“I really haven’t thought about it, sir,” I respond, sitting straighter as the conversation moves to less emotional ground. “This is all very new to me and I’m not even sure where I’m going to live. All I know is it took a series of what some might see as reckless decisions to see that this is home. I’ve never felt that in Phoenix, not once.”
“There’s time to talk about all of that later,” Mama scolds, rising from her chair. The moment she speaks, she somehow manages to command our attention. “For now, I think it’s time we all prepare for Midnight Mass. It seems to me that we have even more to be thankful for than we already knew.”
My stomach rolls at the thought of going to church with the family. They used to drag me along every weekend, but with my nerves so raw, the last place I want to go is where I know that a piece of me isn’t accepted and is seen as a one-way ticket to eternal damnation.
“Tony, you’re more than welcome to join us,” Mama offers. He stiffens beside me and I crack a smile for the first time since we all sat down. “Unless, of course, Dominic would prefer you stay here to take care of him.”
I curl my fingers around the cushion of the couch to keep from jumping up to kiss Mama. And then I feel guilty for being so elated that she’s giving both of us an easy out.
“Thanks, Mama. I’d like that.”
The woman who is the only mother I care to claim wraps her arms tightly around my body. “I love you, Dominic. You’ve carried this burden alone for far too long. Sleep tonight and tomorrow I expect you to be at the house by noon.”
“I will be,” I promise her. “I love you, too.”
With everyone out of the condo and on their way to mass, the room becomes too quiet. Dom sinks back into the plush leather couch, looking absolutely drained once again.
“Everything okay?” I ask, picking up empty glasses so I can load the dishwasher. It’ll be late by the time Andrew and Cara return and I don’t want my sister to have to clean up before heading to bed. Plus, it gives me something to do other than hover over Dom like a worrisome, overbearing boyfriend.
Shit. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, I scold myself.
“Yeah, I’m just wiped out. The past couple of days have been a lot of sharing that I’d rather have never done,” Dom confesses, shifting to get more comfortable.
When I first met Dom, I thought he was a confident, kind-hearted man who had his shit together. Now, I’m beginning to realize that was all a façade. It’s not that he isn’t those things, but he’s polished those facets of his personality in an attempt to bury the shit he doesn’t want anyone else to see.
“But you have to talk, eventually. Tell me if I’m wrong, but the way I see it, you’ve carried around a heaping pile of steaming shit for a long time. You might not say it, but you’re trying to compensate for the guilt you feel over Brandon’s death by doing what he would want.” I leave him to chew on that thought while I finish wiping down counters and sweeping the floor.
“Now who’s the shrink out of the two of us?” Dom hollers. When I poke my head around the corner to make some witty comeback, it dies on my lips because it almost looks as if Dom’s falling asleep on the couch. I lean against the doorway for a moment, trying to decide if he looks more peaceful than he has in the past week or if it’s a figment of my imagination.
“Hey, why don’t we head to bed?” I suggest, reaching for his hand.
“I’d rather stay here, if you don’t mind.” He pulls the blanket tight under his chin, another layer of protection from the outside world. He might be trying to tell me that he wants to be alone, but that’s not what he needs. I flick off the lights and move so I’m standing in front of him. “Tony, it’s okay. You can head to bed if you’re tired, but I’m good here. Really.”
Dom’s staring blankly out the window, watching snowflakes falling high above the city. Gently, I reach beneath his shoulders and pull his head off the couch. Once I’m settled into the end cushion, his head falls into place on my thigh. We sit there in the darkness, with only the twinkling lights on my sister’s Christmas tree to keep our world from total darkness.
A lump forms in my throat as I allow myself to think about how normal it feels to be here with Dom. Most of the time, I’m the guy cracking a joke or saying something completely random when the silence gets to be too much, but Dom’s steady breathing is enough.
“I think the worst part is that I never really got to say goodbye,” Dom whispers. In my state of half-sleep, I barely register the words. I run my fingers through his chestnut hair, wishing there was more I could do. “His parents made sure Jason knew that I wasn’t welcome at the funeral because I was the fag who’d turned their son against everything he was taught growing up. Jason tried to get them to understand that no one ‘did’ anything to him, but they refused to listen.
“At one point, they told Jason that if he was going to keep sticking up for the queer boy from up north, he would find himself sitting beside me.” Even though there are similarities between Brandon’s family and my own, I can’t imagine they would be so cruel as to deny my partner if something should happen to me. They aren’t going to like the fact that I’m gay, may not welcome anyone I choose to be with into their lives, what Brandon’s family did is pure evil.
“Baby, that’s awful,” I sigh, leaning down to kiss his head. The silence returns, and I struggle to keep my mouth closed. I want to find Brandon’s parents and beat some sense into them.
“I think I was expecting it. I just wish they’d let me say goodbye to him so my last memory wasn’t of him bleeding out in the water.” Dom’s breathing becomes ragged and I know he’s crying. Again. I’d always thought showing emotion made a man weak, but Dominic is teaching me that it’s a sign of super-human strength. I feel strangely proud of him and blessed that I’m the one he’s sharing this with. “How am I supposed to let myself feel again, knowing how much it kills me when it ends?”
“It doesn’t always end,” I remind Dom, moving my hand beneath the blanket, needing to feel the warmth of his body on my skin. “And if it does, you need to find a way to remember the good things instead of just the bad. You’ve told me a lot about what you and Brandon fought about and how things ended. Why not try to think of one happy memory that you can share with me?”
Dom’s silent for a long time and I start kicking myself in the ass. Yet again, I’m trying to get Dom to go further than he’s comfortable and this is an extremely touchy subject. When I move to slide out from beneath him, his fingers grip my arm tightly. “Don’t go,” he pleads. “You’re right. I haven’t let myself think about him for so long, I have to fight this haze to get to any memories other than the last day we had together.”
“It’s okay, baby.” I settle back in my seat, pulling Dom closer. He rolls onto his back so his shimmering eyes are staring up at me. “You don’t have to tell me anything right now. Hell, you don’t have to share a single second of your time together with me, but I do think it’d do you some good to think about something other than the last time you saw Brandon.”
“No, you’re right. I can’t keep thinking about everything that hurts, now that I’ve decided to open the door.” There’s a subtle vulnerability in this voice, which is an alarming contrast to the velvety tone to which I’ve become accustomed. My body reacts, but not in the way I’m used to. Right now, I don’t want to take him to the bedroom and pound him into next week, I want to lay him down and make love to him to show him that it’s okay to feel. Fuck, I’m terrified, but now that I’ve decided this is what I want, I’ll be damned if I’m going to let go easily.
I slide my hand beneath the hem of his shirt, needing to feel as close to Dom as he’ll let me. The voice in my head is telling me I’m crazy to feel this pull to him, but I’m ignoring it, in favor of my sister’s words of wisdom from earlier. What I feel for Dom doesn’t make sense, but it doesn’t have to. And then I chuckle when I think about Andrew’s sage advice.
“Care to tell me what’s so fu
nny?” Dom looks up at me with this ridiculous scowl on his face.
“Just something Andrew said earlier.” Feeling Dom relax under the gentle circles I’m drawing on his tight stomach, I inch my hand higher, grazing one finger over his nipple. “He comes across as being a tight-ass, but he’s downright strange when he wants to be.”
Dom ignores my ill-timed fit of humor. He gently hums as I continue lightly stroking his skin, letting him know I’m here for him in the only way I know how. “You know, I think this is what I miss the most about Brandon. The two of us used to lie in the dark for hours, just talking. It was the only time I could get him to slow down for two seconds. I used to tease him for acting like a rubber band that had been wound too tightly. But when we’d settle in for the night, he was like a different person.”
Jealousy creeps through my body as Dominic continues telling me about the summer he spent with Brandon, the weeks before everything went to shit. I envy him for having that type of love in his life, and a little piece of me hates Brandon because he’s had something with Dom that I desperately wish I could have.
Every time Dom gives me a shred of insight into the man that he is, it raises more questions in my mind. They’re the questions that typically don’t come up for months into a relationship, but whatever this is that’s growing between us is happening at warp speed and, for once in my life, I’m open to the concept of having someone I know on every level.
“Sounds like a pretty special guy,” I respond, biting back the words that are on the tip of my tongue.
“He was.” Dom reaches up to trace my jaw with one finger. If he keeps that up, he’s going to feel something poking the side of his head. “Honestly, it’s part of why I freaked out the other day. I look at you and I see so much of the man he might have become if I had been more adamant that we not go out on the water. You’re just as intense as he is, and you both drive me crazy.”
“Thanks…I think. Come on, let’s get to bed.” All this talking is wearing me out. It sucks to want someone so much that your heart aches for them. Yet another reason the penis is better than the heart.
The truth is out and the world didn’t collapse. I reach for Tony’s hand, leading him to the bedroom that we’ll likely wind up sharing for however long our time together lasts. The alternative is for one of us to take the couch, but that doesn’t seem comfortable or even necessary at this point. I know there’s no way I’ll get any decent sleep knowing that he’s so close and it seems the feeling is mutual, given his rambling apology earlier tonight.
Things with Tony are…intense. From the very first moment I heard him pleading with the gate agent to find him a seat on any flight to New York so he wouldn’t miss the wedding, I’ve felt pulled to him the way opposite ends of a magnet jump to one another. Then I dropped him off and I felt like a piece of me stayed with him, as crazy as that sounds.
After the wedding debacle, it was easy to pretend that Tony’s lack of filter between his brain and mouth was the issue. He’s the epitome of the blunt New Yorker stereotype. And that was an issue, still is in a way, but not for the reasons I tried to give. It was, is, the feeling of déjà vu.
Even the way he stalks around the bedroom getting ready for bed reminds me of Brandon. Which makes me wonder, not for the first time, if my attraction to Tony is because of who he is or who my mind drifts to frequently when we’re together.
I wait until Tony heads for the bathroom before starting my own nighttime ritual. The way I’m struggling with wardrobe choices, you’d think I’m getting ready for a hot date, not what I hope will be a decent night of sleep. In the end, I forego my lounge pants, figuring it’s not the first time he’s seen me in my boxers. Actually, it will be the first time I’ve slept this way in his presence because the last time there was nothing between us.
Strong arms wrap tightly around my waist, scaring the crap out of me. I lean back into Tony’s chest, chastising myself for being so jumpy.
“Did I scare you?” Tony whispers in my ear. I nod in response as the way his lips and teeth are working my neck render me speechless. “Turn around for me.”
With Tony, there’s no need to think about what’s going to happen. When I’m in his arms, I’m able to turn off my mind and just feel everything he does to me. Respond to his demands and hope I leave him feeling half as good as I do. Although, up to this point, I feel the pleasure scales have been tipped in my favor.
If I’m going to move forward the way I claim I want to, I can’t allow myself to follow his lead all the time. That’s the way of my past and it’s time to let that go. I have no problem asserting myself with hook-ups, now it’s time to do the same with someone I care about.
Tony’s eyes grow wide as I grab his shoulders, spinning him around and pushing him back on the bed. “I need tonight to be about you,” I tell him, climbing onto the bed so I’m straddling his clothed hips. “You’ve spoiled me the past couple of times, so I think I owe you one. More, actually.”
“Dom, this isn’t a baseball game. There’s no scorecard when we’re together,” he sighs. His words fall to low groans as I lean down to bite his neck. Tony’s hips arch off the mattress when I hit a particular spot and I laugh.
“Did I find a sensitive spot?” I ask, the words heavy across his damp skin. I bite down harder on the tendon in his neck, savoring the pressure of his hard cock grinding against mine.
Tony writhes more when I reach between our bodies to tug at the bulge growing behind his zipper. My tongue flicks over the cinnamon disk of his nipple and Tony weaves his fingers through my hair, holding me tight to his chest. I jerk away, moving to the other side, flicking my tongue over the taut bud.
“Fuck…Dom…don’t stop,” he pants. The sound of his ragged breathing and my mouth working over his body is the only soundtrack in the room. “Oh, God…more…” he begs.
Tony slides back on the bed as I make quick work of stripping him naked. His thick cock pops free from the waistband of his briefs and I bend over to kiss the crown. His heady scent fills my head and I need so much more. I take just the tip into my mouth, licking the pre-cum dripping from the head. Tony’s fingers ghost through my hair, to my shoulders. He utters moans of approval as he digs his fingers into the muscles of my back.
“Suck my balls, Dom.” I grin, his cock still firmly seated in my mouth. Rather than follow his desperate command, I shift so I’m propped over him and claim his mouth. “God, Dom, so fucking good,” he praises. He reaches for my boxers, pushing them over my hips so our erections are pressed against one another.
Torturing both of us, I make my way down his body again, the tip of my tongue traveling through the valley of cut muscle on his torso. Cupping his tight sac, I give them a harsh tug as I take his entire length into my mouth.
Shoving my fingers into Tony’s mouth, I wrap my other hand around his slick shaft. I curl my fingers behind his teeth, pulling him up to meet me. “Tonight, you’re mine,” I warn him. Tony props himself on his elbows, his back arched, pushing his stunning chest closer to me.
His cock jumps at my words, obviously loving the idea of being claimed. Our lips crash together as I glide my wet fingers through the cleft of his ass. He plants his feet wider on the bed, lifting to allow me entrance. “So fucking tight,” I praise him. “Want to taste you here.”
“Get up here, Dom…please…need you.” Tony’s words are barely audible at this point. I turn my body around, feeding my cock into Tony’s waiting mouth. His groans of pleasure reverberate through my hard shaft as I run my tongue over the tight ring of muscle. His body quickly loosens to me and I spread his ass cheeks wide, burying my face, tongue fucking his ass at the same rhythm with which I’m fucking his mouth.
“So good,” I murmur. He hums in agreement. “Want to take you, Tony. You good with that?”
We’ve never talked about who plays which roles. I haven’t bottomed for anyone since…then. There’s never been anyone I trusted enough to be with the way I allowed Tony to take me the
other night. But now, I need to feel his muscles tensing around my shaft as I bury myself to the hilt.
“Fuck, yes,” he sighs enthusiastically. I reach for the lube and condom I shoved beneath the mattress, hoping but not expecting tonight to go this way. He reaches over my thigh to grab the condom out of my hands. “Let me.”
My head falls back as I feel his hands work the thin latex over my length. While he lubes my cock, I spit on his hole, shoving two fingers inside. Tony’s grip on my cock tightens as I reach the sensitive spot inside of him.
I’m caught off guard when I shift my body to get into position and Tony reaches under my armpit to put me in a half nelson. Before I’m able to react, he pins me to the bed with his weight over my chest. I push back the swell of emotion, wrestling back to free myself.
Wrapping my arms around his neck and waist, I buck hard and roll, nearly sending Tony off the bed. “You play dirty,” I huff once I gain the upper-hand. I grind my erection against the length of his dick, my hands working at his chest while I take deep breaths to pull myself back from the brink. At this rate, I’ll be lucky if I don’t blow the moment I feel his hot muscles enveloping me.
“Stop fucking around,” Tony growls, reaching between our bodies to give my cock another painfully wonderful squeeze. I shove his hand away, lining the head of my cock against his opening.
“Don’t keep anything in,” I request, leaning over to brush the black hair away from his sweaty forehead. “Give it all to me.”
I push inside slowly, waiting for his muscles to get used to the pressure. I nibble his ear, biting down hard as I thrust deeper. “Oh, God,” Tony moans.
“That’s it, baby. Almost there,” I moan, shoving the rest of the way until my balls slap against the globes of his ass. “Fucking amazing.”
His head falls over the edge of the bed, inviting me to suck at the base of his neck. “I love it when you’re deep,” Tony encourages and I quicken my pace.
Dance With Destiny Page 14
