by Emily Forbes
Her breasts nudged against him and he could feel her nipples, hard against his chest. Her hips pushed into his groin as she slid both her hands under his T-shirt. He felt his own nipples harden as her fingers brushed over them.
Had she really told him she’d only been kissed once before? Maybe he’d misheard her the other night. He was finding it hard to believe right now as she certainly wasn’t behaving like a novice. Her fingers were trailing over his abdominals again and then all thoughts of prior conversation fled his mind as he felt her fingers at the waistband of his jeans. She broke the kiss. He could hear her panting and at first he thought she was having difficulty with her breathing but when he looked into her eyes he knew it was simply arousal.
Bella sat up and pulled her shirt over her head. She was wearing a white cotton camisole underneath but no bra. Charlie could see the peaks of her nipples pushing against the fabric and he felt his own arousal stirring in response. She licked her lips. Her pink tongue traced the outline of her mouth and Charlie forced himself not to claim her mouth with his.
She cast her shirt aside and picked up the hem of his T-shirt, pulling it up to expose his stomach. She bent her head and kissed the warm skin on his hip bone, just above the waistband of his jeans. Charlie bit back a groan of desire. He felt her fingers slide behind the button of his jeans as her nails lightly scratched his skin.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked, and his voice was thick and heavy.
She poised, her fingers on his waistband, and fixed her gaze on him. ‘Would you make love to me?’
He could feel her cool fingernails where they rested inside his waistband, against his stomach. He knew she was ready to flick his button undone, ready to make the decision for him, and he nearly didn’t need to be asked twice. But then he remembered this was Bella, the girl he’d always thought of as shy, quiet, younger than her years. Had he got her wrong? Did she know what she was doing?
‘You want me to make love to you?’ he asked. His voice was thick in his throat, his words accompanied only by the sound of Bella’s breathing. ‘Now?’
She nodded.
‘Are you sure?’ He had to make certain she knew what she was asking.
‘Yes.’ Her voice was a whisper. ‘I want you to be the first.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
HER first.
He hadn’t misunderstood. She wasn’t naïve but she was inexperienced.
Did he want to be responsible for this momentous event in Bella’s life?
He couldn’t do it. There was no way he could make love to her.
Not here, not tonight.
He knew he’d already broken the first rule. She should have been off limits entirely. But he could stop before he made things worse.
He should stop.
He held her hands in his, stilling her, and lifted them from the waistband of his jeans.
He would stop.
He shook his head. ‘No.’
‘No?’ Bella’s voice wobbled. ‘Why not? Am I not your type? Am I not pretty enough?’
‘Oh, Bella.’ He shook his head again. ‘You’re beautiful. So beautiful.’ He reached out and slid his fingers into her auburn curls. His suntanned hand was dark against the paleness of her cheek as his fingers rested lightly against her scalp. Her grey eyes watched him, unblinking. ‘But I can’t.’
‘Can’t, or won’t?’
‘Won’t.’
‘Why not?’
Because I’m not ready for this. He’d never thought that before but he knew this time it was true. Sex was usually about fulfilling a need, a desire. It wasn’t something he thought too deeply about. But he wasn’t prepared mentally or practically to make love to Bella. She had such a romantic view of the world and she would have expectations that went beyond simply fulfilling a need. This couldn’t be a spur-of-the-moment decision.
She’d given up waiting for his reply. ‘I know what I want. I want to experience this and I want it to be with you,’ she said.
‘Why?’ Why on earth had she chosen him?
‘Because I trust you.’
He almost groaned aloud. That made it ten times worse. It meant he had a duty of care to do it right. Still he hesitated.
‘I won’t regret this,’ she said as he shook his head again.
‘It’s not because I think you’ll regret this.’ He’d make certain she didn’t. ‘But you’re Evie’s little sister.’
Perhaps saying it out loud would remind him to think of her only in a platonic sense. That was exactly how he used to think of her, but somewhere along the way his feelings had changed, grown and developed, and now he was having difficulty separating his conscience from his desire. He needed to remember that she was Evie’s little sister. She was not his for the taking. No matter how nicely she asked.
‘So? I’m twenty-six years old. I make my own decisions. Please,’ she begged, ‘I can’t bear the thought that I won’t ever know what it’s like and I’m not brave enough to go looking for someone else who doesn’t know me or care about my reasons.’
He couldn’t imagine that either. He couldn’t imagine her in bed with someone who didn’t care about her or her reasons for wanting this. She was right. Why shouldn’t she experience it? And why shouldn’t she experience it with someone of her choosing? Half his brain said he should tread carefully but the other half agreed with Bella. Why shouldn’t she have this experience while she still could? He knew he could give her pleasure. He knew he’d be able to give her what she wanted, at least physically, but he wasn’t going to rush into it. He had to have time to make it special.
He felt an incredible obligation to make it perfect. To fulfil her dreams. It was immensely important that Bella got the experience she dreamed of. Perhaps because there was always a chance that this would be her only experience, it needed to be perfect.
She was looking at him hopefully.
He nodded. ‘All right,’ he said as his conscience gave up the fight, ‘but you have to let me do it my way.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘It means yes, but not tonight. I want to make it perfect for you. Will you let me arrange it?’
She smiled at him. A glorious, bright smile that turned her grey eyes silver and made him forget about all the reasons he should be letting her down gently instead of agreeing to her crazy request.
‘I’m going to Brisbane tomorrow for a weekend conference,’ he said. ‘You could meet me there? I’ll book us a suite in a five-star hotel and we’ll have a weekend to remember. You can pack your red negligee,’ he suggested.
It had taken all her courage to ask him to make love to her but she was determined not to die a virgin and she couldn’t think of anyone better to gift her innocence to than Charlie. She adored him but, better than that, she trusted him too. She knew she might only get one chance at this and she knew Charlie was capable of giving her something to remember. Something to cherish.
But she hadn’t expected him not to take advantage of the present opportunity and her emotions felt as though they were on a roller-coaster ride. She’d gone from the high of their kiss to plummeting down the slippery slope when she’d heard ‘No’ but then he’d lifted her up again to a peak of expectation. She wondered where it would stop.
Brisbane sounded perfect but she couldn’t do it. Her heart took another dive, colliding with her stomach, as she realised it wasn’t going to happen. Not tonight. And not this weekend. Maybe not ever.
‘I can’t come with you.’ Reality intervened and her euphoria vanished. She hoped it didn’t mean she was going to miss her opportunity. ‘I need to stay in Sydney in case a donor is found for me.’
‘When I get back, then. The anticipation will make it even better, I guarantee it.’ He smiled and his brown eyes held all sorts of promises.
He was going to grant her wish! Her emotions rocketed towards the heavens again as she felt her stomach do a lazy somersault when she thought about the things that lay in store for her. She was so close she co
uld almost taste it. She could envisage in glorious detail how she would feel in his arms. How his skin would feel against hers, warm and silky with a firm layer of muscle underneath.
‘But if a donor is found for me I’ll be in hospital when you get back.’
‘Then I’ll let you out of our deal. If you have the surgery before we do this, you’ll have plenty of time to choose someone else.’
Bella didn’t want to choose anyone else but it was pretty obvious she couldn’t tell Charlie that. He didn’t want to hear how she’d fancied him for ever and that this was a way of making her fantasies a reality. So she had to be content with his promise for now.
‘Come on, it’s getting late. You should get inside before it gets too cold out here.’ Charlie stood and held out his hand, pulling her to her feet. He scooped a cashmere rug up from the carpet and wrapped it around her shoulders before he walked her back to the house. He stopped at the conservatory doors and turned her to face him. He reached out one hand and cupped her chin, tilting it up until his lips met hers. Her mouth opened under his pressure and she felt herself float under his caress. A slow-burning fire was glowing in her belly, awakening every nerve ending in her body. The kiss was full of promise and expectation. It was a kiss that could change her world.
‘I’ll see you soon,’ he said as he broke their contact. Her lips were cold without his touch. ‘Wait for me.’
It had been the perfect kiss. And he was promising more. In a few days she would be in Charlie’s bed.
Wait for me, he’d said.
She could wait. But only just.
Charlie watched Bella as she slept. Her auburn curls were bright against the white sheets, her lashes dark against her cheeks. He could see the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed in and out and he could see her fingers move as one hand twitched involuntarily. He wondered if she was dreaming.
Her lips were pale pink and he recalled how they’d tasted of strawberries and warm chocolate. He watched as her lips moved and he wondered what she was dreaming about. He wondered if she was making any sound at all but he couldn’t tell from where he stood, separated, distant and apart from her.
It had only been three days since he’d seen her but it seemed like a lifetime. So much had changed. So much had slipped away. Would things ever be the same? Would they ever recover what had been lost, the chances they’d had? The chances they hadn’t taken. The chances he hadn’t taken.
He’d left for the conference in Brisbane full of hope. He’d told Bella that anticipation would make the experience even better and that was something he firmly believed. It was one of the things he loved about beginnings. One thing he loved about the start of a new relationship. The build-up of anticipation and expectation that culminated in a crescendo of pleasure. Once that died away he knew he struggled to maintain interest. Once the excitement of new experiences and new challenges had been tasted he had a habit of losing interest, but with Bella things felt different.
He’d spent the last nine years deliberately doing his own thing. Avoiding relationships, avoiding commitment, making sure he always had an escape route, making sure he always had freedom, but when he was with Bella he forgot about running away. Instead, he was thinking about what he could do for her. He wanted to show her things, teach her things, he wanted to see her face light up when she tried something new or made a discovery, he wanted to see her smile when someone did something nice for her.
He was entranced by her. He felt like a different person when he was with her. He was calmer. More content. He wanted to have a connection with her. A connection that went beyond sex, and it felt good to be thinking about someone else for a change. It felt good to be looking forward.
He’d expected to come home from Brisbane to find Bella eagerly awaiting his arrival. But he hadn’t expected to find her here.
He’d called her while he’d been away only to be told she was back in hospital with another chest infection. He couldn’t get back soon enough.
And now he stood, watching her from the other side of a glass window. It was fair to say things hadn’t turned out quite as he’d planned.
At Sam’s insistence Bella had been put into an isolation room. Her immune system had taken a hammering and she couldn’t afford to get any other infections, something that was always a risk in hospital.
He watched her as she slept, although he could barely see her for all the leads and tubes she was connected to. He tried to ignore the oxygen tube, the nasogastric tube, the drip, the cardiac monitors and the oximeter. He knew she’d gone downhill rapidly over the past forty-eight hours. He knew it was critical that a donor was found for her; her lungs weren’t going to last much longer.
He tried to focus on her hands, her eyes, her hair, her lips, on the parts of her that looked familiar. He wanted to go in to see her, he wanted to tell her he was back, but he wasn’t sure if he should. She might not be quite as keen to see him as he was to see her.
He couldn’t go into her room without scrubbing. He had to gown and glove first. He turned away from the window as he tried to decide what to do and saw Evie coming towards him.
‘Hi,’ she said. ‘Have you just been in to see Bella?’
Charlie shook his head. ‘She’s asleep and I’m not sure if I should go in.’
‘Why not?’
‘I think I’ve caused enough trouble. I’m probably the last person she’d want to see.’
Evie frowned. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘I think I might have made her sick.’ Logically he knew it was unlikely but he hadn’t been able to get the idea out of his head.
‘She’s got another chest infection,’ Evie replied. ‘How is that your fault?’
‘I kissed her.’
‘You did what?’
Charlie cringed inwardly at Evie’s tone. ‘I kissed her,’ he repeated.
‘Why? What on earth for?’ Evie sounded furious and she hadn’t finished yet. ‘I thought you were keeping her company, keeping her occupied so she didn’t have time to dwell on things. I didn’t think you had ulterior motives.’
‘It wasn’t like that.’
‘No? She’s not someone you can play with. She’s vulnerable, innocent. Don’t think of making her one of your conquests.’
He’d thought she was innocent too, until the other night. Now he knew she was just inexperienced and that had put a whole different perspective on things. But he couldn’t tell Evie that any more than he could tell Evie how he felt about her little sister. He still wasn’t sure himself.
‘You’d better have a damn good reason for kissing her.’
‘Bella has a list of things she wants to do,’ he explained. ‘A wishlist she calls it. A kiss was one of the things on her list.’
‘So you were doing her a favour?’
Evie sounded sceptical and he couldn’t blame her. It was a pretty lame excuse and one he didn’t believe himself.
‘In a way.’
‘Well, don’t do her any more favours. She’s not worldly enough to handle you. You’ll break her heart.’
‘It was just a kiss. A consensual one. She asked me to kiss her and I did,’ he said with a shrug as he tried to pretend it hadn’t turned his world upside down. ‘I have no intention of breaking her heart.’
‘No one ever intends to do that but it happens anyway,’ Evie argued.
‘I don’t think her heart’s in any danger but if it makes you feel better, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make her sick.’
‘When did you kiss her?’
‘Why? What difference does that make?’
‘Just answer me.’
‘It was Thursday night.’
Evie was shaking her head now. ‘Bella was back in hospital on Friday. It would be unusual for her to get sick that quickly, she must have already had the infection. You can’t blame yourself for that, but promise me you’ll keep your lips to yourself from now on.’
Charlie didn’t want to make that promise. He didn’t tr
ust himself to keep it. He tried a compromise and hoped Evie wouldn’t notice he hadn’t agreed to her request. ‘Believe me, I have no intention of hurting Bella. If there was anything I could do to help I would. I want to keep her safe. I want to make her better but it’s not up to me. Do you know how that feels?’
Evie looked through the window at Bella’s inert form. ‘I know exactly how that feels,’ she said quietly, her earlier anger replaced with a hint of regret.
Of course she would. After all, Bella was her sister. Charlie wrapped one arm around Evie’s shoulders and hugged her tightly. ‘I’m sorry.’ He was sorry she was going through this and sorry there was nothing he could do for Evie or Bella. He hated feeling so powerless.
Evie sighed. ‘I’m sorry too,’ she said.
Evie was sorry for a lot of things but she wasn’t sorry that Bella had Charlie in her life. Not really. But she hadn’t counted on a romantic involvement between them. In her opinion that complicated matters.
Physically Bella was a mess and Evie didn’t want to have to worry about her emotional state as well. With their mother’s medical history there was always a chance that the girls could have issues as well. Who knew what it might take to push one of them over the edge and into the abyss if they weren’t coping? Who knew if Bella was susceptible?
Evie didn’t want to find out.
In Evie’s mind it didn’t matter what was on Bella’s wishlist, Charlie should have known better. What had he been thinking? Bella didn’t have the emotional strength or experience to handle Charlie.
Evie had to protect her little sister. She couldn’t do anything about Bella’s lungs but she’d make certain no one trampled on her heart. Not that she thought Charlie would intentionally do that but she knew how Bella worshipped Charlie. Anyone who knew Bella as well as she did would see that. And she also knew Charlie’s reputation. He didn’t set out to hurt women, he just wasn’t prepared to invest in a relationship emotionally. He wasn’t prepared for anything serious, and Bella wouldn’t handle a casual fling well, not as her first experience. Evie needed to do whatever she could to protect Bella. She acknowledged that Bella’s physical state was more serious at the moment than her emotional state but Bella certainly didn’t need Charlie, or anyone else, throwing spanners in the works at present. She had enough to deal with.
