by Andi Allyn
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Honey, go back and read all of the emails you sent me about learning to understand what drives Craig. You and I both know it’s that you come back, that’s what he needs and that’s what he wants. Also, you were perfectly content to make this all about fantasy. Then one night you let yourself be seduced. That’s not the same as Craig forcing you into this. You need to try to see this in perspective.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Perspective? Fuck! I have one perspective right now, just one. The only perspective I have right now is pain a whole god damned lot of it. I can’t fucking believe how horrible this feels. Jesus. My whole fucking world is turned upside down, and I don’t know what the fuck to do.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Well, the very first thing you need to do is talk to Craig about what happened.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Oh yeah. That’s brilliant.
Hey Craig, the guy you wanted me to fuck wants me to leave you, and I’m considering it. Thought you should know.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
You shouldn’t even be considering it. But you need to involve him in the process. He deserves the opportunity to remind you why you love him.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
This sucks, Auntie Karen.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
When are you supposed to get back to Andres?
January 2 [email protected] wrote
I either go with him on the “trip” or I don’t.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Well you have to talk to Craig.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
I can’t.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Grow up, Bauble. This isn’t some kind of high school romance drama. You must!
January 2 [email protected] wrote
No, I mean he’s at the airport. Like I said, he has to spend six days in Los Angeles. I’m on my own for this decision.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Oh. I’d forgotten. Jesus.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
I want to choose Craig, Auntie Karen. I really do, but the thought of losing Andres… well, when I was suddenly stuck with the choice, it hurt so much.
I’ve been trying to think of a way to have both, you know. I mean, you hear about men lying to their mistresses for years. They’re always “about” to leave their wives. It won’t work, though, because Andres wants me to move in with him and wants me to do it right away. I can’t say I need to stay with Craig for the kids because they’re all grown up. I can’t use money as an excuse because even a third of the money Craig and I have would be enough and it doesn’t matter because Andres is a multi-millionaire.
I have to choose, and I don’t want to, and I want to just go hide somewhere and cry all week.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Talk to Craig.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Didn’t we just go over this?
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Jesus, Bauble, you’re rich. Get a fucking plane ticket.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Oh. I could do that.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
But you don’t want to.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
I don’t want to make the choice. I guess that’s what it comes down to. If I talk to Craig, I’ll have to make the choice.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
You don’t HAVE any choice, Bauble. You have to decide, and you need to talk to Craig. Take Lisa if it will help.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
God. I need Lisa. I’m going to call her. I’ll catch up with you later.
January 2 [email protected] wrote
Bauble?
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Bauble?
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Hi Auntie Karen. Lisa just left. I needed her, and last night was wonderful. I pretended I left both Craig and Andres and it was just Lisa and me.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Tell me about it.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Well, I didn’t tell her anything. I just called her and invited her over. I tried to sound cheerful on the phone. Anyway, she showed up an hour and a half later, and she had a bottle of cherry-flavored vodka with her. She smiled sadly at me and just put her arms around me. She held me for about a minute right there in the foyer, and I started crying like a baby. She just held me. I think she held me for about fifteen minutes there in the foyer until I was just resting my head on her shoulder instead of crying. Then, she backed up a little and leaned forward and kissed me softly.
She led me to the kitchen and poured me a double (or maybe triple) shot of the vodka and one for herself. She downed hers right away and I sipped mine but she put her fingers on the bottom of the glass and lifted it up so that I just drank it down. She put the glasses on the counter and she kissed me again. Then, she took my hand and led me to my bedroom.
Neither of us had spoken at all. She brought me to the bed and just began taking my clothes off, still not speaking. I wasn’t turned on. I didn’t want sex. I wanted a girlfriend to be miserable with. I didn’t say anything, though, and I’m glad I didn’t because once I was undressed, she got undressed and led me to the bed, only she wasn’t getting ready for sex. Instead, she pulled the blankets on us and put my head on her shoulder. She just held me and stroked my hair and my back until I fell asleep with her.
It was about two hours later that I woke up, and my head was on her shoulder and she was still stroking my hair. I imagine she fell asleep for a while, but I liked to pretend she’d stayed awake the whole time. It made me feel protected. When she could tell I was awake, she gently took my head from her shoulder and put it down softly on the pillow. She got up and returned with more cherry vodka. After another shot, she kissed me and then she was wonderful
She spent an hour and a half kissing, licking, touching, and massaging every part of me. It was relaxing, invigorating, and explosive all at once. She somehow knew how to draw everything out and keep me from cumming. When I finally did cum, her tongue was pushed into my asshole while her fingers were gently massaging my clit.
An hour and a half, and she wouldn’t let me do anything for her! Every time I reached for her, she would gently take my hands and put them down or gently push me back into a position where the focus was on me. Once I came, she and I lay down and slept for a while longer.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
You guys never talked?
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Sorry. I had to deal with a phone call from Craig right then.
Yeah, we talked. After we woke up again, I ordered some Indian takeout and we talked for hours. She’s on the same side of the fence you are. Bye bye Andres. I just don’t know if I can do it.
I mean, I know that a lot of the unfulfillment (is that a word) I felt in our relationship before last year was my fault, but I’m just so damned terrified of going back to it, of being that unhappy woman who sits alone and never has her interests or her hopes and dreams explored. I love Craig, I love him so much that I’d do anything for him.
Still, with Andres, I really feel valued and valued for who I am, for what my hopes and my dreams have been since I was a child. I feel like what I do at the library is important, like my love of Faulkner and Hemmingway isn’t just a hobby. I can’t lose that, Auntie Karen, I just can’t.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
You have to talk to Craig. I think he would give you all those things. I bet he never
knew any of that was important to you.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Maybe, but I want Craig to be exactly who he is! I don’t want him to change. I want both.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Bauble, you can’t have both. That’s that.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
There has to be some way. Andres is very cosmopolitan. I bet I could convince him.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Honey, you need to go see Craig.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
I don’t want to!
In fact, I’m so damned angry at him. If it wasn’t for him and his fucking fantasy none of this would have happened in the first place.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Okay. I’m not really angry at him. I’m trying to be because it sure would be easier to be able to blame him. I think I’m trying to blame him so I could feel justified leaving him if it came down to it. But I don’t want to leave him. Fuck.
Alright. I’ll get the plane tickets.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
I know it’s hard, honey, but it’s important. And…just because things won’t be what they are at this very moment doesn’t mean things have to go back to how they were when you were unhappy all the time.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
We fly out this evening.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
We?
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Yeah. Lisa is coming along for moral support.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
Okay.
You may want to have the conversation with Craig alone, though. I don’t know. Maybe not. I guess I never anticipated this kind of a situation. I thought Craig would be devastated, no matter what he thought he wanted. I never thought you would fall for the other guy.
I know you and Craig need to work it out, though, and not one of you all by herself.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
I have to pack. I’ll check in later.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
I just called him. He’s still at the conference. He doesn’t know Lisa and I are here. We’re having drinks in the lounge.
Three men have hit on us, and it’s fucking crazy because a few days ago it would have been fun to flirt and know that even though I wasn’t going to be with any of them, there was always a (very far) outside possibility that I could. Now, every smile and stupid line is just a reminder of how fucked up things are.
Lisa looks beautiful. I just want to get a room and spend the night with her and forget about everything else. She won’t let me, though. She’s just as adamant about me talking to Craig as you are.
Ugh.
January 3 [email protected] wrote
When will Craig be free?
January 3 [email protected] wrote
An hour. Lisa wiggled her ass at the guy at the front desk, so we have the room key. I’m about to call Craig and tell him not to get dinner because I have to do an important conference call with him. (He probably thinks it’s a sex show thing with Lisa.) We’re really going to order room service and have it ready when he gets here.
I don’t even know how to begin. I mean, part of me wants to make it a whole sex thing, you know. Tie him up, tease him, spank him, and then tell him I’m considering leaving him for Andres. I don’t know if that would be the right way to do it, though. I don’t fucking know what the fucking fuck I’m supposed to do.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
How did the discussion go, Bauble?
January 4 [email protected] wrote
It didn’t.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
???????
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Well, we ordered room service and it arrived just before Craig did. When I saw his face, I just couldn’t talk about all that. There’s no way I could leave him. I just can’t. I want Andres, but I can’t give up Craig. So, I pulled Lisa to the side and told her to just pretend we were there to surprise him.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Where are you now?
January 4 [email protected] wrote
I’m at the hotel. Lisa is asleep and Craig is at the conference.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Are you okay?
January 4 [email protected] wrote
I don’t know. I think so.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
When are you flying back?
January 4 [email protected] wrote
We’re all staying here until the 10th.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Impromptu vacation?
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Kind of. Also, it means I’ll definitely miss the trip with Andres, and it’s Lisa’s job to keep me distracted, lol.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
That seemed like a bit of a sad “lol.”
January 4 [email protected] wrote
It was.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Do you want to talk.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Maybe I should just tell you about last night’s threesome.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Okay. Kind of weird that talking openly about something like that is now the easier path for you.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
God. Remember when I couldn’t say “cock”?
January 4 [email protected] wrote
So how was last night?
January 4 [email protected] wrote
So Craig enters the hotel room, and he’s of course shocked to see us. Lisa was quiet because she still thought there was going to be a conversation about Andres. The moment I saw Craig, though, I thought about our marriage and how much I love him.
It was really weird, Auntie Karen. I wasn’t thinking about the last year, which has been just incredible. Instead, my mind was filled with the early days, when the two of us were young—even before the kids. I remembered walking in our little college town from one used bookstore to the next, and Craig was doing it for me because he didn’t give a damn about used books.
I remembered when he got a credit card with a three-hundred dollar limit, and it was like Christmas. We went out to eat, and he was so damned proud to be able to pull out his Master Charge card and hand it to the waiter. I remembered when we used to talk about life and our dreams. It was so strange because I hadn’t really thought about that part of our life in so damned long.
He could tell I was pensive because he said, “Am I in trouble?”
That was it. That was what decided everything for me. I walked over to him, put my arms around him and kissed him. My husband. Mine.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Wow. Just like that no more conflict, huh?
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Oh, I was still conflicted, and I still am, but that was when the conclusion became clear. I kissed him and then brought him to the table to sit down. I poured him some wine and then took Lisa into the bathroom and told her the new plan. She threw her arms around me like she was just as relieved as I imagine Craig would have been if he knew.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
I like her more every day.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Anyway, we ate, and the meal was wonderful. Then, because we didn’t really bring any equipment, I used four of Craig’s ties to tie him to the bed. I sat next to him and kissed him and teased him while Lisa did a strip tease.
Like I said, we didn’t really anticipate this ha
ppening, so we weren’t prepared. Still, even stripping out of a tee shirt and jeans that girl looked incredible. I don’t know how she did it. She looked so damned sexy and yet so damned innocent at the same time, and by the time she was down to her pink panties and her frilly pink bra, I was so fucking horny that I stripped and got on top of Craig. I was facing away from him and staring at Lisa, and as I fucked him, she kept up the strip tease. By the time she was naked, I’d cum and cum hard. I told Craig he could cum and just a second or two after saying it, he exploded in me.
I moved up and sat on his face so he could clean me up, and Lisa climbed onto the bed. Both of us used our mouths on Craig as he licked me clean, and then I backed up a bit and pulled Lisa onto him. It was only the second time I’d let her fuck Craig, but it was wonderful. We kissed as I moved over Craig’s face and she moved over his cock. We did that for a long time, and I came another time. Then, I leaned down, almost like sixty-nine, but I licked at Lisa’s clit until she came hard. Then, I pushed her off him and sucked him until he came again. This time I swallowed it all down.
We untied Craig and we all three just fell asleep. That was that. Craig got up in the morning and we let Lisa sleep while we had coffee. He’ll be back in the early evening, and I’m going to try to plan something a little bit more involved for tonight.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Wow. So you guys never even talked about it.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Not at all. I’m not sure I ever will, though Craig knows my trip is supposed to be on the 7th and I’m sure he’ll ask about it when the time comes.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
What will you say?
January 4 [email protected] wrote
I don’t have the slightest idea yet.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Don’t you think you should come up with something?
January 4 [email protected] wrote
I can’t.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
I don’t understand.
January 4 [email protected] wrote
Auntie Karen, I am still so fucking angry! I mean, yes. I’m not going to leave Craig. Okay. I worked that out, but it still hurts. I just know it would hurt more to lose Craig than it would to lose Andres. Still, if it wasn’t for Craig and his utterly fucked up view of the world I’d never have to worry about that.
