If the second test were positive, then I would schedule an appointment with my OBGYN. She knew me well sadly enough.
I finally had to pee again. I grabbed the stick and sat down, my heart racing and tears dripping off my chin as I gave myself into the emotional strain of what if.
After letting the stick sit on the side of the sink for the allotted time, I checked it.
Pregnant.
"Holy shit." I put both of them in my medicine cabinet, cleaned off the counter and walked into the living room.
Dropping down on the couch, I pressed my hands to my face and cried. Tears of fear. Tears of worry. Tears of joy.
Finally. I was going to be a mom come hell or high water.
I didn't care what the fall out looked like. I wanted this more than anything else in my life, and it was finally mine.
I was scrubbing in when Parks walked into the OR, his eyes dark, his lips in a tight line.
"Doctor Parks." I glanced over at him and nodded, a little worried about his appearance. Something was wrong, but it wasn't really the time to talk about it.
"Doctor." He nodded and washed his hands before turning to Nancy. "Turn on some metal music for me in the OR today. I'm lead, and I need it."
"Yes, Sir. You okay?" Nancy's face was filled with worry.
"I will be. Thanks." He moved around her and walked into the room as I watched him.
Nancy walked over to me. "What's going on? Something up with the two of you?"
"No. Not at all." I glanced up to watch several of the staff and attending doctors address him. His expression didn't change. It was a damn good thing I wasn't telling him about the baby. From what I could tell, he didn't need anything else going on in his life.
It was my secret to keep, my treasure to harbor. He'd offered to give me a baby, and where I didn't think it possible, he pulled it off.
My heart leaped and ached all in the same moment, leaving me a little breathless. How easily I could fall in love with a strong man like Parks, but this was for the better.
"I'll be right beside you both." Nancy gave me a warm smile and helped me with my gloves.
"You always are." I walked toward the doors; my hands lifted as she opened it for me. "Thank you."
Henry glanced my way, worry in his eyes. "Doctor Crawford. Come over here in my spot, and I'll stand beside you and attend in any way you or Doctor Parks need me to."
He was incredibly respectful even though we were the young ones in the room.
"Thank you." I moved across from Parks and glanced up. "Everything is prepared as you asked. I'm here for you. Just do what you need to do."
He nodded, and I realized that something horrible had happened to him. The light in his eyes was dim, and the dark circles under his eyes left him looking like death was knocking at his door. "I'm good. Just do as I ask."
"Of course." I nodded and followed his every instruction. A beeping sound caught my attention, and I turned and checked the heart monitor closely. "Blood pressure is dropping, Parks. Pull back."
"Not yet. I'm almost there, Ans. The tumor is wrapped around a nerve. I can do this."
"No. Pull back." I gripped the side of the table, hating the sound of my voice. I was almost barking at him, but fear had me held in place. "Now."
He glanced up. "This is my surgery. Not yours. Back off or get the fuck out."
I jolted from the hatred in his face. Had I really fucked up things with us to the point of him attacking me in front of everyone?
"Parks." Henry touched the small of my back. "Just pause for a minute and let-"
"I'm almost there!" He pressed on, and Clay jerked, his body convulsing as the monitor screamed at us.
"He's going into cardiac arrest." I moved up and took over, doing everything I could to bring the congressman to life. Henry and Parks assisted, and the monitor calmed down as his heart stabilized. "Close him up. Now."
"No. If you would have left me to it, I would have gotten it before he went into duress. Period. He's fine. Watch his heart rate and do what you're told," he barked loudly at me.
Nancy walked out, and Henry went after her. The few nurses we had around us backed up.
"I'm watching. Do what you need to do, but if he nears death again, you will close him up." I growled softly and narrowed my eyes as he looked up.
His skin was so pale, and his eyes screamed for help, but there was no fucking way his ego was going to let me step in. Especially not now.
He asked for a few more instruments and wrapped up the surgery much faster than I ever would have. "Close him up." He handed me the light off his head and walked out of the room, leaving me to clean up his mess.
Anger burned through me, but I swallowed it and finished the job. The second I was done, I walked out into the hallway and bumped into Nolan.
"What the fuck is going on?" His voice was ugly, and the vein that ran down his forehead was pulsing wildly.
"I'm sorry, Ansley. I was worried." Nancy moved around him and gave me an apologetic look.
"It's fine." I turned back to Nolan. "There was a complication." I walked toward my office, knowing that he would follow.
"And whose fault was it that we almost lost him? Nancy says it was Parks."
I walked into my office to find Parks there. He didn't see Nolan before he lit into me.
"If you ever get in the way of another surgery I'm in charge of, I will have them take your license. Do you hear me?" His finger was in my face, his eyes filled with rage. "He almost died in there."
"Wait." Nolan moved up and swatted Parks’ hand from my chest. "From what I hear, this was your goddamn fault."
"It was mine." I turned to face Nolan as clarity became mine.
"In my office. Now!" Nolan turned and stormed out.
"How the hell does he already know what happened, Ansley?" Parks walked past me. "Did you run to him the minute we wrapped up?"
"Fuck you too." I followed Parks down the hall as a sadness I didn't expect to feel washed over me. I was ready to give up my career, my position for my future. Nolan would never let me breathe in Boston General, and Parks would lose his license for putting such an important patient at risk.
I had to take the blame. It freed me from the hospital, from Nolan, and sadly enough, from Parks.
21
Parks
Maybe it was my fault, but it sure as hell didn't feel like it. I walked into Nolan's office bone weary, but ready to fight it out with him and Ansley. I'd been nothing but a second-class citizen since stepping into their fucking hospital.
"What happened." Nolan dropped down at his desk.
"The tumor was wrapped around a nerve that would have paralyzed him had I not removed all of it. There was no choice but to push a little." I stood in front of his desk as Ansley walked in.
"So, you pushed him past the point of cardiac arrest? Since when is that good practice, Parks?" Nolan barked, his face red as a beet.
"He would have finished in time, but I intervened. I was scared and wanted him to pull back. My disruption cost him time. I'll take the blame for this."
"No." Parks glanced over at me. "It was-"
"Listen to me. Both of you, goddammit. Clay better wake up healthy and whole. We'll have to tell him about his weakened heart of course, but I don't want either of you saying a fucking thing. Got it?" He glanced in between both of us. "As far as I'm concerned, Parks, you're relieved of your duties here. Aiden and Peter can deal with you back in New York. You acted foolishly, regardless of Ansley's involvement. It was your room to manage and you failed."
"Nolan-" Ansley stepped up. Was she trying to save me? It was almost humorous to think she was. If so, it was for saving face for Aiden, nothing else. She'd been ignoring me since our date and long night of fucking. Going home didn't sound like much of a punishment at all. I was more than ready to blow the fuck outta there.
"Hush. Not another word." He pointed a finger at her. "This will be under investigation. You're on suspension without
pay until further notice. Get out of my office. Now."
I turned and walked out, not sure what to say or do. She blew past me, jogging toward her office. She was too strong to cry, but fuck me if I didn't want to save her.
It would have to wait. I needed to get back to the hospital in Lexington where my dad was. I'd work things out with Nolan once I spoke with Aiden and figured out my best defense. It most likely wasn't an offense of any sort.
I walked down to my office and gathered my stuff. The soft sound of her voice surprised me a little.
"I'm sorry." She stood at the door, looking like an angel in distress. Everything inside of me wanted to get up and take her in my arms, but she didn't want that. She'd made that more than obvious, and it was for the best. I wasn't the kind of man that she needed. I wasn't sure he existed. Fuck, maybe it was Nolan Reigns. He'd had more luck than all the rest of us.
"Me too." I pulled my backpack over my shoulder and walked toward her. "I'm glad to be going home though." I reached out and touched her chin as I rubbed my thumb over her cheek. "When they do the investigation, I'll take the blame. It was my fault. I should have kept going or pulled back when the timing got fucked up. You don't need to suffer for this."
"I'm good. I need to get out of here, you know?" Tears filled her beautiful eyes. "Let me have this reason to break free. They can have my license. I'll be okay."
"Fuck no." I stepped closer and cupped her face. "Aiden will help us figure this out."
"I know, but let me have this one. It's okay. I want it." She lifted to her toes and touched the side of my face, pulling me down into a long kiss. My body woke up and my heart shuttered deep in my chest.
It was goodbye for us, but I wished like hell it wasn't.
"Thank you." She kissed me again.
"For what?"
"For everything." She moved back, wiped at her eyes and forced a smile. "I survived The Doctor Feelgood. I should get a t-shirt or a tattoo or something." She winked and walked out of my office, leaving me there broken, lost, done.
I made it back to the hospital an hour later, weary as fuck. Aiden had called a few times on my drive over, but I ignored his messages. I needed a quiet place to call him back, and he wasn't my priority, neither was my shit with Ansley or the recovering congressman.
It was my father.
I walked into his room and stopped at the door. "Dad?"
He turned his head and smiled. "Parks. Come over here, son."
"You scared me pretty bad last night." I dropped my backpack on the couch and walked over to sit down beside his bed. I reached for his hand and squeezed it as a million emotions raced through me. I couldn't help but wonder how much shit one person could take before they broke. I felt like I was on a dicked up quest to answer that question.
"I'm sorry about that." He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. "I'm a weak man. Your mother leaving me all those years ago-" He got choked up, and fuck if I didn't too.
"Dad. You don't have to talk about this right now." I reached over with my free hand and rubbed his chest softly. "Seriously."
"I need to." He opened his eyes and wiped at his tears. "I wish I hadn't let her have such a large part of my heart, but I did. I'm a musician, a romantic, a lover. She was so bright and strong, Jacob. Sorry, Parks."
"Call me by my name, Dad. It's alright." I rubbed his chest in slow circles. "I shouldn't have denied you that. I just hear her voice every time someone says my first name."
"I understand." He pinched his nose as a soft sob left him. "She was my everything, son. She was my muse, my lover, my best friend. But I wasn't enough."
"Yes, you were. She was fucked up, Dad. She didn't just leave you." I patted his chest and waited until he opened his eyes. "She left me too."
"I'm so sorry I didn't help you through that. She found someone else, son. I couldn’t talk her out of going with him. She walked away and never looked back. Can you ever forgive me for letting her ruin us?"
He had a few weeks at most left on his life and he wanted to know if I would forgive him?
"I already did. Years ago." I reached up and brushed my hand down the side of his face. "So the girl I was starting to fall for decided I wasn't the guy for her." I snorted, unable to hold back my disgust. "I'm not sure why I even tried to be honest with you."
"What happened?" He gripped my wrist and held my close.
"I don't know. I took her to dinner, bought her flowers, made love to her, and the next day it was as if I didn't exist at all." I shrugged and forced a smirk. "Guess I'm made for the bachelor life, hm?"
"No, I don't believe that for a minute." He released me, and I moved back. "Maybe she was trying to protect herself from falling in love with you."
"Or maybe she's just a bitch." I stood up and walked to the window, hating the way he looked as he lay there dying in front of me. If anyone deserved a second chance, it was him.
"You really believe that?" His voice was gaining strength, which I was glad to hear. I'd talk about my fucked up love life all night long if it keep him moving back toward gaining his strength.
"I don't know." I glanced over my shoulder and memorized the loving look on his face. "No. I guess I don't."
"Then go after her, son. If you think she's the one."
"I'm not sure what I think anymore." I turned back to the window to let my eyes run along the late afternoon dreariness. "I don't want to fall in love. Seeing what happened to you when mom left, I'm not sure I could handle loving and losing Ansley."
"Let me tell you this. Come over here." He extended his hand to me as I turned.
I took it and sat back down beside him, wanting to hear anything he had to say. "Tell me."
"I would suffer this pain all over again if it meant I got to have the good times with your mother. Those memories are the delight of my life beside the ones I have of raising you. No matter how much love hurts, it's so worth the effort."
"But it didn't work, dad, and you were the one left holding the bag. That's some shit." I reached up and brushed his hair off his forehead.
"But it might have." He smiled weakly. "There was always a chance that our story would go down as one of the greatest love stories of all times. You can't see the end from the beginning. Only God can do that, Parks."
"I'm not sure I'd want to see what happens anyway." I squeezed his hand. "It would take all the fun out of it."
He chuckled and reached up to cup his stomach. "I'm tired. Let me rest and you go home. I'll be okay here."
I stood and leaned over, kissing his head. "I'm not going anywhere just yet."
A soft knock at the door had me standing back up fully. The older doctor from the ER walked in and spoke with my dad for a few minutes before turning to me.
"Can we talk in the hallway? Your father needs some rest." He opened the door and moved back.
I glanced back at my dad. "Get some sleep. I'm going to be right there on that couch, okay?"
"Alright, boy." He closed his eyes, and I walked out of the room and turned toward the doctor. "Shoot straight with me."
"Of course." He pulled up the chart and shook his head. "I told you two weeks, but I'm honestly not sure we even have that. We have a tube going into his side to drain the bile and help filter the toxins as best we can, but that's not going to last long. He's taxed his liver and other organs so much with his years of heavy drinking."
"Can we move him to New York? To St. Marks? I want him under my care there."
"We can move him safely, but the hospital there will not put him under your care, Doctor Parks. You're a direct family member. It's not going to happen."
I started to tear into the guy, but he was right. There was no need to argue something I knew to be true. "You're right. Let's get him transported tomorrow morning. I'll head home then too. Put him under Doctor Kym Yani's care, okay?"
"Of course. I know Kym personally. She will take great care of him." He reached out and gripped my shoulder. "I'm so sorry we didn't catch this in tim
e."
"I'm sorry I didn't." I nodded and turned to walk down the hall. I needed some air before my heart exploded in my chest. I was a fucking doctor, the world’s up and coming neurologist and my father was wasting away from a disease that could have been stopped in its tracks, but I didn't visit. I couldn't stand the emotional whiplash from seeing him too often.
And for my fuck up, I'd lose the last person I had left in the world.
I dropped down on a bench outside the hospital and leaned back, closing my eyes and diving into the first memory that came to mind.
Me and Ansley, fucking on her desk in her office. It should have turned me on, but it didn't. It left me cold knowing that I'd never get to see what we could have been. Not now.
Fear fucked me over, and pride left me walking away from whatever could have happened.
The only hope I had left inside of me where she was concerned was a baby. If she got pregnant from one of our love making sessions, then I could tether myself to her and try again.
I lifted my chin to the heavens and prayed, something I hadn't done in a long time. I might have to go through losing my father, but giving Ansley what she wanted most in life would soften that blow.
At least I hoped it would.
22
Ansley
Two Months Later
The snow on the roads made it damn near impossible to get down to New York for the Christmas holiday, but Aiden wasn't taking no for an answer. I hadn't been back to Boston General since the incident with Parks, but I was more healthy than I had been in years.
The board had reviewed the surgery for Congressman Kade and found me and Parks to be not guilty of anything related to misconduct. We both got a slap on the wrist, but nothing too serious. I'd asked for a leave of absence until the New Year. Because I went above Nolan's head, the board of the hospital approved it.
The discussion with Nolan just before heading to New York had gone about as well as I'd expected. We spent thirty minutes yelling at each other, and I realized that I didn't have to do that anymore. He didn't own me, and he never would be a part of my life again. At least not outside of the hospital. Telling him as such was the largest weight off my shoulders.
Captain Hotness: A Single Father Bad Boy Novel Page 28
