by J. M. Pierce
“Go away,” she said.
From the other side of the door, she heard Alyssa’s voice.
“Lauren? Are you okay?”
Though the sound of her voice was soft and sweet, in the moment it still sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard to Lauren.
“I said go away!” she shouted back.
Leaning forward, her hair draped around her face as she rested it in her hands. She sensed that Alyssa had not followed her command as she could feel her presence still lingering outside of the door. She continued to hide her face, using her hands and hair as a shield, hoping that everything would go away. It didn’t. Alyssa’s voice was preceded by a gasp.
“Lauren, what’s wrong?”
Lauren quickly looked up just in time to see Alyssa’s body fully materialize inside of the bathroom. Without a word, she quickly spun on her seat and faced the shower curtain. She looked down and locked her eyes on the caulked seam where the bathtub and the floor met, unwilling to even acknowledge Alyssa’s presence. She could feel Alyssa take slow steps towards her and watched as the shower curtain moved by her feet. She tried not to notice her unwelcomed visitor take a seat on the tub next to her, but it was impossible. Without averting her gaze, she felt the first tear trickle down her cheek as she spoke.
“I thought I told you to leave me alone,” she said, her voice dripping with defeat.
Her mouth getting ahead of her brain (something that seemed to happen more and more as of late), Alyssa replied. “Technically you told me to go away.” She tried to make it sound comical, but it was obvious that her sense of timing was brutally poor as she noticed Lauren’s body trembling.
“Lauren, will you please look at me?” she asked.
With no answer, Alyssa reached out and tucked Lauren’s hair behind her right ear, revealing the pain on her face. “Oh, Lauren, what’s going on? This isn’t like you!”
Like a flash of lightning, Lauren snapped her head and tore into Alyssa. “How the hell would you know what’s like me and what isn’t?”
Though she’d not seen this side of Lauren before, she’d felt her intimidation first hand, but this time, she wasn’t going to let it affect her. Her friend needed help.
Lauren’s eyes were bloodshot and puffy; her lips pursed tightly, obviously frustrated with Alyssa’s presence. Though intimidated, Alyssa returned Lauren’s glare with a sweet smile as she replied.
“Do you remember when you and I took that walk in Jenz’s garden?” She watched as Lauren gave her a puzzled look and then continued. “I think about it a lot actually. It was the first time I feel like I got to see the real you.” She thought hard for a moment about her next sentence and ultimately felt like honesty was the best way to go. “Before that, I thought you were a real bitch.” She was relieved when Lauren attempted to contain a huffed laugh. “I really felt like we connected. Didn’t you?”
Lauren’s features softened as she recalled the memory. While another errant tear rolled down her cheek, she quickly glanced to Alyssa and nodded.
Though she wanted to ask yet again what was wrong, Alyssa didn’t want to upset her any further. Wiping away Lauren’s tear with her thumb, she tried to think of what she could do to help without inciting another burst of emotion.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” she asked.
Lauren rolled her eyes as she leaned her head back, looking up to the ceiling. “I don’t want…”
“No, no, no,” said Alyssa, cutting her off. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I just thought a walk through the trees might make you feel better. I know it does me.”
Lauren allowed her shoulders to relax as she lowered her head once again. With a deep breath and a subtle sniff, she replied. “Actually, that sounds kind of nice.”
Not wanting to assume anything, Alyssa asked, “Do you want me to come with you?”
Lauren allowed the corner of her lip to curl into a grin as she met Alyssa’s hopeful eyes. “As long as you don’t ask a bunch of questions,” she replied. “Sure, I’d like the company.”
The two of them stood, and as Alyssa turned for the door, Lauren gripped her elbow.
“No—not that way,” she said as she glanced over her shoulder into the wall behind her. “Let’s take the back door.”
Alyssa felt a sudden sense of relief as Lauren’s grin turned to a smile and then watched as she disappeared into a flash of white light. A fraction of a second later, Alyssa let go of her solid form and followed.
****
Test entered the clearing in front of his home. He had exited the spirit realm several hundred yards before, and already a small bead of sweat ran off the tip of his nose. Ten yards beyond the tree line, he stopped and tried to sense who was inside the house. To the right side, in the vicinity of the living room, he could feel a single Shadow. To the left, on the side of the kitchen, he could sense yet another Shadow, however the energy emanating from it faded in and out as at least one spirit passed between them. It wasn’t until the moving spirit settled that he could determine that there were two spirits in the kitchen.
“Good deal,” he thought to himself at the thought of Alyssa being present. Maybe, perhaps, her presence would be a deterrent of the scolding he assumed would be coming.
Slowly he made his way to the front door, noticing a crack in the corner of the living room window that hadn’t been there before. He looked down and saw the cracked earth that had resulted from his take off.
“Oops,” he mumbled to himself as he turned the doorknob.
He closed the door slowly and quietly behind him (though he wasn’t sure why), turning the knob in his hand and releasing it only when the door was fully closed so that the latch made no sound. As he walked by the living room, he could see Ikuhabe sleeping on the couch with his face buried in the crook of his arm.
Two more steps down the short hallway, he approached the entrance to the kitchen. Pausing for a moment, he sensed once more the presence of those in the room—nothing had changed. As he rounded into the kitchen, he was met by the startled gaze of a small red-headed boy. With equal surprise, Test stopped mid-step.
A quick glance at Prim steered Test’s attention to Cliff. “So, who’s our guest?” he asked.
With a forced decency, Cliff replied as he placed a hand on the boy’s head. “This here is Aiden.” He stopped and looked down at the boy. “What was your last name, son?”
The little boy replied in a meek and nearly inaudible voice. “Messer.”
“Messer,” continued Cliff. “This is Aiden Messer.” The old man motioned to Test. “Aiden, this is our good friend Test.”
“Pleased to meet you,” replied Test as he took a step forward, stopping only because Aiden flinched.
“Is he the one that is going to help me?” Aiden asked of Cliff.
Cliff scratched his beard and cast a funny look at the boy. “What do you mean?” he asked.
Before Aiden could answer, Prim interrupted. “Hey, Cliff. Can you do me a favor and take Aiden outside to play?” His glare fell upon Test. “We need to have a talk.”
A lump formed in Test’s throat as Cliff stood from the table.
“Come on, little man,” said Cliff as he pulled out Aiden’s chair. “Let’s go see if we can catch some toads or somethin’.”
When Aiden moved, it was only then that he realized the reality of what Aiden was. It was also the moment he realized that there would be no buffer to ease Prim’s lecture.
Test eyed Cliff and Aiden as they walked past, giving Cliff a look that meant to say ‘don’t leave me alone’, but Cliff only shook his head in disappointment. Test turned and watched them walk around the corner and into the hallway, listening as the door opened and then closed.
“That’s strange,” he said aloud nervously. “Why would two ghosts use the door?”
“Strange?” shouted Prim as he slapped both hands on the table. “Let me tell you what I think is strange.”
Test turned reluctantly, setting himself
ready for the onslaught as Prim continued.
“I think it’s strange that you would say that you’ve got everything under control, when it’s incredibly obvious that you do not. I think it’s strange that you would be upset that I would ask that you stay here for fear of you exposing us further than you may already have!”
“Look, Prim, I…”
“I’m not finished!” roared Prim as he stood from the table, launching his chair out from under him.
Test could feel himself losing control once again. Every syllable Prim spoke increased in volume and intensity, and he didn’t know how much more he could take. Not knowing what else to do other than leave the room, Test turned and ran right into Iku who seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
The former Reaper stood his ground, standing with arms folded and a blank expression on his face.
“What?” asked Test. “Are you going to lecture me too?”
Test stood waiting as Iku remained silent for a moment. The native glared into his eyes as if studying his soul. In turn, Test watched Iku’s dead, gray eye as it sat in its socket like an opaque orb. The scar that ran through it sent chills down his spine. He’d never been so close to Iku for this long. Though he tried not to, he found himself examining the scar that slashed diagonally from Iku’s brow, through the dead eye, and across his cheek.
As Iku unfolded his arms and touched the scar on his own face, Test flinched. Before Test could even think of apologizing, Iku then reached out and touched the scar on his left cheek.
“I will not lecture you,” he said in a calm, controlled voice. “In my youth, I was much like you. My people had a word for me. They called me ‘eic iktunza’. It means to forget who the creator intended you to be—to become lost.” Taking Test's shoulders into his hands, Iku spoke firmly. "It is not for others' sake that you must find peace, it is for your own. This must come first—for without the quiet of one's soul and the deliberateness of action, life is a raging river spilling its banks without regard for the ones it was meant to nurture."
Test stared into his eyes. No more did he see the scar or the dead eye. It was as if he was meeting Ikuhabe for the first time.
“Do you understand?” asked Iku, releasing Test’s shoulders.
Numb, Test replied. “I think so.”
Iku’s face tensed slightly. “You must understand,” he said tersely as he patted Test’s arm before turning to walk back to the living room. With his back to Test, he said his final words. “Own the second that happens next; close your eyes and count its blessings."
As Iku disappeared, Test pondered his words. A minute or so passed before Prim reminded him of his presence by producing a short cough. Reluctantly, Test turned, trying to ready himself for the continuation of crap that Iku so graciously interrupted. He watched as Prim deliberately righted then pushed his chair under the table and approach with his eyes on the floor. Pausing before he passed, he leaned close to Test and whispered into his ear.
“You’re lucky he showed up. My talk was going to be way different.”
Before Test could think of a response, Prim left the kitchen. Though he wanted to shout it, he only mumbled the words to himself. “Yeah, but I wouldn’t be any better off than I was an hour ago.”
Chapter 15
Lauren and Alyssa walked slowly through the trees, along a twisted path away from the back of the house. It wasn’t really a path, but both of them walked unconsciously as if they knew exactly where the other was going to step next.
Though Alyssa wanted to talk, she knew that Lauren needed the silence. Occasionally she would glance over to her and watch as the stray threads of light that trickled through the canopy overhead made its way onto Laurens face.
After five minutes or so, Lauren inhaled deeply through her nose as she shoved her hands into her front pockets. “I miss Forks,” she said aloud.
Not knowing what to say, Alyssa’s mind stumbled for a moment. She’d never really given much thought to just how much Lauren had given up in the last year. Almost replying by saying ‘I miss Saratoga, too,’ she stopped herself, wanting to keep the conversation all about Lauren. “Have you thought about going back?” she asked.
“I did,” replied Lauren, looking to Alyssa with a pained expression. “Prim and I went back not long after Kansas City, just to get a few things. The house was flattened.”
A small lump formed in Alyssa’s throat. The conversation was proving to be more and more difficult with each passing breath. “Isaac?” she asked.
“Oh, I’m sure,” replied Lauren. “You know, I never imagined leaving Forks by any way other than dying. I thought for sure that once I betrayed Isaac, he’d find me and that’d be it.”
As the ground crunched beneath her feet, Alyssa was mildly taken aback by the casual tone of Lauren’s speaking of what had been such a frightening possibility. “That’s not a very pleasant thought,” she said as she allowed Lauren to pass between the narrowed opening between a pair of trees ahead of them.
“No,” replied Lauren. “But it’s true.”
Alyssa couldn’t keep the chill from running down her spine at the way Lauren could speak so matter-of-factly about some things. This was the Lauren she’d always known. Not cold hearted necessarily, just jaded and hard.
Wanting to lighten the mood, Alyssa said exuberantly. “But now you have Prim, right? Everything’s good?”
Alyssa watched as Lauren’s head lowered slightly. It wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for at all. “I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”
Lauren shook her head and gently touched Alyssa’s arm. “No, you didn’t,” she replied. After a couple of steps, she continued. “You know, at first, when Prim and I became a thing,” she said with a hint of disappointment, raising her hands and making the quote gesture with her fingers, “I thought everything was going to be perfect; you know, like in the movies.”
Alyssa elected to remain silent; simply nodding her head as Lauren continued while staring off into the trees.
“I’ve never had anyone before. I thought we were going to move in together and live happily ever after. The grass was going to be green; the bounty of the garden would never end,…” She paused for a moment and glanced at Alyssa to gauge her reaction. Recognizing the level of concern that she was raising in her companion, she stopped herself from go any deeper. “I just thought things would be different.”
“Is everything okay?” asked Alyssa hesitantly.
Lauren laughed as she held out her hand in front of her. From six feet away, a stick the size of a straw flew into her palm. “Yep,” she replied with a half-hearted laugh as she broke the stick in two. “Everything is peachy.” A tense moment of silence followed before Lauren spoke again. “So how are you and Test doing?” she asked, forcing an upbeat tone.
“Good—most of the time anyway,” replied Alyssa honestly.
Reaching out for another stick, Lauren asked, “What do you mean?”
“Oh, it’s nothing bad,” said Alyssa. “It’s just that Test is so hard on himself a lot of the time. It makes it hard to get close sometimes.”
Snapping another twig, Lauren chuckled. “It runs in the family,” she replied.
“What?” asked Alyssa. “You guys are related?”
Rolling her eyes, Lauren laughed genuinely. “No, I mean that our kind is usually like that.”
Alyssa felt the warm blush of embarrassment cover her face. “Oh,” she said with a weak smile. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” replied Lauren. “It’s funny—our kind are destined to live for what seems like forever, yet it seems we are cursed to try and destroy ourselves from the inside out.” Ducking under a low hanging branch, she continued. “Honestly though, Test is more like me than anyone I’ve ever met before.”
Thankful that Lauren allowed the embarrassment to pass, Alyssa tucked her hair behind her ear. “He really does think of you as his sister, you know.”
A sudden glow appeared on Lauren’s face as she returned Aly
ssa’s comment with a wide, toothy smile. “Thank you for telling me that,” she replied. “I’ve never really had a family befo…”
Walking with her eyes focused on the upcoming uneven ground, Alyssa failed to realize that Lauren had not only stopped mid-sentence, she’d also stopped walking. Finally, after a couple of steps, she turned to see Lauren standing with her eyes to the earth and her hair draped around her face. She quickly returned to her side.
“Are you okay?”
Lauren glanced up and revealed a tear falling down her cheek. It glistened as stray rayon of light touched up her face. Without a word, Lauren shook her head.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you can tell me,” begged Alyssa. “You can’t keep whatever this is inside of you. Look what it’s doing to you.”
“I can’t,” replied Lauren with a huff as she wiped her eyes.
“Why?”
Unconsciously placing her hands on her stomach, Lauren replied as she tried to contain her sobbing. “It would change everything.”
Alyssa stepped in front of Lauren and placed her hands on her shoulders while inadvertently looking down. There she saw Lauren’s palms pressed tightly against her stomach and pulling her shirt taught. For a moment, the sight of the small and now obvious bump didn’t register. When she understood what she was seeing, she gasped with excitement.
“Oh my God—you are pregnant!”
****
Normally, when Test needed to clear his mind and think, he would head to the highest point on the mountain. Still numb from Iku’s speech, he instead pulled out a chair at the table and took a seat.
With his chin resting in his palms, he closed his eyes and reflected on Iku’s words. Every single word of it was true and resonated deeply. He knew that he had to find a way to come to terms with his past and deal with the present in a much more self-controlled, mature, manner.
