“I’m glad you couldn’t and I’m sorry your ex treated you that way.”
“Part of the fault is mine. I kept giving in to him. I think I knew in my gut if I wasn’t everything he wanted, he wouldn’t stay.” She thought for a second, remembering how much she’d worried in her marriage. About doing the right thing, about being what Aaron wanted.
“Now I find myself wondering why he wasn’t as worried about making me happy. I’ve realized it’s because the relationship wasn’t that important to him. He had other things he would have rather been doing, so he did them. Including other women.”
Ellington looked uncomfortable.
“Too much information?” she asked quickly. “We can change the subject.”
“You’re hitting too close to home,” he admitted. “I didn’t cheat, but I wasn’t present in my marriage.”
“The difference is you realized your mistake.” Jenna knew that Aaron would never care about anyone as much as he cared about himself. Even if he begged her to return to him—which he wouldn’t—she wasn’t interested. Next time, she wanted someone as committed as she was. More important, she wanted someone who saw the best in her and encouraged her to succeed.
“I like helping people discover that making something delicious is a whole lot easier than they first thought. I like them surprising themselves with what they can do.”
“A natural teacher,” Ellington told her.
“I’m not sure about that but I am having fun.” She’d been terrified at first, creating on the fly, but then she’d told herself to let go. To believe in herself. Ironically, the first time she’d been brave enough to play with a recipe had been after the brunch with Serenity and Tom. She’d re-created the rice pudding dish, making it her own.
“We’re going to have an ongoing class in the store where people can write down what they’re trying to get rid of and I’ll come up with a recipe. We’ll print out the recipes I’ve already created and have those out for people to take.”
“You’re good at this,” he said, sounding impressed. “Do you miss being a chef?”
“Sometimes, but less and less as time goes on. I know people who thrive in the controlled chaos, but I’m not one of them. Aaron loved the constant pressure. He charmed the customers and the staff.”
“Did you know it was over when you stopped being charmed?”
Her first instinct was to say it had been over when he’d told her he was sleeping with other women and wanted a divorce. But that wasn’t right.
“I’m not sure when I left emotionally,” she admitted. “I’d been shut down for a while. Afraid, not trusting myself.”
She studied him, taking in the good looks, the easy smile, the warm, friendly nature. He was practically perfect—no, better than perfect. He was a man who had learned from his mistakes.
“What were you like, predivorce?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Before the introspection—before you learned from your mistakes.” She had a feeling he’d never been all that terrible.
He finished chewing, then swallowed. “It’s not a story designed to make you like me more.”
“I’m willing to risk it.”
“I’m not sure I am.” He put down his sandwich. “Let’s just say I came into my own pretty early and I used it to my advantage.”
“The hot guy in high school?”
“I could get dates the football captain couldn’t. I wanted to be a doctor, some for the money, mostly because I knew it would make my life very easy when it came to women.”
She thought of Dr. Mark and knew that was very possible.
“College was more of the same.” He looked at her. “School was easy for me, so I had plenty of free time to play. You’d think that having been given so much, I would be gracious, but I wasn’t. I took what I wanted and when I was done, I walked away without looking back. I left a trail of broken hearts everywhere I went.”
Jenna tried not to look surprised or disappointed, even though she felt both.
“The summer before my junior year of college, my grandmother took me to India. It had been her lifelong dream. My parents didn’t want her to go alone and they sure didn’t want to go, so I volunteered. I figured it would be an adventure, plus there was a whole new continent of women to conquer.” His mouth twisted. “Back at college, I’d already worked my way through most of the coeds.”
He pushed his sandwich aside. “What I didn’t know was that my grandmother had plans for me. She was determined to teach me some compassion. We didn’t stay in a luxury beach resort. Instead I spent my days working in a clinic for the poorest of the poor. They were starving, without any kind of sanitation. Bugs everywhere, the noise was incredible. When I wanted to leave early, my grandmother told me this was the other side of medicine. The side that mattered. And that I’d better be careful because leprosy, which still existed there, was sexually transmitted.”
“Is it?”
“You get it from fluids, mostly from the nose and mouth. It’s not that contagious, but at the time I was young and had no way to check what she said, so I was careful.” He shrugged. “That trip changed me. A kid I’d made friends with had an accident and his leg was crushed. I was there while it was cut off, using a saw and minimal anesthesia. The food and water made me sick, the crowds were everywhere. It was the longest month of my life. In some ways it was also the best. When we flew home, I was different. I couldn’t care about the things I had before. I finally wanted to be a doctor to actually help people.”
He grinned. “Only to walk away from it all and go to China to study alternative medicine.”
“You still heal people.”
“Yes, but not in a traditional way. I’ve learned there are many answers to the same question. Traveling allowed me to learn more and treat them better. Too bad I didn’t apply the lessons to my personal life.”
“Didn’t your wife travel with you?”
“She didn’t want to go where I went. Had I been attending a seminar in Paris, I think she would have been very happy. From my perspective, she was making me choose between her and the work I loved. From her point of view, I was a husband who was never home and when I did manage to stop by for a few days, I made it a point to make sure she knew my work was far more important than her.”
Jenna winced. “That’s not fun.”
“Your husband did the same?”
“Sometimes. He wanted me to know that everyone was more intriguing than me and that he was only home because he had to be.” Aaron had rarely said it in words, but he’d made the meaning clear.
“When she left,” Ellington said, “I continued on as if nothing had changed. It took her dying to make me realize I’d lost her and my son. It’s not easy to convince a six-year-old whom you practically abandoned and whose mother died that you’re not going to disappear.” He sipped his soda. “It’s been a hard lesson for me. Now I’m focusing on what’s around me. My family, then my work. I’m trying to find some balance, so I’ve been cautious about dating. I don’t want to screw up again.”
“Everyone makes mistakes.”
“True, but mine have been very hard on everyone but me. I don’t want to be that guy anymore.” He leaned toward her. “Which is why I want to wait before introducing you to Isaiah.”
“Of course.” She hadn’t thought they were anywhere close to that point.
He grinned. “You could meet my mother, if you want.”
“I have enough mothers in my life right now, but thanks for asking.”
He had a depth she hadn’t expected. An honesty. Aaron would never see the truth about himself, never begin to understand the point of self-examination. But Ellington saw his flaws and was trying to change. She appreciated that.
They returned to their lunches, talking about local events and Isaiah’s quest to convince the adults in his life that he really, really needed a puppy.
“There’s a bake sale in a couple of weeks,” Ellington tol
d her. “My mother says she draws the line at baking, so Isaiah and I are going to make cupcakes together.”
“Should be a good time. I’m no pastry chef, but things like dessert can be fun. Anything with sugar.”
He laughed. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”
When they’d finished their lunch, they stood and tossed their trash, then started for their cars.
Halfway down the path, Ellington grabbed her hand and drew her to a stop.
“Have I scared you away?” he asked.
She stared into his dark blue eyes and allowed herself to get lost there. “You’ve given me a lot to think about,” she admitted.
“Is that a polite yes?”
“You’re not just a pretty face and you have a complicated past. What I took away is that you learned from your mistakes.”
“I’m still learning. Balance is tough for me. I love my work and my son, but they’re not my world. Something is still missing.” He turned away. “Now I sound like a thirteen-year-old girl.”
She reached up and touched the side of his face, turning him back to look at her. “No. You sound like someone I want to get to know better.”
“Are you being polite?”
“I’m mostly impatient. This is where you’re supposed to kiss me.”
His mouth turned up at the corners. “You sure?”
“Very.”
“Right now?”
“This second.”
He wrapped his arms around her and drew her against him. She went willingly, wanting to feel his body against hers. He was tall and muscled, different from Aaron’s leanness. She had to stretch a little for her mouth to meet Ellington’s, and she liked that, too.
His mouth was firm yet gentle, exploring rather than taking. He moved against her, creating heat and friction. He wrapped his arms around her waist, his fingers pressing into her skin. They touched from shoulder to knee, and even that wasn’t enough. She found herself wanting more, needing to deepen the kiss. Heat exploded inside of her, surprising her with its intensity. But this was the middle of the day, in a public park. She drew back.
“If I were still that guy,” Ellington said ruefully.
“The backseat of your car?” she asked, then wanted to clamp her hand over her mouth. What if he hadn’t been as affected as she had been? What if he’d thought the kiss was only okay? The heat moved from the feminine places in her body to burn her cheeks.
“I was thinking of that thick grove of bushes,” he admitted, “but the car works, too.”
Relief tasted sweet. She smiled. “If we weren’t so responsible.”
“Exactly.” He kissed her lightly. “I’ll call you later.”
“I’d like that.”
They parted, each returning to their cars. Jenna drove back to the store, singing along with the radio and feeling happy and quivery at the same time. It was going to be a very good day.
“There’s a trick to shopping,” Beth said as she pulled into the parking lot of a consignment store Violet had never noticed before. “One or two really nice pieces can fool people into thinking you have a very expensive wardrobe. I had a friend who had a couture Armani jacket. She would toss it over chairs, label side up. We all saw it and assumed everything else was designer, too, when in truth she bought most of her casual clothes at Target.”
“I like that,” Violet said. “Discount is more my budget.”
“You’re trendy,” Beth said, parking the car. “Why would you want to spend a lot on something that’s only going to be in style for a few months? But for classic pieces you’ll keep for years, buy the best you can afford. Consignment is often the way to go.”
“Good advice,” Violet said, following her into the store.
It was open and bright, with high ceilings and lots of windows. Racks of clothes stretched out in all directions.
“Impressive,” Violet said, when what she meant was “intimidating.” Where was she supposed to start?
Beth pointed. “The designer section is over there. You’re skinny enough that everything will fit you. Ignore the bitterness in my voice, by the way. Although I did lose two pounds last week.”
“Good for you,” Violet said. “You’re not dieting are you?”
Beth patted her hip. “I can’t find anyone to do it for me, unfortunately.”
Violet looked at the other woman’s curves. “You’re beautiful. Why would you want to change anything?”
Beth smiled, then hugged her. “Thank you. These days I’m feeling short and stout, much like the little teapot.”
Violet was going to ask why, then realized the reason had Serenity written all over it.
She wanted to tell Beth not to compare herself to the other woman—that they were totally different, but it was unlikely Beth would listen. No matter how many times Violet managed to fit into a situation, she was still braced to be found out. For someone to stand up, point their finger and call her a whore. She supposed everyone had demons.
Beth searched through jackets, pulling out two or three, studying them, then putting half of them back. When she’d loaded Violet down with half a dozen, she led her to the triple mirror by the dressing rooms and plopped into a chair.
“Let the fashion show begin.”
At Beth’s instruction, Violet had worn a plain white tank over black jeans. Of her own accord, she’d left her signature bracelets at home and had only worn one pair of earrings.
Her makeup was unusually soft, her hair more tousled than spiked.
She took the first jacket and tried it on. The black fabric was a soft wool, tailored, and yet it hung loosely.
“I like it,” Beth said as she stood, dumping the remaining jackets onto the chair. “Very simple. The shoulders are right.” She moved behind Violet and smoothed the fabric. “It’s all about fit.”
Next to the mirror were a couple of pincushions filled with pins. Beth picked up a few and went to work. Violet couldn’t see what she was doing in back. She felt a few tugs, and suddenly the jacket fit her perfectly, emphasizing her waist while still looking classy.
“What did you do?”
“Pinned it in a little, just to give you an idea of how it’s supposed to look. Life is a lot better with a good seamstress, let me tell you. I can give you the name of the person I use. She’s not cheap, but she’s the best. I’m faking it, but at least you can get an idea of how it will be.”
She moved around to Violet’s front and studied her. “Maybe shorten the sleeves by a hair, too,” she murmured before handing Violet a hanger and holding up the next jacket.
They went through each of the jackets the same way, with Beth studying them, then adjusting with pins when necessary. She found a couple of adorable cocktail dresses, one of which was only twelve dollars, and several pairs of Stuart Weitzman shoes in her size.
Two hours later, Violet had two dresses, a skirt, four tops, a jacket, three scarves, four pairs of shoes and a Prada hand bag. The prices ranged from twelve dollars to two hundred. The latter should have made her whimper, but she pulled out her credit card happily. She had the savings to spend more on clothes but had never seen the point. Until Cliff.
“You’ve been great,” she told Beth as their purchases were rung up. “I can’t thank you enough.”
“I’ve had a wonderful time,” Beth assured her. “I don’t get to shop like this much anymore. Now, we’re going directly to my seamstress so you can get fitted.”
“I don’t want to keep you. You can just give me the address.”
“I want to come. It’s fun for me. You’re so pretty. It should annoy me, but it doesn’t.”
Violet laughed, then felt an unexpected pang. The longing and loss were for what had never existed in her life.
“Jenna is fortunate to have you.”
Beth smiled.
Violet signed the credit card receipt. Together they carried the bags out to the car.
“I wanted a lot of children,” Beth said as they drove out of the parki
ng lot. “I knew at an early age I couldn’t have them. Marshall and I started the paperwork to adopt even before we were married. We were delighted that Serenity chose us. Jenna’s been a blessing.”
Violet knew her mother had never described her in those terms.
“Do you want to have children?” Beth asked as she came to a stop at a red light. “Maybe. Someday.”
“Jenna mentioned you’re seeing someone. Is he special?”
“I think so. It’s still pretty new.” And as much as she liked Cliff, she couldn’t seem to let go with him and totally be herself. Probably because of the secrets she kept. He didn’t strike her as the kind of guy who would accept her past.
“If he’s not the one, you’ll find him.”
“Like you found Marshall?”
Beth smiled. “Exactly.”
“If I don’t find the right guy, I have my career,” Violet said.
“Jenna mentioned she’d made you manager of the store.”
“Uh-huh. I’m pretty excited.”
“You’ve done excellent work. You’re a natural with the customers.”
“I like being with people.”
“You’re very patient with Serenity.”
Violet knew this was potentially dangerous ground. “She’s unique.”
Although Jenna had problems with Serenity, Violet found that she liked the other woman. Sure, she was unusual, but there was a kindness about her. She truly cared about people, in a way that asked for nothing back. Violet had seen the longing in Serenity’s eyes when she looked at Jenna. She regretted having lost her daughter.
Violet wanted to feel bad for her, but at the same time she understood that Jenna had been an incredible blessing for Beth. Like many of life’s complications, the situation was confusing.
“Tom’s back in town,” Beth said. “He and Serenity are coming over to dinner tomorrow. There’s a challenge. We’re barbecuing burgers. Both kinds. Jenna’s bringing a few sides, as is Serenity.”
“Brace yourself for soy,” Violet teased.
“Don’t I know it. Marshall’s threatened to get takeout on the way home, so he can eat before dinner. I’ve promised him that our burgers are going to be the old-fashioned kind, but I think he’s afraid I’ll try to slip him some tofu.”
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