
While she didn't exactly squirm in my lap when I said that, I picked up a slight tremble.
19
Nova
My entire body shivered at his simple, but true statement. The sexual dynamic between us had been clear from day one and we both loved it. In any other aspect of my life, it simply wouldn't work. I was far too headstrong to let anyone else tell me what to do. But when we were alone, what I wanted and needed seemed to align perfectly to his demands.
Now he was talking about birthday spankings, and I was pretty sure I couldn't quite catch my breath just thinking about it. Wetness gathered between my thighs and my nipples bunched tight against the lace fabric of my bra. They got sensitive when I was aroused, and even the rub of the fabric was almost unbearable. His mouth on them would be so much better. Or even better than that, my mouth on him.
I groaned, unable to hide my reaction from my out-of-control thoughts.
"You would like that wouldn't you?" His fingers trailed down my arm to the tips of my fingers. "If I laid you out across my lap and reddened your beautiful ass with twenty-three hard spankings and then shoved my fingers inside of you until you begged for your orgasm?"
"Yes," I said between gritted teeth. More than he knew.
Something in the way I said my answer must have sparked something in him. I went from sitting on his lap to rolled underneath him in two seconds flat. The hard ground dug into my back despite the blanket and I couldn't care less because he was grinding his dick between my thighs and almost hitting just the right spot.
"I'd prefer fucking you until you came on my cock. The tight clasp of your pussy convulsing around me gets me going." He pressed a series of kisses along my jawline as I thrashed underneath him.
Oh God. His dirty talk alone was about to make me come. I desperately wanted to be naked here at the top of the dark mountain under the glowing stars. That was probably about as romantic as I could get.
"Yes. Yes."
His body stilled on top of mine, causing me to whimper from unfulfilled need. But when he started to lift himself off of me, my mind and body rebelled against it. "No!! Please, don't stop."
He reached down and rubbed his thumb across my lips. I nipped at him. I wasn't playing, and I hoped to hell he wasn't either.
"This wasn't what I came here for," he started. "In fact, I had every intention of keeping sex off the table tonight. But dammit if you don't drive me crazy."
"You?! Look at me. I'm begging you for this. Please, Rock." How much more did I have to beg?
"I know, and it's so pretty." He traced his thumb along my jawline and down the side of my neck. "But I think we're both too raw for this tonight." He encircled my neck with his big hand and squeezed just a tiny bit. "You're not ready for what I want to do to you right now. It's too dangerous."
"Yes, I am." The desperate tone in my voice almost made me cringe, but I was too far gone to really care.
"You're also drunk." He released my neck, lifted off me, and rolled back onto his feet. "I'm not in the mood to take advantage of that. The next time I fuck you, it's going to be intense, and I'm going to have your full attention and devotion without the interference of alcohol or your fucking fake fiancé."
The anger I heard in his voice made me want to cry. Not only for the loss of what could have been tonight, but for the loss of the future that might be. I didn't want to think of—him. Only, now I couldn't stop. Ronin had all the power when it came to my future, and it didn't bode well. He seemed bound and determined to play dirty, and that left me in an impossible situation. And as much as I hated to admit it, Rock was right. My emotions were too close to the surface and using sex with him to escape my nightmare was no longer fair.
He deserved more than that. Hell, he deserved better than someone like me.
With that thought on repeat, I slowly sat up and smoothed down my skirt. I wasn't going to apologize for wanting him like I did, but I sure as hell respected him for not letting it happen. At least one of us had our head on straight.
"So, what now?" I quietly asked, almost afraid of how he might answer.
"I still intend to enjoy the rest of our time here. The stars, the conversation. It's all important. What we have together is more than sex."
I wanted to agree with him, but I had to be realistic about the future. However, for the rest of this little adventure I was going to take what I could get anyway. I didn't want the night to end. "Will you share more stories about the MC with me? I think it sounds fascinating."
"It's not. I've been as far removed from that life as I could get for over a decade. When I decided I couldn’t live that life, I had to put it all one hundred percent behind me. And still it wasn't easy. I couldn't hide my background, and I swear to Christ, every single person who has ever had to look into my background wants to call my loyalty into question because of it."
"We can never truly hide from our pasts, can we?” I looked into the distance at the lighted blur of the strip in the distance, my thoughts wandering. “My father is going to do anything and everything he can to make sure I do as I’m told. If I don’t, he’s going to ruin everything I’ve built. I have to stop him."
He stared at me intently, as if waiting for me to elaborate. But I still wasn't ready to tell him everything. I wasn’t sure I ever could. Not when I knew it would forever change the way he looked at me. A man like him would never love a mobster's daughter. He couldn't.
And if he knew the rest?
On a silent shudder, I shut down that train of thought. I refused to think about that night, let alone talk about it. My life depended on me staying silent.
"Our pasts don't have to define us," he finally answered. "Everyone controls their own destiny, whether they believ
e it or not."
I know for a while I had believed that very thing. When I'd been in high school, I saw the future so brightly. I had plans for college and beyond. I had not seen what actually happened coming. Some would call that naive. I'd known from an early age that we were not a typical family. My mother and father had favored my brothers over me and my sister. I'd also known they were being groomed to join the family business. And I'd overhead enough over the years to know that my father's business wasn't good.
"You really are an optimistic Boy Scout." I laughed when I said it, but the bitterness behind my words was unmistakable. I simply didn't have the luxuries he did. Did that mean I was giving up and giving in? Hell no. I'd come too far and gone to great lengths to find a way out. I refused to give up.
"I'm hardly any kind of scout. Hell, I wasn't even a boy for long. In my world, you grow up fast. Even more so when blood-soaked violence taints everything around you."
I glanced up and stared at him. Was he talking about me or himself? My inner alarms were clanging again, and I thought for a second maybe I shouldn't shut them down this time. I had a healthy dose of paranoia going on at any given time, but for good reason.
"What exactly does that mean?" Maybe, with anyone else, there could be a chance. With him, I was too scared to risk it. Although I was dying a little inside with the need to confess everything to him. I just—I just couldn't drag him into my dangerous world.
"I was ten, the first time I saw a man take someone's life. He may have deserved it, but at the time, I couldn't process it properly, and for a while, it became what I thought was normal. But killing is not normal, and becoming desensitized to it is a fatal mistake."
My blood froze. Seriously, it iced over and I felt the door closing on my ability to ever confide in Rock Reed. The man I believed I was falling in love with. If I wasn't already there.
Pain bloomed in my chest, nearly cutting off my ability to breathe. It weighed on me like a plate of heavy weight that I couldn't remove.
"You're right," I whispered. "It's not normal." And yet…
He reached up and touched my cheek. "I'm lucky I got out when I did. My brother, too. Although I wish I could have taken him with me and saved him from what he went through to get out."
I leaned into his palm. He wasn't talking about me, I could see it in his eyes. Painful memories were haunting him. The fact though, that we'd gone through parallel childhood nightmares tore at my heart. We kind of had a lot in common.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
That was the mantra that I had lived by for five years and I needed it now more than ever.
"What happened?" I asked, almost afraid to hear it. I knew it had to be bad for this strong, giant of a man to look so lost.
"Our mother. She paid the ultimate price because of the MC, and I wasn't there to stop it."
"I'm sure you weren't to blame."
He nodded. "I wasn't. But who knows. When our fathers were fighting over the gun, maybe if I'd been there, I could have done something to stop it before it went off."
I closed my eyes at his words as his pain washed over me. God, I could almost physically feel it as it rolled through him.
"Houston was there. He tried to stop it and couldn't. It tore him to pieces, especially when his father went to jail for her death, and it took him meeting Izzy ten years later to finally begin to heal."
"What about you? When did you heal?" I don't know what made me ask that question. I was obviously ripping open an old wound that I had no business touching.
"I don't know. Over time, I guess. Isn't that the saying? Time heals all wounds. Besides, I'd left long before it happened. I was young and angry and burning with the desire to be nothing like my dad. Her death only made the resolve stronger. I would do anything to make it so I never had to go back."
I slowly exhaled the air I didn't realize I'd been holding. I was so so tired. And the buzz I’d had going had officially worn off. I loved that Rock had such strong convictions, but the knowledge that his black and white views were never going to fit into my gray world solidified.
He’d endured what sounded like a long road to escape a family that caused him pain, and it wouldn’t be right for her to drag him into another that could, and likely would, end up worse.
"We should get back." I managed to say the words, albeit barely. I knew the moment we returned to the real world all of this would end. I would have to say goodbye and let him go.
Before Rock could respond, the familiar sound of an iPhone chime signaling a text pealed. We both reached for our phones. Upon inspection, my phone was not the culprit. I looked up at Rock to see his brows raised and knitted together in what look like some serious concern.
"Problem?" I asked.
"Yeah. And I'm sorry, but we do have to go back, and I'm going to have to drop you off."
"Okay." Relief swept through me as I realized we wouldn't have time to discuss what was next. Thus, buying me a little more time before I had to say goodbye. With the fashion debut happening tomorrow night, I figured it was for the best. I needed to get some work done before the chaos set in and since I doubted I would be able to sleep tonight, I'd have some time to get things done.
We gathered our things and climbed back on the bike. The entire ride back I reveled in the heat of his back against my front. This might be the last time we'd be this close again and I wasn't going to miss out this last chance to feel close.
By the time we arrived back at the hotel, the constant wind in my face had wiped the last trace of my tears from sight. As I climbed from the back of his bike, I swallowed past the lump in my throat and turned to head inside.
"Not so fast," he growled, snagging me by the hand and pulling me back to the bike. He took my mouth in a hard kiss that brought everything back. The desire, the sadness, and the overwhelming grief. By the time he let me go and roared off into the night after a promise to see me soon, I stumbled to my suite in a daze.
As I entered my residence, I should have expected Ronin to pop up again. He'd made it clear he wasn't going away. But when the light clicked on, I didn't even turn to look. I simply wasn't in the mood for his games again. I crossed to the liquor cabinet in the opposite corner and poured myself a healthy glass of vodka. After several swallows and that horrible burn from it churning in my stomach, I spoke.
"Don't start with me again, Ronin. It's been a long day, and I need a break."
When he didn't answer right away, I ignored him again and disappeared into the master suite and made a beeline for the bathroom. I was going to have a nice long soak, wherein I would have a little solo pity party. Then I would pick myself up and brush off the self-pity and get back to work. One way or another, I was determined to make tomorrow a great day. First, though, some of my designs needed some small tweaks and working on them would give me the opportunity to think about my other situation.
Before I forgot he was here, and he did something stupid like barge in on me naked in a tub, I decided to go and see what the infuriating man wanted and get whatever nonsense he had in mind out of his head. I wasn't in the mood for a full-blown confrontation about how we weren't getting married, but something had to be said. I stepped back into the living room, glanced in the direction of Ronin's chair, and froze.
What the hell?
For a second, I thought for sure that my eyes had to be playing tricks on me. The man sitting in that chair absolutely was not Ronin. Or Rock.
"What are you doing here?" I nearly choked on the words getting them out. I was so shocked to see him I couldn't think straight, let alone form any full-fledged words. It was if five years had not passed and I was standing in front of him all over again about to be sacrificed to another man.
"Hello, daughter."
20
Rock
"What's so critical that I had to come in right now?" I'd barely cleared the door to my boss's office when I came up short. He was not alone. My entire team had been called in, plus some of
the brass above us. "Did something happen with the case?"
"Have a seat, Rock."
My already bad mood turned downright poisonous. I hadn't wanted to leave Nova the way we did. Something had felt off and I swore I could feel her pulling away. Now I was certain I'd just walked into some sort of ambush or at the very least something on this case had gone wrong. I could feel the bad news coming.
"What's going on?"
"We're pulling you off this case."
"Excuse me?" If this was a joke, I wasn't finding it funny.
"We've gotten formal complaints about how this case is being handled and we have to make some changes to the team. Charlie is going to lead the rest of this investigation."
"What the hell kind of complaints? First, the judge is obviously biased and keeps rejecting all our requests, and now this? Is everyone in fucking Anthony Cullotta's back pocket?"
"Careful, Reed. I could have your badge for this whole situation. And someone—that someone being you—needs to look at his own fucking glass house, before he starts throwing bullshit around."
Some of the team looked away from him, while others looked as pissed as he felt.
"I'm getting close to those diamonds. I can feel it. We just need a little more time."
"Maybe so. But you are out of time, and the team is going to proceed without you. You were reported to the Bureau as having a sexual relationship with one of our suspects. Now there's an internal investigation. Do you realize how much is at stake if they find you crossed the line? Months of work for nothing. What the hell were you thinking?"
"Nova is not a suspect. She's a developing informant."
"You can't justify this shit. She is, at minimum, a person of interest in this case and has been since you discovered who she was. You were supposed to develop her as an asset, not fuck her."
I nearly exploded right then. The anger that pulsed through me beat red-hot and violent. I clenched my fists and ground my back teeth together to keep it all in check. There was something about this whole operation that seemed off. How could anyone at the Bureau possibly know about me and Nova?
