“Sure.”
Alyssa looked disappointed and moved in her seat as if she was getting ready to leave.
“Look, Alyssa, I don’t know what you want.”
“It’s not about what I want.”
Jake just looked at her, wanting more.
“What I mean is—there are consequences for your actions, Jake. And I—well—you’re heading down a bad path. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Jake nodded. “I’m always fine.”
He smiled and tried to get a similar look from her, but all he saw was disappointment. He hated that look, especially on Alyssa’s face. But there was nothing he could do to change it. He was who he was, and she was right—he shouldn’t change just because of her.
Maybe Jake needed to grow up, but Alyssa needed to as well. She wanted to stay out of the world and in the little bubble known as Providence. But eventually she would get out. And she would discover that the world wasn’t idealistic or pretty, and that sooner or later everyone failed.
SIXTEEN
June 2005
“MAYBE YOU’RE NOT MEANT to find Alec.” Bruce studied his gin and tonic before draining the rest of it. He didn’t seem to want a response.
“Maybe you should’ve stayed in California,” I said.
“Ouch. That hurts.”
“This isn’t some vacation.”
We were sitting in an upscale bar not far from O’Hare. We had flown in to Chicago two hours before and were waiting for Franklin. Bruce ordered another drink, and I wondered if he’d been sober since I’d seen him.
“You think Franklin will know any more than Shane?” he asked.
“I’m wondering if he’s even coming.”
“You want to try his cell again?”
I shook my head. I’d already left him a couple of messages.
“Think he’s the same?”
“Probably,” I said. “Franklin acted like a forty-year-old back in college.”
“How’d we ever end up hanging around with him in the first place?”
“Shane. They were roommates. Remember—they had an apartment off campus that we always went to junior year?”
“Oh yeah.”
“He was all right. At least for a while.”
“He always patronized me.”
I stared at Bruce’s disheveled hair and unhealthy paleness. “Don’t expect anything different.”
“Don’t go acting like him now. Why don’t you order something?”
I held up the Diet Coke. “This is fine.”
“I thought coming with you would be fun.”
“Watching you drink twenty-four/seven has been fun too.”
Bruce began to get that look in his eyes, the one that said he wasn’t all there. Earlier, he had slipped away, and I would have bet my car that he had gone outside to smoke a little weed. He drained his drink and stood up off the bar stool.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Just to get some fresh air.”
“Sit down.”
“Huh?”
“Sit down,” I ordered again. “Look—I know we got the okay from Mr. Jelen for you to tag alongside of me. But this isn’t some spring break or something.”
“You better be lucky it ain’t,” Bruce said, a darkness in his tone.
“What’s that mean?”
“You know what that means.”
“You got something to tell me?”
Bruce sat down again and cursed. “Man, nobody told anybody anything. Nothing. If I had something to say I’d say it, but I don’t. I just have my ideas, you know. Thoughts.”
“Like?”
“Like it’s better not to think of them. Like it’s better to try and get rid of them.”
“And getting high is the answer?”
Bruce just laughed. “No. I just like it.”
“Don’t rub it in my face.”
“I recall smoking a few bongs with you.”
I nodded. “I never did like pot. You know that.” I looked around the mostly empty bar. “Let’s give him another hour.”
“Then?”
I shrugged. “Then we go get a hotel room.”
Bruce ordered another drink and we waited in silence.
“Are you going to call her?” he asked.
“I wasn’t planning on it.”
Bruce just looked at me.
“What?”
“You want to call Alyssa as bad as I want to go take a smoke break.”
“That sounds really romantic.”
“Call her,” Bruce said. “Ask her out. Make it no pressure. Tell her your pathetic, burnt-out college buddy will be there too.”
“Bruce—”
“I’m just joking. Come on.”
But this time I knew Bruce was right. I picked up the cell phone sitting on the table in front of me and pressed a number on my speed dial that I had programmed in a few days ago.
The phone rang four times before I got her voice mail. It was amazing. Just the sound of her voice felt refreshing and got me in a different mood.
“Leave a message at the tone, and I’ll make sure to get back to you,” she said so politely.
“Hi, Alyssa. It’s Jake. And Bruce too. We’re back in Chicago. We were trying to hook up with Franklin tonight, but it didn’t work out, I guess. We’re going to be staying close to Summit, and I just thought—well, maybe we could all get together. For coffee or whatever. So give me a call if you’d like.”
I gave her my number and then clipped the phone shut.
“‘For coffee or whatever.’ What was that?”
“What?” I asked Bruce.
“You need to take her out to a nice dinner. Alone. I’ll be overstuffed baggage.”
“You just said—”
“Yeah, I know what I said. Saying my name will make her more at ease. Take off any pressure. But I’m leaving the two of you alone.”
“Bruce—”
“What?”
“It’s not like that.”
He nodded, his long hair flopping in his eyes. He brushed it back and laughed. “It’s not like what? Dude, you were in love with this girl since the day you met her. I mean obsessed sorta love, you know? You remember how many nights we sat around talking about her? If you don’t, well, I sure do, man. And it’s cool. You know. Sometimes you’re given a second chance.”
“That was a long time ago.”
Bruce cursed. “Wasn’t that long ago. I mean, look at us. Does it feel that long ago?”
“I don’t know.”
“So she’s divorced. So what?”
“I’m not saying that’s the problem. It’s just—I’m sure it’s the last thing she wants.”
“And you’d think I’d be the one with less sense. Dude, she like called you. Out of the blue. Remember? You said she called and it was like this totally magical night.”
“All right. Easy there, killer.”
“I’m just trying to get some sense in you.”
I nodded and watched him stand up.
“I’m going outside for a little smoke. Want to join me?”
I shook my head, knowing Bruce was a hopeless cause. I told him we’d take off in five minutes.
Franklin’s being a no-show didn’t surprise me. What had surprised me was his assistant saying he would meet us at this bar at 8:00 p.m. I doubted he would be as receptive as Shane and Bruce had been. I could still remember those last few days of our school year. I remembered some of the things Franklin said. Some of the threats. Trying to cover up everything and make sure everyone was on the same page and trying his hardest to get his diploma and then get far away from all of us.
The phone in front of me lit up, and I thought There she is. I couldn’t help my smile as I reached for the phone and glanced down at it.
But the number was unlisted. Maybe it was Franklin after all, apologizing and saying he was on his way.
&
nbsp; “Hello?”
A pause, then a deep voice on the other line spoke. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Excuse me?” I asked. “Who is this?”
The man didn’t sound anything like Franklin.
“I know who you are. Think this is some game?”
“Alec?” I asked, knowing it wasn’t him but not sure who it could be.
“Yeah, I know about him. And I know about you. And the little games you played in college. I know about everything.”
“Look, buddy—”
“No, you look. And pay attention. That knot on the back of your head is just a little sample of what’s to come.”
“Who is this?” I shouted, angry now.
“Someone who knows everything.”
“Is that a threat?”
The low voice cursed at me. “You bet it’s a threat. And you better go back home before things get out of hand.”
“Why don’t you tell me that to my face?”
“You don’t want me doing that, Jake Rivers. None of you do.”
The line went dead, and I shut off the phone, fury racing through my body. If the caller had wanted to scare me off, he had only managed to incense me. If this was the guy who banged me on the head, I wanted to see him face-to-face. I wanted him to try that stunt again.
What kind of mess am I stepping into?
I thought of the last thing he had said: None of you do.
Who was he referring to?
A sudden fear cut my anger in half. Alyssa. And I knew I desperately wanted to hear from her.
Did he see us meet at the coffee shop?
I didn’t know and didn’t care. I wasn’t sure if this had anything to do with Alec or Mr. Jelen or any of us.
But with the exhilaration and rush of strapping a bungee cord to my legs and jumping off a bridge, I knew I wanted to face this threat head-on. I was done running away from the things that scared me the most. I had spent too many years picking out challenges and conquering them. And this would be another one.
I just hoped nobody got hurt in the process.
SEVENTEEN
March 1994
THREE STORIES TALL doesn’t seem that high until you’re standing on the roof ready to jump off.
Jake and Shane only had a few minutes, and they knew it. Shane had said he would go first, but he was rethinking it now. It was windy and cooler up there, and the sun was going down. But the crowd below was getting larger, and they needed either to do it now or call it a day.
“Come on, man,” Jake said. “If we don’t do this we’re going to be ridiculed for the rest of the year.”
“I know. But—this is insane.”
“It was your idea!” he shouted.
Shane just laughed and stood at the edge of the building. The crowd gathering below in a half oval all cheered him on. He looked at Jake.
“Man, I’m telling you—I’m freaking out.”
“It’s not that high,” Jake said.
“Yeah, but that’s all we got to land on.”
Jake studied the landing point and thought for a moment. Then he raised his arms and heard the crowd cheer.
“I’m doing it.”
“Jake!” Shane said as he watched Jake back up.
Jake looked at him and laughed. “If this doesn’t work I’m blaming you.” Then he took off and hurled himself over the edge of the building.
It was the most exciting sensation he’d ever felt. Until he landed.
Shane had come up with the idea during a studying bout in the library. He posed the question: Could you jump off the top of South Hall and live? South Hall wasn’t that tall and had a grassy field behind it that would at least cushion your landing. Jake, Bruce, and Shane debated the question throughout the day and then onward at Four-leaf Clover as they played pool.
“What if you got a hundred mattresses and padded your landing?” Bruce asked.
“How’re you gonna get a hundred mattresses?” Jake answered.
But this got them thinking. They began devising a plan to get not a hundred mattresses, but eight anyway. They would make a big square with them, then top them with as many pillows as they could round up.
“How many?” Jake asked Shane, the mastermind.
“Hundreds. We get a bunch of guys to just go around and take pillows.”
That was a prank in itself. Jake and Shane needed to get a few RAs in on the joke, not telling them it was in order to jump off the roof. The mattresses could be explained easily enough; they’d say they were replacing them. But pillows—taking people’s pillows was like taking their underwear. But they were easy to find.
They enlisted thirty guys to help out on a Saturday afternoon, going through the hallways and into strangers’ rooms asking for pillows. Some flat out refused; others gave them their pillows without a shrug. Some watched as they began to put them out in the back lawn close to the edge of the building. As the pile began to grow, students began to show up and watch what they were doing.
The pile looked big, and Shane and Jake tested it out by jumping in it. Then they proceeded to the roof through a door that Shane got unlocked by bribing someone on maintenance. When they got to the edge and looked down, the interested faces of the students below suddenly electrified by the very notion of the stunt, Jake realized this was going to be harder than it looked.
“What if we miss?” Shane asked.
“It’s right below us. There’s no way we can miss it.”
“What if we break something?”
Jake only smiled. “It was your idea.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Because it’s true.”
Jake and Shane stood up alongside the building. For a minute, Jake thought about reconsidering. Then he saw Ms. Peterson walking down amidst the crowd.
He heard the roar of the crowd and a few shrieks from the students gathered below, but what he remembered the most was thinking how quickly he fell. His mind kept thinking When am I going to land? And then he did.
His legs were a little stretched out, versus being completely square, but the force of the landing still took his breath away. Something hit his butt hard, and he wondered if a rock or something was in the pile. He was surrounded by a sea of pillows, his breath knocked out of him and his side suddenly aching. Loud applause rang up, and for a moment Jake was terrified.
I can’t feel my lower body. I can’t feel anything.
But then the moment passed, and he began breathing again. He moved his body up and then felt his rear. It was just from landing on the pillows and the mattress below. Nothing felt broken, but he knew he would have a bruise there for a long time.
Jake stood up, and everyone smothered him as if he were the world champion of a boxing match. He looked up at the roof and gave a thumbs-up to Shane.
His friend couldn’t resist. Shane took off and landed more in the middle of the pile. Again the students applauded and cheered and embraced Shane afterwards.
Alec was in the crowd and came up to Jake.
“And you think I’m crazy?” he said in amazement.
And for a moment, Jake enjoyed the accolades all around him. Until Ms. Peterson approached and wanted a word with them.
“How come we almost got suspended?” Shane asked.
“You almost didn’t even jump,” Jake said.
“You almost didn’t stand up.”
This was hours later as they were standing around in the living room of Neesa’s house. Neesa was a junior that Bruce Atkinson knew. Her parents were gone for a week, so she figured she’d destroy their house one night and then spend the week after trying to repair the damage.
Bruce drove four of them here—Shane, Alec, Jake, and Carnie. Some of the other guys would arrive later. Neesa obviously liked Bruce, because she let them all in for free. Didn’t she realize their group alone could account for one keg? Serious lack of judgment. She would learn, however. The night was young, and so was she.
Everybody was t
alking about the big excitement on campus. At a college so small, something like that went a long way. Alec looked a little irritated that he hadn’t been up there with Shane and Jake.
By the time Laila arrived with her group, Jake was already pretty well gone. She had been ignoring him ever since he left her a week ago without a good-bye. It hadn’t bothered him. But taking one look at her tonight, wearing another one of her little skirts even though it was ten degrees outside, made him realize who he was dealing with. He was content having her avoid him.
“The big hero,” someone said behind him.
Jake turned to see Brian Erwin in all his smugness. He stood several inches taller than everyone there.
“Everybody’s bored around campus,” Jake said. “Our athletic programs keep letting us down.”
Brian chuckled and shook his head. “One day you’re going to break your neck because of your stupidity. And I’m going to laugh.”
Shane came up behind Brian and tapped him on the back as if they were old buds. “See our act this afternoon?”
The jock continued staring at Jake and nodded. “Don’t you think it’s getting a little old?”
Shane looked at Brian, wondering what he was talking about. Jake was going to say something, but just then Laila came up and put an arm around Brian’s side. She stood on her toes and whispered something in his ear. They both laughed at Jake, then walked off.
“What was that all about?” Shane asked Jake.
“They still think it’s high school. They’ve been watching too much Beverly Hills 90210.”
“You sorta remind me of Brandon.”
“Get me a beer,” Jake said with a chuckle.
The music kept getting louder and the crowd kept multiplying. It grew hard to navigate around the house. Jake found himself getting a cup of beer from the keg and pounding half of it in order not to spill any. Near midnight, as he was feeling it bad, he made his way upstairs to use Neesa’s parents’ bathroom. As he came back out into the master bedroom, he noticed that the door to the hallway was closed. A figure blocked his way across the dimly lit room.
“About time we had some alone time.”
Laila. They hadn’t spoken all night, but he kept seeing her look at him, eyeing him. She was obvious and knew it too. But she had usually been draped over Brian.
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