by Mika Lane
She tore her face away from his and moaned, “Jake…I’m…coming.”
He continued pumping her with his hand, his weight driving her against the mirror at her back.
“Oh, oh…”
His hand gave no rest as she came over and over, waves of orgasm gripping her body. She gasped for air—and then relief—as her eyes rolled back and her mind went blank save for the rhythm of Jake’s fingers pounding her pussy.
When she became too sensitive, her legs shuddered violently. Jake eased his hand out of her, relaxing her legs and placing soft kisses on her neck. She collapsed forward into his arms, devoured by sensation, and thrilled that her long-term crush was actually sexier than sexy and knew how to make a girl fall into screaming orgasmic bliss with mere fingers. Jake brought her to one of the lounge’s cushy sofas and laid her head in his lap. As he stroked her hair, the air between them released a raw and physical aroma. Dakini’s eyes fluttered closed, only opening when Jake shook her shoulder.
“Hey, you dozed off.”
She lifted her head and looked around the room. “How long was I asleep?”
“Couple minutes. But I like the way you snore.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re funny.” Dakini straightened up, giving Jake a light whack on his arm. “Hey, we’d better get out of here before someone comes.”
Jake helped her up and went to the sink to splash water on his face. She picked her dress up, slipped it over her head, and stepped into her booties. Presentable enough, they left the men’s room and mezzanine behind, catching but ignoring the glances of a couple amused bellmen. Dakini’s panties remained in Jake’s pocket, a delicious but tattered souvenir.
Short on energy, Dakini suggested they hail a passing cab to avoid the steep climb back to her apartment. Her fingers entwined with Jake’s during the short ride as the colorful Victorian row houses ticked by. As they reached the top of the hill, a view clear across the city came into sight. The Pacific Ocean stretched to infinity in one direction, and the San Francisco Bay and its surrounding hills stood in the other. She’d never get tired of this view, and now there might be someone to share it with. Maybe.
As the cab pulled up, Dakini could see the neighborhood homeless guy nestled into her building’s doorway for an afternoon nap. He’d crunched himself into a corner with a big garbage bag most likely containing all his worldly possessions.
“That’s Red,” she told Jake, pointing to the man with dirt settled into the wrinkles of his deeply lined face.
When they’d exited the cab, Jake approached him. “Hey there. You look hungry.”
Red nodded slowly, his red eyes a jumble of fear and defiance.
“Wait here, Red. We’ll be right back.” Jake grabbed Dakini’s hand and they set out down the street to the corner mini-mart.
“What are we doing?” Dakini asked, as they entered the small store.
“Can you get a basket?” he asked.
Handing him one, she following him through the store where he grabbed two ready-made sandwiches, fresh fruit, and a quart of chocolate milk. They checked out and headed back to the apartment.
When they had reached Dakini’s doorway, Jake said, “Here you go, dude. Have something to eat.” He offered Red the sack of food.
The homeless man looked from Jake to Dakini and then to the food.
Her heart skipped a beat at the act of kindness.
Nodding, Red stood slowly, gathering his things, his eyes glued to Dakini and Jake. Accepting the bag of food, he walked away without a word. Halfway down the block he looked back over his shoulder, and continued walking.
It took a moment for Dakini to find her voice as they watched Red round the corner at the end of the block. “Jake, thank you. What an awesome gesture, helping him like that.”
“It was no big deal.” He shrugged, looking at her. “I spent ten bucks and got the guy some healthy food.”
“People don’t do that every day.”
“Yeah, I know. But maybe they should.” Jake looked at his watch. “Whoa, time for me to get back to Marin. My shift starts in an hour. When can I see you again?”
In spite of her sense of goodwill, something about the expectation in his tone knocked her off balance. It made no sense, but it was there all the same. And it didn’t feel right.
She’d had a good time with him. Actually, a great time. Where the hell had the temptation to run in the opposite direction come from?
Watching the cars navigate her busy street, she experienced an odd sensation. Although neither of them had moved, she somehow distanced herself from him. Before she could get her thoughts straight and effectively smack herself upside the head, words came tumbling out of her mouth. “Um. Can I call you?”
Jake’s eyebrows raised and he looked puzzled. “You serious?”
“Yeah, I mean, we’ll be in touch. You know?” She traced a crack in the sidewalk with the toe of her boot.
Fuck it up, just like you always do.
“Yeah. I guess.” Jake shrugged. He waited a moment as if unsure what to say next. Or, maybe he was waiting for her to say something.
“I’ll see you later then.” He turned and left without another word, his motorcycle boots loudly striking the sidewalk.
Dakini spun in the opposite direction and put her key in the front door. She slammed it shut behind her, as if she were being chased by something.
And, if she were to be honest, she was chased by something—a gnawing fear that she didn’t deserve the affections of a guy like Jake. Any attention she got from him could be taken away at a moment’s notice, leaving her more beat-up and broken than she already was.
Chapter 6
The week crept by with no word from Jake. It was fine though, really. Probably for the best.
On Monday morning she walked around her apartment, gathering her things for work. She dialed her new, replacement cell phone.
“Grandma?”
“Hi, sweetie. Haven’t heard from you in a while.”
Her lonely words stabbed Dakini in the center of her chest. “Grandma, I’m sorry I haven’t been by. Things have been kind of, um, crazy.”
“That’s all right. I hope you’re doing good?”
Dakini’s throat choked with remorse, and she struggled to steady her voice. Her grandmother’s soothing words always ripped right through her. She swallowed hard to steady her voice.
“I’ve been having kind of a rough time.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. What can I do to help, baby?”
Her grandmother’s words shamed her. Even in a nursing home where she could barely get out of the damn bed, she still thought of others. The biggest challenge Dakini had to contend with was getting her butt to work on time, and figuring out what to do about the gorgeous guy she’d probably just blown it with.
“I’m just feeling a little down. Everything’s going to be okay, though.” No sense in upsetting Grandma any more than necessary. “Hey, how bout I come visit this weekend?”
“Why, that would be wonderful. I’ll really look forward to that. And Dakini?”
“Yes, Grandma?”
“You’re a St. Onge, darling. You are strong. You will be okay.”
“I know,” Dakini said, silencing another sob.
“I love you.”
Dakini mumbled a quick bye and hung up before her voice gave her away.
An hour later, Dakini steered her Audi into the small lot behind Devi’s Bliss. Inside the spa, she found her boss working the front desk as always. Noelle was ready and waiting for her first client, decked out in her white kimono robe. Leaning over the reception desk, she chatted Devi up. When they saw Dakini enter, their conversation came to an abrupt stop.
“Hey, don’t let me interrupt,” Dakini said.
Devi performed one of her famous eye rolls and shuffled her papers into a tight pile. “You’re not interrupting. Your buddy here is bugging me, keeping me from my work.”
Noelle laughed and blew her boss a quick kis
s, earning a loud, annoyed sigh. Devi’s bark was worse than her bite. Actually, her bite was nonexistent, and everyone knew it. While she played the stern taskmaster, she was also the kindest soul any of the girls had ever known. She and her long-term partner, Ruth, considered the brood their family, and the girls felt the same toward them.
But why had the conversation come to a screeching halt when Dakini entered the room?
“I believe you ladies are supposed to be getting ready for clients, yes?” Devi feigned her legendary crankiness like she was up for Best Actress.
“C’mon, Daki. We know when we’re not wanted.” Noelle put her arm around her friend’s shoulder.
“Smart girl you are, Noelle.” Devi waved them away. “Now get going, both of you.”
Dakini headed down the hallway with her coworker, still wondering about the sudden stop in conversation. Had they been talking about her?
As Dakini changed into her kimono robe and Noelle pulled her hair into a shiny blonde topknot, Dakini turned to her. “You sure I didn’t interrupt something back there? You still mad at me for worrying you out of your mind?” She threw her street clothes into her locker and jostled for position in front of the vanity mirror to work on her hair.
“I was never mad. Just worried. Devi was asking me how you were.”
“You sure seemed mad the other day.” Dakini plaited her hair into two long braids.
Noelle looked at her. “Daki, you are my best friend. You know I love you. So I’m gonna tell you that someday, one of your drinking binges is going to result in more than a lost phone and a hangover.”
“I know,” Dakini responded. “And I can handle this. I’m gonna get it under control, and everything will be great. In fact, I ordered sparkling water at lunch last week, in fact,” she said with pride. Her perkiness veiled the doubts goading her. “Jake ordered the same.”
Mentioning his name triggered a spasm of—was that regret?
The door opened a crack, and Devi’s voice floated in. “Ladies! Clients are waiting.”
“Almost ready.” Dakini moved toward the door, but Noelle grabbed her arm.
“You saw Jake last week?”
“Yeah. He’s great. It was a good time. But I have this nagging feeling—”
“What? Good grief! You’ve been crushing on that guy for as long as we’ve been hanging out at Left Bank…how long has it been? And now that he’s finally paying attention, you’re so-so about him?”
“I know, it’s messed up. He’s a good guy. Hotter than hell.” Turning from the vanity mirror, she faced Noelle. “And he fed a homeless man hanging out in front of my apartment building. How cool is that? But…well, you know my situation.”
Everyone knew her situation.
“Yes, yes, I know the situation. But isn’t it time to make some changes? Put that bullshit behind you?”
Ugh.
She’d heard that advice more times than she could count. Put it behind you. Forget it ever happened! Yeah, right. But some problems couldn’t just be left behind. No, they were more like scars from a deep cut that had become a part of her. No matter how much she willed them away, they were right there in her face every morning when she woke up.
And she didn’t need her best friend shining light on this nasty business. She shook off Noelle’s grasp and dashed out the door.
“You know I’m right, Daki,” Noelle called after her.
Dakini stopped short, pointing a finger at her friend. “We’ll talk about this later,” she said in a slow, steady voice. “Right now, I have a client. And you do, too.”
Noelle, reeling from the harsh words, looked as if she’d just been slapped across the face. Dakini turned from her and disappeared out the door down the hall to meet her first client of the day.
Ninety minutes later, Dakini walked her happy client out the door. Remaining in the reception area, she eased into one of the room’s low sofas when he was gone, relaxed by the meditative massage she’d just given. Leaning her head back, she savored the smell of spicy massage oil lingering on her skin as well as the soothing melody floating from invisible speakers. Statues of the Buddha and other Hindu deities peered down at her from their pillars.
Teak floorboards squeaked as her boss approached from the back of the spa.
“Mind if we have a chat?” Devi asked. She signaled to Aurora, a masseuse just arriving for her shift to cover the front desk.
With sweaty palms, Dakini followed her boss down the hall, thinking through the likely conversations they might have. She was going to get scolded at the very least or fired at the worst. Maybe both. Her heart raced with her nerves.
They sat facing each other on the staff room’s wooden stools, and Dakini dove in first. “Devi, I’ve not really had the chance to apologize for missing work and for causing you worry. I’m so sorry, and I promise, it won’t happen again.”
“I appreciate that. I do. But I wanted to talk to you about something else.” Devi’s hands were on her knees, her no-nonsense posture.
Dakini’s mouth dried, and she attempted an unsuccessful swallow. Her fingers gripped her thighs through her cotton kimono. Maybe she hadn’t anticipated all possibilities…
“I want to know what I can do to help with your drinking.” Devi’s gaze bored into Dakini’s. “If anything ever happened to you, you know it would break my heart. Ruth’s, too.”
It wasn’t the first time that day Dakini wanted to crawl away in shame. Looking down, she watched her knuckles turn white as she squeezed her hands into fists. A couple tears ran down her cheeks, dribbling onto her chin and then neck. Her voice wobbled as she avoided her boss’s stare.
“Devi, I know. I’m going to get it under control. I swear I will. I’m so sorry.”
“Sweetie, I’m not asking for an apology. I’m asking you to do something for yourself. I’m asking you to respect yourself.”
“It’s not that easy…” Dakini knew too well that all the success, friends, and comforts in the world could not make some problems go away. Like that long ago night…
Devi continued. “I know you’ve been through some shit. But let me tell you, drinking will not make it better.”
Dakini nodded, continuing to look at her hands.
“Noelle tells me there is a new guy. A bartender?”
She finally looked up at her boss. “Yeah. Jake. He’s nice.”
“Hmmm. You don’t sound very enthusiastic.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what it is. I’ll be interested in a guy, and then I’m not.” She shrugged, turning to look as the staff room door blew open.
Two massage therapists, Jewel and Gaia, entered, chatting and laughing. Seeing Dakini and their boss in a serious conversation, they moved to their lockers and got ready for work in silence.
“What can I do?” Devi asked.
“Nothing. I know what I need to do. But your support means a lot.” She wiped at her last few tears and smiled.
Devi reached for Dakini’s hands, grasping them in support.
“You have a lot of people who believe in you sweetie.”
“Thank you. I know I’m lucky. Really lucky.”
Devi stood. “Okay, okay. Let’s get to work then.” She called to the other therapists, “Ladies, you have clients waiting.”
A chorus of “yes, boss” rang as they hurried into their kimonos. Dakini, however, pulled on her street clothes. Something about her felt unweighted. She had the fierce women of Devi’s Bliss on her side. And they were not going to give up on her—unless she gave up on herself.
In that moment, she knew just what she had to do as a first step. And that first step had a nice little spring in it.
Chapter 7
Having parked her Audi at the curb, Dakini approached Left Bank but hesitated outside. Her old nemesis, shame, threatened an unwelcomed visit as if it wanted to beat her inside the door.
She wasn’t sure yet what she’d say to Jake, but she knew she had to say something and say it soon. Putting it
off any longer was surely not the right way to go. If she were honest with herself, in the week since they’d had lunch—and their hot session at the Relais—she’d thought of little but him. Floored by his compassion, from his soothing words to the meal he’d gotten the homeless man, the seams of her resistance were pulling apart, one thread at a time. His interest in her art and his memories of his mother, painting, stirred her beyond simple, lustful attraction—something she’d feared she wasn’t capable of after the number done on her several years ago.
She heaved the bar’s thick door open and strode in, her gaze locking on Jake. A smile was pasted on her face as her heart fluttered and her palms grew sticky.
Jake wiped the bar with long strokes, not even slowing when he saw her. “Hey. What brings you here?” he said in a civil but disinterested monotone.
Dakini’s smile wavered for a moment. She’d heard feigned politeness before and this sure sounded like it.
His face showed absolutely, positively, no interest. He could have been in church. Or about to have a cavity drilled for all the excitement he exhibited.
Okay. He was going to make her work for it. Fine. She had time.
Settling onto a stool, she leaned on her elbows, determined to defrost his very cold shoulder. “I’m sorry I was so rude last time I saw you. I wanted to talk to you about that.”
“It’s all good.” Shrugging, he turned and walked away, moving to the other end of the bar to serve a group of customers.
Fair enough.
Undeterred, she braced herself to persevere until he was ready to talk. She’d set things right if it killed her.
She looked around the bar she hadn’t visited in awhile, enjoying the whimsical Toulouse Lautrec murals and inhaling the comforting tang of garlicky moules frites—her favorite Left Bank dish. She waved over the first waiter she saw and placed an order of the fragrant mussels for herself.
