by Gina Drayer
“You think she’s in love with me?”
“Yes, but hell if I know what she sees in you. Go after her. Apologize. Beg forgiveness. Because if you screw this up and she dumps your ass, you better believe I’m going to give it a shot.”
“Over my dead body. No, fuck that, over your dead body.”
I looked out over the crowd, one of the advantages to being overgrown, and spotted Emily’s red stocking cap ducking between two booths. Even though I’d never admit it to Ben, I knew he was right. There was just something about her that brought out my inner caveman.
If I was going to win her back before New Year’s Eve, I had to step up my game. Because she was worth the effort.
3
Emily
I barely managed to make it to a dark corner of the street, away from all the crowds, before the tears came. I didn’t have the stomach flu. I wasn’t overworked or stressed. No, this was all Cooper’s fault.
He’s driving me insane.
One minute, I hated him. He was arrogant and pushy. He acted like he owned me. Like he could tell me what to do and who I could see. But then he touched me, and none of that mattered anymore. His kisses made me burn with desire. When we’re apart, I ached for his touch, craved his taste, like a junky longing for her next fix.
But I couldn’t keep doing this.
There were far more important things in life than this animal attraction. I needed stability right now, more so than ever. And stability was definitely not what that wild, unpredictable man could offer. My hand unconsciously moved to cover my belly, and again, I wonder if my life was about to change.
I took a deep breath and tried to find calm. There were still several hours left of the Christmas Market. And then the teardown and clean up. I didn’t have time for the emotional breakdown I deserved.
When I opened my eyes, the air around me was filled with fluffy, white flakes. The wind had died down, and the snow hung in the air as if suspended in time. It was beautiful. Like something out of a Christmas fairytale.
But with the snow, the cleanup was going to be hell.
“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently?”
A deep male voice came from behind me. I turned to see Cooper leaning against the side of a booth, watching me.
“And now you’re quoting Carroll to me?”
“I’m just envious of that snowflake that gets to gently kiss your cheeks and lips with such ease.”
His words were like a warm caress. Given a chance, I’d lose myself in them. He stepped forward, but I put my hand out to stop him.
“I was an asshole. Can you forgive me?”
I wanted to. God, I really wanted to. But I knew deep down that this had to stop.
“Cooper, we can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this.”
“Do what?” he asked, confused.
“This back and forth. I’ve spent just as many hours upset and crying over things you’ve said as I have laughing. That says a lot about the direction we’re heading.”
“I don’t ever want you to cry,” he said, wiping the wetness from my cheeks. At this point, I couldn’t tell if they were tears or the melting snow. “I warned you I’d screw this up and you promised to be patient. I’m trying. I really do want to make this work.”
There was a note of desperation in his voice that almost made me reconsider. Was I giving up too soon? Maybe the stress from the event and my lack of sleep were coloring my views. When things were good, they were really good. Was I ready to give that up?
“Thank God, Cooper is with you,” Tony said, out of breath as if he’d just sprinted over here. “I saw you run back here between the booths and thought you were sick again. The last thing we need is for you to be off by yourself and have another dizzy spell.”
“I told you not to worry,” I said unable to keep the irritation out of my voice. “I wasn’t sick. I just needed some fresh air.”
“You didn’t tell me you’d been sick. Do you need to sit down?” he asked and put a hand on my shoulder. When I didn’t answer, he glanced over at Tony. “What’s wrong with her?”
“I’m standing right here!” I snapped and stepped away from Cooper. Then I turned to Tony and glared. “And you, I told you I was just fine.”
“Are you sure? Did you find out…” Tony glanced over at Cooper and shifted uncomfortably on the heels of his feet. “Have you seen your doctor?”
“A doctor? I thought you said you were fine?” Cooper turned back to Tony. “What’s going on?”
“Hey, eyes over here.” I snapped my finger to get Cooper’s attention. “I had the stomach flu. It went around the center last week. I’m better now. I’m just tired. That’s all. Tony, over there, has been armchair WebMD-ing me. I’m surprised he doesn’t think I have cancer.”
“Okay, what the fuck? Dizzy spells? Cancer? I have a doctor that does house calls. I can have him meet us at your house in an hour.”
“I’m perfectly healthy. I don’t need a doctor.” Tony started to object, but my hand shot up to stop him. The last thing I needed was him telling Cooper he thought I was pregnant when I didn’t know myself. “I promise if I do need a doctor, I’ll go see one. After the market closes tonight, I’m going home and sleeping for the next two days. Next week will be better, and I’ll be back to my old self.”
“Next week is going to be just as crazy,” Tony said, crossing his arms and giving me that disapproving dad stare. “You always work twice as many hours during Christmas, sorting donated clothes and working with the toy drives. You’re not going to get any more rest.”
“I’ll catch up on my sleep on Christmas day. I won’t even get out of my pajamas.”
“I wish you’d come over to our house. I hate that you spend Christmas alone,” Tony said, softening his voice.
“Christmas should be all about the kids. I don’t want to take the focus away from your family. Besides, I like spending Christmas alone.”
“You can always spend Christmas with me,” Cooper said. “My family is doing Christmas late this year. Mom is on a cruise and won’t be back until the twenty-sixth.”
“It’s not a big deal. I sleep in, watch a marathon of cheesy Christmas movies, and eat red and green tamales from a little bodega on the corner. I use that time to recuperate from all the extra duties I have in December.”
“Oh,” he said, managing to convey volumes of disappointment in that word.
I felt bad. But we weren’t together anymore, and I was still on the fence about trying again. Spending Christmas together would send the wrong message.
An uncomfortable silence fell over us. I turned to Tony and asked, “Did that volunteer ever show up for the wrapping table?”
“We’re still a person short.”
“Since you came all the way down here, want to help?” I looked up at Cooper and batted my eyelashes.
“I might as well.”
We spent the next two hours wrapping presents. That was to say, I wrapped presents and Cooper got by on his charm. His gifts looked like they were wrapped by a drunk T-rex. But he autographed every package, so the line waiting for him was twice as long as the rest of us.
He stayed until the last booth closed. I knew he wanted to finish our conversation, but I was exhausted. I sent him home with the promise of another date—the possibility of a second chance. But before I could promise anything, I needed to put the pregnancy issue to rest.
When I got home at three in the morning, I went straight to the bathroom and took that test.
4
Cooper
The snow from a few days ago was mostly gone, leaving only patches of dirty, gray ice here and there. The warmer weather reminded me of Christmases in Georgia as a kid. We never had a white Christmas, but it didn’t dampen our holiday spirit. We’d still cover the house in twinkling lights and spend an entire afternoon looking for the perfect tree.
I haven’t done any of that since moving to New York. Decorating f
or myself felt like a chore. Usually, I wasn’t home for Christmas anyway. I was either visiting my mother or traveling with friends.
But due to my recent public image problem, my agent and the PR specialist he hired decided it would be best to stay in town this year. I didn’t argue because I was planning on spending the holiday in Emily’s bed.
But that was over a month ago.
Now, I was just hoping she opened the door and talked to me.
“Cooper?” She sounded surprised and a little annoyed to see me on her porch at nine on Christmas Eve. She didn’t open the door all the way and blocked the opening with her body.
This wasn’t going well.
“I thought we agreed to dinner on Monday? What are you doing here?” The door inched closed a little more.
“Tony called me. He told me there was an emergency at the shelter and you had to stay late.”
Another inch. “And? That kind of thing happens all the time. It still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”
“He said you wouldn’t be able to pick up your Christmas tamales before the bodega closed tonight, so I did it for you.” I held up the plastic sack and hoped for the best.
She looked at the bag and back to me. The door opened a little, and she stepped forward.
Progress.
“Thank you. I was disappointed when I couldn’t get there. Next year, I’m buying them a day early.”
“I was happy to do it. I even picked up some pork tamales for myself.”
She took the bag and I thought she was going to invite me in, but we were back to a stalemate. We stood there on her front porch in awkward silence. There was so much left unsaid.
“I read in the paper that you finalized your contract. Renewed for another two years,” she said. “Congratulations.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you.”
She cocked a half smile. “Probably not. I’m glad it all worked out for you.”
“I have a gift for you. I didn’t want to wait until Monday to give it to you.”
“Cooper. I wish you hadn’t,” she said and looked away. “I didn’t get you anything.”
“When I was in Portland over Thanksgiving, my sister made me go to an art fair, and I saw something that was perfect for you. I know things aren’t great between us right now, but this is for you.”
I pulled the plain white box out of my pocket and waited. Reluctantly, she took it and opened the package. I held my breath as she stared down at the caged heart made out of silver wire. There was a small rectangular tag with “Sei sempre nel mio cuore” etched on the surface.
“This is lovely, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable accepting jewelry from you. I know technically we’re still dating, but I thought now that your contract was signed it would be better if we kept things professional.”
She handed me the box and stepped back inside. I was waiting for her to close the door in my face, but she stopped.
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad we met. These last two months have been…” She stumbled over what to say.
I stepped forward and touched her cheek. “Don’t. I know I messed this up, but I want to make it up to you. Take the gift. It’s yours.”
I took the large charm out of the box and pushed the small clasp at the top. The heart opened, and I held it out in my palm.
“I had it made to hold your lucky stone, the one from your parent’s lake house. It fits right here.” I pointed to the open half of the cage. “I know how much it means to you. Sei sempre nel mio cuore—you're always in my heart.”
She reached out and touched the cage.
“You had this made for me?”
“I want to make sure you always have it close—always have them close.”
She looked up, her eyes shining with unshed tears. I could see the warring emotions playing out across her face. She wore her heart on her sleeve, there for everyone to see. And with that single look, she broke me. I couldn’t let her go. She needed me as much as I needed her.
I ran my thumb along her cheek, sweeping away an errant tear, and kissed the spot gently. “Don’t cry, pretty girl.”
“Come in,” she said with a sniff.
“Are you sure?”
Inside, I was doing a victory lap, but I kept my features blank.
She bit her lip and looked down at the present. “This doesn't change anything. This isn’t us getting back together. I’m still not sure this is going to work between us.”
“But—”
“No buts.” She leaned forward and kissed my lips, softly. “It’s Christmas Eve. You’re by yourself. I’m by myself. And I’d really like the company.”
She pushed the door open all the way and strolled back inside.
A little voice in the back of my mind told me to wait. Something was off. She mentioned being alone. It didn’t sound like she was offering to rebuild our broken relationship.
She paused at the bottom of the stairs, setting the bag of tamales and the box with her gift on a table, and then looked over her shoulder. “Something wrong?”
“I think we should talk about what happened at your office.”
“There’s a lot we need to talk about, but not tonight.”
That voice in the back of my head was full on General Ackbar screaming, “It’s a trap!” But the second she tugged the tie holding her robe closed and let it slide to the floor, revealing every glorious inch of her perfect body, I told that fish to shut the fuck up and followed her upstairs.
5
Emily
It had to be temporary insanity. Or perhaps I’d watched one too many sappy Christmas movies this week. Either way, I knew I shouldn’t blur the lines anymore. I’d told him we were through. And the fact that he’d shown up on my doorstep, even after I’d told him not to, should have been enough to piss me off.
But he’d picked out the perfect gift, and my resolve started to weaken. And when he wiped my tears and pressed his lips so gently against mine, I wanted more. No, I needed more.
I wanted to pretend for just one more night, that this crazy, hot-headed man was mine.
His big, warm hands slid around my waist, and I closed my eyes. A soft moan slipped out from between my lips. We took another step towards my room and his lips pressed against the back of my neck. That hand moved up to cup my breast while his other hand settled on the rounded curve of my hip.
The tenderness of his hold was heartbreaking. I could almost pretend there was love in that touch.
Even though it made me the worst kind of hypocrite, I couldn’t tell him to stop. I needed the feel of his strong arms around me, protecting me. This would be our last time. The last time I’d taste his lips, feel his skin against mine.
The last time, I swear.
The front of my legs hit the mattress, and his arms tightened around me to stop me from tumbling forward. I turned around, needing to face him, and tugged at his shirt. He let me peel it up over his head, revealing that body I’d grown to crave. His eyes darkened, and he leaned forward, claiming my mouth. There was no other way to describe it. He owned my body.
He made a noise low in his throat and followed me down to the bed. His hips rocked against mine, pressing the hard bulge from his jeans right where I needed it most. I was on the verge of coming all over his denim when he pulled out his wallet and produced the foil packet.
I sat up, watching as he peeled off his pants and sheathed his hard cock. I wanted this. I wanted him even it was all just a fantasy.
“I want to be on top,” I said, needing to assert some control over the situation. I stood up and pushed him back down onto the mattress.
“I’m more than happy to oblige. And while we’re putting in requests, there are a few other things I’d like to try next time,” he said with a chuckle as I straddled his hips.
“Let’s just be in this moment,” I said, pushing away any thoughts of next time.
I lowered myself, truly appreciating the feel of him as I slowly slid down his len
gth. Cooper groaned, closing his eyes and his big hands gripped my waist as he bucked his hips upward. At that moment, I forgot about our argument. About the careless words and suffocating jealousy. I forgot about the uncertainty of the future. There was only Cooper and me.
I moved faster, hitting just the right spot again and again. I could feel the orgasm building, but it was just out of reach.
“Promise me that we’re going to talk,” Cooper asked, never missing a beat.
“What? No, not now.”
His hand slid between our bodies and found my clit, flicking it hard. A wave of pleasure pulsed through me. I’m so close. Just a little more.
“Then when?” he growled and removed his hand. “You aren’t taking my calls or returning any of my texts.”
“We’ll talk. I promise. I promise I’ll take your calls. I’ll return your texts. Just. Please. I need...” I lean forward out of breath, desperate for release.
“Always? You’ll never shut me out again?”
“Yes. Always. Now please, Cooper.”
He thrust up hard while circling his fingers against my clit. I was so primed, it didn’t take much to send me crashing over the edge. A scream bubbled in my throat, and I tossed my head back as wave after wave of pleasure crashed through me.
While I was still coming down, he grabbed both sides of my hips, digging into the tender flesh, and pounded into me, using my body, until he too found his release. He growled out my name and collapsed back onto the bed.
I slumped forward, draping myself over his body, my chest still heaving. His arms snaked around me, cradling me with such tenderness, I was on the verge of tears. Nothing about this man was simple. Not even the sex.
