by Morris, SJ
Troy and I gave each other an hour. He was going to start unpacking his stuff from his car and bringing his lab equipment down here. I was going to get something to eat and get cleaned up. Afterward, we were to meet back at the infirmary, and I was going to bring Nicole.
I walked past Tom. He was still holding Jasmine’s hand, but he was now sleeping in the chair next to her bed. I would leave him be until I brought Nicole down. I might need him to help me restrain her when she saw her son.
I dreaded what the next hour would bring, so much so that the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had tasted like nothing. I took a shower and changed into a comfortable pair of jeans and a cotton t-shirt, but I didn’t feel clean.
I looked at my phone. It was 4:15 pm. I had fifteen minutes to get Nicole and convince her to come downstairs with me, without getting her or anyone else suspicious. I opened my bedroom door, and there was Chris, with his hand up, just about to knock.
“Not now, Chris. I don’t have the time for anything, and I really don’t have it in me to have anything else happening right now, please.”
“Troy told me what was going on, and I wanted to ask if you needed my help.”
“Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess I could use your help, thanks. Sorry for the attitude. I’ve just had about as much as I can take right now, and there’s still more to come.”
“No need to apologize, I get it. It’s been a rough few days for all of us,” he said with honest sincerity in his voice.
“Can you head downstairs now and already be in the room, waiting for us? If she sees you coming with us, she might think something’s up.”
“Sure. Whatever you need, I’m here for you,” Chris turned and walked away without another word. He was just as unhappy to be a part of this as I was, but he still volunteered.
I knew that I was becoming more and more fond of Chris, which still scared me. However, that was something to think about another time.
Right now, I had to find Nicole.
I walked around the house a little, pretending to check on everyone. Kristen was in the kitchen, preparing what looked to be a turkey with all the Thanksgiving fixings. She told me that Nicole might be outside with the kids.
I walked outside, and Troy was just coming in with what looked like his last load of equipment since his car was now empty. He nodded and kept heading back toward the house without a word.
I followed the sounds of laughter and children playing to the back of the house. There were a few picnic tables in the yard. Some had coloring books and crayons on them, others had cookies and juice boxes, and another had Nicole.
She was sitting by herself, under the shade of an apple tree, watching the kids play. She had tears in her eyes, but as I sat down next to her, she quickly wiped them away.
“How are you doing, Nicole?”
“I’m good, I guess. Kristen got me some fresh clothes and I was able to get cleaned up and eat something. Everyone here is really nice.”
“Good, I’m glad.”
“I know what you’re doing out here, Abby.”
“Really?” I was surprised to hear that, and I highly doubted she was right, but I was not going to stop her from trying to sort it out for herself.
“Yes. I know you’re worried about me. I lost my only son. I have no other family I can turn to. Even if I could find them, they probably wouldn’t still be alive. You came here to give me something to do. Give me a job to keep me busy and get my mind off of what’s happened.”
“Uh, yeah. That’s exactly what I was going to do. Are you okay with that?” She gave me the perfect way to get her downstairs, and I was going to take it.
“Yeah, I guess. I don’t think watching the children play is the best thing for me right now. I miss my little Cooper so much that it hurts to see them. It makes me angry that they made it and not my Cooper, which is scaring me.”
“You have every right to feel sad and angry. As long as you don’t act on those feelings, we’re all going to be able to get through this, together.”
“Thanks. You are all such good people here. Thank you for taking me in and for taking care of the children you saved.”
I’m not going to kid you, that last comment stung a little and almost brought me to tears. I knew it wasn’t my fault that Cooper was infected, but I still felt like I should have done something more, something to make it right.
I just had no idea what that could have been.
I told her I needed help getting some supplies from the downstairs storage rooms, and she followed me willingly. I showed her downstairs and eventually, we got to the doors for the infirmary. I almost couldn’t bring myself to do it, but I knew that I had to. If it were one of my kids, I would want to know. I’d want the opportunity to bury my child, to say goodbye, and to have closure.
So, I reluctantly pushed through the doors. I saw Tom waiting with Jasmine, who was apparently still down for the count. Tom refused to even look up at us. It seemed like Nicole was so out of it that she didn’t realize where we were.
I came to a stop at the surgical suite doors and knocked very quietly. I heard a whisper that it was okay to come in, and I turned to Nicole with tears in my eyes. She looked at me with a puzzled face.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I opened the door. Nicole looked past me, to the thrashing monster that used to be her little boy and she just stared. She didn’t or simply couldn’t move.
Either way, she remained as still as a statue. After a few moments, tears sprung from her eyes, and she looked around at everyone in the room, angrily.
I finally broke the silence, “We wanted you to know where he was. I didn’t want you to think he’d somehow gotten away from the daycare and was alone, looking for you. I know that would tear me up inside.”
“You know nothing! You kept my poor boy tied up in this room while I was walking around looking for him! How dare you? Let him go immediately, or I’ll call the police, and have you all arrested for kidnapping my son!” She was obviously not handling this well.
“Nicole, please. This isn’t Cooper anymore. He was gone yesterday when he was infected. What you’re looking at isn’t your little boy anymore.”
“Yes, it is! I’ll show you. You let him out, and I’ll show you!” She stepped all the way into the room and straight for the bed he was tied to.
Chris came around from the rear of the bed to hold her back, and she fought him ferociously. Troy just stood there and watched, somberly.
Tom came up behind me to see if we needed help but saw that Chris had her restrained well enough, and he went back to sitting with Jasmine.
This was definitely not turning out the way I wanted it to.
“Nicole, Cooper is gone. I wanted you to be able to see him and to tell us what to do. How should we help him? Troy is nowhere near finding a cure for this, and even if there were one, it probably wouldn’t be for people that are already infected. It would be against the infection being able to spread and kill people.”
Troy finally jumped in, “Abby’s right. Once the virus takes over, it kills its host, or the person it infected. What’s left after the virus takes over is not truly alive, and it’s not reversible. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? You’re sorry! You let this happen to him, and now you’re sorry! Oh, that makes everything all better. Thank you for being sorry. You’re telling me that my baby is dead when he is clearly in pain and very much alive right in front of me? This is ridiculous. You are not God’s children. You are Satan’s spawns, sent to test me. I am a righteous believer in the power of the almighty Jesus Christ, and my son will be saved!”
Nicole bit Chris, and he loosened his grip just enough for her to get away. She lunged for the bed, ripped the belt and sock out of Cooper’s mouth and hugged him. Petting his hair, she told him that it was going to be okay and that mommy would make him all better.
Chris jumped after her as she did this, but it all happened so fast. Chris was trying to pull Nicole off of her son, without getting b
it, as what was left of Cooper began using his newly freed mouth to tear away at Nicole’s neck and chest. Even as he ripped away her flesh and devoured it, she still sat on his bed, stroking his hair as if she didn’t feel the pain.
Chris was finally able to pull her away, and she was babbling the same soothing words she had just said to her son, over and over again, as the blood poured from her wounds.
Tom ran in with towels and pressed them to her neck and chest, but Troy and I already saw that her jugular was ripped open, and there was no way to repair the damage. The rest of the artery that we’d need to help stitch her back up was being consumed by the monster that was now thrashing furiously trying desperately to get at the fresh meat it had just tasted.
“Tom, please just let her go. Get the towels and wrap them around its head, so it stops making noise and trying to get out,” I was crying through my words as I reached out for Nicole’s almost lifeless body. No words were coming out, but her lips still mouthed the last words she spoke to her son.
I looked up, and Chris was standing over me with his knife out, ready to do what we all knew needed to be done. I looked over at Tom, and he put a big towel over Cooper’s head, and he did something I was not expecting. He grabbed the creature by the chin and pulled sharply to his right. There was an audible snap and the infected body stopped moving but you could tell the head was still alive, trying to bite. Tom’s looked incredibly defeated as he took his knife and buried it into its temple. Now, there was no longer any movement coming from what used to be little Cooper.
Chris saw what Tom had done and asked me to step out, so he could do the same before Nicole turned and started to attack us.
I walked out of the room and sat against the wall. I felt absolutely helpless and useless. What am I doing here? I thought. What am I trying to accomplish with these people? This was Jack’s vision, why am I stuck doing this?
I switched from sadness to rage, as I was now mad at the world, and Jack, for putting me in this position. I wanted to scream, but I’d heard enough of that today, so I just sat there, brooding and crying. Troy came out of the room after a few minutes and sat next to me.
“I was not expecting that at all.”
“Yeah, you and me both. I wanted to give her closure, and I walked her straight into the jaws of her own death… Literally.”
“Come on, Abby! You didn’t do that, she did. Who knew she was a Jesus nut and would think she could save her son?”
“I should’ve expected it. I was responsible for what happened in that room. It was my decision, and I should’ve thought about every possible contingency before I did anything. We should have killed him first and told her he died from the virus or something else. Anything other than what just happened.”
“You can’t blame yourself, Abby. You’re doing the best you can here. If it weren’t for you, she would’ve probably died where you found her from starvation, dehydration, or the infected. She’s at peace now knowing that her son is gone, and she did what she thought was right to try and save him.”
“How can you think that, Troy? You’re a scientist! You, of all people, know that there’s nothing after we die! We’re just meat, bone, and water. When we die, we’re gone. There’s no afterlife, there’s no God!”
“Well, speaking of being a scientist, it only took thirty seconds for the virus to begin reanimating Nicole after she died.”
“What? You’re talking to me about how long the virus takes to reanimate? What the fuck is wrong with you? I might not have been best friends with the woman, but she was still a human being. She had a family that she loved and loved her. She’s not a test subject!”
I couldn’t stand being there anymore. I got up and ran out of the infirmary. I ran to the closest unoccupied apartment and threw myself in the shower. I needed to get her blood off of me.
I knew that Nicole’s blood would forever be on my hands, but I had to at least get the sight of it off my body and my clothes.
Chapter 14
I don’t know how long I was in there, but the water was really hot when I started, and it was now like ice. I heard a soft knock on the door, but I said nothing. I just sat on the shower floor and let the water fall over my head. The knock came a little louder, and like a child, I yelled for whoever it was to go away.
They didn’t listen, though, because I heard the door open. After a moment, the door to the shower opened a little. I looked up and it was Chris, peeking his head in.
“What are you doing in here, Abby?”
“I’m thinking. Go away.”
“You’ve been in here thinking for a long time. Do you want to talk about anything?
“No.”
“The water must be cold by now. Come on out and get dried off,” he reached his hand in to turn the water off and felt how cold it was. “You’re going to get sick from this. The water is like ice. You don’t need to punish yourself, you know that, right?”
“I don’t? Are you kidding me? Everything that happened in that room is my fault! Nicole is dead because of me. Cooper getting infected might not have been my fault, but him being here and me not being able to do anything to help him certainly was. I had the chance to stop this eighteen years ago in Georgia, and I failed. I failed that little boy, and now he’s dead, and everyone else that’s walking around killing their loved ones is my fault because I failed with all of it. I could have prevented everything, and I didn’t. I didn’t try hard enough to stop it when I had the chance.”
My sudden burst of angry words took the rest of what little energy I had left. I let my head drop to my knees again in defeat. Defeat of my body not having enough energy and defeat from the virus, taking over everything we used to know and love.
Chris looked at me softly, “Are you done?”
“I don’t have anything left, so yes. Just leave me alone. I don’t deserve comforting right now. I deserve nothing. Just leave me be.”
Chris stood there and stared at me for a few long moments, and I thought he’d leave. Finally, though, he spoke up in a hushed, calm voice, “No. I will not. And no matter how much you beat yourself up about everything that’s happened, I will not let you believe this is your fault. You were tasked with the impossible all those years ago in Georgia. People that didn’t want it to have a cure created this virus. They wanted it to destroy everything, and it’s doing what it was created to do. That means men, women, children, and even babies have and are going to continue to die, Abby. We have to do what we can to help each other survive this. We may never find a cure, and you have to know that. That is not a reason to give up and die willingly. We can beat this thing by taking care of each other and moving on with our lives. We have to adapt to a new world that’s more ruthless and crueler than we’ve ever known. You have three wonderful kids that love and need you now more than ever. Because of your kind heart and your desire to help others, four small kids who don’t have families anymore have somewhere to call home, and people to take care of them. Come on, get up, and let’s get you dried off. Let’s get you into some clean, dry clothes and we’ll have some dinner. There are people upstairs that need you. Let’s go.”
“Whatever,” I did what I could to stand, but it wasn’t enough. Chris reached in and helped me up and out of the bathtub. As I stood, he pulled me in close, wet clothes and all, hugging me tightly.
“I might not be emotionally ready to say this yet, Abby, but I don’t know what I’d do without you. I can’t lose you now. Just like a lot of people here, I need you too.”
He didn’t look at me when he said this, but I could tell he didn’t want any response from me. He wasn’t prepared to share what he felt for me, and he knew I wasn’t ready either. There was no time or room in our lives for an ‘us’ right now. If there was ever going to be an us, it could wait a little while, so we could all get settled into some semblance of normalcy in this new crazy world of ours.
So, I did just as he said. He took me upstairs to my room and made sure I had time to get dr
y clothes on, and we ate dinner.
Everyone was happy making his or her own conversations with each other. No one noticed or mentioned that Nicole was gone. I figured that Tom or Chris had said something to the adults by now, so I sat silently and listened to the conversations around me.
Allycia and Christine were chatting about doing their nails later. Apparently, Allycia had thought when I said to bring the essentials to survive, that I meant nail polish and makeup. Hey, if it was going to keep her happy, busy, and out of trouble, then she could have at it.
Tyler sat next to Dan, and they were talking about what little news they were able to find on the Internet. There was apparently very little information coming in now about what was going on with the virus in the rest of the world. And what news there was, did not sound good. They talked about how infrequently new information was available already. Television was only broadcasting the emergency notices to evacuate if your area had been compromised or to stay in your homes if it wasn’t. It sounded like much of the world’s information structure had crumbled already, and we were only three days in. This made me even more miserable, but I put on a happy face every time someone looked at me.
The rest of the table chatter was positive. That talk was about what everyone was looking forward to doing the next day or what they had already done that day.
The kids’ table was positive too. They were all chatting about the new markers and coloring books I’d brought them from their school. I’d completely forgotten that I’d grabbed some of the artwork off the walls that had the kids’ names on it. Someone had found it and given it to them. Each of the kids were so happy to have something they made at the preschool up on the refrigerator now.
Gia was happy that Allycia told them they were going to watch The Little Mermaid tonight before their sleepover in the living room again.
Even Michael was in on the conversation. He was happy to be a part of the sleepover tonight too. I guess anything is better than sleeping in a closet, worried that your friend’s father was still waiting outside the door to eat you.
